Re: advice needed...
 

[quote=Hog1;539869]DITTO!
MAKE IT HAPPEN J!!! Countin' on you!!!![/quote]

That's right man, Julia and I will bring a SB back to DC!!!! I sacrificed myself for all the fans! I would appreciate a special SB ring when we win it all...maybe a spot in the parade. :D

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[quote=jsarno;540351]That is GREAT to know. It's good to hear I am not the only one that went through this. In particular I am interested to hear how well adjusted (or not) the kids are? (well in your case, your son)[/quote]

He is very well adjusted.Gets good grades,plays baseball and soccer and is a completely normal kid.I suppose that he was so young when I came along that it all seems natural to him to have two Daddies.It also helped a bunch that his biological father and I got along rather well believe it or not.It got to the point where it was actually easier for just me to go and do the dropping off and picking up when it came time for visitation.Early on we had a conversation,his bio-father and I,where I explained that I would never try to replace him and that I understood that he was an important part of his life.You will have to be thick skinned at first because there is bound to be hard feelings, but hopefully with a little time and patience things will get at very least civil.

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[quote=jsarno;540348]Well, I know the situation is still early, but its going great. Taking the kiddos to Chuck E Cheese today. We are extremely happy together, and the kids call me papi. I love that. Julia is amazed at how well they have taken to me. It's likely the attention I give them, and how happy both of us are, and they notice the difference. We both clearly made the right choice, even though we are still not out of the woods yet.
It's amazing how life brightens up when you are loved and give love.[/quote]


Seriously we are supoose to beleive this. After knowing the kids for a few months and only during short visits you have them calling you "papi" as though you were their dad. Man, you are royal piece of shit. If I was that dad I would have your crazy bi-polar ass in the hospital by now!

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[quote=mredskins;540563]Seriously we are supoose to beleive this. After knowing the kids for a few months and only during short visits you have them calling you "papi" as though you were their dad. Man, [B]you are royal[/B] [B]piece of shit[/B]. If I was that dad I would have your crazy bi-polar ass in the hospital by now![/quote]
what the heck is that all about? and congrats jsarno, i hope it all works out

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[quote=mredskins;540563]Seriously we are supoose to beleive this. After knowing the kids for a few months and only during short visits you have them calling you "papi" as though you were their dad. Man, you are royal piece of shit. If I was that dad I would have your crazy bi-polar ass in the hospital by now![/quote]


What the hell is that about????

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[quote=mredskins;540563]Seriously we are supoose to beleive this. After knowing the kids for a few months and only during short visits you have them calling you "papi" as though you were their dad. Man, you are royal piece of shit. If I was that dad I would have your crazy bi-polar ass in the hospital by now![/quote]

Goodness man, can't help but wonder if you've been "that dad" before

Approve or not, not sure calling jsarno a royal piece of shit adds anything here

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[quote=mredskins;540563]Seriously we are supoose to beleive this. After knowing the kids for a few months and only during short visits you have them calling you "papi" as though you were their dad. Man, you are royal piece of shit. If I was that dad I would have your crazy bi-polar ass in the hospital by now![/quote]

LOL...someone done stole your love and kids too? Time to get over it and be all the man you can be.

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^ Nope never been left out in the cold but if you are a parent and you can imangine someone coming along and taking your kids from you and "stealing" your daddy title you would be more then pissed. If you don't have kids you can pretend to understand but really any parent here wil ltell you that is one of the lows things going. To think of someone else raising my child pains me to no end.

The POS comment was probably over the top and I apologize.

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Fair enough. If you love your kids you got to fight for your kids and that guy aught to fight for them if he wants to keep them. I certainly wouldn't let her walk away with my kids and have another man raise them knowing full well that I kept my end of the "death do us part" bargain. Make her ass pay child support and shit to boot.

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as long as you " man up" and be a part of their lives, you will always be " dad" in their eyes

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[quote=mredskins;540563]Seriously we are supoose to beleive this. After knowing the kids for a few months and only during short visits you have them calling you "papi" as though you were their dad. Man, you are royal piece of shit. If I was that dad I would have your crazy bi-polar ass in the hospital by now![/quote]

If you disagree with his situation or flat out don't believe him, why not just refrain from posting on this thread? At the end of the day we're all just nothing more than usernames to each other. To come at him with insults seems like a pretty big waste of time IMO.

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[quote=mredskins;540577]^ Nope never been left out in the cold but if you are a parent and [B]you can imangine someone coming along and taking your kids from you and "stealing" your daddy title you would be more then pissed. [/B]If you don't have kids you can pretend to understand but really any parent here wil ltell you that is one of the lows things going. To think of someone else raising my child pains me to no end.

The POS comment was probably over the top and I apologize.[/quote]

Yeah but if everything Jsarno is saying is the truth, this guy has had ample opportunity to be a good father/husband and has failed thus far. Hopefully he'll still be a part of his kids' lives, but it sounds like he has to make some changes.

Look, shit happens. My parents divorced when I was 14 and my brother was 10. It was tough, but leading up to the split they were both so unhappy in their marriage, and it trickled down to me and my brother. It was tough and awkward for a while, especially when my Dad started dating other women right away. Sure they both made some mistakes. Who doesn't in life? They have both since re-married, and I went from having two miserable parents to having four very happy parents.

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GMScud sorry for your childhood and the crap you had to go through. The point of my outrage was not the divorce, it was the point that these kids are basically being messed with by having to call Jasnro daddy or papi (even if it is by their own choice they should be corrected).

How would you feel if after your parents divorce your dad ask you to call one of his GF mom or mommy? Would that not have have messed with your mind?

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[quote=mredskins;540601]GMScud sorry for your childhood and the crap you had to go through. The point of my outrage was not the divorce, it was the point that these kids are basically being messed with by having to call Jasnro daddy or papi (even if it is by their own choice they should be corrected).

How would you feel if after your parents divorce your dad ask you to call one of his GF mom or mommy? Would that not have have messed with your mind?[/quote]

I had a great childhood, it was just a little rocky for a year or two.

I don't think the kids "have to" call Jsarno "dad." If they are, it shows they have strong feelings towards him. It's kind of a gray area as to whether or not they should be corrected. They are so young. Should they call him his first name? Or Mr. so and so? It's kind of awkward. I think you're focusing on the wrong thing though. If they are taking so well to Jsarno and going so far as to call him "dad," what does that say about their biological father?

As for me, I was 14 when my parents split, so I was old enough to understand what was going on.

I don't think there's any one standard this situation should be held to. It's unique. If I were Jsarno and Julia, I would definitely talk to a counselor or therapist, for three reasons:

1) the children - making sure their mental health and happiness are a priority.
2) her ex-husband - how to cope with his abusive nature and how to keep the children integrated with him in a healthy capacity
3) Julia and Jsarno - making sure they understand possible stumbling blocks in these kind of situations and how to best handle it. If the kids really do see him as "dad," then losing him after already losing their real dad could be really bad.

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^ Good Advice.

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[quote=mredskins;540601]GMScud sorry for your childhood and the crap you had to go through. The point of my outrage was not the divorce, it was the point that these kids are basically being messed with by having to call Jasnro daddy or papi (even if it is by their own choice they should be corrected).

How would you feel if after your parents divorce your dad ask you to call one of his GF mom or mommy? Would that not have have messed with your mind?[/quote]
Actually papi in the South is more what child would call their grand dad.

Re: advice needed...
 

maybe they think jsarno is David Ortiz

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[quote=SmootSmack;540655]maybe they think jsarno is David Ortiz[/quote]

I've thought that for a while.

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I must respectfully, and delicately, back mredskins here. While his choice of words may have been poor, I understand the general sentiment. I do think that if you come onto this website and provide information to the public/membership, then they have the right to judge you for it. This forum encourages the sharing of opinions, and negative opinions are no less valid. That said (and I've learned the hard way on this), it must be done with civility.

But I get the general sentiment and think the following:

1) This decision was rushed into. There was a little back and forth between New Mexico and San Diego to see her, but ultimately a decision like this should take more time. "Doing what makes you happy" is otherwise known as thinking with your dick (figuratively), and only gets you in trouble.

2) I don't think Julia's motives are purely for love. I think she's in it for security, safety, and financial support. If it were love, she wouldn't have gone so many years with no contact.

3) I think jsarno has acted irresponsibly by going on a vacation when he has no gainful employment, and has no prospects for adequately supporting a family of four.

4) While the previous husband has been abusive, I see the children as hardly better off today. Jsarno's decision making leading up to this point leads me to believe they still lack a quality male role model in their lives. And that's very sad.

5) Until you're living with the children as a full-time parent who actually takes care of them, provides discipline, structure, routine and comfort, it doesn't matter how much they like to go to Chucky Cheese with you. Because of the tendency to make decisions so selfishly, I don't think jsarno has it in him to be a quality parent. Being a good father takes work, commitment, dedication, dependability, and most of all sacrifice. To date, jsarno has exhibited none of these qualities.

Respectfully, I'm not fond of the way this situation has been handled. I would be surprised if it turns out well in the long haul. But no doubt I'll never know the complete truth, it certainly won't be revealed in this thread.

Re: advice needed...
 

Dr. Phil that's a bit much don't you think? You done gone to places you don't belong doc.

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Determined to stay out of here.

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[quote=Schneed10;540774]I must respectfully, and delicately, back mredskins here. While his choice of words may have been poor, I understand the general sentiment. I do think that if you come onto this website and provide information to the public/membership, then they have the right to judge you for it. This forum encourages the sharing of opinions, and negative opinions are no less valid. That said (and I've learned the hard way on this), it must be done with civility.

But I get the general sentiment and think the following:

1) This decision was rushed into. There was a little back and forth between New Mexico and San Diego to see her, but ultimately a decision like this should take more time. "Doing what makes you happy" is otherwise known as thinking with your dick (figuratively), and only gets you in trouble.

2) I don't think Julia's motives are purely for love. I think she's in it for security, safety, and financial support. If it were love, she wouldn't have gone so many years with no contact.

3) I think jsarno has acted irresponsibly by going on a vacation when he has no gainful employment, and has no prospects for adequately supporting a family of four.

4) While the previous husband has been abusive, I see the children as hardly better off today. Jsarno's decision making leading up to this point leads me to believe they still lack a quality male role model in their lives. And that's very sad.

5) Until you're living with the children as a full-time parent who actually takes care of them, provides discipline, structure, routine and comfort, it doesn't matter how much they like to go to Chucky Cheese with you. Because of the tendency to make decisions so selfishly, I don't think jsarno has it in him to be a quality parent. Being a good father takes work, commitment, dedication, dependability, and most of all sacrifice. To date, jsarno has exhibited none of these qualities.

Respectfully, I'm not fond of the way this situation has been handled. I would be surprised if it turns out well in the long haul. But no doubt I'll never know the complete truth, it certainly won't be revealed in this thread.[/quote]

I agree on many points, and I'm not even a parent so I can't fully appreciate all of what a parent would be thinking. I think though that what you've outlined is a lot different from just spitting out "you're a royal piece of shit"

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[quote=SmootSmack;540832]I agree on many points, and I'm not even a parent so I can't fully appreciate all of what a parent would be thinking. I think though that what you've outlined is a lot different from just spitting out "you're a royal piece of shit"[/quote]


I apologized for my comment and at the time I was reading this I pictured someone doing that to my son. After I had raised/ raising him for someone to swoop in and try to tell or allow them to call them Papi or Dad would send me through the roof.

Thanks S10 for the backing, I agree whole heartly with you.

I really think like S10 said you got to live with these kids to find out how it is going to work out. Most people can easily befriend childern they are very trusting and enjoy any adult attention. I could take my son to Chucky Cheese every day and he would love and like the hell out of me, does this make me a good parent? Ah no...

I also find it incrediable how many people back Jsarno on this site after the guy has been a know it all ass to most of us but I guess you guys like the abuse. Is it the flowers he sends to your hospital bed after beating you up the night before that makes you want to take him back?

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[quote=GMScud;540592]Yeah but if everything Jsarno is saying is the truth, this guy has had ample opportunity to be a good father/husband and has failed thus far. Hopefully he'll still be a part of his kids' lives, but it sounds like he has to make some changes.

Look, shit happens. My parents divorced when I was 14 and my brother was 10. It was tough, but leading up to the split they were both so unhappy in their marriage, and it trickled down to me and my brother. It was tough and awkward for a while, especially when my Dad started dating other women right away. Sure they both made some mistakes. Who doesn't in life? They have both since re-married, and I went from having two miserable parents to having four very happy parents.[/quote]
If I'm reading this right you think he had child with his first wife which I think is not the case but I have only read about 90% of this thread.

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[quote=mredskins;540842]I apologized for my comment and at the time I was reading this I pictured someone doing that to my son. After I had raised/ raising him for someone to swoop in and try to tell or allow them to call them Papi or Dad would send me through the roof.[/quote]

True, I should have acknowledged that you did eventually apologize

[quote]Thanks S10 for the backing, I agree whole heartly with you.

I really think like S10 said you got to live with these kids to find out how it is going to work out. Most people can easily befriend childern they are very trusting and enjoy any adult attention. I could take my son to Chucky Cheese every day and he would love and like the hell out of me, does this make me a good parent? Ah no...[/quote]

Certainly, my cousins and nieces adore me and think I'm so much fun (and it's so cool how I can get them free passes to Disney World), but I'm not naive to the difficulties and responsibilities of being a real parent

[quote]I also find it incrediable how many people back Jsarno on this site after the guy has been a know it all ass to most of us but I guess you guys like the abuse. Is it the flowers he sends to your hospital bed after beating you up the night before that makes you want to take him back?[/quote]

Which is ultimately what I think is the issue here. Personally, and jsarno already knows this, I could pretty much care less about him. I don't know him, I don't think I'll ever know him, I don't have any desire to. I'm sure he feels the same about me. But I'm trying to put that aside here (as I think others are too), but are you? If it was Sheriff Gonna Getcha for example who had started this thread would your reaction be different?

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I am upset most with the poor children in this story but it does help fuel my angry that Jsarno is unlikeable. Is this not human nature though? We are more forgiving to the ones we like vs. those we dislike.

To be honest I think Jsarno read this situation in the Playboy Advisor and has adapted as his own story, I find him to be an out right liar on many levels, none of his storys add up and he has been caught in lies many times here. I personally think he is either or both crazy and/or a heavy drinker.

Since my life is lacking in any major drama it is nice to be able to read this thread to get me through boring parts of my work day and I thank you Jsarno for that. See you can always find something nice to say. =)

Re: advice needed...
 

The difference between S10 and mrredskins is one actually has a logical critique and one seems to be running on a personal vendetta.

Re: advice needed...
 

[quote=hooskins;540879]The difference between S10 and mrredskins is one actually has a logical critique and one seems to be running on a personal vendetta.[/quote]


totally correct.

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[quote=firstdown;540851]If I'm reading this right you think he had child with his first wife which I think is not the case but I have only read about 90% of this thread.[/quote]

He had a daughter with his first wife. With much respect I utter the words "She is Deceased". Tread carefully my friend.

Edit: And actually GM was talking about the other guy and not J.

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[quote=firstdown;540851]If I'm reading this right you think he had child with his first wife which I think is not the case but I have only read about 90% of this thread.[/quote]

I think you misread my post. I was referring to Julia's ex-husband being the biological father of the two children currently calling Jsarno "dad." I know Jsarno didn't have kids with his ex-wife.

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[quote=GMScud;540892]I think you misread my post. I was referring to Julia's ex-husband being the biological father of the two children currently calling Jsarno "dad." I know Jsarno didn't have kids with his ex-wife.[/quote]
I read your post again and now it makes more sense. I still have not seen the post where the kids are calling him dad but I did see where they are calling him pappi. As I said earlier I don't relate the word pappi with meaning dad but that could be because we live in different parts of the US. I personally just hope that when all is said and done that the best interest of the kids is what matters to all people involved. I'm guessing that at some point that will not happen to some degree.

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The only side I'm taking on this one is that of the children involved. A few people here are passing judgment about Jsarno's credibility and character. I'd rather not go that route. I don't know the man, but I understand mredskin's points about the inconsistent posts in the past. However, I have simply tried to give the best advice I can based on what I've been told.

Schneed10 makes great points on this one I think. Especially with regard to employment and parenting.

I guess for Jsarno you have to be careful what you ask for. The thread title is "advice needed." I suppose that doesn't mean you're going to like everything you hear.

I believe he has been given some good advice here, and I hope he heeds it.

Re: advice needed...
 

I agree with GM, js seems to be the kind of person who does not look at the valid suggestions. Hopefully he listens to everything.

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[quote=Angry;540889]He had a daughter with his first wife. With much respect I utter the words "She is Deceased". Tread carefully my friend.[/quote]

Thank you Angry.

In regards to comments from others. I did not pick out the name papi, julia did. Yes, it was in reference to David Ortiz...I AM from Boston after all, and unfortunately I have a similar stature. The youngest did call me "DADDY" once and I corrected him. I have already said on this site I am not trying to replace their father and I want him to be a part of their life.

One comment stuck out to me...I think it was from GM, but please correct me if I am wrong. That I was (paraphrasing) a horrible father and husband. I didn't have a chance to be a horrible, or good father, my daughter died shortly after birth 5 years ago. That was our 1 and only shot at a child as she (my ex) had massive complications to the point that she couldn't have any other children. As a husband, not sure how you would know I was horrible considering how much I put up with. You didn't know the situation, and having an 11+ year marriage and an ex wife that is still wanting me back (with lots of counseling) I'd have to say that I was a damn good husband. Why people feel the need to insert their own assumptions is beyond me. Someone said this thread is about "advice needed" and you need to understand there will be the other side to the story (again paraphrasing), and I completely understand this. I have listened to everyone on this thread except 1 person (who has been verbally abusive), and while some were negative, I still listened. I understand I am not doing what is deemed "appropriate", or "right". This is an uphill battle for me, and for Julia. The kids are of the utmost importance to BOTH OF US, and we have them as our focal point on a DAILY basis. A lot of the comments here have gone WAAAAY beyond "advice needed". To those that have maintained the course, I thank you. Negative or not, I thank you. I need to hear both sides of the story so I know what to expect and can make better judgements because I have a fuller picture.
For those that have been positive, I sincerely appreciate your well wishes, and comments. This situation is hard enough as it is. Like SS pointed out, I don't know any of you (except 2), and likely never will. I understand I am striking a cord with some of you, and for some, that is an issue for your counselor, for others I get it. I have stayed away from any retorts cause I understand this is not an ideal situation, and it's touchy to some. To those that are taking this too close to heart, the only advice I can give you (not that you want my advice) is to take care of your own situation. Worry about the skeletons in your own closet. Treat those close to you and around you right and you wont be in this situation. I honestly don't wish this on anyone, and anyone that has been through this (from either side) knows this sucks and is not easy. It's so easy to cast a stone at someone for doing something wrong, and lets face it, this situation is an EASY TARGET, but don't worry about the splinter in my eye when there may just be a log in yours.
Again, I apologize to all of those I may have offended, I assure you that was not the intent of this thread. Any [b]advice[/b], good or bad, wise or not, positive or negative is certainly welcomed and absorbed.

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[quote=love them hogs;540373]He is very well adjusted.Gets good grades,plays baseball and soccer and is a completely normal kid.I suppose that he was so young when I came along that it all seems natural to him to have two Daddies.It also helped a bunch that his biological father and I got along rather well believe it or not.It got to the point where it was actually easier for just me to go and do the dropping off and picking up when it came time for visitation.Early on we had a conversation,his bio-father and I,where I explained that I would never try to replace him and that I understood that he was an important part of his life.You will have to be thick skinned at first because there is bound to be hard feelings, but hopefully with a little time and patience things will get at very least civil.[/quote]

That's good to know, thanks.

I have not met their biological father yet, and that doesn't appear to be in the immediate future, but i am sure it will happen at some point. I will have to put myself in his shoes when that does happen. I can only hope we can be civil.
What recommendations / advice do you have for me to help with my first encounter with the bio-father? What was good / bad in your experience?

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[quote=jsarno;542099]Thank you Angry.

In regards to comments from others. I did not pick out the name papi, julia did. Yes, it was in reference to David Ortiz...I AM from Boston after all, and unfortunately I have a similar stature. The youngest did call me "DADDY" once and I corrected him. I have already said on this site I am not trying to replace their father and I want him to be a part of their life.

One comment stuck out to me...I think it was from GM, but please correct me if I am wrong. That I was (paraphrasing) a horrible father and husband. I didn't have a chance to be a horrible, or good father, my daughter died shortly after birth 5 years ago. That was our 1 and only shot at a child as she (my ex) had massive complications to the point that she couldn't have any other children. As a husband, not sure how you would know I was horrible considering how much I put up with. You didn't know the situation, and having an 11+ year marriage and an ex wife that is still wanting me back (with lots of counseling) I'd have to say that I was a damn good husband. Why people feel the need to insert their own assumptions is beyond me. Someone said this thread is about "advice needed" and you need to understand there will be the other side to the story (again paraphrasing), and I completely understand this. I have listened to everyone on this thread except 1 person (who has been verbally abusive), and while some were negative, I still listened. I understand I am not doing what is deemed "appropriate", or "right". This is an uphill battle for me, and for Julia. The kids are of the utmost importance to BOTH OF US, and we have them as our focal point on a DAILY basis. A lot of the comments here have gone WAAAAY beyond "advice needed". To those that have maintained the course, I thank you. Negative or not, I thank you. I need to hear both sides of the story so I know what to expect and can make better judgements because I have a fuller picture.
For those that have been positive, I sincerely appreciate your well wishes, and comments. This situation is hard enough as it is. Like SS pointed out, I don't know any of you (except 2), and likely never will. I understand I am striking a cord with some of you, and for some, that is an issue for your counselor, for others I get it. I have stayed away from any retorts cause I understand this is not an ideal situation, and it's touchy to some. To those that are taking this too close to heart, the only advice I can give you (not that you want my advice) is to take care of your own situation. Worry about the skeletons in your own closet. Treat those close to you and around you right and you wont be in this situation. I honestly don't wish this on anyone, and anyone that has been through this (from either side) knows this sucks and is not easy. It's so easy to cast a stone at someone for doing something wrong, and lets face it, this situation is an EASY TARGET, but don't worry about the splinter in my eye when there may just be a log in yours.
Again, I apologize to all of those I may have offended, I assure you that was not the intent of this thread. Any [B]advice[/B], good or bad, wise or not, positive or negative is certainly welcomed and absorbed.[/quote]
Not to speak for GM but he was talking about the childrens father and not you as I made the same mistake thinking was talking about you.

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[quote=hooskins;541034][B]I agree with GM, js seems to be the kind of person who does not look at the valid suggestions.[/B] Hopefully he listens to everything.[/quote]

I never said that. I said he got some good advice here and I hope he listens to some of it.

And Jsarno - I never said anything about you being a bad father. I was referring to Julia's ex. I had forgotten you and your ex-wife lost your first child. My apologies.

Re: advice needed...
 

[quote=GMScud;542900]I never said that. I said he got some good advice here and I hope he listens to some of it.

And Jsarno - I never said anything about you being a bad father. I was referring to Julia's ex. I had forgotten you and your ex-wife lost your first child. My apologies.[/quote]

Thanks for clarifying...I misread your post, I'm sorry.

Re: advice needed...
 

[quote=jsarno;542102]That's good to know, thanks.

I have not met their biological father yet, and that doesn't appear to be in the immediate future, but i am sure it will happen at some point. I will have to put myself in his shoes when that does happen. I can only hope we can be civil.
What recommendations / advice do you have for me to help with my first encounter with the bio-father? What was good / bad in your experience?[/quote]
Not sure how her x feels at this time but I'd give it some time for him to cool down if thats needed and then I would give him a call. Tell him how you feel about not trying to take his place and all that stuff. I would also offer to let him tell you how he feels about whats going on and let him ask questions about you. If your up front about things and you make him comfortable talking with you things could go much smoother with the children. Its when people do not comunicate that things get worse instead of getting better. I would not be surprised if he tells you off but if you tell him you understand how he feels there is only so much he can say as you would feel the same way if thing where reverse.

Re: advice needed...
 

[quote=firstdown;542933]Not sure how her x feels at this time but I'd give it some time for him to cool down if thats needed and then I would give him a call. Tell him how you feel about not trying to take his place and all that stuff. I would also offer to let him tell you how he feels about whats going on and let him ask questions about you. If your up front about things and you make him comfortable talking with you things could go much smoother with the children. Its when people do not comunicate that things get worse instead of getting better. I would not be surprised if he tells you off but if you tell him you understand how he feels there is only so much he can say as you would feel the same way if thing where reverse.[/quote]

When you said "call him", I was like WHHHHHAAAAAAT??? But after letting it absorb, it's sound advice. Thank you...I will have to try that at some point, but I am sure that won't happen for quite some time...it's still too fresh.