Drunk Tales
 

Hey guys, this thread is just a place where we can all share some of our most memorable inebriated adventures. So chime in if you've got a story or tips and tricks that concern every football fan's second favorite past-time: Drinking beer!

Re: Drunk Tales
 

Damn. Let me find that old thread and I'll put up a link to it. Some of us have some HILARIOUS stories. You might want to ask Gmanc about his legendary beer pong victory this year.

Re: Drunk Tales
 

I tried to search for some old threads because I was certain there had to be one.

Re: Drunk Tales
 

Here's a good one

[URL="http://www.thewarpath.net/showthread.php?t=4475&highlight=college"]College Stories[/URL]

Re: Drunk Tales
 

Ah, maybe that was what I was thinking of...

As far as drunken stories go, I had a pretty good one last night. For those of you who WERE online last night, you knew I was drunk. I ended up going to this Chinese restaraunt I haven't been to in 10 years with a buddy of mine. We were the ONLY people there for about an hour. It was shady as hell. I see the owner walk out of the back with like 10 "suits", all Chinese. I swear that place has mafia ties. There's no way it can stay open. It's like the back of an alley and you REALLY have to try to find it.

Then, the owner's wife ripped a HUGE fart when she walked by us.

Re: Drunk Tales
 

[quote=TheMalcolmConnection]Then, the owner's wife ripped a HUGE fart when she walked by us.[/quote]

I think that's a compliment in China ... j/k ;)

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On a related note, this past sunday night I got drunk on accident. Anybody else ever have this happen to them?

I started with glass of wine around 8:00. It went down really good so I wanted something else to drink. Since the wine was kicked I brought out the bottle of vodka. Big mistake. I mixed up a vodka and cranberry, mixed it pretty stiff, and that went down even better than the wine. At that point I was on autopilot I guess and the reality of it being sunday night, gotta go to work tomorrow went out the window.

I ended up having 3 pint sized vodka and cranberrys, strong ones too. Plus that glass of wine. Around 11pm it just hit me and I was like uh-oh, I'm feeling pretty drunk.

I felt like crap the next day. I didn't mean to get drunk, it just happened.

I remember trying to write posts on here that night and it was taking me forever to spell things right. LOL

:party-smi

Re: Drunk Tales
 

[quote=TheMalcolmConnection]Ah, maybe that was what I was thinking of...

As far as drunken stories go, I had a pretty good one last night. For those of you who WERE online last night, you knew I was drunk. I ended up going to this Chinese restaraunt I haven't been to in 10 years with a buddy of mine. We were the ONLY people there for about an hour. It was shady as hell. I see the owner walk out of the back with like 10 "suits", all Chinese. I swear that place has mafia ties. There's no way it can stay open. It's like the back of an alley and you REALLY have to try to find it.

Then, the owner's wife ripped a HUGE fart when she walked by us.[/quote]tell me you made a big scene when that happened.

Re: Drunk Tales
 

[quote=TheMalcolmConnection]Ah, maybe that was what I was thinking of...

As far as drunken stories go, I had a pretty good one last night. For those of you who WERE online last night, you knew I was drunk. I ended up going to this Chinese restaraunt I haven't been to in 10 years with a buddy of mine. We were the ONLY people there for about an hour. It was shady as hell. I see the owner walk out of the back with like 10 "suits", all Chinese. I swear that place has mafia ties. There's no way it can stay open. It's like the back of an alley and you REALLY have to try to find it.

Then, the owner's wife ripped a HUGE fart when she walked by us.[/quote]

Did you catch a whiff?

Re: Drunk Tales
 

I don't have anything too exciting...

One time, when I was drunk, I fell asleep outside of my apartment on the stairs, and the next thing I know, I woke up in my bed at 7am with all the lights on and about 30 bug bites on just one of my forearms (not exaggerating).

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[quote=gibbsisgod]tell me you made a big scene when that happened.[/quote]

Of course I did, the buddy I was with was hammered as well and we DIED laughing. She like grabbed her asshole and giggled like a nasty Chinese schoolgirl.

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[quote=Mattyk72]Did you catch a whiff?[/quote]lol

Re: Drunk Tales
 

[quote=Mattyk72]Did you catch a whiff?[/quote]

I was so drunk to the point I lost my sense of smell. That happens often.

Re: Drunk Tales
 

[quote=TheMalcolmConnection]Of course I did, the buddy I was with was hammered as well and we DIED laughing. She like grabbed her asshole and giggled like a nasty Chinese schoolgirl.[/quote]a nasty girl who takes it in the can

Re: Drunk Tales
 

[quote=Mattyk72]On a related note, this past sunday night I got drunk on accident. Anybody else ever have this happen to them?

I started with glass of wine around 8:00. It went down really good so I wanted something else to drink. Since the wine was kicked I brought out the bottle of vodka. Big mistake. I mixed up a vodka and cranberry, mixed it pretty stiff, and that went down even better than the wine. At that point I was on autopilot I guess and the reality of it being sunday night, gotta go to work tomorrow went out the window.

I ended up having 3 pint sized vodka and cranberrys, strong ones too. Plus that glass of wine. Around 11pm it just hit me and I was like uh-oh, I'm feeling pretty drunk.

I felt like crap the next day. I didn't mean to get drunk, it just happened.

I remember trying to write posts on here that night and it was taking me forever to spell things right. LOL

:party-smi[/quote]

Yeah, I'm like that all the time though. I can't ever have "just a beer". Fiancee always warns me when I grab a beer from the fridge because she knows I'm going to down 6-7 of them if I start. My drunkeness happened last night on accident though. Fiancee was gone, I was talking on here and to TAFKAS and had to run to the store to get another 6-pack. A 6-pack and two 22oz. later, I was eating Chinese and going to the late show of Superman.

Re: Drunk Tales
 

[quote=gibbsisgod]a nasty girl who takes it in the can[/quote]

If you saw this woman, you'd know how nasty what you just said is.

Re: Drunk Tales
 

Every time I read this thread title, I'm like:

[IMG]http://molotok.ru/imageupload/0/f/7/0f7a3dc9bfd822e54b164c845654b880.gif[/IMG]??

Re: Drunk Tales
 

I was drunk with some friends at a diner back in college. My buddy asked the waitress about something on the menu that had sausage in it (like pasta or something) and she goes "Well, I'm not a big fan of the sausage." Now, I'm terrible at holding in laughter sober and I have a very childish sense of humor, but because I was so smashed I completely lost it. It was one of those situations where I was practically shaking because I was trying so hard to hold it in.
The next day I get to class, and who do I happen to sit next to but the anti-sausage waitress herself!

Re: Drunk Tales
 

AMD and I have been drunk together more than a few times. Now if I could only remember some of those stories...

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[quote=BDBohnzie]AMD and I have been drunk together more than a few times. Now if I could only remember some of those stories...[/quote]

I feel like the last time I was there someone walked out covered in mustard. I don't know if you were there that time, but I feel like you might have been. People were throwing creamer cups and they would explode on impact. Good times had by all, except for the busboys.

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So if she didn't like the sausage, did she like:

[IMG]http://jeffatwood.typepad.com/atwoodzoo/images/tang.gif[/IMG]

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[quote=TheMalcolmConnection]So if she didn't like the sausage, did she like:

[IMG]http://jeffatwood.typepad.com/atwoodzoo/images/tang.gif[/IMG][/quote]tang is good eatin

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I once went to a party in Blacksburg at a friends apartment. It wasn't too big or anything , maybe 25 people. Anyway, I'm drinking a ton of Michelob with two of my buddies, talking about good times and some dude and his buddy show up. This guy is trying to be some sort of super cool California surfer dude that's ready to scarf up some ladies. Well, when I get drunk and feel someone needs to be brought down a knotch or two I get nasty. After suffering through is idiotic "I'm cool" stories I excused myself and asked him if I could get him a beer. He's like "This guy must worship me" and says "yeah, just bring me whatever" in a dismissive way. I get my friend to get a bottle of syrup of Ipecac and we put just a few drops in this guys beer. I walk back to "Zack" (hope you're not reading this) and say here you go. man, "twisting" off the cap of the beer. He downs it and, of course, moments later excuses himself. I think he tried for like 10 minutes outside to not throw up by walking around and what not but he couldn't escape the inevitable. He spent like a half hour in the bathroom. Afterwards, a bunch of guys were giving him crap about puking and not being able to handle drinking beer. He and his buddy left quietly.

I'm a meannie!

Re: Drunk Tales
 

Al Bundy loves it.

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[QUOTE=ArtMonkDrillz]I feel like the last time I was there someone walked out covered in mustard. I don't know if you were there that time, but I feel like you might have been. People were throwing creamer cups and they would explode on impact. Good times had by all, except for the busboys.[/QUOTE]
i don't remember anyone covered in must...oh wait, yeah I kinda remember now. we were in the back corner at the big table, throwing stuff across at each other...drinking Ghettoaid because no one wanted to pay for soda...

Re: Drunk Tales
 

not a great story, but the most i have every had to drink story....
at nyc, we were trying to go clubbing thursday night, and we have no freaking clue where to go or what to do. So we the idea was to pregame, we had alot of 99 apples..i had one deer park bottle for my self, w that stuff...so i drank that all straight...its was atleast 13-14 shots...and the club wasnt open..so we went to a karioke bar(sp) around the corner, best thing ever...but then i had three shots of 151(nasty)....so finally this club opens...its really shady bc they dont card at all, and we are the first ones in, the bartender is giving drinks to my friend who looks like he is 12, and the club is about the size of my living room....we soon found out it was a "house" music club that was really tiny...not really into it, and alot of guys were there, and wierd people too....like there was this one italian mobster looking guy, dancing alone on the middle of the floor, and one drunk black guy was dancing by himself in front of a mirror....so i figured this is a shitty situation, might as well drink more...had 4 red stripe beers, best stuff....by the time i was on the way home i thought our cabbie was a man( she was a women), and i was asking her if she was a man....i was drunk as shit walking around time square....finally went back home, went to eat pizza, and started puking...i basically lay camp by the toliet.....and apparently i made friends with it....i even dubbed it with a name..."toliet 35", dont ask me why i have no idea....apparently i also said..."toliet 35 is a great friend i keep on puking and giving it stuff, but it never gets mad at me and gives anything back..he is great..."...oh yeah and apparently i danced with a gypsie at the club...

Re: Drunk Tales
 

[QUOTE=TheMalcolmConnection]Damn. Let me find that old thread and I'll put up a link to it. Some of us have some HILARIOUS stories. You might want to ask Gmanc about his legendary beer pong victory this year.[/QUOTE]

Ask and you shall recieve....


January: So me and this friend (who turned out to be one of my best friends now) had a relationship based soley around the game of beer pong. Our whole friendship started because he made a shot when we were on teh same team that made these two girls have to kiss, so we were "partners" and then we just stared hanging out from their and became best friends....

Fast forward to May, this kid is graduating, so we throw him a going away party cause he lives in NYC. So we get on the table and say...this is it dude, our last night playing together, we need to go out in style. We went 3-0, lost a game, and then got back on the table about an hour later. We go 7-0 like nothing, 10 cup. The house record was 8 games in a row without a loss. So we are facing....the two girls that had to kiss which started this whole friendship me and the kid had, they are talking all kinds of shit....and backing it up. They are up 7 cups to our 1. So were getting freaking rolled, within 1 of breaking the house record....so I line up...I aim....off her chest...into the party cup ....game over! A guy there goes " Do you belive in miracles...YES!"

I swear to god, I was nearly in tears after I did that. I went nuts. We ended up retiring the house as there was no one left to play after we hit 10 games...

It was awsome.

Re: Drunk Tales
 

Gmanc, that's fantastic. My greatest beer pong moment was much more simple than that.

We were playing on one of the best tables ever; it was a shitty old pool table with a top nailed onto it, so it was perfect size/height/lighting/filth/etc. Anyways, we play the rule that if the cup goes off the table it counts as a made cup (I only mention that because I know some people don't play that way). So we're pretty close to losing and shooting at a diamond formation. I send a line drive shot right into the back cup, with a little force behind it. The ball starts the fast spin and the cup starts to shake. Next thing I know the cup is going off the back of the table, BUT, the ball is spinning so fast that it's actually rising. Finally, at the last possible second before the cup is off the table the ball pops out and somehow ends up in one of the middle cups.
Everyone was so amazed at my (lucky) shot that they demand I get my ball back as if my partner also made his. We ended up winning the game, but unfortunately no girls started making out.

Shit, who's up for some beer pong right now?

Re: Drunk Tales
 

this is not a good drunk tale for me but i still find it amusing so here ya go

When i was 18, i worked with a guy who was the lead singer in a band. the band sucked but i got to go with him to the bars in the tristate area and since i was with the band nobody ever carded me.

this band was playing a gig at this redneck bar in the middle of the woods in berkely springs west virginia. when i say middle of the woods i mean like deliverence.this place was only like 30 miles from where i lived but it ttok me like an hour to get there cause it was in such a unpopulated area.

after the bands first set, somebody working for the bar started a raffle. now being that this is redneck country they raffled off BACON. thats right , ten pounds of bacon. i was sitting at a table with some coworkers drinkin pretty heavy so i bought a ticket. as soon as they sold all of the tickets they drew a # and sure enough, i was the winner. i stood up and announced, " hey, thats my number". as soon as i did a woman came up to me and said, "I'll take care of that for ya honey!" so i kept drinkin.

at the end of the second set the band took another break and they started another raffle. and just what were they raffling off this time? you guessed it, 10 more pounds of bacon. they guy asked me if i wanted a ticket and i said, that i hadn't even gotten my first box of bacon. he looked at me like i was crazy and said, "You didn't win, that lady over there won" and he pointed to where that lady had been sitting but she was already gone.

that bitch played me like a fiddle. i assumed she worked for the bar when in fact she just stole my bacon. true story folks.

Re: Drunk Tales
 

i have been streaking a bunch of times drunk. and once sober....but then i also go to UVa...its kinda what we do lol

Re: Drunk Tales
 

That's rough, you'd have been swimming in BLT's, one of the greatest drunk foods ever.

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[quote=hooskins]i have been streaking a bunch of times drunk. and once sober....but then i also go to UVa...its kinda what we do lol[/quote]

One of my friends kept getting his ass kicked in a drinking game back in college so he eventually had to streak around our entire townhouse complex while scream the "Airbourne Ranger song." Thank God it was dark out.

Now I need to save a couple of posts, so I might be absent til the morning.

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the only problem was i ws living in an efficiency apartment with one of those mini fridges. i couldnt even fit 1 pound of bacon in my fridge. it wouldnt even fit a 20 oz soda in it without laying it down. those were some rough times and i neede the food.

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[quote=hooskins]i have been streaking a bunch of times drunk. and once sober....but then i also go to UVa...its kinda what we do lol[/quote]

Do you go through the quad and into the gymnasium?

Re: Drunk Tales
 

[quote=ArtMonkDrillz]One of my friends kept getting his ass kicked in a drinking game back in college so he eventually had to streak around our entire townhouse complex while scream the "Airbourne Ranger song." Thank God it was dark out.

Now I need to save a couple of posts, so I might be absent til the morning.[/quote]

ah the good ol' naked run...its great when you are playing agaisnt girls and they gotta do that....

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[quote=hooskins]ah the good ol' naked run...its great when you are playing agaisnt girls and they gotta do that....[/quote]

At school these two girls kept trying to distract their opponents in beer pong by flashing everyone. The problem was, they were extremely flat and had the bodies of 11 year olds. So instead of everyone saying "wow, those girls are showing their tits" they were saying "Oh my God, we're all going to get arrested for looking at little girls' tits!" Classic

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I got drunk at another party in Blacksburg and had a friend drive me back to Roanoke. At a rest stop (Ironto) I told my friend to pull over cause I had to puke. He, being the funny guy, pulls into a well lit spot about a hundred yards walk to the nearest building, bush, tree or anything that I could use as "cover" for my hurling activities. I finally make it behind the restroom building and puke. We get back into the car and continue on. Around mile marker 148 there is a truck weigh scale station. I gotta puke again and tell my friend to pull over. He's says "Man, we're only a couple of miles from your house". I said "it's your car, dude". He immediately pulls over on the side of I-81 right in front of the weigh station (run by the Virginia state law enforcement). I get out and hurl. It's about 4am, I'm tired, drunk and just need to go to sleep. So I did. Right there on the cool, dewey grass by the weigh station until I'm woken up by a super bright light fixed on my face. Yup, a state trooper witnessed the whole thing, walked across the scales and gave me all kinds of shit. I think he thought I was alone and driving at first. I can't remember what I said (or did) but he let me off and told my friend to get me home.

Anticlimatic, I know but I'm saving some crazy ones for later in this thread.

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[quote=724Skinsfan]Do you go through the quad and into the gymnasium?[/quote]

hahaa..no actually through the "lawn", its a long run, and it levels down at sharp points, so its can be a challenge when intoxicated, plus some people live right off the lawn...its really hard to get housing there, you have to be top in the class, alotta extra activities, etc.....those lawnies, shine spotlights at times to give streakers shit, so its kinda a overall challenge, but its alot of fun...basically from thursday night to saturday night, 11pm till 2-3 am, you will see streakers on the lawn, funny thing is cops usually dont care...

Re: Drunk Tales
 

[quote=724Skinsfan]I got drunk at another party in Blacksburg and had a friend drive me back to Roanoke. At a rest stop (Ironto) I told my friend to pull over cause I had to puke. He, being the funny guy, pulls into a well lit spot about a hundred yards walk to the nearest building, bush, tree or anything that I could use as "cover" for my hurling activities. I finally make it behind the restroom building and puke. We get back into the car and continue on. Around mile marker 148 there is a truck weigh scale station. I gotta puke again and tell my friend to pull over. He's says "Man, we're only a couple of miles from your house". I said "it's your car, dude". He immediately pulls over on the side of I-81 right in front of the weigh station (run by the Virginia state law enforcement). I get out and hurl. It's about 4am, I'm tired, drunk and just need to go to sleep. So I did. Right there on the cool, dewey grass by the weigh station until I'm woken up by a super bright light fixed on my face. Yup, a state trooper witnessed the whole thing, walked across the scales and gave me all kinds of shit. I think he thought I was alone and driving at first. I can't remember what I said (or did) but he let me off and told my friend to get me home.

Anticlimatic, I know but I'm saving some crazy ones for later in this thread.[/quote]thats a good one. all these stories are bringing back so many memories of my own drunken escapades.

Re: Drunk Tales
 

[quote=724Skinsfan]I got drunk at another party in Blacksburg and had a friend drive me back to Roanoke. At a rest stop (Ironto) I told my friend to pull over cause I had to puke. He, being the funny guy, pulls into a well lit spot about a hundred yards walk to the nearest building, bush, tree or anything that I could use as "cover" for my hurling activities. I finally make it behind the restroom building and puke. We get back into the car and continue on. Around mile marker 148 there is a truck weigh scale station. I gotta puke again and tell my friend to pull over. He's says "Man, we're only a couple of miles from your house". I said "it's your car, dude". He immediately pulls over on the side of I-81 right in front of the weigh station (run by the Virginia state law enforcement). I get out and hurl. It's about 4am, I'm tired, drunk and just need to go to sleep. So I did. Right there on the cool, dewey grass by the weigh station until I'm woken up by a super bright light fixed on my face. Yup, a state trooper witnessed the whole thing, walked across the scales and gave me all kinds of shit. I think he thought I was alone and driving at first. I can't remember what I said (or did) but he let me off and told my friend to get me home.

Anticlimatic, I know but I'm saving some crazy ones for later in this thread.[/quote]

ok so this may not count bc i wasnt that drunk, but crazy story anyways....back in 11th grade, i got F-ed over and had to be DD, bc my buds have had my back for a while and had DDed for me a bunch of times...we pregamed, and decided to do cool high school thing...TP...so we are out in Clifton, by old town, dont know if anyone is familiar with the area, but the houses are huge, like 1.5 mil+, so a couple of our friends live their we go TP, do our thing, im driving bc im pretty much sober....then it gets boring so we go to street signs, we get the tradition "SLOW CHILDREN PLAYING", and then we decide to be cool and steal the Compton Road sign...FYI people taking down road signs are hard as hell, so we finally get it down, and take off the street sign part, and put it in my car...as we are driving back we see this car pulled over on the side, and 5 hot ass girls trying to fix their car, so we had to pull over and help those poor chicks...at this place the road is wooded, single lane, and winding....the girls are trying to make their seat fall down so they can sleep in the car bc they got kicked out of a party bc of some guys parents, and they had a beer bong in the back...things are going good, we are making our connections....and then the blue and red start flashing....mind you at this point in time, we have a slow children sign, compton road sign, TP, and some of the guys have flasks on them, plus those girls had a beer bong....as soon as my friend sees the cops from a far, he throws his flask into the woods......he goes to the cops and tells him that we are helping these girls blah blah, and the cops are still really suspicious, so they ask the girls, are we harming them, and all that, but luckily they get our back, and say we are helping them...during this time, me and my bud are standing by the car, somewhat hiding the view of the car's interior where all this stuff was...eventually the cops let us go, and tell us we shouldnt be out this late....we would have been screwed seening everyone was underage, i had over the max passangers in the car(i was 17), it was past the official curfew for my age, and it was my car with all that stuff in it.....after he left we spent 15 anxious mins, and find our buds flask and leave