Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

So this thread is really for all the fathers out there. My wife and I are that point when we feel we want to look to start a family in the next year or so.

On the one hand, we feel ready. We both have good careers, we're in good (not spectacular) financial shape.

On the other hand, we don't have any immediate family near us, we don't know what a baby will mean to our finances and our careers, and we know our lives will forever change.

Sometimes we feel like we'll always find an excuse not to be ready.

So for all the dads out there, how did you know you were ready? (If you knew). I mean the thought of it is so overwhelming, how do you adjust your mentality to the idea of being responsible for a brand new human being?

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

This is easy to answer. You figure why you'll be in better shape in 1,2,3,4,5 years rather now. You probably won't be. It will never ever seem like a perfect time. If you look at it like a football game where you have to carve out time to get to the stadium and park, then tailgate and get into the stadium, then watch the game and get back out and drive home. Then well you're crazy. Because having kids isn't a finite effort like that. It is both way more work than you can imagine but not nearly as hard. But having kids is by its nature not something that fits your current lifestyle in any way whatsoever. Most people can intellectually grasp that but until they experience it they really have no idea.

So logistically you make it work. The first five years with a kid is a constantly changing set of needs and therefore the logistics are impossible to predict and/or describe. What you will certainly face though is this: you no longer live your life for yourself and your wife. Everything you do...EVERYTHIING now gets filtered through the prism of your child's life. Before you could have regular old fun. You could drop everything and go on a 3 day vacay somewhere. Hit a bar with friends every couple of weeks, have a nice dinner with your wife. All things you do without much thought. They just happen With a kid that stuff doesn't happen the same way. It takes planning and it happens a lot less often. A lot of people look at it like their lives become less fun. I like to look at it like I replaced that fun stuff with more meaningful stuff. Yeah maybe sitting at home and taking the 10:00pm-2:00am shift with the newborn is a killer and makes you wonder what happened in your life but eventually the kid will sleep through the night and ever other day the kid will do something that almost makes you cry.

To me if you're wondering if its a good enough time...then its a good enough time. Only when you KNOW it isn't time is when it really isn't the right time.

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

We're going through this same process right now, SS. Pretty much the same situation applies, we're in overall good shape but how do you know it's the right time... I always said I'd wait til I was 30... and now i'm 30. (time flies.)

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

I had my son 10 months ago. At 44 years old, I never thought I'd be a dad but if you want to hear God laugh, make plans.
It is the most rewarding experience I have ever had and the great thing is, it keeps getting better. The old ways of "fun" waned years ago. I have so much fun with my family now, it makes everything in the past seem very cliche, blase and meaningless. New feelings and emotions come up daily and all are welcome and fantastic. Don't let fear of financial insecurity or anything else stop you from experiencing this NOW. I wish I hadn't waited so long and wish we could have more, but that won't happen.
Being a Dad is the richest, most excellent, most overwhelming thing I have ever done and the good news is that grows and grows.
Go for it!!! You will never regret it.

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

[quote=SmootSmack;726711]So this thread is really for all the fathers out there. My wife and I are that point when we feel we want to look to start a family in the next year or so.

On the one hand, we feel ready. We both have good careers, we're in good (not spectacular) financial shape.

On the other hand, we don't have any immediate family near us, we don't know what a baby will mean to our finances and our careers, and we know our lives will forever change.

Sometimes we feel like we'll always find an excuse not to be ready.

So for all the dads out there, how did you know you were ready? (If you knew). I mean the thought of it is so overwhelming, how do you adjust your mentality to the idea of being responsible for a brand new human being?[/quote]

Good thread. I'm not a Dad, but I certainly plan on being one in the not too distant future. Hopefully I'm not hijacking by posting my thoughts!!

I know my wife and I aren't quite ready, although we could both handle it if she got pregnant. I just turned 32 and she's 28. We're thinking that about 2 years from now will be the perfect time. She just got a nice promotion, and my career is going very well too. We have been building a nice nest egg, and are looking to buy a house next summer. So ideally we'd like to keep the pedal to metal work-wise and continue to stack as much money as possible, get the house, and then maybe start trying in middle of 2012.

For us, it's not the mental aspect. I know I can be a good father, and mentally I think I've been up to the task since I was probably 27 or 28 years old. If I had to guess, my wife will be a great mom. The care-taking aspect certainly won't be lacking. Also, I have lots of family and close family friends in the area. My mom is practically Mary friggin Poppins, so the fact that we know my family can help is huge. Shit, I'm 11 weeks removed from my wedding and my mom is already dropping hints left and right about popping out little ones.

Our roadblock right now so to speak is more of our life situation. We just got married 3 months ago (although we've been together a little more than 7 years). We're not in our early 20's anymore, but we feel like we're young enough to where we can spend a little more time saving, furthering our careers, and getting a house suitable for raising a family.

Not that you have to do all these things to be good parents, but the amount of money I figure we can sock away over the next few years coupled with the house, and we're setting ourselves up for the best possible situation for parenthood relative to our lives.

So I guess long story short, mentally I'm ready to be a Dad, but lifestyle-wise, I'd prefer to wait about two years before little GMScud's start roaming the earth.

Good luck SS!!

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

I'm ready to be a dad, the question is "is she ready to leave her job to raise the child?" I hear these things don't feed and clean themselves.

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

You mean kids aren't always accidents? I'm 27 and my wife is 23 and we've yet to take that step. I've always wanted to have a nice house and been financially stable before having children. Now that we're at that point I find myself too selfish and don't want to give up my money and time. So for now we're gonna wait at least 3-5 more years and I'll just borrow family members kids for the time being. I'm definitely gonna keep an eye on this thread though. Good luck with your decision SS.

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

I've mentioned before, I have two girls, one almost 4 and the other 13 months. I was 27 when my first was born, and she was an accident. We had planned for basically Scud's exact plan, age 30 for the first.

But the funny thing is, you will never feel completely ready, but you've been ready all along.

There's no mental adjustment that you need to go through. As soon as you hold the child for the first time, a switch will turn on. Suddenly you'll just feel it, everything you do will be with that child in mind, and that thought process will be effortless.

The workload of course is not effortless. Don't be scared of it, you can handle it, but know that it's a lot. Shop for car seats and cribs, paint the nursery, middle of the night feedings, diaper changes, pediatrician trips, scheduling your entire day around the nap schedule, etc.

But the nerves you feel about the idea stem from the unknown. You've simply never cared for an infant before, that's why you feel you're not ready. But you'd be amazed how fast you pick it up. I did not consider myself ready when we had our first, but I'm so glad we did. In a very short time my wife and I felt comfortable and at ease in caring for her.

There will be rough times, you and your wife will be tired and you'll get on each other's nerves and you'll feel stressed at times. Try to recognize the stress as simply a symptom of feeling your way through a new process, and do your best to treat each other with respect. You need each other.

There are things I miss about not having kids. Ability to travel on vacations, ability to spontaneously decide to go catch a ballgame or a movie, etc. But that's replaced by watching the kids play on the beach or in the pool, and it sounds corny, but you'll see how great that is. And besides, having the kids early may cramp your freedom now, but your 50s should be a good time for travel. I'm not sure what's worse, losing your entire 20s to raising children, or going straight from raising children right into retirement.

But I can just tell, SS. You've got your act together, you will be 100% fine, and you will love being a father. When you do have your first it will click for you. You may not feel ready now, but you are, it's obvious to me. Trust yourself and your wife, you will handle it wonderfully and enjoy all the labor that goes into it.

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

[quote=saden1;726792]I'm ready to be a dad, the question is "is she ready to leave her job to raise the child?" I hear these things don't feed and clean themselves.[/quote]

We did daycare when we just had 1 child, and when the second came along my wife became a permanent stay at home mom.

You want to pick your daycare carefully of course, but ours was wonderful. Our oldest is very well adjusted socially from being around so many children, and has a nice head start on ABCs, writing, taking instructions, and basic math.

Now with the second, my wife gets to enjoy all the moments and shape her development herself. Both ways work just fine. Having a mom at home definitely takes a load off when it comes to managing housework, that's the big advantage. Weekends can actually consist of quality time together.

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

To say I was ready to be dad would be a lie. My relationship with my wife is much like GM as far as length of time together before marriage but shortly after being married we my wife became preggo.

The first year was very long and if both parents are working it gets even harder.

In the end it is very worth it and a love him a ton and would not change anything but to say it has been a golden brick journey would be lie.

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

I will keep this short and sweet. I have 4 kids.

1. You will never be ready, but once you have them you will never regret it.

2. No matter how much advice we give you on parenting or trying to prepare you, you are going to figure way more out on your own. Every child, situation, and family unit is different.

3. Good luck and have fun makin em!

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

If you wait til everything is perfect you'll be waiting the rest of your life. It'll never be. So, the answer is, you never know, you've just got to go for it. You'll be ready, you'll have to be ready.

BTW...expecting our 3rd now.

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

Schneed and Angry said it very well. Too much good advice already given for me to add much - So I'll just reiterate what they have said.

You're ready (SS - I can tell, you will have a blast being a Dad, really!!). Even if you think you're not - you're ready. Don't worry, you'll figure out all you need to know. Finances will work out. Scheduling will work out. It's a bit of a leap of faith, but well worth the plunge. As I tell people, being a Dad is the best job I have ever had.

Finally, in the immortal words of Douglas Adams: Don't Panic.

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

[quote=redsk1;726831]If you wait til everything is perfect you'll be waiting the rest of your life. It'll never be. So, the answer is, you never know, you've just got to go for it. You'll be ready, you'll have to be ready.

[B]BTW...expecting our 3rd now.[/B][/quote]


Congrads!!!

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

Smoot is going to be one of those Dad's whose kids thinks he knows [I]everything[/I] b/c he is filled with useless and semi-useless knowledge. You know, the kind of information small kids eat up. Plus, he plays catch with Drew Brees at lunch. - How cool a Dad is that?

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

This is all great, really great, advice. I feel like it really comes down to what is what many have said. Perhaps Angry said it best

1. You will never be ready, but once you have them you will never regret it.

I think the "fear" my wife and I have is that our lives will forever change and we don't know how to handle that. But I guess when we see that baby, we'll know

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

[quote=redsk1;726831]If you wait til everything is perfect you'll be waiting the rest of your life. It'll never be. So, the answer is, you never know, you've just got to go for it. You'll be ready, you'll have to be ready.

BTW...expecting our 3rd now.[/quote]

Nice. Congrats!

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

My friend has always said when you think you're ready, wait another 2 years. Then if you think you're ready, wait another 2 years. You get the picture.

I agree with the notion that nobody is ever truly ready, you just try to get as close as you can to being ready, then dive in head first.

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

As far as ready, what is ready? Honestly ask yourself that. I am speaking of married couples here not 16 year olds having babies.

I can't think what the perfect "ready" scenario would be.

I say at least have these things:

a good marriage
some savings
stable jobs
and mutual agreement of how you want to raise this child between you and your wife

So many folks use money as their excuse to not have kids, in all reality if you are both employed you be surprised how much you are wasting it just gets re-direct to your child.

For example I paid off my 4Runner this year. When we were childless, we probably be like what car should we get next, now we are like it is awesome to have no payments.

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

[quote=SmootSmack;726711]So this thread is really for all the fathers out there. My wife and I are that point when we feel we want to look to start a family in the next year or so.

On the one hand, we feel ready. We both have good careers, we're in good (not spectacular) financial shape.

On the other hand, we don't have any immediate family near us, we don't know what a baby will mean to our finances and our careers, and we know our lives will forever change.

Sometimes we feel like we'll always find an excuse not to be ready.

So for all the dads out there, how did you know you were ready? (If you knew). I mean the thought of it is so overwhelming, how do you adjust your mentality to the idea of being responsible for a brand new human being?[/quote]


Dude don't think about it, IMO you sound ready. Start enjoying unprotected sex for awhile.

Here is a scary thought it took my sister 3 years to get preggo, just imagine if you keep waiting and then it takes you a long time to get preggo. You may be a dad at 50 for the first time! =)

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

Ready for my wife and I: both of us done with college - check, good jobs - check, secure financially - check, have done some traveling - check. Yep, guess we're getting to that ready point.

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

[quote=Mattyk;726852]Ready for my wife and I: both of us done with college - check, good jobs - check, secure financially - check, have done some traveling - check. Yep, guess we're getting to that ready point.[/quote]


Dude you are way over due!!! =)

Every time I see you on Xbox I think this guy has way too much free time, time to start having kids.

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

[quote=mredskins;726855]Dude you are way over due!!! =)

Every time I see you on Xbox I think this guy has way too much free time, time to start having kids.[/quote]

But you're on xbox at the same time, which means you need more kids. :silly:

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

[quote=cpayne5;726859]But you're on xbox at the same time, which means you need more kids. :silly:[/quote]


Negative, I rarely go on there. Hence my quick sale of Madden once I realized that amount of time I was going to need to pour into it.

I think we will try again when my son is closer to 4.

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

[quote=redsk1;726831]If you wait til everything is perfect you'll be waiting the rest of your life. It'll never be. So, the answer is, you never know, you've just got to go for it. You'll be ready, you'll have to be ready.

BTW...expecting our 3rd now.[/quote]

Exactly.

(son is going to be 3 in November)

You can never be 100% ready in every way. You can plan financially...get debt paid down and money saved up...but the truth is, babies are very expensive. You just have to put your finances in line the best you can and wait until you're EMOTIONALLY ready to take on the responsibility. My wife and I waited until she was 28 and I was 27, after we had the house for about 5 years and both agreed we were ready. She was "ready" a couple of years before me. I, being an accountant, was focused on things like finances and insurance, and debt elimination. We reached a point where I was comfortable financially and prepared mentally to do it.

Looking back, she admits we waited until the perfect time.

One thing you need to decide before-hand...will be whether she goes back to work or is a stay-at-home mother, which is far better for the child's development and as far as instilling YOUR morals in the kid, instead of the babysitter's. Young kids take in a LOT in those first few year and are very easy influenced in things that can stick around for a lifetime. You want the best possible environment at that young age, or later on, it would be a nightmare trying to adjust or re-instill the values and behaviors you wanted, but couldn't because someone else was caring for them.

My wife was able to do some work remotely from home for a couple of years, but her hours were about 1/3 of a full-time job. I had to pick up the slack with a second job to replace her lost income...BUT, it's worth it. Our son is very well-behaved and intelligent and he gets the parent time he needs, even though it's mostly mommy Monday-Friday.

Some say you can never afford a child. I wouldn't say that, but it may take sacrifices and adjustments to do so. However, the #1 thing to do to get prepared is to make sure you're ready for the commitment mentally...and your wife and you need to discuss and agree upon the childcare/daycare situation ahead of time if you have not already.


Good luck and congrats on moving on to the next adventurous stage of your life. It won't always be easy, but there's nothing better and more fulfilling than being a dad.

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

[quote=BleedBurgundy;726777]We're going through this same process right now, SS. Pretty much the same situation applies, we're in overall good shape but how do you know it's the right time... I always said I'd wait til I was 30... and now i'm 30. (time flies.)[/quote]

lol yeah like you and SS, im in the exact same situation. we're in decent enough financial shape, buying a house soon, im offered a job that will pay me close to 6 figures, ive been living with my lady for 2 years now, we talk about having a family every now and then.

im 32, shes 31.

but im just so scared. its going to be life changing. while i think it would help me career wise b/c i would be motivated to make as much money as possible, now life is good, we work just hard enough to live a nice comfortable easy going life.

thanks for starting this thread. for those of us on the edge of the cliff . . .

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

[quote=Buster;726878]Exactly.

(son is going to be 3 in November)

You can never be 100% ready in every way. You can plan financially...get debt paid down and money saved up...but the truth is, babies are very expensive. You just have to put your finances in line the best you can and wait until you're EMOTIONALLY ready to take on the responsibility. My wife and I waited until she was 28 and I was 27, after we had the house for about 5 years and both agreed we were ready. She was "ready" a couple of years before me. I, being an accountant, was focused on things like finances and insurance, and debt elimination. We reached a point where I was comfortable financially and prepared mentally to do it.

Looking back, she admits we waited until the perfect time.

[B]One thing you need to decide before-hand...will be whether she goes back to work or is a stay-at-home mother, which is far better for the child's development and as far as instilling YOUR morals in the kid, instead of the babysitter's. Young kids take in a LOT in those first few year and are very easy influenced in things that can stick around for a lifetime. You want the best possible environment at that young age, or later on, it would be a nightmare trying to adjust or re-instill the values and behaviors you wanted, but couldn't because someone else was caring for them.[/B]

My wife was able to do some work remotely from home for a couple of years, but her hours were about 1/3 of a full-time job. I had to pick up the slack with a second job to replace her lost income...BUT, it's worth it. Our son is very well-behaved and intelligent and he gets the parent time he needs, even though it's mostly mommy Monday-Friday.[/quote]

That my friend is ignorant statement. My son is nearly they same age as yours and is also very well behaved and intelligent. His niece who is also the same age as our children has a ton of social issues because she sits in her house all day with just my sister and herself.

What I am trying to point out out is day care or stay home makes no difference as long as it is done correctly. To make a blanket statement that a stay at home child is superior to a day care child is short sighted and vice a versus.

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

Whoa, whoa...I wasn't saying ONLY kids with stay-at-home moms do well...simply saying our son is going well and we're satisfied with his development and behavior....and grateful that we're able to raise him the way we want him to be raised rather than trusting another person who we can't be with all day to do the job right.

I know it's not financially feasible for everyone to stay home...most households in today's society/economy need to be 2-income households...mine is no different. I am just fortunate enough to be able to work two jobs and make it possible. My wife bring in income from home as well, but we do see a very noticeable difference between our son and those of friends/coworkers who aren't lucky enough to stay home every day.

Like I said, it's something that every couple, including SS, needs to discuss and agree upon. There is no right or wrong way to parent, you have to do what works for you and your child. As long as someone is a loving and attentive parent, things will most likely be OK. Part of that is making sure your kid is well-cared for and learning your values, no matter if it's in your house or another while you're at work...a responsible parent will make sure the place their child in is always the best it can be in every way. There are a lot of BAD daycares and everyone has relatives they don't see eye-to-eye with...you have to be careful who you leave your kid with.

I don't see how suggesting he and his wife decide upon child care and their careers before the kid is born is ignorant. It would be ignorant NOT to discuss it and make plans.

Don't ruin SS's dad thread with a hot temper. :D


Smoot, expect heated discussions with your wife, not only during the pregnancy's hormonal rollercoaster, but after the child is born. It's just key to make sure those discussions don't affect the child. It's normal when parents are trying to figure things out, but how you two handle disagreements in front of your child is the key.

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

[quote=mredskins;726855]Dude you are way over due!!! =)

Every time I see you on Xbox I think this guy has way too much free time, time to start having kids.[/quote]

lol I'm only on an hour a day tops, maybe more on the weekends but I often go a few days at a time without playing. Wish I had more time for it actually.

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

[quote=mredskins;726881]That my friend is ignorant statement. My son is nearly they same age as yours and is also very well behaved and intelligent. His niece who is also the same age as our children has a ton of social issues because she sits in her house all day with just my sister and herself.

What I am trying to point out out is day care or stay home makes no difference as long as it is done correctly. To make a blanket statement that a stay at home child is superior to a day care child is short sighted and vice a versus.[/quote]

Ill have to agree with this. I know some moms where the kids are better off in day care. Our daughter is three and goes to the local churches school 3 days a week for about 3 hours a day. So she does get plenty of interaction with other kids and my wife also does a play day once a week with other moms.

SS there is no right time to have a child and that coming from a guy who had one child at age 21 and one at age 43. I was dirt poor and a single father at age 24 and my daughter turned out great. With our youngest daughter my wife can stay at home and I hope my youngest turns out as good as my first. You two need to sit down and talk about all the issues from A to Z and by the book Baby Wise as it will make your life with a baby much easier.

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

[quote=SmootSmack;726839]I think the "fear" my wife and I have is that our lives will forever change and we don't know how to handle that. But I guess when we see that baby, we'll know[/quote]
Your lives will change forever, but you'll know how to handle it when the time comes. It's not something you can be completely prepare for, but you are more than prepared for it when the opportunity is presented. Everything has a way of falling into place, and you'll know exactly what to do and when you need to do it.

Good Luck to you and the Misses. I have 2 daughters, and they are awesome. My oldest will be 3 on the 27th and my youngest will be 2 in December. They are funny and smart and have their Daddy wrapped around their fingers. They're pains in the butt too, but that keeps you on your toes. My wife wants 2 more, and I certainly want to try for a boy to carry on the family name, but we'll see. I'm laid back enough to go with the flow. If we stay at 2, fine. 3, no problem. 4, sure why not.

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

@Cro4Jets I don't understand the question

Who will take care of the baby is definitely a big concern. Like I said, we don't have family nearby. We're a two-income household and the reality is while I make a decent salary, she's the true breadwinner.

I know it's a bit of a difficult question to answer, but for the first year or two what are the average monthly expenses for a baby?

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

[quote=SmootSmack;726911]@Cro4Jets I don't understand the question

Who will take care of the baby is definitely a big concern. Like I said, we don't have family nearby. We're a two-income household and the reality is while I make a decent salary, she's the true breadwinner.

I know it's a bit of a difficult question to answer, but for the first year or two what are the average monthly expenses for a baby?[/quote]

Let her keep working and you can become a MR Mom. I told my wife she could stay at home the first 5 yrs then I would stay at home the next 5 yrs.

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

[quote=Buster;726890]Whoa, whoa...I wasn't saying ONLY kids with stay-at-home moms do well...simply saying our son is going well and we're satisfied with his development and behavior....and grateful that we're able to raise him the way we want him to be raised rather than trusting another person who we can't be with all day to do the job right.

I know it's not financially feasible for everyone to stay home...most households in today's society/economy need to be 2-income households...mine is no different. I am just fortunate enough to be able to work two jobs and make it possible. My wife bring in income from home as well, but we do see a very noticeable difference between our son and those of friends/coworkers who aren't lucky enough to stay home every day.

Like I said, it's something that every couple, including SS, needs to discuss and agree upon. There is no right or wrong way to parent, you have to do what works for you and your child. As long as someone is a loving and attentive parent, things will most likely be OK. Part of that is making sure your kid is well-cared for and learning your values, no matter if it's in your house or another while you're at work...a responsible parent will make sure the place their child in is always the best it can be in every way. There are a lot of BAD daycares and everyone has relatives they don't see eye-to-eye with...you have to be careful who you leave your kid with.

I don't see how suggesting he and his wife decide upon child care and their careers before the kid is born is ignorant. It would be ignorant NOT to discuss it and make plans.

Don't ruin SS's dad thread with a hot temper. :D


Smoot, expect heated discussions with your wife, not only during the pregnancy's hormonal rollercoaster, but after the child is born. It's just key to make sure those discussions don't affect the child. It's normal when parents are trying to figure things out, but how you two handle disagreements in front of your child is the key.[/quote]


Re-read this paragraph by you:

[B]One thing you need to decide before-hand...will be whether she goes back to work or is a stay-at-home mother, which is far better for the child's development and as far as instilling YOUR morals in the kid, instead of the babysitter's. Young kids take in a LOT in those first few year and are very easy influenced in things that can stick around for a lifetime. You want the best possible environment at that young age, or later on, it would be a nightmare trying to adjust or re-instill the values and behaviors you wanted, but couldn't because someone else was caring for them.[/B]

The ignorant part of your post is not the [I]decision[/I] of what type of care but that the best choice is to stay at home and that my friend is your opinion not a fact.

My son goes to day care by our choice. His first year of life my wife worked one day a week after a year we researched day cares and decide the Goddard School would be best for his development and also my wife's sanity. She enjoys work and also my son but she doesn't want to be a stay at home mom.

This is my sons weekly schedule currently; at my MIL on Mondays (she want this becasue she loves caring for him) Tues-Thurs at Day Care/School and Fridays at home with his mom. We feel in our opinion this is what is best for his development and it seems to be working.

You should maybe go back to your post and re-word it as your opinion and not a fact that a child that stays home is superior to a day care child. Also, some parents like ourselves choice day care and feel very LUCKY to be able to afford it.

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

[quote=Mattyk;726897]lol I'm only on an hour a day tops, maybe more on the weekends but I often go a few days at a time without playing. Wish I had more time for it actually.[/quote]


I know just busting balls!

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

What's questionable about that? The more time you spend with your kids, the more chances you have to influence them.

I'm sure there are stats to back it up that parents being more involved in a child's life is better for them...don't want to turn this thread into a debate though.

I realize it's not possible for everyone to be able to stay home with their kids financially, or they just choose not to, but it's something parents need to agree upon, preferably before having the child.

AGAIN, I am not saying anyone is a bad parent for finding a good daycare for their kids...just let it go.

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

[quote=SmootSmack;726911]@Cro4Jets I don't understand the question

Who will take care of the baby is definitely a big concern. Like I said, we don't have family nearby. We're a two-income household and the reality is while I make a decent salary, she's the true breadwinner.

I know it's a bit of a difficult question to answer, but for the first year or two what are the average monthly expenses for a baby?[/quote]

Sooo many variables.

If you're both working, daycare is obviously the HUGE expense. That varies by location and you need to check it out and decide if it is worth working and paying for childcare. (For example - Given her experience, my wife could get a job that would essentially pay for day care, but not much more. Rather than work to pay for someone else to raise our kids, she is a stay at home mom and we forego the minimal extra income she would have provided).

The other huge issue is health care. Lots of shots, emergency room visits, check ups, etc. If you have a rich policy, you will be fine. Otherwise, a chronically sick kid can be expensive. Even if not chronically sick (some kids just are - my niece and nephew are constantly running into niggling health issues), there are a lot of standard health care expenses in the first couple years.

Check your coverages, see who has the best - balance this into your daycare/stay home parent analysis. For example, consider the following hypothetical: Your wife makes great salary but has crappy benefits, you have crappy salary but great health benefits. Will her great salary make up for the loss of your great benefits?

Other than that, clothes, food and diapers are your main expenses. Again, I am guessing at 100-200/month. However, it's the day care (or loss of second income)/health care issues that are the main expenses for most.

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

[quote=SmootSmack;726911]@Cro4Jets I don't understand the question

Who will take care of the baby is definitely a big concern. Like I said, we don't have family nearby. We're a two-income household and the reality is while I make a decent salary, she's the true breadwinner.

I know it's a bit of a difficult question to answer, but for the first year or two what are the average monthly expenses for a baby?[/quote]

Tough to nail down a solid figure, because I spent so much time in looking for sales and deals, plus things come up that you never thought of or planed for.


If you use store brand diapers...they're about $15 for 80-90 of them. Your biggest expense will be formula if she doesn't breastfeed. Big cans of Similac are about $15 each and you'll use at least one or two a week. Then there are wipes (80 for $3), food (about $0.60 a jar), cereal is cheap, about $1.50 a box that last a while (rice cereal). If you use those bottles with liners, they're more convenient but the refills are about $8 for 100.

Luckily with your first baby, a lot of people give you clothes and blankets, so you could be set for the first year, clothes-wise.

If you're like most parents, you'll just transfer money you spent on yourself to the baby's budget: eating out (can't do that as much if you wanted to with a baby), movies and entertainment...the extra things.

You'll find it somewhere.

I don't know how much your wife makes and it's none of our business, but sometimes daycare can sometimes eat up a large portion of one parent's weekly income, so even money-wise, the decision to continue to work may not end up helping the family budget anyways...so it will come down to if your wife wants a break (some mothers do) or wants to stay on her career track, or stay home. There's no right or wrong blanket answer and it's a personal decision for every couple, I just really believe there are big benefits to one parent being with the child every day. (not to infuriate people again)

I'm just sharing my experiences as you asked...so you can consider everything as you plan your children with your wife. It doesn't hurt anyone to consider every option of a situation.

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

Keep in mind, those are PA prices...you're in NY, right? You'll probably find my prices to be on the low side then.

Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?
 

stupid question:

if i have great health insurance and my wife has none, does my health care provider pay for her maternity related doctor and hospital bills?

when the child is born, does my health care coverage cover the child for all the childs medical visits?

will my insurance (already over 200 a month) go up?