understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

[SolidSnake84]

I dont know where else to go with this, so i'll ask my friends here at WP.

I've been with my wife for a few years now. Every aspect of our life is happy and wonderful. We have no children, and it's just us. We love to travel, eat out, go to the movies together, and all of that stuff.

We get along great and I consider her the only other person in my life besides my father, that i completley trust.

The problem is, since returning from our trip to Florida 32 days ago, we have had a sexless marriage, and a complete lack of other intimacy. I blame myself and have tried everything to try and bring it back. I even started lifting weights to try and change my physical build hoping it would help...Nothing has worked. I'm not ready to give up just yet, but i need help in seeing which way this thing is headed.

My father tells me that this is how it usually goes with people after a few years, and guys that i work with say the same thing. My problem is, at only 25 years of age, i'm not ready to accept that the sexual part of my marriage is over, like so many guys have done who are in their 30's and 40's.

However, the realistic part of me says that this is probably it. I love her to death and would give the waking world for her, and don't want to leave. But, is it just better to leave now before the kids come, so i can get over the heartache and hopefully be psychologically healed by my early 30's???

[TheMalcolmConnection]

Everyone goes through dry spells. What does she say when you bring it up to her?

[SolidSnake84]

Originally Posted by TheMalcolmConnection

Everyone goes through dry spells. What does she say when you bring it up to her?

She says she is either too tired or just doesnt feel like it. If i prod and push her too much about it, she gets angry. Like badly angry.

Last night i actually slept on our couch it was so bad.

[Gmanc711]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

She says she is either too tired or just doesnt feel like it. If i prod and push her too much about it, she gets angry. Like badly angry.

Last night i actually slept on our couch it was so bad.

See now that is a huge problem to me. Like hey, theres nights my girlfriend wants to and I dont and vice versa.....sometimes you're not feeling well, or just tired or whatever... but the fact that shes flipping out like that I think is a red flag.

Sex is a VERY important part of a relationship. If you're not having sex, why are people together? I mean that completley seriously.

I mean, how long has it been up to this point?

[SolidSnake84]

Originally Posted by Gmanc711

See now that is a huge problem to me. Like hey, theres nights my girlfriend wants to and I dont and vice versa.....sometimes you're not feeling well, or just tired or whatever... but the fact that shes flipping out like that I think is a red flag.

Sex is a VERY important part of a relationship. If you're not having sex, why are people together? I mean that completley seriously.

I mean, how long has it been up to this point?

32 days ago, or almost 6 weeks.

[Monkeydad]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

She says she is either too tired or just doesnt feel like it. If i prod and push her too much about it, she gets angry. Like badly angry.

Last night i actually slept on our couch it was so bad.

While it's not uncommon for a marriage to have dry spell, it's still unsettling when it happens. You sound like me, blaming yourself and trying to figure out what YOU are doing wrong.

Sounds like it COULD be a physical/health issue...or hormonal. Is she on birth control pills? Years ago, my wife tried some BC and it had this same effect on her, it made her never feel in the mood. She stopped taking it...things returned to normal.

A wife can live without sex and just go through the daily routine otherwise and not even notice how long its been. A husband typically needs it to feel appreciated and a part of the marriage, so when its missing...we notice.

To them, it would be like a husband who stopped talking to their wife.

I would try a concerned approach to bring it up, but it will be a tightrope walk to not make her mad or feel like you only want her for sex...they're touchy with the subject, especially when in one of these "phases/moods".

Good luck. I wouldn't consider leaving the marriage at such a young age over this...work it out, try to wait it out until it's worked out. I know it's tough and confusing, but if everything else is OK with you two like you say it is, don't throw it all away, even if this IS a big issue that hurts you. It sucks to go through, but it can happen in any marriage. It's called life with a woman. It could pass and never happen again.

32 days is nothing/normal. Start worrying at the 3-month mark.

[redskinjim]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

She says she is either too tired or just doesnt feel like it. If i prod and push her too much about it, she gets angry. Like badly angry.

Last night i actually slept on our couch it was so bad.

wow what the heck is wrong with her there has to be something that you dont know about maybe she has problems down there

[skinsfaninok]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

She says she is either too tired or just doesnt feel like it. If i prod and push her too much about it, she gets angry. Like badly angry.

Last night i actually slept on our couch it was so bad.

Dude I'm 23 married, and a 1 yr old boy. Trust me I know what your saying. Most guys at my job warned me that when u get married the sex stops haha. I guess it's kinda true. I try and not bring it up anymore because I'm tired of asking and hearing her Bitch about it when I do ask lol. I'm faithful to my wife and have a little patience so I'm hanging tough.. Porn only last so long lol. Good luck man hang in there.

[TheMalcolmConnection]

And also, while I'm not 30 or 40, if there is no sex in THOSE marriages, that's a GIANT problem. Women reach their sexual peak in their thirties, so that doesn't sound right to me. Don't get me wrong, you won't be banging every night, but you should at least be getting it on the regular 2-4 times a week.

[Gmanc711]

Originally Posted by TheMalcolmConnection

And also, while I'm not 30 or 40, if there is no sex in THOSE marriages, that's a GIANT problem. Women reach their sexual peak in their thirties, so that doesn't sound right to me. Don't get me wrong, you won't be banging every night, but you should at least be getting it on the regular 2-4 times a week.

Seriously...

Guys tell me now... if there is none when you get married, mark me down for not getting married.

EIther way... have you guys discussed it at all and shes just like "no"? Thats a huge issue...

If you havent really discussed it and it just hasn't "happened", maybe try planning like a nice date night or something, and going above and beyond to break it??

[SolidSnake84]

Originally Posted by Gmanc711

Seriously...

Guys tell me now... if there is none when you get married, mark me down for not getting married.

EIther way... have you guys discussed it at all and shes just like "no"? Thats a huge issue...

If you havent really discussed it and it just hasn't "happened", maybe try planning like a nice date night or something, and going above and beyond to break it??

I dont have official polls or what not, but i saw something on a website where it says 65% of US married couples have sex only once a week, 20% are once every 2 weeks, and 15% of people go longer than a month. That data was from 2009

I have tried asking about it, like i said, she gets furious if i ask too many questions.

All of my married friends, and my father, told me this would happen BEFORE, i got married, and i was just foolish enough to believe it wouldnt happen to me.

I'm already in shape, i only took up weight training hoping that the extra muscle would spark something....

[TheMalcolmConnection]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

I dont have official polls or what not, but i saw something on a website where it says 65% of US married couples have sex only once a week, 20% are once every 2 weeks, and 15% of people go longer than a month. That data was from 2009

I have tried asking about it, like i said, she gets furious if i ask too many questions.

All of my married friends, and my father, told me this would happen BEFORE, i got married, and i was just foolish enough to believe it wouldnt happen to me.

I'm already in shape, i only took up weight training hoping that the extra muscle would spark something....

Straight up, it has NOTHING to do with the way you look. You definitely will have those hot and dry spells. My wife and I sometimes have that month where she says the same thing your wife does and sometimes we'll go home at lunch and THEN after work again.

It's like anything, the honeymoon where you're banging like bunnies goes away.

If you want to always be getting it daily (or multi-times a day), you need to be single and just dump a girl when it gets old, because this happens in almost every single relationship.

[Gmanc711]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

I dont have official polls or what not, but i saw something on a website where it says 65% of US married couples have sex only once a week, 20% are once every 2 weeks, and 15% of people go longer than a month. That data was from 2009

I have tried asking about it, like i said, she gets furious if i ask too many questions.

All of my married friends, and my father, told me this would happen BEFORE, i got married, and i was just foolish enough to believe it wouldnt happen to me.

I'm already in shape, i only took up weight training hoping that the extra muscle would spark something....

Even once a week, I can get. If you're busy, have kids, whatever. I get that.... but if you're spending the night together every night and there isnt more, than man... thats gonna be dissapointing if that day rolls around for me.

[Mechanix544]

Originally Posted by Gmanc711

Seriously...

Guys tell me now... if there is none when you get married, mark me down for not getting married.

EIther way... have you guys discussed it at all and shes just like "no"? Thats a huge issue...

If you havent really discussed it and it just hasn't "happened", maybe try planning like a nice date night or something, and going above and beyond to break it??

If the flowers, candy, dinner out and romantic wooing doesn't get you the payoff when u get home that evening, you will definitely know something is wrong. I agree with GManc, take one evening, get everything ready to roll, get her the flowers, dress up nice, take her out for a nice dinner, and then bring her home for dessert. If she doesn't give in then, well, I don't know what to tell ya man........

[Schneed10]

Originally Posted by TheMalcolmConnection

And also, while I'm not 30 or 40, if there is no sex in THOSE marriages, that's a GIANT problem. Women reach their sexual peak in their thirties, so that doesn't sound right to me. Don't get me wrong, you won't be banging every night, but you should at least be getting it on the regular 2-4 times a week.

2-4 times a week is abnormally often for those age ranges in a mature relationship.

My wife and I are both 31, we run at about once per week to once every 10 days. How often is not important, it's the quality that matters. If the quality goes out, the relationship fizzles.