The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

[url=http://finance.yahoo.com/career-work/article/108433/the-most-painfully-annoying-business-jargon?mod=career-leadership]the-most-painfully-annoying-business-jargon: Personal Finance News from Yahoo! Finance[/url]

I can't stand "touching base"

Re: The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

Drill down is one of my worst.


A non word but more of a business gesture is nodding in meetings. Try to go to a meeting and not nod in it, nearly impossible.

Re: The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

letters i get (and have to send out) starting with "this letter is to memoralize our conversation earlier today that ......".

im an attorney so any time i have a conversation with another attorney i then have to write this damn letter summarizing what we talked about.

i guess it brings up another really annoying phrase called C.Y.A. or cover your ass.

Re: The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

Anytime an off-topic subject comes up in a meeting, someone will always say "We'll talk about that more off-line". Off-line? I didn't realize we were on-line!

"Low hanging fruit" makes me want to jump out a window.

Re: The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

Six Sigma always drove me nuts during operations management and statistics.

Re: The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

[quote=Mattyk;643386]Anytime an off-topic subject comes up in a meeting, someone will always say "We'll talk about that more off-line". Off-line? I didn't realize we were on-line!

[B]"Low hanging fruit[/B]" makes me want to jump out a window.[/quote]
sounds like a problem i have on a hot summer day

Re: The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

[quote=dmek25;643391]sounds like a problem i have on a hot summer day[/quote]
Switch from boxer to briefs.

Re: The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

[quote=Dirtbag359;643387]Six Sigma always drove me nuts during operations management and statistics.[/quote]

Ugh I hear you there. I hated Operations Mgmt. I was lucky to have a good prof who kept things interesting, but man the material in that class was a bore.

Re: The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

[quote=dmek25;643391]sounds like a problem i have on a hot summer day[/quote]

zing

Re: The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

[quote=Dirtbag359;643387][B]Six Sigma[/B] always drove me nuts during operations management and statistics.[/quote]


I hate this process/group! HATE THEM!

We have no idea what you do, so lets watch you for a week and then after a week we will tell you exactly how you can do your job more efficent.

Yeah right I have been doing my job forever and in a week of watching me you are going to tell me how to do it quicker.

In the history of the work force most people over time of doing the same job day in and day out figure out the most efficent way to do it, SO THEY HAVE LESS WORK TO DO.

Re: The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

Refactor Later...in other words don't spend time now getting the design right.

Re: The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

Our company has an Acronym for everything they do and I have no clue what 99% of them stand for and always have to stop someone using one so they can teel me what the hell thay are talking about.

Re: The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

Hey Matty, let's take this discussion off-line. I think we can leverage our assets and develop a holistic approach to maximize our synergy efforts across multiple platforms. I'll want to loop in the other mods as well. Then we can circle back with the group. This might be a tough putt but let's not trip over midgets here. We'll have to true up the results with our projections.

Re: The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

[quote=firstdown;643426]Our company has an Acronym for everything they do and I have no clue what 99% of them stand for and always have to stop someone using one so they can teel me what the hell thay are talking about.[/quote]

Maybe they did it to help poor spellers

Re: The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

[quote=SmootSmack;643429]Hey Matty, let's take this discussion off-line. I think we can leverage our assets and develop a holistic approach to maximize our synergy efforts across multiple platforms. I'll want to loop in the other mods as well. Then we can circle back with the group. This might be a tough putt but let's not trip over midgets here. We'll have to true up the results with our projections.[/quote]

Can I talk to your supervisor?

Re: The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

How about every "report" being dubbed a "matrix"

Re: The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

[quote=firstdown;643426]Our company has an Acronym for everything they do and I have no clue what 99% of them stand for and always have to stop someone using one so they can teel me what the hell thay are talking about.[/quote]

Oh you must work for the US Army I am hand a full three ring binder every year. Got to love them!

Re: The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

Or how about any small talk? People ask if you have any plans for the weekend. Yeah I do, I am not gonna be around you.

Re: The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

TPS Reports.

Re: The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

[quote=Gmanc711;643432]Can I talk to your supervisor?[/quote]

LOL. My current supervisor actually doesn't talk this way. Everything for him is in terms of a football game

Re: The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

.............right?

Re: The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

haha yeah our boss says stuff about it being the 4th quarter(not fiscal) and we need to step it up to pull out a win...lol :doh:

Re: The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

[quote=hooskins;643451]haha yeah our boss says stuff about it being the 4th quarter(not fiscal) and we need to step it up to pull out a win...lol :doh:[/quote]

LOL. Sort of.

You're moving the ball downfield, getting those first downs, but let's get some more points on the scoreboard. Let's turn some of those first downs into touchdowns.

Don't try to take this project on on your own. Follow your lead blockers

Re: The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

hahaaa, follow your lead blockers got me lol'ing

Re: The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

[quote=SmootSmack;643431]Maybe they did it to help poor spellers[/quote]
People I work for don't know how bad I spell. I'm a closet misspeller.

Re: The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

Ok I pick up my cell to call home and the office phone starts to ring so I hang up and pick up the office phone but no one is there. This happens 3 times and I start getting ticked that someone keeps hanging up on me when I realize I'm calling the office number and not my house hanging up on myself.

Re: The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

Catch twenty-two.

It's an all-around term but my department just LOVES to use that constantly, sometimes 2-3 times in the same sentence.

Re: The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

Oh, and the head of my department says, "If you want to maintain your salary-retention program... HARHARHAR."

For those who don't get that, he means your job.

What kind of douche says stuff like that?

Re: The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

[quote=firstdown;643465]Ok I pick up my cell to call home and the office phone starts to ring so I hang up and pick up the office phone but no one is there. This happens 3 times and I start getting ticked that someone keeps hanging up on me when I realize I'm calling the office number and not my house hanging up on myself.[/quote]

This is one of the funniest things I've ever read on TWP. Good work. lol

Re: The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

The whole "Lean Manufacturing" idea can lick my nuts.

Re: The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

[quote=over the mountain;643384]i guess it brings up another really annoying phrase called C.Y.A. or cover your ass.[/quote]

I pretty much shudder when I hear "draft a CYA memo, will ya?" I hate the acronym and drafting CYA memos makes me feel like a total sleezeball.

Re: The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

The word "synergy." Synergize this.

Re: The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

synergy, etc

Re: The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

[quote=SmootSmack;643440]LOL. My current supervisor actually doesn't talk this way. Everything for him is in terms of a football game[/quote]

Ugh I had a manager like that once.

"Ok who's going to QB this project?"

"We need a clean handoff on this, no fumbling allowed"

Re: The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

"SOL" rubs me wrong too

Re: The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

Organic. I want this to be a truly "Organic Process," i.e. make shit up as you go along...

Re: The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

[quote=BleedBurgundy;644586]Organic. I want this to be a truly "Organic Process," i.e. make shit up as you go along...[/quote]

I use that but when referring to something specific such as "organic traffic" (when referring to how people get to your website, etc)

Business Jargon Generator
 

[url=http://www.mwls.co.uk/jargon.htm]Business Jargon Generator[/url]
Sexual Harassment Problems - Strategic, team-based culture

We're being sued: Pro-active, team-based paradigm

Drunk at the Christmas Party: Totally, enhanced culture

Asset Misappropriation (A form of fraud usually involving paying money to a dummy company you set up for yourself for goods that don't exist): Digital, integrated competence

Office Gossip: Radical, focused solution

New Filing System: Harmonized, relational competence

New hot piece of ass: Lifetime, integrated simulation

Re: The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

I'm trying to bring pwnage into my office. Damn I just pwned that client! I totally pwned that conference call.

Re: The Most Painfully Annoying Business Jargon
 

[quote=Mattyk;740582]I'm trying to bring pwnage into my office. Damn I just pwned that client! I totally pwned that conference call.[/quote]

How is that a win-win for you and the client? You'd be better served integrating a team based, holistic approach to client engagement. Remember we need to stay in lockstep with our competitors who are currently acquiring all of the low hanging fruit. Filter your leads into prospects and integrate them into our customer base. We need to make better use of our human capital and go green. Think over what I have said and then we'll touch base at Charlie's Topless Bar.