X-Men 3 Sucks Ass
 

Hey guys, I wrote this article on X-Men for my blog that I thought I would share in the off-topic forum:

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I’m a huge X-Men fan. I used to read the comic book when I was a teenager and I really enjoyed the first two films, which were directed by Brian Singer. Several months ago, when I found out X-Men 3 was coming to theaters I started getting extremely excited and began reading anything I could about the upcoming film.

After waiting a few days for the initial reviews to come out and deciding that the film wasn’t a total disaster, I decided to head to the Odeon cinema on Tottenham Court road to watch an afternoon screening of X-Men 3.

Let me start out by saying that X-Men 3 is the experiential equivalent of going on a date with a beautiful girl and then finding out that “she” is really a “he.” Then you get food poisoning at dinner and the man-woman takes you back to his/her place and ties you up and whips you for several hours. Finally, you pass out in a fit of agony and when you wake up, you realize that you are lying in a random ditch in Bombay, India, with an acute pain in your bottom. After selling your internal organs for enough money to buy airfare, you return home to realize that the man-woman has stolen your identity and your friends and family love him/her more than you.

That is the experiential equivalent of watching X-Men 3.

If you integrate the Odeon-factor into the experience, then you realize that you would have been better off spending your afternoon putting birdseed in your eye sockets and lying down in the middle of Trafalgar Square.

Just in case you were wondering, the Odeon-factor is showing up for a 3:55 PM screening, paying $12.50, and sitting through 30 F#@&ING MINUTES OF ADS.

I’m not even joking. It is disgusting. I literally kept looking at my watch because I wanted to come home and write about how I had to sit through 30 minutes of commercials before they would play this piece of crap film.

So why was the film bad? It is about 10:21 PM (GMT) right now. I want to get to bed by 1 AM so there is absolutely no way I would be able to write about every little thing that irked me about this film so I’m going to limit myself to five things I hated about X-Men 3:

1. I hated the plot of X-Men 3

There is a US government-supported anti-mutant campaign; Magneto wants to respond to the US government plot violently while Xavier stresses the need for diplomacy; Rogue laments her powers; Wolverine experiences internal strife; and Jean Gray dies at the end. Yup – that’s the basic gist of X-Men 2. Unfortunately, all those things happen in X-Men 3 also.

Sometimes it is cool if different things happen in a sequel. The film would have been more original if they had just taken X-Men 2 and re-dubbed it so everyone had French accents. I’m not even joking when I saw I would have enjoyed it more this way.

The only discernable difference is that they throw in a random assortment of mutants with lame powers. One mutant’s power is that he vomits black liquid on people. I can name three people in my student hall who have this same ‘power’. Next time they want to think about adding new mutants to the film, they should bring in a consultant, like a five-year old kid for instance.

2. I hated the dialogue in X-Men 3

During Pyro and Ice Man’s climactic battle, Pyro just about has Ice Man on the ropes when he proclaims, “Looks like you should have stayed at school.” In a burst of power, Ice Man “ices up” and defeats Pyro.

His come back?

“Looks like you shouldn’t have left.”

Errr…I thought comebacks were supposed to be cool. He should have said that comeback when he was losing the fight, then Pyro would have been so befuddled that his head would have exploded and he would have died instantaneously. My head is about to explode just thinking about it.

The other thing line I really hated occurs in the final battle scene, when Wolverine is about to kill Jean Gray. She asks, “You would die for them?” Wolverine responds with, “No, I would die for you.” Then he kills her.

Is it just me or doesn’t it seem nonsensical to say you would die for someone and then kill them immediately afterwards? Maybe he should have said something like “I’ll love you forever Jean,” and then grabbed Callisto and started boning her in the middle of the battle. Alternatively, maybe he could have said, “Jean, I won’t let you do this,” and then given up and sat down Indian style while Jean destroyed the island.

Here is some advice to the producers: put some effort into writing the screenplay next time.

3. I hated the characters in X-Men 3

Every X-Man fan realizes that the Phoenix is bad-ass. Also, when the Phoenix displays her powers, she looks like a sexy crazy woman who is immersed in flames that are shaped like a Phoenix.

So why in X-Men 3 does the Phoenix look like Lindsay Lohan after a weekend of cocaine and bulimia?

The following things additionally irk me about characters in the film: Wolverine is getting boring; Colossus doesn’t have a Russian accent; Beast sounds like he spends weekends at the Blue Oyster Bar (from Police Academy); Angel probably accompanies Beast to the Blue Oyster Bar and serves as his bitch; Storm’s character is one-dimensional; Professor Xavier seemed like a curmudgeon.

4. I hated the lack of logic in X-Men 3

Let me get this straight. Magneto has enough power to lift the Golden Gate Bridge and move it so that it connects to Alcatraz, where the Mutant treatment center is located. Then, the evil mutants begin to storm Alcatraz, where they are stopped by the X-Men.

I’ve got one question: Instead of dropping the Golden Gate Bridge in front of Alcatraz, why not put in the extra effort and simply drop it on Alcatraz?

Problem solved.

Here is another question I had: When the “Brotherhood” of Evil Mutants begins fighting with the X-Men, why doesn’t Magneto just instantaneously kill Wolverine and Colossus? For an evil genius, he certainly seems to lack common sense throughout the film.

Also, how does Wolverine leave Xavier’s school on a motorcycle in one scene and suddenly appear in the forests of northern California in the next? Did everyone just stop what they were doing while Wolverine drove cross-country on a motorcycle for a week?

Come to think of it, they could have made half the movie about Wolverine’s road trip and I would have been happier with the end result. During his road trip, they could have tracked what the individual mutants were doing at the mansion. Storm could have taken Rogue and Kitty Pryde out for a weekend in Manhattan. Maybe Colossus and Ice Man could have gone to a strip club in Jersey, where Ice Man gets the clap.

At least the film would have been original.

5. I hated what the film did for the X-Men Legacy

Not that the X-Men haven’t become overly commodified already, but they really took it to new heights in this film. They basically kowtowed to Halle Barry’s demands; succumbed to market research that said “more Wolverine”; and made the terrible decision to haphazardly introduce and kill multiple mutants because they figured it would be exciting.

I remember when I was a young teenager, the X-Men represented a form of enlightened escapism, a process through which I would immerse myself in their world and extend my imagination beyond it. In my own world that was unfriendly in its own right, I empathized with these characters and perhaps that was the overall message, communicated not in grandiose rhetoric (despite what Brett Ratner might think) but through the small machinations of everyday life.

Along the way, the producers at FOX forgot that X-Men is about the characters, not about the effects, and not about quantity of mutant characters. It is about the love triangle between Jean Gray, Cyclopes, and Wolverine; it is about the struggles of the younger X-Men to deal with adolescence while trying to come to terms with their powers; it is about Peter Rasputin’s introverted nature and his artwork; about Rogue’s rough domestic life; Xavier and Magneto’s contrasting paradigms of resistance; Nightcrawler’s search for love despite his outward appearance; Storm’s struggle with being a leader.

The X-Men is about stories of young men and women with extraordinary gifts, and the various ways in which they deal with these gifts and appropriate their talent into their everyday lives. It is about their search to find an ordinary life despite their extraordinary powers in a world that often can be unfriendly and dangerous. It is about the banalities in extraordinariness.

This was the potential for X-Men 3 and it is the fact that what we got was so far away from what we could have gotten, which pisses me off. What we’re left with is a film that will be forgotten within 2 hours of seeing it.

And I’m out $12.50.

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Re: X-Men 3 Sucks Ass
 

yeah it does suck, but you might want to get a mod to delete your double posted thread.

Re: X-Men 3 Sucks Ass
 

If you could care less about the X-Men mythology... it's an exciting movie with great effects.
If you're a true X-Men fan you're mortified by the abomination.

Re: X-Men 3 Sucks Ass
 

[quote=EEich]If you could care less about the X-Men mythology... it's an exciting movie with great effects.
If you're a true X-Men fan you're mortified by the abomination.[/quote]

Yeah thats exactly what it was, just a movie with great special effects, it really pissed me off bc I was expected alot more.

Re: X-Men 3 Sucks Ass
 

kinda comes off like a reactionary fanboy rant.

fanboys NEVER like the movies... the good news is that they killed so many people off, there probably won't be an x-men 4.

big budget movies are always about the eye candy an action movies are much easier to make interesting than boring exposes on trying to fit in. they went along the path of least resistance and i believe the profits more than show that the movie hit its mark.

movie companies measure success in dollars, not artistic value, and they already got your $12.50.

Re: X-Men 3 Sucks Ass
 

[quote=That Guy]kinda comes off like a reactionary fanboy rant.

fanboys NEVER like the movies... the good news is that they killed so many people off, there probably won't be an x-men 4.

big budget movies are always about the eye candy an action movies are much easier to make interesting than boring exposes on trying to fit in. they went along the path of least resistance and i believe the profits more than show that the movie hit its mark.

movie companies measure success in dollars, not artistic value, and they already got your $12.50.[/quote]

Do fanboys ever like anything?

It's funny, I lurk on several of my favorite band's fansites, and I swear anytime one of these bands releases an album it seems like everyone hates it, they hate the setlists at shows, etc. I try to limit my lurking because it only brings me down. I'll get a new album and be like, man this thing kicks ass, only to visit one of these sites and be completely depressed after seeing everyone rip it apart.

Re: X-Men 3 Sucks Ass
 

if it was you matty, thank you for stopping bsb's madness in the other thread.

Re: X-Men 3 Sucks Ass
 

[quote=hooskins]if it was you matty, thank you for stopping bsb's madness in the other thread.[/quote]i put all my effort into that madness. It was deleted, not just locked :(. All my posts, gone forever.

Re: X-Men 3 Sucks Ass
 

I sort of felt like I liked the movie for about 2 minutes after it ended. Then I started actually thinking about it, and I starting talking it over with my firneds, and I quickly came to the conclusion that it sucked balls. It was like eatting some good Mexican food, only to feel an evil rumblin' in your stomach whcih could only be the early stages of "The Mud Butt."
The plot, or lack thereof, was boring, and there was no sense of emotion in the final battle, I didn't really care who lived or died. Also, the final battle scene was pretty stupid and uneventful, which is obviously the opposite of what you want in an action movie, so that was dissapointing.
I heard they might actually make one or two more movies, which I feel like could be decent if Bryan Singer comes back, because X-Men 3 left such a bad taste in my mouth after I really enjoyed the first two so much. I wouldn't consider myself a fanboy, I really don't care what they do with the 'classic' X-men storylines as long as the movies are entertaining, but this one really wasn't.
For those who haven't seen this, I'd say it's like the third Matrix movie; take that however you want.

Re: X-Men 3 Sucks Ass
 

Yes, the 3rd Matrix movie was the bane of my existence. I'm sorry, but I don't want to THINK when I watch a freakin' movie. I just want to sit and be entertained. If I wanted to think I'm read a book.

And I don't see THAT happening anytime soon unless they start coming out with hardcover versions of Maxim and Stuff.

Re: X-Men 3 Sucks Ass
 

[quote=TheMalcolmConnection]Yes, the 3rd Matrix movie was the bane of my existence. I'm sorry, but I don't want to THINK when I watch a freakin' movie. I just want to sit and be entertained. If I wanted to think I'm read a book.

And I don't see THAT happening anytime soon unless they start coming out with hardcover versions of Maxim and Stuff.[/quote]

The 2nd Martrix had it's moments, but I thought it sucked too right along with #3. They made me wish they never made the sequels.

Re: X-Men 3 Sucks Ass
 

[quote=Mattyk72]The 2nd Martrix had it's moments, but I thought it sucked too right along with #3. They made me wish they never made the sequels.[/quote]

the second one had the one good chase scene, that's it.

Re: X-Men 3 Sucks Ass
 

[quote=Mattyk72]The 2nd Martrix had it's moments...[/quote]

yeah, like the ending credits, which signified that that piece of crap was finally over ;)

Re: X-Men 3 Sucks Ass
 

if you actually waited until all the credits finished after x-men 3 you will see that they are trying to make another one

Re: X-Men 3 Sucks Ass
 

[QUOTE=Duffman003]if you actually waited until all the credits finished after x-men 3 you will see that they are trying to make another one[/QUOTE]
Was it for x-men 4 or the solo Wolverine movie that is supposed to be in the works?

Re: X-Men 3 Sucks Ass
 

[quote=Duffman003]if you actually waited until all the credits finished after x-men 3 you will see that they are trying to make another one[/quote]

yeah, well, the money is still too good not to, but they killed off so many people...

Re: X-Men 3 Sucks Ass
 

[quote=Mattyk72]The 2nd Martrix had it's moments, but I thought it sucked too right along with #3. They made me wish they never made the sequels.[/quote]

I think the writers designed this movie ambiguous intentionally so people can argue over it for years to come. Sure, it parallels religion, that and about a zillion other abstract ideas.

Re: X-Men 3 Sucks Ass
 

[quote=Redskins8588]Was it for x-men 4 or the solo Wolverine movie that is supposed to be in the works?[/quote]

It was for X4, but a wolverine movie is in the works too.

Re: X-Men 3 Sucks Ass
 

Ok I also trully hated X-3 in every X-men movie they did something to change the reallity of the comic story for the sake of making a plot and putting decades of comics together like rogue filling in for jubbelli (don't kanoe how to spell it) place as Wolverine prodige.

But X-3 just crossed the line since when Colosus could use his armor power to protect others????..... they totally neglected the fact that Juggernut is Charles half brother????.... they destroyed the story by killing Jean and Cyclops ( we know charles is alive i nthe head of some nobody), they tryed to make a masssive mutant attack but all I saw was some extras running toward the X-men and armie mand and just die... of like 200 mutants I only saw the powers of like 7.... and what about the mutant with the porking spine powers has anybody seen a lammer power.

What was the point off angel in the movie? they made tons off publicity of him and he lasted 2 min on it.... and what happend with nightcrawler, the story was lame, the plot was lame the use of powers was super lame.... It just sucked

Re: X-Men 3 Sucks Ass
 

I guess I am changing the subject here, but that is why I really loved the Lord of the Rings movies. Peter Jackson could have just done up all of the action and special effects and left it at that, but he focused on the characters and their relationships with each other, (even though the action and special effects were Awesome!!!) and those relationships made the movie so much better! Frodo and Sam's friendship as portrayed in the movies was just so rich and deep, and not in a "homo" way if you think I am going that direction! As were Gimili and Legolas friendship and Gandalf's and Pippen's in the final movie. Some directors can just tell a story and others can not.

Re: X-Men 3 Sucks Ass
 

[quote=scowan]I guess I am changing the subject here, but that is why I really loved the Lord of the Rings movies. Peter Jackson could have just done up all of the action and special effects and left it at that, but he focused on the characters and their relationships with each other, (even though the action and special effects were Awesome!!!) and those relationships made the movie so much better! Frodo and Sam's friendship as portrayed in the movies was just so rich and deep, and not in a "homo" way if you think I am going that direction! As were Gimili and Legolas friendship and Gandalf's and Pippen's in the final movie. Some directors can just tell a story and others can not.[/quote]

my only minor gripe is that frodo became a complete pussy (whimpering in corners every time a fight broke out) and the dwarf tossing jokes.

Re: X-Men 3 Sucks Ass
 

[quote=That Guy]my only minor gripe is that frodo became a complete pussy (whimpering in corners every time a fight broke out) and the dwarf tossing jokes.[/quote]

I also didn't like the game that they were playing, when they would count how many orcs they killed like they were keeping score. Did they ever stop to think that those 'points' represented lives? Did they think that those orcs could have had families? Instead of counting by ones, they should have counted the amount of orc babies that will grow up without positive male influences in their lives, which in turn could cause them to take up a life of violence and human eatting. It's really a vicious cycle, I thought Peter Jackson should have addressed that.

Re: X-Men 3 Sucks Ass
 

trilogies are rarely sucessful :( but i havent seen it yet.

Re: X-Men 3 Sucks Ass
 

I think that the Spider-man trilogy will be good, pretty much because they kept not only the main actors but they same director for all 3. And for Sam Rami to not only be the director but a fan of the comic book helps to try to get it right.

Re: X-Men 3 Sucks Ass
 

[QUOTE=Redskins8588]I think that the Spider-man trilogy will be good, pretty much because they kept not only the main actors but they same director for all 3. And for Sam Rami to not only be the director but a fan of the comic book helps to try to get it right.[/QUOTE]

I agree- so far, Spiderman has definitely lived up to par... the storylines actually match up to the quality of action. Raimi is the man! He didn't disappoint me in his first big budget blockbuster... been a fan since evil dead II!

Spidey proves that you can make a blockbuster without throwing story and character development to the wind. I felt X3 was thrown together, without a lot of post-work. Dunno if it was just me, but i thought there were a lot more one-lining groaners than the first two. After reading the preliminary reviews, I got myself to at least watch it for the eye-candy--- but it seemed like there was nothing that spectacular (in terms of effects). Nothing really exciting or original was added to the cg world... a particular character's "death" was pretty non-dramatic for that role's importance to the series. Gray's destruction scenes were fairly weak, considering her powers were supposedly untamed.

Re: X-Men 3 Sucks Ass
 

[quote=Skinette]trilogies are rarely sucessful :( but i havent seen it yet.[/quote]

Some Trilogies are good. StarWars Episodes 4 5 and 6 were good, LOTR was good. You have to say the Godfather Trilogy was good. What you are really saying is that some 1st movies in an effort to make more money do a 2nd which is decent enough to do a 3rd, but at some point it all falls apart. A perfect example are the Rocky movies, which got progressively worse until number 5 was just a joke. I kind of have a feeling that the 2nd and 3rd Pirates movies with Johnny Depp will not disappoint. the Matrix was a disaster. Did anyone ever "get it" with the 3rd movie? I know I didn't.

Re: X-Men 3 Sucks Ass
 

[quote=Skinette]trilogies are rarely sucessful :( but i havent seen it yet.[/quote]

star wars, LotR, godfather. next question?

Re: X-Men 3 Sucks Ass
 

[quote=scowan]I kind of have a feeling that the 2nd and 3rd Pirates movies with Johnny Depp will not disappoint. [/quote]

from what i saw, i think the pirates sequel might end up kinda cheesy...

Re: X-Men 3 Sucks Ass
 

[QUOTE=itvnetop]I agree- so far, Spiderman has definitely lived up to par... the storylines actually match up to the quality of action. Raimi is the man! He didn't disappoint me in his first big budget blockbuster... been a fan since evil dead II!

Spidey proves that you can make a blockbuster without throwing story and character development to the wind. I felt X3 was thrown together, without a lot of post-work. [/QUOTE]

I agree about it being thrown together but for the amount of time Ratner had to work on someone else's script and with someone else's cast I enjoyed it for what it was. He had a week after he signed on before filming started cuz FOX wanted the film out before Bryan Singer's Superman Returns. Given more time and adjusting the script I think it could have been better than it was. I watched the shows and read the comics as did a couple friends of mine who all went to the midnight opening w/me and we thought it was worth our money. The statement about fanboys is very true for some but in general sometimes people find stuff to whine about just like some people do when their favorite sports team is doing well ;)
If I had any say so a few things would have been done differently, but then again with as much back history a series like X-Men has, it's a really hard project to turn into a movie without groups of people getting pissed off.

on a side note, when other people who went to see this, did a bunch of people in the crowd yell and cheer when the dumb ass looking Snakes on Planes trailer played?

Re: X-Men 3 Sucks Ass
 

[QUOTE=That Guy]from what i saw, i think the pirates sequel might end up kinda cheesy...[/QUOTE]

I just can't wait to see what Chow Yun-Fat's character will look like in the 3rd movie.

Re: X-Men 3 Sucks Ass
 

[QUOTE=skinsfanthru&thru]I just can't wait to see what Chow Yun-Fat's character will look like in the 3rd movie.[/QUOTE]

me too... his american roles have been in some terrible movies. his US movies haven't even sniffed his performances in flicks like "hard-boiled" or "the killer."

Re: X-Men 3 Sucks Ass
 

[QUOTE=itvnetop]me too... his american roles have been in some terrible movies. his US movies haven't even sniffed his performances in flicks like "hard-boiled" or "the killer."[/QUOTE]

I think the only american film he's done that I really liked was the Replacement Killers.

Re: X-Men 3 Sucks Ass
 

[QUOTE=D'BOYZ]Ok I also trully hated X-3 in every X-men movie they did something to change the reallity of the comic story for the sake of making a plot and putting decades of comics together like rogue filling in for jubbelli (don't kanoe how to spell it) place as Wolverine prodige.

But X-3 just crossed the line since when Colosus could use his armor power to protect others????..... they totally neglected the fact that Juggernut is Charles half brother????.... they destroyed the story by killing Jean and Cyclops ( we know charles is alive i nthe head of some nobody), they tryed to make a masssive mutant attack but all I saw was some extras running toward the X-men and armie mand and just die... of like 200 mutants I only saw the powers of like 7.... and what about the mutant with the porking spine powers has anybody seen a lammer power.

What was the point off angel in the movie? they made tons off publicity of him and he lasted 2 min on it.... and what happend with nightcrawler, the story was lame, the plot was lame the use of powers was super lame.... It just sucked[/QUOTE]

I hate to agree with a Cowboys fan, but you make some good points here.