Re: advice needed...
 

[quote=jsarno;526421]You're pretty close.

I've visited San Diego several times during my off time...I'm here right now, but I leave tomorrow morning to go back. I don't officially move here til a week from this friday.[/quote]

What do you mean your off-time?

Anyhow, her husband didn't find anything weird or say anything about her ex-fiance being back in the picture and taking his (and her) kids out everywhere.

And who do the kids think you are? Some family friend?

is all this really just a front to be closer to jamf? :)

Re: advice needed...
 

Again, not a lawyer, but I doubt abandonment as a legal term here is applicable. it would be more so, if he took off, never seeing the kids or helping in any support, in which case (barring a 1000 other legal technicalities) he could lose a claim to having custody. I think abandonment was first mentioned when less was known.
Having said that, everything else still applies.

Re: advice needed...
 

Love is like looking left and right at the same time. Love is the sickness and the cure. It is hard to find, hard to keep going, and easy to putout. Love is costly my friends. I know love and many a times I wanted to return it for a refund but all lovely sales are final. Be careful in your purchase, know what you are buying for love is fickle and is not enough.

Re: advice needed...
 

[quote=saden1;526433]Love is like looking left and right at the same time. Love is the sickness and the cure. It is hard to find, hard to keep going, and easy to putout. Love is costly my friends. I know love and many a times I wanted to return it for a refund but all lovely sales are final. Be careful in your purchase, know what you are buying for love is fickle and is not enough.[/quote]

Truer words saden has never uttered.

Re: advice needed...
 

[quote=jsarno;526424]I think you guys are right...her on the cruise is a bad idea (I hadn't added her yet anyway), but she will still take off with the kids and likely go to a friends house, or possibly out of state to her parents.
I am still curious as to how this is "abandonment"?[/quote]
Once she leaves and leaves behind a letter, be 100% sure that letter will come back up in the divorce proceedings. He husband's attorney will use every word to paint her as an unfaithful / unappreciative / neglectful spouse and work to leave her with nothing of the marital assets, not to mention child custody issues.

I'm not an attorney, but abandonment is a flexible term that's a factor in a divorce used to determine either fault, child custody, or amounts of support. Back to one of my points...do not do anything until she (you do not go on the attorney visit) has contacted an attorney and you guys fully understand what legal / financial ground you're on and what the consequences are.

Re: advice needed...
 

I cannot put words together like Saden , so with that good luck Jsarno . I hope everything works out for all of you .

Re: advice needed...
 

Good luck Jsarno, hope it all works out for you. Based on my personal experience I would advise against doing anything impulsive, as being in love and making rational decisions are somewhat mutually exclusive. Indeed, love as a form of insanity is a metaphor that spans all of history, from the tracts of ancient Greece all the way up to recent studies showing the neurological patterns of lovers to resemble psychosis patients. You do crazy stuff you wouldn’t normally do and then wonder what you were thinking later. In college I once gave up living with some of my best friends in a party house to live with a girl who would have otherwise had to transfer to another school (long story). I was consumed by love, or at least what I thought was love, and I made a rash decision that I regret to this day.

So I guess my advice would be this: the more time you can take to step back and think about things rationally and deliberately, the more sound your decision making process will be, and the more likely you will be to find lasting happiness, once the intoxication of an old passion restored wears off.

Re: advice needed...
 

GET A GOOD...divorce atty ASAP..to help you map out strategy. NOTHING is as you believe it to be.

Well I have the day to think about this thing as well and read much of this thread. Several things come to mind:
You are potentially stepping into a Hornets nest
EVERYTHING that you can imagine will be used....against your girl in court
If you want a PRAYER of keeping bio dad in check you must remain unknown....totally in this deal so your not stealing his family....that includes the kids. If they mention you, they might have to testify and mom has big problems...big time bad for the kids as well
Do this thing right, and by the numbers so you can always look back and say that you have nothing to be ashamed for!
DON'T DO ANYTHING UNTIL YOU GET AN ATTY. The single worst thing you can do is underestimate your opponent.......ask my x-wife
If it is supposed to be, it will

Good luck to you J

Re: advice needed...
 

[quote=gibbsisgod;526337]I bet somebody has that as a sig before the week is out.[/quote]

i was thinking about it right up until i saw this... now it just seems cliched.

:silly:

Re: advice needed...
 

[quote=djnemo65;526453]Good luck Jsarno, hope it all works out for you. Based on my personal experience I would advise against doing anything impulsive, as being in love and making rational decisions are somewhat mutually exclusive. I[B]ndeed, love as a form of insanity is a metaphor that spans all of history, from the tracts of ancient Greece[/B] all the way up to recent studies showing the neurological patterns of lovers to resemble psychosis patients. You do crazy stuff you wouldn’t normally do and then wonder what you were thinking later. In college I once gave up living with some of my best friends in a party house to live with a girl who would have otherwise had to transfer to another school (long story). I was consumed by love, or at least what I thought was love, and I made a rash decision that I regret to this day.

So I guess my advice would be this: the more time you can take to step back and think about things rationally and deliberately, the more sound your decision making process will be, and the more likely you will be to find lasting happiness, once the intoxication of an old passion restored wears off.[/quote]

[IMG]http://i264.photobucket.com/albums/ii184/Rivaldo14/Sparta.gif[/IMG]

OK so the bolded part really applied more to Menalaus, Helen, and Paris of Troy. But there are no funny gifs of Brad Pitt kicking a dude down a hole. I think I made the right decision.

Re: advice needed...
 

[quote=jsarno;526413]OK, I have enough stashed, and available if need be to take care of her and the kids for close to a year. Trust me, I understand my financial situation. I WILL find a job shortly, and I have time to get a job...it's just out of my comfort zone to not have a job.
We are both already set for 6 months without any addition income requirements. I also will not be without a paycheck until AFTER the cruise...so I'll be fine. I appreciate your concern, and if I were in your shoes, I would have said the same thing.

Thanks.[/quote]

OK I was just going off your earlier post where you said you couldn't afford to live off $8-10 per hour. And you also said 'at least I have a decent amount in my checking account to live off, but this place is freakin expensive.' If you do indeed have significant savings that certainly does help.

But being the financey type, I feel obliged to warn that your own savings could be at risk as part of a pending divorce settlement between you and your current wife. You mentioned the divorce was final as of Monday, do you know how much in savings you're obligated to pass over to her? And how much in the way of alimony, if any?

Also, important to note that moving expenses to get you from New Mexico to San Diego will amount to about $3-4K, assuming you have enough stuff requiring a moving company.

And I'd also caution that you shouldn't underestimate the difficulty of finding a job in this job market, especially one that will pay you an MBA's salary, which I know is a degree you have. And if you're going to settle in California with Julia, even significant savings can get sucked up quickly in such a high cost of living area. Besides, if you have that much in savings, no doubt your best financial move would be to put it towards a down payment on a home in San Diego for you and your new family. You'll want to do everything you can to preserve that savings to use for that purpose, otherwise you're stuck renting.

Good luck to ya.

Re: advice needed...
 

[quote=Slingin Sammy 33;526412]IMHO, two things 1) do not go on the cruise in the first, place, but if you do, ABSOLUTELY DO NOT take your girlfriend and her kids. The divorce will be a shock enough for them, being on a cruise ship away from familiar surroundings, with people they don't know ( I am assuming they do not know you or about the situation) will not be good. 2) [B]Contact an attorney immediately, before she makes any moves or leaves any letters. You need to understand what the financial/legal ramifications are of every move the both of you make.
[/B] [/quote]

This has been one of the better Parking Lot threads I've read in a while as far as thoughtful posts.

Anyway, my two cents after reading the entire thread (and there is PLENTY of very sound advice in here):

It sounds like you have solid long term goals with Julia, but focus on the short term first and foremost right now- both of you need to get attorneys right away. Yesterday. And you both need to be 100% honest with them about every last detail, including the relationship you and Julia have had over the past few months and your plans for the future. This is so critical. As emotional as you both are right now about each other and all the circumstances, imagine if something that easily could have been avoided screws everything up? Legal representation, my friend. Right away.

Other than that, Saden, Scheed, and FRPLG all echo my feelings to some extent - Be classy. Be mindful of every situation in the near future. Think through everything and take lots of deep breaths. Rash decisions will not serve you well right now. I'm not gonna get into the financial aspect- you're a smart guy with a graduate degree and money in the bank, so I'm sure you'll figure it out.

I know your heart and brain are on fire right now, so just be cool man (that sounds cheesy). Stay within yourself. It's going to be easy to get really emotional over the things ahead of you, and that's okay. Just don't be impulsive.

God bless J. PM me if I can do anything or you want to chat off-record.

Re: advice needed...
 

[quote=Schneed10;526476]OK I was just going off your earlier post where you said you couldn't afford to live off $8-10 per hour. And you also said 'at least I have a decent amount in my checking account to live off, but this place is freakin expensive.' If you do indeed have significant savings that certainly does help.

But being the financey type, I feel obliged to warn that your own savings could be at risk as part of a pending divorce settlement between you and your current wife. You mentioned the divorce was final as of Monday, do you know how much in savings you're obligated to pass over to her? And how much in the way of alimony, if any?

Also, important to note that moving expenses to get you from New Mexico to San Diego will amount to about $3-4K, assuming you have enough stuff requiring a moving company.

And I'd also caution that you shouldn't underestimate the difficulty of finding a job in this job market, especially one that will pay you an MBA's salary, which I know is a degree you have. And if you're going to settle in California with Julia, even significant savings can get sucked up quickly in such a high cost of living area. Besides, if you have that much in savings, no doubt your best financial move would be to put it towards a down payment on a home in San Diego for you and your new family. You'll want to do everything you can to preserve that savings to use for that purpose, otherwise you're stuck renting.

Good luck to ya.[/quote]

S10 stop blowing the train horn, you going to screw up this train wreck.

If you went through all of Jsarno's 8k+ post you would find many stories about him and/or his life that simpley just don't add up. I think he is a lair and/or a drunk. He has been a know it all a$$ on this site for a long time and this story is just the icing on the cake.

My only prayers are for the childern in this story. Otherwise I belive Julia and Jsarno are just a bunch of snakes in the grass destorying god's work. What complete shelfness on both their parts. Some people are so quick to forget their vows to the lord just because they get a ach in their groin. Did you ever thing of marriage consuling or going to your preist for help?

As for Jsarno you get what you deserve and in a year or so you will look back and see the incrediable mistake you have made, it could not happen to a nicer guy, really.

Sorry for being a d*ck but this story really rubbed me the wrong way and I believe a lot of America's problems today are due to the high divorce rate i nthis country. Also, sorry for the grammer I am in a rush to get to a meeting this morning, no time to proof.

Re: advice needed...
 

[quote=mredskins;526500]S10 stop blowing the train horn, you going to screw up this train wreck.

If you went through all of Jsarno's 8k+ post you would find many stories about him and/or his life that simpley just don't add up. I think he is a lair and/or a drunk. He has been a know it all a$$ on this site for a long time and this story is just the icing on the cake.

My only prayers are for the childern in this story. Otherwise I belive Julia and Jsarno are just a bunch of snakes in the grass destorying god's work. What complete shelfness on both their parts. Some people are so quick to forget their vows to the lord just because they get a ach in their groin. Did you ever thing of marriage consuling or going to your preist for help?

As for Jsarno you get what you deserve and in a year or so you will look back and see the incrediable mistake you have made, it could not happen to a nicer guy, really.

Sorry for being a d*ck but this story really rubbed me the wrong way and I believe a lot of America's problems today are due to the high divorce rate i nthis country. Also, sorry for the grammer I am in a rush to get to a meeting this morning, no time to proof.[/quote]

Zoinks!

There are definitely some inconsistencies in what you're saying here, jsarno. In the first post you said "at least I have a decent amount in my checking account to live off, but this place is freakin expensive.' And then in a more recent post you said you have enough money to support a family for a year in San Diego. Now unless you consider ramen noodles and grilled cheese sandwiches supporting a family, you seem to be saying you have a whole buttload of money, not just a decent amount in the checking account.

I'm just trying to help out, which was the purpose of this thread, right? If you're head over heels about someone, chances are you're not thinking of everything. I'm just trying to put some considerations out there that could wind up being very important.

Re: advice needed...
 

[quote=Schneed10;526476]OK I was just going off your earlier post where you said you couldn't afford to live off $8-10 per hour. And you also said 'at least I have a decent amount in my checking account to live off, but this place is freakin expensive.' If you do indeed have significant savings that certainly does help.

But being the financey type, I feel obliged to warn that your own savings could be at risk as part of a pending divorce settlement between you and your current wife. You mentioned the divorce was final as of Monday, do you know how much in savings you're obligated to pass over to her? And how much in the way of alimony, if any?

Also, important to note that moving expenses to get you from New Mexico to San Diego will amount to about $3-4K, assuming you have enough stuff requiring a moving company.

[b]And I'd also caution that you shouldn't underestimate the difficulty of finding a job in this job market, especially one that will pay you an MBA's salary, which I know is a degree you have.[/b] And if you're going to settle in California with Julia, even significant savings can get sucked up quickly in such a high cost of living area. Besides, if you have that much in savings, no doubt your best financial move would be to put it towards a down payment on a home in San Diego for you and your new family. You'll want to do everything you can to preserve that savings to use for that purpose, otherwise you're stuck renting.

Good luck to ya.[/quote]

My divorce is already done. When you have no kids and you settle yourself, they can go very quickly. We have already split EVERYTHING. I am moving myself with a trailer, so it will cost me about $400-$500 including gas to move. I decided to rent a room in a house with a firefighter and police officer, who seem like nice guys...save a ton of money that way. Instead of paying 1200-1400 for a 1 bedroom with utilitites, I'm only paying $675 with all utilities. Much better.
About my post referring to the $8-10 an hour jobs...well, I don't consider my savings something that I SHOULD live off. I'm pretty sure you understand this having a financial background. I am using it as a "last resort". I certainly don't want to use it. Thus my comments about needing a job and not being able to afford living off 8-10 and hour. I really don't want to touch what I have worked hard to save. What's the point of savings if it all gets used?
About what I bolded...YES! I absolutely do not underestimate this job market. This is why I asked about it. I am waaay out of my comfort zone.

Re: advice needed...
 

[quote=GMScud;526482]This has been one of the better Parking Lot threads I've read in a while as far as thoughtful posts.

Anyway, my two cents after reading the entire thread (and there is PLENTY of very sound advice in here):

It sounds like you have solid long term goals with Julia, but focus on the short term first and foremost right now- both of you need to get attorneys right away. Yesterday. And you both need to be 100% honest with them about every last detail, including the relationship you and Julia have had over the past few months and your plans for the future. This is so critical. As emotional as you both are right now about each other and all the circumstances, imagine if something that easily could have been avoided screws everything up? Legal representation, my friend. Right away.

Other than that, Saden, Scheed, and FRPLG all echo my feelings to some extent - Be classy. Be mindful of every situation in the near future. Think through everything and take lots of deep breaths. Rash decisions will not serve you well right now. I'm not gonna get into the financial aspect- you're a smart guy with a graduate degree and money in the bank, so I'm sure you'll figure it out.

I know your heart and brain are on fire right now, so just be cool man (that sounds cheesy). Stay within yourself. It's going to be easy to get really emotional over the things ahead of you, and that's okay. Just don't be impulsive.

God bless J. PM me if I can do anything or you want to chat off-record.[/quote]

Thanks man. I may just do that.

I appreciate all the good comments everyone.

Re: advice needed...
 

[quote=jsarno;526502]My divorce is already done. When you have no kids and you settle yourself, they can go very quickly. We have already split EVERYTHING. I am moving myself with a trailer, so it will cost me about $400-$500 including gas to move. I decided to rent a room in a house with a firefighter and police officer, who seem like nice guys...save a ton of money that way. [B]Instead of paying 1200-1400 for a 1 bedroom with utilitites, I'm only paying $675 with all utilities.[/B] Much better.
About my post referring to the $8-10 an hour jobs...well, I don't consider my savings something that I SHOULD live off. I'm pretty sure you understand this having a financial background. I am using it as a "last resort". I certainly don't want to use it. Thus my comments about needing a job and not being able to afford living off 8-10 and hour. I really don't want to touch what I have worked hard to save. What's the point of savings if it all gets used?
About what I bolded...YES! I absolutely do not underestimate this job market. This is why I asked about it. I am waaay out of my comfort zone.[/quote]

So where is Julia going to live if you're shacking up with two other guys? I guess you're not going to live together right away?

And I guess that means she's going to live on her own once she leaves the husband? Can she afford that on the low nanny's pay you were speaking about?

Smart move not to tap your savings, because you need to keep it in order to buy a house for you and Julia so you can actually live together. All the more reason to skip the cruise and get a job ASAP.

Re: advice needed...
 

[quote=mredskins;526500]S10 stop blowing the train horn, you going to screw up this train wreck.

If you went through all of Jsarno's 8k+ post you would find many stories about him and/or his life that simpley just don't add up. I think he is a lair and/or a drunk. He has been a know it all a$$ on this site for a long time and this story is just the icing on the cake. [/quote]

In terms of being a know it all a$$, maybe you're right. I apologize. My intent is obviously to never be an a$$, or to come across as a know it all. I know I can say things in a very matter of fact way and I rub people the wrong way.

[quote]My only prayers are for the childern in this story. Otherwise I belive Julia and Jsarno are just a bunch of snakes in the grass destorying god's work. What complete shelfness on both their parts. Some people are so quick to forget their vows to the lord just because they get a ach in their groin. Did you ever thing of marriage consuling or going to your preist for help?

As for Jsarno you get what you deserve and in a year or so you will look back and see the incrediable mistake you have made, it could not happen to a nicer guy, really.

Sorry for being a d*ck but this story really rubbed me the wrong way and I believe a lot of America's problems today are due to the high divorce rate i nthis country. Also, sorry for the grammer I am in a rush to get to a meeting this morning, no time to proof.[/quote]

I wasn't going to comment, but I felt compelled. Yes, I know in God's eye I am doing something wrong. I can only hope for forgiveness.
I do find it ironic that you are pointing out what God wants but are calling me an a$$ and I will get what I deserve. But hey, I understand you don't like me for reasons already stated. I haven't posted here in a long while, I hope you find my future posts less intrusive, and I will make more of an attempt to be patient and less of an a$$.

Re: advice needed...
 

[quote=Schneed10;526505]So where is Julia going to live if you're shacking up with two other guys? I guess you're not going to live together right away?[/quote]
No...I do not think it's right to go from one daddy to the next overnight. The kids need to have some sort of normalcy through such a traumatic experience.

[quote]And I guess that means she's going to live on her own once she leaves the husband? Can she afford that on the low nanny's pay you were speaking about?[/quote]

She is actually going to be a live in nanny for now. We are looking for apartments for her cause she doesn't feel completely comfortable with that. She does make enough money to make it on her own...she has NO DEBT other than a small student loan payment.

[quote]Smart move not to tap your savings, because you need to keep it in order to buy a house for you and Julia so you can actually live together. All the more reason to skip the cruise and get a job ASAP.[/quote]

Well, like I said, the cruise is already paid for, and if I cancel, they keep the money...or at least 75% of it. So what's the point? I can't leave my mother and sister on the cruise by themselves...especially considering this is a graduating gift to my sister.

Re: advice needed...
 

[quote=jsarno;526502]I decided to rent a room in a house with a firefighter and police officer, who seem like nice guys....[/quote]
It's not the firefighter and police officer from the Village People is it (not that there's anything wrong with that)? :)

Just thought I'd lighten the mood a bit.

Re: advice needed...
 

[quote=mredskins;526500]S10 stop blowing the train horn, you going to screw up this train wreck.

If you went through all of Jsarno's 8k+ post you would find many stories about him and/or his life that simpley just don't add up. I think he is a lair and/or a drunk. He has been a know it all a$$ on this site for a long time and this story is just the icing on the cake.

My only prayers are for the childern in this story. Otherwise I belive Julia and Jsarno are just a bunch of snakes in the grass destorying god's work. What complete shelfness on both their parts. Some people are so quick to forget their vows to the lord just because they get a ach in their groin. Did you ever thing of marriage consuling or going to your preist for help?

As for Jsarno you get what you deserve and in a year or so you will look back and see the incrediable mistake you have made, it could not happen to a nicer guy, really.

Sorry for being a d*ck but this story really rubbed me the wrong way and I believe a lot of America's problems today are due to the high divorce rate i nthis country. Also, sorry for the grammer I am in a rush to get to a meeting this morning, no time to proof.[/quote]

Wow, I think the title of this thread was "advice needed" not "be judgemental of my situation and character without even meeting me and be a namecalling idealist simultaneously."

Some things are better left not said. That was an opinion you probably should have kept to yourself, IMO.

Re: advice needed...
 

[quote=Slingin Sammy 33;526512]It's not the firefighter and police officer from the Village People is it (not that there's anything wrong with that)? :)

Just thought I'd lighten the mood a bit.[/quote]

lol that would make sense, check out this recent pic of jsarno:

[IMG]http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e5/Skorp88/Top10Kid/VillagePeopleBiker.jpg[/IMG]

Re: advice needed...
 

[quote=jsarno;526506]In terms of being a know it all a$$, maybe you're right. I apologize. My intent is obviously to never be an a$$, or to come across as a know it all. I know I can say things in a very matter of fact way and I rub people the wrong way.



I wasn't going to comment, but I felt compelled. Yes, I know in God's eye I am doing something wrong. I can only hope for forgiveness.
I do find it ironic that you are pointing out what God wants but are calling me an a$$ and I will get what I deserve. But hey, I understand you don't like me for reasons already stated. I haven't posted here in a long while, I hope you find my future posts less intrusive, and I will make more of an attempt to be patient and less of an a$$.[/quote]


This is classic jsanro.

Now if you go back to the 8k+ post that he has and droped them into excel and data sorted them according to time. You would find that between 11pm and 6am he is a know it all a$$ but then if you looked at the postings between 8am and say 8pm you will get the "I am so sorry Jsarno". I think someone likes to drink then come on here with their beer muscles and talk crap at night.

Shockingly this thread started at 2 in the morning. Not saying you are talking crap in this thread but some of your best stories are webbed together in the early morning hours with a bottle of your favorite posion.

And yes we are all sinners and I sinned by judging you. I will ask for forgivness at church this Sunday.

Re: advice needed...
 

[quote=Mattyk72;526515]lol that would make sense, check out this recent pic of jsarno:

[IMG]http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e5/Skorp88/Top10Kid/VillagePeopleBiker.jpg[/IMG][/quote]
Can't get to the pic?

Re: advice needed...
 

jsarno, just wondering about this

[url]http://www.thewarpath.net/526429-post41.html[/url]

I'm curious to know (not so much the part about jamf , :) )

Re: advice needed...
 

If her husband is violent why not just get proof and it would make things that much easier but I also believe that this is what she is telling you. I'm sorry but this whole thing does not really add up. You replied to SS that you have visted a few time and allready the kids cry when you leave after just a few times of meeting you? You also said her current husband does not find this strange and with a violent past this seems very odd that he does not get ticked over you visting with her. If she told him she was leaving and then you start showing up how can he not put two and two together?

Re: advice needed...
 

[quote=firstdown;526825]If her husband is violent why not just get proof and it would make things that much easier but I also believe that this is what she is telling you. I'm sorry but this whole thing does not really add up. You replied to SS that you have visted a few time and allready the kids cry when you leave after just a few times of meeting you? You also said her current husband does not find this strange and with a violent past this seems very odd that he does not get ticked over you visting with her. If she told him she was leaving and then you start showing up how can he not put two and two together?[/quote]

Story=Swiss Cheese

Many holes my friend, many holes.

Re: advice needed...
 

I also feel like I need to state what seems to me as somewhat obvious:

If Julia tried to divorce her husband 3-4 weeks ago, and he got violent with her, isn't it somewhat convenient that she is now calling you up out of the blue after 12 years?

Did it ever occur to you that she's running to you because she needs security, or financial support, or she's simply on an emotional rebound, or all of the above?

It sure feels like you're being used.

Re: advice needed...
 

[quote=Schneed10;526838]I also feel like I need to state what seems to me as somewhat obvious:

If Julia tried to divorce her husband 3-4 weeks ago, and he got violent with her, isn't it somewhat convenient that she is now calling you up out of the blue after 12 years?

Did it ever occur to you that she's running to you because she needs security, or financial support, or she's simply on an emotional rebound, or all of the above?

It sure feels like you're being used.[/quote]

[B]Nail on the head. [/B]

Re: advice needed...
 

[quote=Schneed10;526838]I also feel like I need to state what seems to me as somewhat obvious:

If Julia tried to divorce her husband 3-4 weeks ago, and he got violent with her, isn't it somewhat convenient that she is now calling you up out of the blue after 12 years?

Did it ever occur to you that she's running to you because she needs security, or financial support, or she's simply on an emotional rebound, or all of the above?

It sure feels like you're being used.[/quote]

Now that you mentioned that he did say he talked to her right before he got married and left it up to her but she did not stop him.

Re: advice needed...
 

Sweet revenge for jsarno cheating on her and leaving her at the alter over a decade ago.

But seriously, that's kind of why I'm trying to figure out how and when the kids became so lovey-dovey with you if all this is rather recent.

Just saying, be careful jsarno. Don't rush into something that you could regret.

Another question for you, all this time you were "going through the motions" with your wife (now ex), you never strayed? Were you spending the last decade or whatever holding out hope you and Julia would be back together one day?

Re: advice needed...
 

i read the first page and the last, sorry if i speak out of turn or cover old ground.

1) most family law attorneys will tell you from the get go: "the only person who wins in divorce proceedings are the attorneys". ive clerked for judges and seen 10 plus year old divorce cases repeatedly come back into court for one thing or another, especially around the holidays with kids involved.

2) apply at the san diego post office, they are always hiring b/c not too many san diegans can pass the drug screening b/c most people out there are potheads!! 55k/yr plus 2 weeks paid vacation, gov't pension (maybe). my friend was a mail carrier, he would wake up around 6ish, pick up his mail, walk around in sunny san diego in his shorts listening to his ipod delivering mail, then be off by 3-4 o'clock. i honestly am thinking of abandoning my law career in maryland and returing to san diego to apply as a mail carrier.

3) either live in North Park or one of those areas where the rent is lower/reasonable b/c all the surfer trust fund kids think it is ghetto. its really not, it is quite nice if youve lived on the east coast and experienced the real ghettos. i compare it to silver spring. the occassional gun shots or police heli flying low announcing they are looking for an armed robber on your street is about the only embarrasing thing that can happen if you have guests over. and it is embarrassing.

4) there are so many apartment/comdo complexs in SD that there are always a ton of part time employment positions as an apartment manager. you get free or greatly reduced rent and still have your days to work a regular job, you just have to collect rent and interact with the maintenance poeple.

5) trust your emotions and feelings. once you start suspecting things from your girl (and vice versa i assume) it is hard to quiet those doubts. i am in a kinda similar situation as well where i question whether my current girl is with me for me or the idea of me. i decided im not gonna dwell on some negative with no proof, rather enjoy the moments together and if it aint meant to be then it will end eventually.

Re: advice needed...
 

You guys are awful, this isn't f'ing Jerry Springer. Don't let these guys poison you against the woman you love jsarno. If she is using you so be it, you'll at least have her to thank for getting you out of a marriage you didn't want to be in.

Best of luck and assume her intentions are good.

Re: advice needed...
 

[quote=saden1;526930]You guys are awful, this isn't f'ing Jerry Springer. Don't let these guys poison you against the woman you love jsarno. If she is using you so be it, you'll at least have her to thank for getting you out of a marriage you didn't want to be in.

[B]Best of luck and assume her intentions are good[/B].[/quote]

Famous last words. This thread is for advice, and every person is calling it like they see it. He can take it for what it's worth.

Re: advice needed...
 

You boys are tough. But I would like to open this thread back up around Oct or Nov of this year.

Re: advice needed...
 

famous last words. right before the NFC champ. game I was using a hammer to try and pry the top grinder part of a pepper shaker off the glass bottom, turned to my girl and said "this is how guys go to the hospital". a minute later, glass breaks thumbs gets a deep gash, blood everywhere, i needed stiches. told the misses im going to hospital, she insists on going, i then say "naw its not so bad, lets just wrap it up". watch the games, go to bed, next morning act like im going off to work but really make a stop at the emergency room.

if only at the grocery store i didnt insist on the fact that we didnt need to buy a whole new pepper shaker grinder and that we could just buy the whole peppercorns and fill our old one back up.

ahh the life of being a guy, we know we are being stupid and are too stupid to stop.

sorry for the off topic rant.

go skins!!

Re: advice needed...
 

[quote=SmootSmack;526871]

Just saying, be careful jsarno. Don't rush into something that you could regret.[/quote]

I have to take the chance, even if it doesn't work out, at least I took the chance.

[quote]Another question for you, all this time you were "going through the motions" with your wife (now ex), you never strayed? Were you spending the last decade or whatever holding out hope you and Julia would be back together one day?[/quote]

No...I never once strayed. I don't really know how or why that happened, but I don't think I was holding out hope Julia would come back. I am ecstatic she did though. I think I was just going to stick it out no matter what cause I took the vows, but never thought Julia would enter back into the equasion. I really can't give you a definite on that one...life is wierd that way.

[quote]What do you mean your off-time?[/quote]

I'd purposely schedule myself to work consecutive days, then have 4-5 day weekends every other weekend, then I'd either drive or fly to S.D. Since I am the boss, I make my own schedule.

[quote]Anyhow, her husband didn't find anything weird or say anything about her ex-fiance being back in the picture and taking his (and her) kids out everywhere.[/quote]

Well, he doesn't know EXACTLY who it is, she just said she "had feelings for someone in her past". He might suspect it's me, but hasn't been very verbal about anything in that department.

[quote]And who do the kids think you are? Some family friend?[/quote]

Basically.

[quote]is all this really just a front to be closer to jamf?[/quote]

absolutely! ;)

Re: advice needed...
 

[quote=mredskins;526517]This is classic jsanro.

Now if you go back to the 8k+ post that he has and droped them into excel and data sorted them according to time. You would find that between 11pm and 6am he is a know it all a$$ but then if you looked at the postings between 8am and say 8pm you will get the "I am so sorry Jsarno". I think someone likes to drink then come on here with their beer muscles and talk crap at night.

Shockingly this thread started at 2 in the morning. Not saying you are talking crap in this thread but some of your best stories are webbed together in the early morning hours with a bottle of your favorite posion.

And yes we are all sinners and I sinned by judging you. I will ask for forgivness at church this Sunday.[/quote]

All I can ask is that you forgive me for my past comments that have offended you and possibly others. I think there was a part of me that was bitter about my life, and where it was going, and it may have spewed over to this site at times. Again, I apologize. So I ask you to reserve judgement, you may just see a different poster from here on out. It's funny what being happy can do to a person.

Re: advice needed...
 

[quote=over the mountain;526923]i read the first page and the last, sorry if i speak out of turn or cover old ground.

1) most family law attorneys will tell you from the get go: "the only person who wins in divorce proceedings are the attorneys". ive clerked for judges and seen 10 plus year old divorce cases repeatedly come back into court for one thing or another, especially around the holidays with kids involved.

[b]2) apply at the san diego post office, they are always hiring b/c not too many san diegans can pass the drug screening b/c most people out there are potheads!! 55k/yr plus 2 weeks paid vacation, gov't pension (maybe). my friend was a mail carrier, he would wake up around 6ish, pick up his mail, walk around in sunny san diego in his shorts listening to his ipod delivering mail, then be off by 3-4 o'clock. i honestly am thinking of abandoning my law career in maryland and returing to san diego to apply as a mail carrier. [/b]

3) either live in North Park or one of those areas where the rent is lower/reasonable b/c all the surfer trust fund kids think it is ghetto. its really not, it is quite nice if youve lived on the east coast and experienced the real ghettos. i compare it to silver spring. the occassional gun shots or police heli flying low announcing they are looking for an armed robber on your street is about the only embarrasing thing that can happen if you have guests over. and it is embarrassing.

4) there are so many apartment/comdo complexs in SD that there are always a ton of part time employment positions as an apartment manager. you get free or greatly reduced rent and still have your days to work a regular job, you just have to collect rent and interact with the maintenance poeple.

5) trust your emotions and feelings. once you start suspecting things from your girl (and vice versa i assume) it is hard to quiet those doubts. i am in a kinda similar situation as well where i question whether my current girl is with me for me or the idea of me. i decided im not gonna dwell on some negative with no proof, rather enjoy the moments together and if it aint meant to be then it will end eventually.[/quote]

That is a great idea...I didn't think of that. Thanks.

About #5, well, I really have no doubts about her intentions. I can't...well, won't...go into specifics, as GMscud says, some things are better left unsaid which is likely why a couple here think there are "swiss cheese holes". There are cause I'm leaving stuff out. Not everything needs to be posted, and I'm sure your guys understand that. But over the mountain, you are right. I have seen several people skrew up relationships over doubt and speculation even though nothing was going on. You just can't truly love someone this much and stand by and do nothing about it.

Re: advice needed...
 

[quote=jsarno;526958]I have to take the chance, even if it doesn't work out, at least I took the chance.[/quote]

Understood

[quote]No...I never once strayed. I don't really know how or why that happened, but I don't think I was holding out hope Julia would come back. I am ecstatic she did though. I think I was just going to stick it out no matter what cause I took the vows, but never thought Julia would enter back into the equasion. I really can't give you a definite on that one...life is wierd that way.[/quote]

You know another angle to all of this, and I don't even know if this was ever really on your mind, maybe your now ex-wife was going through the motions with you and is glad to be able to get on with a life without you. Not to be harsh, but I think you get my point

[quote]I'd purposely schedule myself to work consecutive days, then have 4-5 day weekends every other weekend, then I'd either drive or fly to S.D. Since I am the boss, I make my own schedule.[/quote]

Can't believe no one on either side found that suspicious. How long have you been doing this for?


[quote]absolutely! ;)[/quote]

Can't blame you :). Jamf's allure is intoxicating...in a Boone's sort of way