Quote:
Originally Posted by onlydarksets
Of course, we don't need statistics to know that beating a child is an ineffective way to raise a kid.
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On this point, I will engage.
First, the word beating needs to be defined. If you're talking about some kind of strike to a child that can inflict bodily harm, cause bruises, bone bruises, break skin, or even break bones, then yes beating is entirely unnecessary, ineffective, and flat out wrong.
But if you're talking about a spanking - an open hand on the rear end or other soft tissue causing a stinging sensation - then that can be extremely effective and is not scarring. IF DONE PROPERLY.
First, when children are in the 1-3 year old range, they do not yet understand consequences. Their brains are also not yet developed enough to understand reason. You can't sit them down and say "Johnny, I do not want you to pull the dog's tail because it hurts the dog." He won't understand, the toddler brain is not capable of putting himself in another's shoes. A spanking creates a connection, a neural pathway, in the child's brain. Pull the dog's tail = pain on my hiney from a spank. That neural pathway is created that there is a negative consequence for doing that. This is how children come to understand consequences.
Consequences can be taught using other methods, though. Time out is extremely effective. Child pulls the dog's tail, you pick them up immediately and put them in the corner, or on a time-out chair, or wherever. You stand there and you don't allow them to get up. Usually they don't like being confined, and they don't like you being upset with them, so stern looks and a harsh tone of voice are also a must. You don't want to let timeout last too long or they forget what they were there for. You allow them to get up after about a minute, come over to you and make them apologize for pulling the dog's tail.
I use timeout on my 2-year old all the time. It's what I go to first. But she has a habit of just getting up in the middle of it. I put her back and yell at her and all that stuff. But if she keeps doing it, I go to the spank on the hiney. It's the last line of defense, and it always gets through to her.
Now, spanking must be done properly. If you look scary to the child when you're administering it, or if you do it rashly out of anger or frustration, you can inadvertently teach the child that it's ok to express anger or frustration by hitting. You must be completely calm, you must tell them it's coming, and even if they don't understand you must tell them why you're doing it. A calm demeanor also helps assure the child that you are not some scary monster.
Spanking runs the risk of teaching a child that it's OK to hit. But as long as you're not teaching that it's OK to hit out of anger, then the benefits of spanking (teaching consequences) outweigh the negatives. The negatives are minimized when a child never sees you come with a knee jerk reaction.
Sorry to preach on parenting, I recognize it can be very annoying to hear someone tell you how to raise your kids. So let me just disclaim that this is just my opinion and what seems to work well in my house. Each kid is different, some need a firmer approach and some need more encouragement.