F awkward moments as a child
 

Inspired by the Vick vs. Campbell thread....

Didn't you hate it when you were alone in the car with a relative that you see once every five years. There always like "soooo, your in 7th grade now, hows that going?"... (Then the monotone noise of tires in contact with the pavement along with occasional winshield wipe fills the painfull gap between responses)...

How about when your at your best buddies house and his parents pull the "Nicholas, can we talk for a minute" and your left there wondering what the hell is going on (and usually why his house smells like organic food and cat pee). An argument usually follows, and you have to go back home like 5 minutes after you got there.

F that...

Re: F awkward moments as a child
 

How about when your parents try to have "the talk" with you?

Here's how my pops handled it, he went out and rented an educational video on the topic and told my brother and I to watch it. We just laughed and said whatever Dad, we already know about that stuff.

Re: F awkward moments as a child
 

I never, NEVER talked to my mom about sex. Except for the time I told her I wasn't a virgin and I was like 19 (I was a 5 year vet) at the time and she almost had a freaking stroke ! So you fast forward 10 years and I'm married. My mother has a dream about fish and now wants to talk about sex with me now. That was an awkward moment to say the least.

Re: F awkward moments as a child
 

[QUOTE=Mattyk72;252818]How about when your parents try to have "the talk" with you?

Here's how my pops handled it, he went out and rented an educational video on the topic and told my brother and I to watch it. We just laughed and said whatever Dad, we already know about that stuff.[/QUOTE]

Damn, my pops did the same thing!

My mom had a different approach. Her exact words. "Listen, you want to spend some time with a girl. You know, and you want your privacy your father and I understand that. Just check in to a hotel room for a night...but be sure to charge it to the family credit card so I can get frequent flyer miles"

Re: F awkward moments as a child
 

My mom went back to college to become a nurse when I was in grade school. When it came time for us to learn about sex ed in school (I think it was in 5th grade or something) she decided she didn't want me to go into class knowing nothing, so she broke out her medical text books. That stuff scared the crap out of me.

ON a different note, I used to hate getting dragged to weddings for people I didn't really know, and I have a huge family so it happened a lot. First off, you felt uncomfortable in your dress clothes, then you had to sit there quietly (they were usually Catholic services no less), and then your parents would get drunk and act all "weird." Maybe no one else had to experience that kind of thing, but I hated it.

Re: F awkward moments as a child
 

[quote=TAFKAS;252822]Damn, my pops did the same thing!

My mom had a different approach. Her exact words. "Listen, you want to spend some time with a girl. You know, and you want your privacy your father and I understand that. Just check in to a hotel room for a night...but be sure to charge it to the family credit card so I can get frequent flyer miles"[/quote]
My dad asked me if I knew what rubbers were back when I was like 11...

I responded with "They're what you and mom use when you put your dresser in front of the door so we can't get in"...

He died laughing and realized "the talk" probably wasn't necessary.

Re: F awkward moments as a child
 

I remember in 6th grade they divided up the boys and girls and showed us a movie, god was it horrible. I remember being freaked out when I learned what a period was.

Re: F awkward moments as a child
 

My Dad's the talk was short and sweet - he gave it to me over lunch when I worked in his shop (he was a self-employed cabinet maker). I was 14 at the time.

Dad: I assume you know where babies come from. Got any questions about sex?
Me: ummmmm, no?
Dad: Good. Only thing you need to know is that, if you get a girl pregnant - you WILL be supporting that child until it is 18. Got it?
Me: ummmm, yes.
Dad: Good. No get back to work.

Ahhh Dad - I learned all my people skills from that man.

Re: F awkward moments as a child
 

[quote=Mattyk72;252818]How about when your parents try to have "the talk" with you?

Here's how my pops handled it, he went out and rented an educational video on the topic and told my brother and I to watch it. We just laughed and said whatever Dad, we already know about that stuff.[/quote]

Porn is NOT an educational video. Except in some circles.

Seriously though, my mom actually put my stepdad up to it and he comes into my room after I first started dating my (now fiancee) girlfriend. He hands me a box of condoms and says, "If you're gonna' start having sex, use these." That's it.

One year after my innocence is lost, my REAL dad finds a wrapper in the toilet after a session and says, "I know you're having sex and thank God you're being responsible."

Re: F awkward moments as a child
 

The most truly awkward moments I had were really divorce-releated. Not hilarious at all and I'm sure those people who were in the situation can relate. It was rumor and probably fact that my Dad cheated and married who is now my stepmother.

Basically, it was a huge shit-storm where my parents hated each other for years. There were constant child-support custody battles and I always remember my dad pulling up at the bottom of my driveway for his weekend visits. Sometimes my brother wouldn't come and he'd actually shed a tear thinking that my mom had corrupted him and made him lose my bro.

NOW my bro is a father to a 16 year old girls baby. Who's laughing now beyotch?!

Re: F awkward moments as a child
 

I never had "the talk". I gathered knowledge through painfully slow increments (playboy, skin-a-max). Most of my theories and hypothesis' were dispelled in 8th grade Sex Ed.

Re: F awkward moments as a child
 

HA. Oh man, I so remember the early days of sexuality and porn. I remember back in middle school when we'd basically trade our souls to get a Playboy. It was almost like a black market in middle/high school when it came to porn.

Re: F awkward moments as a child
 

I never had the talk with my folks either. I guess they figured I knew what I needed to know from school...and when they'd randomly find my Dad's Playboys in my room.

Re: F awkward moments as a child
 

Was anyone else weird about how they put those Playboys back? I'd make sure they were in the same position, turned the SAME way each time I'd put them back.

Re: F awkward moments as a child
 

[quote=TheMalcolmConnection;252860]The most truly awkward moments I had were really divorce-releated. Not hilarious at all and I'm sure those people who were in the situation can relate. It was rumor and probably fact that my Dad cheated and married who is now my stepmother.

Basically, it was a huge shit-storm where my parents hated each other for years. There were constant child-support custody battles and I always remember my dad pulling up at the bottom of my driveway for his weekend visits. Sometimes my brother wouldn't come and he'd actually shed a tear thinking that my mom had corrupted him and made him lose my bro.

NOW my bro is a father to a 16 year old girls baby. Who's laughing now beyotch?![/quote]


Sort of the same situation with me. My dad took off with our neighborhood babysitter. When people would ask me who my dad remarried, I'd say the name and they would be like "Oh, wasn't she your...oh ...ok... umm...well...how are you doing?"

Re: F awkward moments as a child
 

I thought this thread was going to be about your manhood getting caught in your pants' zipper and having someone else help you with getting it "unstuck."

Re: F awkward moments as a child
 

[quote=Mattyk72;252829]I remember in 6th grade they divided up the boys and girls and showed us a movie, god was it horrible. I remember being freaked out when I learned what a period was.[/quote]

i remember that day like it was yesterday. my teacher made us tally the number of times that we laughed, i was a bad kid to say the least. i laughed like there was no tomarrow and the teacher was like 'don't be so immature'
i was like 7 or 8 and he is telling me to be more mature? come off it.

so i was like 'suck it teach' jk what i should of said though

Re: F awkward moments as a child
 

In high school they actually showed us an "X-Ray video" of a man "finishing" inside a woman.

They might as well have shown us porn. What would THAT teach us?

Re: F awkward moments as a child
 

[quote=TheMalcolmConnection;252887]In high school they actually showed us an "X-Ray video" of a man "finishing" inside a woman.

They might as well have shown us porn. What would THAT teach us?[/quote]

i saw the exact same thing. was that the one that they showed the pregnancy too?

that was the grossiest thing i have ever seen, all hairy and gross. birth is beautiful but gross

Re: F awkward moments as a child
 

I never got "the talk" from my parents and even though I didn't need it I thought it would be funny to see how they handled it. I sometimes wonder why they didn't tell me. Did they think I'd never be in a situation where I'd have sex? or did they even know what the hell was going on down there? me and my 3 siblings just came from some damn stork.

Re: F awkward moments as a child
 

f awkward moments with your first.

Re: F awkward moments as a child
 

[QUOTE=dall-assblows;252908]f awkward moments with your first.[/QUOTE]

I need to get my eyes checked. I thought that you wrote "awkward moments with your fist"

Re: F awkward moments as a child
 

[quote=TAFKAS;252917]I need to get my eyes checked. I thought that you wrote "awkward moments with your fist"[/quote]

might i suggest that eye surgery that they do.

lol yea that would of been pretty wierd

Re: F awkward moments as a child
 

[QUOTE=saden1;252877]I thought this thread was going to be about your manhood getting caught in your pants' zipper and having someone else help you with getting it "unstuck."[/QUOTE]

Beans and Franks!!

Re: F awkward moments as a child
 

[QUOTE=TheMalcolmConnection;252869]Was anyone else weird about how they put those Playboys back? I'd make sure they were in the same position, turned the SAME way each time I'd put them back.[/QUOTE]

I never really had any awkward moments as a kid. I mean my parents were buying me Playboys when I was 12 and offering me beer when I was 14.

Re: F awkward moments as a child
 

i bought playboys from the gas station, the cashier didn't even care. he was the coolest gas station employee EVA!!!

Re: F awkward moments as a child
 

what he told me while i was buying it was "i was your age too"

i thought that was kind of creepy............

Re: F awkward moments as a child
 

I had a real awkward one, I was ten and a half. My friends and I brought the neighborhood freak home to my house after school. We started to play spin the bottle, and bam she was completely naked before the bottle even finished spinning (exaggeration but it was pretty damn quick). Any ways that’s when my best friend and I decided that it was time for our other friends to leave. So its my best friend and I and the freak, we start messing around, just kids stuff really, and then I have the bright idea of grabbing the rolling pin, I was using the handle (not the whole thing mind you) on the downstairs of the girl, my friend is rubbing her chest, when we both hear a Mmmmmmmmmmmm MMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! I turn around and my mom is standing there. Holy shit! We all ran out of the house, I was sooo afraid to go home, when I finally did, she didn’t say a word to me about it, but kept giving me that disappointed look. Which sucks even more than being punished. But looking back it was one of the funniest and awkward moments. And I had to pay for a new rolling pin.

Re: F awkward moments as a child
 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Thanks the most hilarious story ever. LOL

That sounds like one of the pop-ups some of my users get on their computers.

Re: F awkward moments as a child
 

omg, thats the funniest thing i've ever heard....

my mom was def. the type to ignore anything that was way over the wall...

i would just come home expecting some ridiculous talk... but she would just give me that dreadfull look.... and i would go about my buisness

Re: F awkward moments as a child
 

[quote=Stacks42;252950]I had a real awkward one, I was ten and a half. My friends and I brought the [B]neighborhood freak[/B] home to my house after school. We started to play spin the bottle, and bam she was completely naked before the bottle even finished spinning (exaggeration but it was pretty damn quick). Any ways that’s when my best friend and I decided that it was time for our other friends to leave. So its my best friend and I and the freak, we start messing around, just kids stuff really, and then I have the bright idea of grabbing the rolling pin, I was using the handle (not the whole thing mind you) on the downstairs of the girl, my friend is rubbing her chest, when we both hear a Mmmmmmmmmmmm MMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! I turn around and my mom is standing there. Holy shit! We all ran out of the house, I was sooo afraid to go home, when I finally did, she didn’t say a word to me about it, but kept giving me that disappointed look. Which sucks even more than being punished. But looking back it was one of the funniest and awkward moments. And I had to pay for a new rolling pin.[/quote]

all neighborhoods have one!