Re: Drunk Tales
 

I was in Bermuda a few years back and my cousin and I got completely shit faced at a bar and decided to walk back to the place we were staying. On the way back we decide to stop in this random garden in the middle of town to take a piss, no big deal.

The next day we're riding our crappy little mopeds around town and we pass the garden. I instantly slam on my breaks, my cousin sees this so he stops also to ask me what's up. I point to the garden and say that's where we pissed last night, and then I point the the sign in front of it. We, being good Catholic boys, both start to feel really guilty when we realize that the garden actually belonged to the church across the street; it was their grotto for the statues of Mary where people would go to pray outside. I think I might have pissed all over the Madonna's face! I'm going to HELL.

but that wasn't the only good Bermuda story...

Re: Drunk Tales
 

Drinking Tip: Befriend a person that knows how to administer IV's. Get a liter or two in you (it's just saline solution) and you feel like a new man. Smelling salts (ammonia) work pretty well if your trying to stay awake.

Re: Drunk Tales
 

[quote=ArtMonkDrillz]I was in Bermuda a few years back and my cousin and I got completely shit faced at a bar and decided to walk back to the place we were staying. On the way back we decide to stop in this random garden in the middle of town to take a piss, no big deal.

The next day we're riding our crappy little mopeds around town and we pass the garden. I instantly slam on my breaks, my cousin sees this so he stops also to ask me what's up. I point to the garden and say that's where we pissed last night, and then I point the the sign in front of it. We, being good Catholic boys, both start to feel really guilty when we realize that the garden actually belonged to the church across the street; it was their grotto for the statues of Mary where people would go to pray outside. I think I might have pissed all over the Madonna's face! I'm going to HELL.

but that wasn't the only good Bermuda story...[/quote]

Did you meet Tom Cruise, way down in Kokomo?

Re: Drunk Tales
 

[quote=724Skinsfan]Did you meet Tom Cruise, way down in Kokomo?[/quote]

That's where I wanna go...

Re: Drunk Tales
 

[quote=ArtMonkDrillz]I was in Bermuda a few years back and my cousin and I got completely shit faced at a bar and decided to walk back to the place we were staying. On the way back we decide to stop in this random garden in the middle of town to take a piss, no big deal.

The next day we're riding our crappy little mopeds around town and we pass the garden. I instantly slam on my breaks, my cousin sees this so he stops also to ask me what's up. I point to the garden and say that's where we pissed last night, and then I point the the sign in front of it. We, being good Catholic boys, both start to feel really guilty when we realize that the garden actually belonged to the church across the street; it was their grotto for the statues of Mary where people would go to pray outside. I think I might have pissed all over the Madonna's face! I'm going to HELL.

but that wasn't the only good Bermuda story...[/quote]

haha..wow pissing on church propery..havent done that one yet

Re: Drunk Tales
 

[quote=hooskins]haha..wow pissing on church propery..havent done that one yet[/quote]

Like I said, I felt rather guilty. I'm not religious in the least, but I try to at least have respect for it. I wouldn't knowingly do that.

On that walk back we also got lost and ended up in someone's chicken coop. They were pissed when we woke up all the chickens at like 3am.

Re: Drunk Tales
 

Anybody got any good DWI stories?

I know it's no laughing matter these days, but back in high school that's all we did. Get a case of beer and drive around town slamming beers.

Re: Drunk Tales
 

Not me but there were some times when I know I would have been instantly thrown in jail if I had been pulled over.

Re: Drunk Tales
 

[quote=Mattyk72]Anybody got any good DWI stories?

I know it's no laughing matter these days, but back in high school that's all we did. Get a case of beer and drive around town slamming beers.[/quote]

yeah its not a thing that i encourage at all, but honestly from my opinion everyone should experience what it feels like, from a safety point of view, but not if they are shitfaced drunk. I mean back in HS there were a couple times where i had to get back home, just need to sober up, suck it up, and go for it.

Re: Drunk Tales
 

we are going clubbing to DC, and we pregaming, and my other friends smoke alotta green, so they are doing that too, in the car. we have a couple cases in the car, plus they have their bud, so it wasnt the smartest situation. We pull into a neighborhood and do our thing, but there is a cop right near us, so we drive away, and he starts following us. So we are freaking out bc we are drunk, and some high, and we have the drinks plus over a gram of weed. So the cop follows us for a couple mins, we are yelling at our friend who has the weed to ditch it somehow, but we have all seen Cops and when they try to throw it out of the window, that shit doesnt fly. We convinced him to eat it, while my other pothead friend was really upset, bc he felt eating it would be a waste...so my friend eats over a gram of weed, funniest shit ever....the cops then turns his lights on, and stays behind us for 2 secs, and they quickly, pulls away from behind us, and chases after some other car...we got so freaking lucky

Re: Drunk Tales
 

[quote=hooskins]we are going clubbing to DC, and we pregaming, and my other friends smoke alotta green, so they are doing that too, in the car. we have a couple cases in the car, plus they have their bud, so it wasnt the smartest situation. We pull into a neighborhood and do our thing, but there is a cop right near us, so we drive away, and he starts following us. So we are freaking out bc we are drunk, and some high, and we have the drinks plus over a gram of weed. So the cop follows us for a couple mins, we are yelling at our friend who has the weed to ditch it somehow, but we have all seen Cops and when they try to throw it out of the window, that shit doesnt fly. We convinced him to eat it, while my other pothead friend was really upset, bc he felt eating it would be a waste...so my friend eats over a gram of weed, funniest shit ever....the cops then turns his lights on, and stays behind us for 2 secs, and they quickly, pulls away from behind us, and chases after some other car...we got so freaking lucky[/quote]did the guy that ate the shit get all f'ed up. i used to make brownies and let me tell ya, that is one hell of a buzz

Re: Drunk Tales
 

[quote=gibbsisgod]did the guy that ate the shit get all f'ed up. i used to make brownies and let me tell ya, that is one hell of a buzz[/quote]

yeah he did...same guy went to amsterdam last week, for obvious reason, and we made brownies before he left, and they ate it b4 they boarded the plane haha

Re: Drunk Tales
 

i'm drunk right now!

and rereading these stories has me cracking up laughing!

Re: Drunk Tales
 

[quote=gibbsisgod]did the guy that ate the shit get all f'ed up. i used to make brownies and let me tell ya, that is one hell of a buzz[/quote]

its a difference though, bc in brownies you are not suppose to put the weed in straight, you are suppose to cook the weed in oil, and then the oil is already potent, and you chuck the weed, thats what we did, and it worked.

Re: Drunk Tales
 

[quote=hooskins]its a difference though, bc in brownies you are not suppose to put the weed in straight, you are suppose to cook the weed in oil, and then the oil is already potent, and you chuck the weed, thats what we did, and it worked.[/quote]did you get a recipe? if so pm me with it if you dont mind.

Re: Drunk Tales
 

[quote=gibbsisgod]did you get a recipe? if so pm me with it if you dont mind.[/quote]

tell me if you got it

Re: Drunk Tales
 

thanks hooskins. i will be sure not to pull that up at work! and i'll let you know how it works!

Re: Drunk Tales
 

[quote=gibbsisgod]thanks hooskins. i will be sure not to pull that up at work! and i'll let you know how it works![/quote]

haha might not be the best of ideas

Re: Drunk Tales
 

i have always put my shit right in the mix and it still works. the site makes it sound like it it doesn't, but it will still mess you up. i should be able to mix up a batch this weekend. i have kids so i will probably do the oil thing on my grill

Re: Drunk Tales
 

[quote=gibbsisgod]i have always put my shit right in the mix and it still works. the site makes it sound like it it doesn't, but it will still mess you up. i should be able to mix up a batch this weekend. i have kids so i will probably do the oil thing on my grill[/quote]

haha..yeah...it doesnt smell that bad as it says, but it still does. Also be careful the kids dont get a hand on it. Funny story, we made these at my friends house, and we were well done before his mom came in, and she saw the pans, etc. She began to ask what we had made, and we said we made brownies, but they are only for his trip. She desperately wanted one, and after my friend said no, she started to get suspicious, so he finally agreed to give her one. I was laughing so hard while his mom was eating the weed brownie, without knowing it. It was hilarious, apparently later that day she complained about feeling light headed, and dizzy lol.

Re: Drunk Tales
 

[quote=hooskins]haha..yeah...it doesnt smell that bad as it says, but it still does. Also be careful the kids dont get a hand on it. Funny story, we made these at my friends house, and we were well done before his mom came in, and she saw the pans, etc. She began to ask what we had made, and we said we made brownies, but they are only for his trip. She desperately wanted one, and after my friend said no, she started to get suspicious, so he finally agreed to give her one. I was laughing so hard while his mom was eating the weed brownie, without knowing it. It was hilarious, apparently later that day she complained about feeling light headed, and dizzy lol.[/quote]that gives me an idea. my wife visits the site so i'll pm you

Re: Drunk Tales
 

[QUOTE=724Skinsfan]Drinking Tip: Befriend a person that knows how to administer IV's. Get a liter or two in you (it's just saline solution) and you feel like a new man. Smelling salts (ammonia) work pretty well if your trying to stay awake.[/QUOTE]
a buddy of mine just retired from the Navy (he was a nurse) said he used to do that all the time. get completely obliterated, go into the hospital 2 hours before his shift, hook up the IV and sleep til shift time. got up and was good to go.

my wife and I along with our friend took my sister out for her 21st. We're supposed to go to Power Plant Live in B'more, but because of the snow, we settle on Sonoma's in Columbia. The 4 of us proceed to get totally wasted, with my sister going from all smiles at the start to head in hands pain at the end. We all get in the car and we're no more than 1/2 a mile away, when my wife tells me she has to pee. So I pull into this cul de sac with all these townhouses, and my wife gets out and leans against the bumper to go. Well, me thinking I'm being a smartass, about 20 seconds in, I start honking the horn...at 2:30am and don't stop until she's in the car. My wife goes into overdrive, finishes up and gets back in the car, smacking me. I'm balled over in laughter, because at that time it was the funniest thing ever.

I'm on the off ramp from 32 to get on 108, and my sister tells me she has to puke. I tell her, can you wait a few seconds, so I can pull into a dark parking lot. Nope...no more than I get the car over on the shoulder did the door fly open and my sister is hanging out of the car puking. Puke on my wife's scarf, puke on the doorjam, and puke all over the side of the road, and all I can think of is I hope some State Trooper doesn't pull up behind me. I get my buddy home, and both my wife and sister pass out. About 15 minutes from home, I have to pee, so I pull into a elementary school parking lot and proceed to water a tree. Get my sister home, and then I finally get home.

Next day, wife and I wake up and we're fine. My sister comes over for the NFC and AFC Championship games...she proceeds to tell me she woke up at noon, still drunk. Went to eat a bowl of soup for lunch, and every other bite, she had to stop, and lay down on the bench at the kitchen table so the room would stop spinning. Then when she was here to watch the games, she laid on the floor the entire time.

I'm guessing that's a decent way to spend your 21st...

Re: Drunk Tales
 

[quote=hooskins]we are going clubbing to DC, and we pregaming, and my other friends smoke alotta green, so they are doing that too, in the car. we have a couple cases in the car, plus they have their bud, so it wasnt the smartest situation. We pull into a neighborhood and do our thing, but there is a cop right near us, so we drive away, and he starts following us. So we are freaking out bc we are drunk, and some high, and we have the drinks plus over a gram of weed. So the cop follows us for a couple mins, we are yelling at our friend who has the weed to ditch it somehow, but we have all seen Cops and when they try to throw it out of the window, that shit doesnt fly. We convinced him to eat it, while my other pothead friend was really upset, bc he felt eating it would be a waste...so my friend eats over a gram of weed, funniest shit ever....the cops then turns his lights on, and stays behind us for 2 secs, and they quickly, pulls away from behind us, and chases after some other car...we got so freaking lucky[/quote]

So were you in Super Troopers?

Re: Drunk Tales
 

the snozzberries taste like snozzberries

Re: Drunk Tales
 

You Smell that, Rabbit?
Yeah, smells like Fear.

Litering and...litering and.... litering and...Smokin' the reefer.


greatest opening scene for a movie ever.

Re: Drunk Tales
 

I got pulled over back in my senior year of high school, drunk as all hell. I got arrested, thrown in the back of the cop car and taken to the station.

About half way through of them processing me the cop recognized my last name, he asked me who my parents were and when I told him he got up and left the room. A few minutes later he comes back and says he called my parents and I'm getting off REAL LUCKY.

I ended up getting a ticket for failure to keep right, but the worst part was having to face the folks.

I also have another memorable driving drunk story. I was hanging out with some friends and this guy lived out in the middle of nowhere. About 2am I hopped in my car intending to go home to my own bed. Trouble is I don't remember ever getting in the car. I was absolutely plastered and had no business being behind the wheel. To this day I count my lucky stars nothing happened. I ended up getting lost and driving around for 4 hours. What a nightmare, driving around old back roads... piss drunk. I finally found my way back to civilization and crashed at my girlfriend's (now wife) dorm. She wasn't too impressed to see me show up at 6am drunk as hell.

Re: Drunk Tales
 

as a founding father of my and AMD's fraternity chapter, we had a chartering banquet to celebrate becoming a full fledged chapter. the after party was at a hotel on the other side of town from campus.

i figured champagne would be an appropriate drink for the evening. so after hanging out, drinking a magnum and a half later, with a few Coronas, a few shots of Jack and a fat cigar mixed in, a few of us head over to Denny's for some grub. after a huge plate of the greasiest (not greazy) food ever and stealing several juice carafes, I head back to my hotel room to find out that the hotel staff is not too happy with us, and that we better be quiet. this is 4am, 4:30, i'm hugging the toilet...

i startle myself awake at 11am, check out time. stumble out of bed with the worst headache ever. the drive felt like the longest drive ever, even though it was 5 minutes. and i crawl into bed and sleep the day away.

moral of the story: champagne hangovers suck ass

Re: Drunk Tales
 

YES. Champagne is the work of the devil. Every now and then I buy a bottle of Ballatore and go nuts. I pay for it dearly the next morning.

Re: Drunk Tales
 

Although this doesn't prevent hangovers, I would take 3 ibuprofen and drink two glasses of water before I crashed. Also, if I knew I was going out drinking I would make sure to drink at least 32 oz of water before. Dehydration is your worst enemy.

Re: Drunk Tales
 

Yup. Sometimes I have to force it down, but if I can get down a few big glasses of water before bed I know I'm going to be OK.

Re: Drunk Tales
 

[quote=BDBohnzie]after a huge plate of the greasiest (not greazy) food ever and stealing several juice carafes, I head back to my hotel room to find out that the hotel staff is not too happy with us, and that we better be quiet. this is 4am, 4:30, i'm hugging the toilet...[/quote]

Thank you for pointing out that it was greasy and not greazy, very big difference. Wine and Champaign hangovers really are the worst.

Also the part about "hugging the toilet" reminded me of something funny. I was drinking a bunch of tequila at a friend's place sophomore year and I started to feel sick, so I went into the bathroom for some alone time with the toilet. About 10 minutes later I walk out of the bathroom and my lip is all bloody and swollen. Naturally, my friends ask me what the hell happened and I come back with "I got into a fight with the toilet and it kicked my ass!" What happened was, I was leaning over it with my head resting on my hand and I passed out and hit my mouth on the rim of the bowl( :vomit: ), which woke me up right away. I was too drunk to realize that I had a busted up lip so I just went back out into the party like it was nothing.

Re: Drunk Tales
 

I remember being so drunk once that when I went to the bathroom to puke I forgot to bend over or kneel. I just stood over the toilet and puked standing up. I sprayed vomit all over the toilet's exterior and behind, on the toilet paper roll and side of the sink cabinet. I guess at the time I didn't think it was too bad because I remember wiping some of it up. My friend woke me the next morning and said that it looked like someone exploded in his bathroom. I take a look and it was like some horror movie scene. HAHA or better yet "The Worst Bathroom In England" from Trainspotting.

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LOL! Hilarious. Funny how you forget normal bodily reactions.

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or when 2 want to run at the same time, like when you're taking a dump and you have to puke in the sink/shower/bucket...

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GOD, I hate that. I've had that once and I was sitting on the toilet and was puking in the bathtub.

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HAHA That reminds me of another time that I had an urgent need to puke and had to take a massive crap. I guess I was so used to puking in a toilet that I had the awesome idea of puking in the the toilet while crapping in the waste paper basket (wire mesh). I was busy with cleanup for about a half hour.

Re: Drunk Tales
 

I've pulled off the puke-while-pissing move a couple of times. I call that multi-tasking.

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[quote=TheMalcolmConnection]GOD, I hate that. I've had that once and I was sitting on the toilet and was puking in the bathtub.[/quote]JUST LOOK WHAT THIS THREAD HAS BECOME

Re: Drunk Tales
 

dude, this is pretty tame for a drunk tales thread...i'm waiting for the first "she looked good when i brought her home" story.

Re: Drunk Tales
 

this is embarassing, and Bohnzie you might even already know about it, but freshman year I got really hammered and hooked up with this ugly chick. She was so bad that in the morning I purposely rolled out of MY OWN bed and said "damn, I guess I'll just sleep on the floor" when she asked if I was ok.

The next semester she was in my English class and the professor gave us a project with assigned partners, and of course, who should I be lucky enough to get...