your favorite joke

Frost · 11-14-2007, 12:07 AM

So with all the bitterness around here caused by the last couple of games I wanted to start a thread and hear everyones favorite joke, maybe it will cause laughter and cheer some people up.
This joke some people found it a little offensive but its my all time favorite, here it goes

There is a Monk, a Rabbi and a Catholic Priest and they are relaxing at a park, all of a sudden the park catches on fire, the Monk yells SAVE THE CHILDREN, the Rabbi yells F**K THE CHILDREN and the Catholic Priest says WE DON'T HAVE TIME.

Hope you guys liked it and post your own favorite joke

Redskins247 · 11-14-2007, 12:28 AM

Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped
some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them
up, he noticed Bill's wife Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her
dress!

Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on
the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife
followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?"

Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, indeed he
did.

She said, " Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500."

After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of
this offer, John confirms that he is interested. She tells him that
since her husband Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John
should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.

When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house at 2 p.m.
sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 they went to the bedroom
and closed their transaction as agreed. John quickly dressed and left.

As usual, Bill came home from work at 6 p.m., and upon entering the
house, asked his wife abruptly. "Did John come by the house this
afternoon?"

With a lump in her throat, Sue answered "Why yes, he did stop by for a
few minutes this afternoon."

Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did
he give you $500?"

In terror, she assumed that somehow he had found out and after
mustering her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me
$500."

Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying,
"Good, I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and
borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this
afternoon on his way home and pay me back."

Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player

GhettoDogAllStars · 11-14-2007, 12:34 AM

Two hookers are walking down the street.

One says to the other, "Oooh honey! Tonight's gonna be a good night! I can just smell the dick in the air!"

The other one says, "Nah bitch! I just burped!"

lostinthought135 · 11-19-2007, 05:21 PM

White Question and Answers
What's white and fourteen inches long?
Absolutely nothing!

What do you call 500,000 white guys jumping out of a plane?
Snow.

What do you call a bunch of white guys in a circle?
A Dope Ring!

What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
The PGA tour.

Why do so many white people get lost skiing?
It's hard to find them in the snow.

How long does it take for a white women to take a crap?
9 months

What's the difference between a white man and a snake?
One is a evil, cold-blooded, venomous, slimy creature of Satan, and the other is a snake.

How many white men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, white men will screw anything.

What's the flattest surface to iron your jeans on?
A white girl's ass!

What did the black guy do with his M&Ms?
Eat them

What did the white guy try and do with his?
Put them in alphabetical order

What did a white guy see when he looked at his family tree?
A straight line!

What do you call a white serial killer in the courtroom?
-Not guilty

What did the policeman say to the white reckless driver who ran over and killed 10 innocent people?
-Slow it down

Sammy Baugh Fan · 11-19-2007, 07:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lostinthought135

White Question and Answers
What's white and fourteen inches long?
Absolutely nothing!

What do you call 500,000 white guys jumping out of a plane?
Snow.

What do you call a bunch of white guys in a circle?
A Dope Ring!

What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
The PGA tour.

Why do so many white people get lost skiing?
It's hard to find them in the snow.

How long does it take for a white women to take a crap?
9 months

What's the difference between a white man and a snake?
One is a evil, cold-blooded, venomous, slimy creature of Satan, and the other is a snake.

How many white men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, white men will screw anything.

What's the flattest surface to iron your jeans on?
A white girl's ass!

What did the black guy do with his M&Ms?
Eat them

What did the white guy try and do with his?
Put them in alphabetical order

What did a white guy see when he looked at his family tree?
A straight line!

What do you call a white serial killer in the courtroom?
-Not guilty

What did the policeman say to the white reckless driver who ran over and killed 10 innocent people?
-Slow it down

^RACIST Alert

~just shakes head

BleedBurgundy · 11-20-2007, 09:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lostinthought135

White Question and Answers
What's white and fourteen inches long?
Absolutely nothing!

What do you call 500,000 white guys jumping out of a plane?
Snow.

What do you call a bunch of white guys in a circle?
A Dope Ring!

What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
The PGA tour.

Why do so many white people get lost skiing?
It's hard to find them in the snow.

How long does it take for a white women to take a crap?
9 months

What's the difference between a white man and a snake?
One is a evil, cold-blooded, venomous, slimy creature of Satan, and the other is a snake.

How many white men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, white men will screw anything.

What's the flattest surface to iron your jeans on?
A white girl's ass!

What did the black guy do with his M&Ms?
Eat them

What did the white guy try and do with his?
Put them in alphabetical order

What did a white guy see when he looked at his family tree?
A straight line!

What do you call a white serial killer in the courtroom?
-Not guilty

What did the policeman say to the white reckless driver who ran over and killed 10 innocent people?
-Slow it down

Educational. Don't want to hijack this but I think we've all heard racist jokes from time to time. I'm a white guy, if it matters, and to me, this was interesting to see. Sad as it may be, I never heard any "white jokes." And some of these were kind of funny, others were straight vitriol.

Beemnseven · 11-21-2007, 07:39 PM

A guy is on his morning commute and his cellphone rings. Fumbling for the phone, he loses track of what's happening on the road and slams into the car in front of him.

Just as he realizes what kind of trouble he's in because he knows it's completely his fault, he can't help but chuckle as the driver of the car he hit jumps out and it's a dwarf.

The dwarf runs up to his car and tells him, "I am NOT happy."

The driver can't help himself and replies, "Well, which one of them are you?"

*****

Hope I didn't offend the midgets, ... oops, ... I mean little people with that one.

DynamiteRave · 11-20-2007, 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lostinthought135

White Question and Answers
What's white and fourteen inches long?
Absolutely nothing!

What do you call 500,000 white guys jumping out of a plane?
Snow.

What do you call a bunch of white guys in a circle?
A Dope Ring!

What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
The PGA tour.

Why do so many white people get lost skiing?
It's hard to find them in the snow.

How long does it take for a white women to take a crap?
9 months

What's the difference between a white man and a snake?
One is a evil, cold-blooded, venomous, slimy creature of Satan, and the other is a snake.

How many white men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, white men will screw anything.

What's the flattest surface to iron your jeans on?
A white girl's ass!

What did the black guy do with his M&Ms?
Eat them

What did the white guy try and do with his?
Put them in alphabetical order

What did a white guy see when he looked at his family tree?
A straight line!

What do you call a white serial killer in the courtroom?
-Not guilty

What did the policeman say to the white reckless driver who ran over and killed 10 innocent people?
-Slow it down

I'm Black. Grew up around a lot of White people. I've heard a lot of racist jokes. Both on Blacks and Hispanics. Neither bother me because I know the people that are telling them never mean any harm and they always ask me prior to telling them if I'm comfortable with it. I've never heard ones on White people before so it's a change of pace. Either way, racially motivated jokes aren't the type to say around mixed company. Good jokes, buddy. Wrong place and time.

saden1 · 11-19-2007, 06:12 PM

lostinthought135,

Those aren't jokes...I thought jokes were suppose to be funny?

SmootSmack · 11-19-2007, 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by saden1

lostinthought135,

Those aren't jokes...I thought jokes were suppose to be funny?

Those weren't funny at all.

hooskins · 11-20-2007, 04:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by saden1

lostinthought135,

Those aren't jokes...I thought jokes were suppose to be funny?

The pga tour one got me to chuckle.

jamf · 11-19-2007, 06:19 PM

Jerry Jones.

mredskins · 11-19-2007, 09:19 PM

Funny how the joke thread even turned hostile. NOW THAT IS FUNNY!!!!

mooby · 11-19-2007, 09:56 PM

Hey i'm white and I thought those jokes were hilarious.

Either way, this one is my favorite.

One day a hippie gets on a bus and sits next to a nun. He ask''s her if he could have sex with her. The nun looks at the man and tells him no and gets off at the next bus stop.

Later when its the hippies turn to get off the bus the bus driver tells him I know how you could have sex with that nun. Dress like Jesus and tell her that you want to have sex with her, just go to the grave yard at 6:00pm she''ll be there.

Later that day the hippie does what the bus driver told him. He goes to the graveyard at 6:00pm and just like the bus driver said he saw the nun at a tombstone praying. He walked up to her and told her I am Jesus let me have sex with you. The nun in disbelief looked at Jesus (hippie) and said okay but could it be anal because I want to keep my virginity.

The hippie agrees with this so then he bangs her in the ass. After they had sex the hippie threw his Jesus suit off and said HA! I am the hippie and then the nun took her clothes off and said HA! I am the Bus driver.

Daseal · 11-19-2007, 10:28 PM

Yeah, I didn't find his jokes particularly offensive. A thread like this I'd love to say something in Lisa Lampanelli's skit, but I'd be out for 3 months!

11-14-2007, 12:07 AM	#1
Frost Special Teams Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Burke, VA Age: 42 Posts: 279	your favorite joke So with all the bitterness around here caused by the last couple of games I wanted to start a thread and hear everyones favorite joke, maybe it will cause laughter and cheer some people up. This joke some people found it a little offensive but its my all time favorite, here it goes There is a Monk, a Rabbi and a Catholic Priest and they are relaxing at a park, all of a sudden the park catches on fire, the Monk yells SAVE THE CHILDREN, the Rabbi yells F**K THE CHILDREN and the Catholic Priest says WE DON'T HAVE TIME. Hope you guys liked it and post your own favorite joke __________________ "He can run like Jerry Rice and hit like Night Train Lane" 21

11-14-2007, 12:28 AM	#2
Redskins247 Impact Rookie Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Raleigh NC Posts: 873	Re: your favorite joke Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bill's wife Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?" Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, indeed he did. She said, " Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500." After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, John confirms that he is interested. She tells him that since her husband Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon. When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house at 2 p.m. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction as agreed. John quickly dressed and left. As usual, Bill came home from work at 6 p.m., and upon entering the house, asked his wife abruptly. "Did John come by the house this afternoon?" With a lump in her throat, Sue answered "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon." Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?" In terror, she assumed that somehow he had found out and after mustering her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500." Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, "Good, I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back." Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player

11-14-2007, 12:34 AM	#3
GhettoDogAllStars Playmaker Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Denver Age: 42 Posts: 2,762	Re: your favorite joke Two hookers are walking down the street. One says to the other, "Oooh honey! Tonight's gonna be a good night! I can just smell the dick in the air!" The other one says, "Nah bitch! I just burped!" __________________ To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered.

11-19-2007, 05:21 PM	#4
lostinthought135 Camp Scrub Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 9	Re: your favorite joke White Question and Answers What's white and fourteen inches long? Absolutely nothing! What do you call 500,000 white guys jumping out of a plane? Snow. What do you call a bunch of white guys in a circle? A Dope Ring! What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man? The PGA tour. Why do so many white people get lost skiing? It's hard to find them in the snow. How long does it take for a white women to take a crap? 9 months What's the difference between a white man and a snake? One is a evil, cold-blooded, venomous, slimy creature of Satan, and the other is a snake. How many white men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, white men will screw anything. What's the flattest surface to iron your jeans on? A white girl's ass! What did the black guy do with his M&Ms? Eat them What did the white guy try and do with his? Put them in alphabetical order What did a white guy see when he looked at his family tree? A straight line! What do you call a white serial killer in the courtroom? -Not guilty What did the policeman say to the white reckless driver who ran over and killed 10 innocent people? -Slow it down

11-21-2007, 07:39 PM	#7
Beemnseven Pro Bowl Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Virginia Beach Age: 50 Posts: 5,311	Re: your favorite joke A guy is on his morning commute and his cellphone rings. Fumbling for the phone, he loses track of what's happening on the road and slams into the car in front of him. Just as he realizes what kind of trouble he's in because he knows it's completely his fault, he can't help but chuckle as the driver of the car he hit jumps out and it's a dwarf. The dwarf runs up to his car and tells him, "I am NOT happy." The driver can't help himself and replies, "Well, which one of them are you?" ***** Hope I didn't offend the midgets, ... oops, ... I mean little people with that one.

11-19-2007, 06:12 PM	#9
saden1 MVP Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Seattle Age: 45 Posts: 10,069	Re: your favorite joke lostinthought135, Those aren't jokes...I thought jokes were suppose to be funny? __________________ "The Redskins have always suffered from chronic organizational deformities under Snyder." -Jenkins

11-19-2007, 06:19 PM	#12
jamf Pro Bowl Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: San Diego Ca Posts: 5,319	Re: your favorite joke Jerry Jones.

11-19-2007, 09:19 PM	#13
mredskins Gamebreaker Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 12,801	Re: your favorite joke Funny how the joke thread even turned hostile. NOW THAT IS FUNNY!!!!

11-19-2007, 09:56 PM	#14
mooby Hug Anne Spyder Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 20,468	Re: your favorite joke Hey i'm white and I thought those jokes were hilarious. Either way, this one is my favorite. One day a hippie gets on a bus and sits next to a nun. He ask''s her if he could have sex with her. The nun looks at the man and tells him no and gets off at the next bus stop. Later when its the hippies turn to get off the bus the bus driver tells him I know how you could have sex with that nun. Dress like Jesus and tell her that you want to have sex with her, just go to the grave yard at 6:00pm she''ll be there. Later that day the hippie does what the bus driver told him. He goes to the graveyard at 6:00pm and just like the bus driver said he saw the nun at a tombstone praying. He walked up to her and told her I am Jesus let me have sex with you. The nun in disbelief looked at Jesus (hippie) and said okay but could it be anal because I want to keep my virginity. The hippie agrees with this so then he bangs her in the ass. After they had sex the hippie threw his Jesus suit off and said HA! I am the hippie and then the nun took her clothes off and said HA! I am the Bus driver. __________________ Hail to the Football Team

11-19-2007, 10:28 PM	#15
Daseal Puppy Kicker Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Arlington, Virginia Age: 41 Posts: 8,341	Re: your favorite joke Yeah, I didn't find his jokes particularly offensive. A thread like this I'd love to say something in Lisa Lampanelli's skit, but I'd be out for 3 months! __________________ Best. Player. Available.

your favorite joke

Parking Lot