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F.... Keeping up with the Jones's

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Old 12-12-2007, 02:15 AM   #1
EternalEnigma21
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F.... Keeping up with the Jones's

I'm completely sick of everyone I know being so overly concerned with keeping up with everyone else's material accomplishments... Especially around Christmas, but all the time.

My mother is going completely into debt in order to keep up the appearance of wealth, even though her income has been dramatically cut over the last couple of years.



We're Christmas shopping and everyone seems to be more concerned with what their gift will say about how much they spend, instead of if the person will actually enjoy the gift.

My wife and I have 2 kids and a large family. we don't exchange gifts with her family, but my family has to draw names and its like a big competition every year...

My step sister and her fiance' take it beyond ridiculous, giving sets of golf clubs and spending hundreds of dollars when we originally had a fifty dollar limit, and making it a huge production presenting their gifts...

its great if it really makes them happy, but it makes my wife feel inadequate, because she's not going to go out and spend that kind of money on people.... we make it more about our kids and the other kids in our family than anything...

anyone with me on this? is my family unique? am I out of place for letting it get to me?
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Old 12-12-2007, 02:34 AM   #2
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Re: F.... Keeping up with the Jones's

Read "Affluenza"...

Book reviews of Affluenza by Wann, de Graaf, Naylor.

It's a great book, and provides a great perspective on the disconnect between wealth and happiness.

Basically... You buy more things that put you in a positive feedback loop to buy more things. You never needed a stereo, until you bought the car. You never needed the CD's, but then you had to get the CD-Burner, etc. Kind of an all too unfamiliar concept.
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Old 12-12-2007, 02:53 AM   #3
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Re: F.... Keeping up with the Jones's

Honestly, I hate Christmas. I have to spend forever agonizing about what to buy people. Once I decide what I want to get them, I have to go into a horribly overcrowded mall and fight my way through seas of people and it takes me forever to find what I'm looking for. Then I have to wrap them. I'd rather Christmas be just like Thanksgiving, get together, have a meal, enjoy company. The present aspect isn't something I really enjoy (that includes giving and receiving). And then when people ask me what I want, and I say like kitchen utensils, they get mad.
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Old 12-12-2007, 01:58 PM   #4
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Re: F.... Keeping up with the Jones's

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Honestly, I hate Christmas. I have to spend forever agonizing about what to buy people. Once I decide what I want to get them, I have to go into a horribly overcrowded mall and fight my way through seas of people and it takes me forever to find what I'm looking for. Then I have to wrap them. I'd rather Christmas be just like Thanksgiving, get together, have a meal, enjoy company. The present aspect isn't something I really enjoy (that includes giving and receiving). And then when people ask me what I want, and I say like kitchen utensils, they get mad.
Sage Wisdom! Could not agree more. I have problems trying NOT to hate Christmas, or at least what it has become.
This year I am trying some diffesnt things to try and regain some Christmas spirit.
1) I was at a place that had a Christmas tree for a Battered womans shelter. The kids and mom's had put stars on the tree for "Very Basic" things they would like to recieve for Christmas-NO frills. I grabbed about six of them and had a lot of fun buying the stuff on the requests. I am going to let my family and friends know that they are going to get less from me (that they don't need anyway) so people that really need it can get......something they REALLY need.

2) I am going to cook 6 briskets for a men's halfway house that I know of. It's a good place doing a good service for the residents and the community as well. They probably get tired of eatig turkey during the holkidays. I know I do.

3) I am going to go to a midnight mass on the Eve.

Not sure what else, but still thinking. Hopefully, this will restore some of the good feelings Christmas is really about
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Old 12-12-2007, 08:20 AM   #5
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Re: F.... Keeping up with the Jones's

Christmas has become way too commercialized. I've really grown to hate that aspect of it. When stores start putting up Christmas stuff before Thanksgiving, that really pisses me off. They shove it down your throat for a good 2 months now. I'm wondering how long it will be before we start seeing stores getting ready for Christmas in September.
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Old 12-12-2007, 09:20 AM   #6
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Re: F.... Keeping up with the Jones's

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I'm wondering how long it will be before we start seeing stores getting ready for Christmas in September.
A mall near me opened a Christmas Boutique in the end of July this year!!
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Old 12-12-2007, 08:53 AM   #7
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Re: F.... Keeping up with the Jones's

Every holiday is like that. Lewis Black does a pretty good routine about that trend. 4th of July starts in May, Halloween is in August, Thanksgiving is before Halloween, Christmas is in October... Ugh.
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Old 12-12-2007, 09:12 AM   #8
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Re: F.... Keeping up with the Jones's

If somebody gives me a gift costing more than $100 it's going back and the cash is going in my pocket. We all make a pretty good living in my family but we've always limited our gifts to $20. Sometimes we even skip the gift giving and donate our time together to do charity work.

I don't hate Christmas or commercial exploitation of it. I think it's great for the economy to keep people spending as much of their hard earned cash as possible. I'm just not one of those people.
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Old 12-12-2007, 09:44 AM   #9
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Re: F.... Keeping up with the Jones's

This phenomenon is a big reason so many Americans are in debt and financially ruining themselves. Too many people tie their self worth to the size of their salary or their spending.

What really sucks is when there are kids involved, and the parents continue to spend spend spend without saving for college. The kid will have the equivalent of a mortgage payments' worth of student loans when 22 years old, all so the parents can keep up the impression that they're wealthy. It's downright criminal.
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Old 12-12-2007, 10:23 AM   #10
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Re: F.... Keeping up with the Jones's

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This phenomenon is a big reason so many Americans are in debt and financially ruining themselves. Too many people tie their self worth to the size of their salary or their spending.

What really sucks is when there are kids involved, and the parents continue to spend spend spend without saving for college. The kid will have the equivalent of a mortgage payments' worth of student loans when 22 years old, all so the parents can keep up the impression that they're wealthy. It's downright criminal.
Yep, you see it all the time. Too many people live above their means. I just don't get it. It would drive me insane to have so much senseless debt. I really wonder how people do it.
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Old 12-12-2007, 12:35 PM   #11
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Re: F.... Keeping up with the Jones's

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This phenomenon is a big reason so many Americans are in debt and financially ruining themselves. Too many people tie their self worth to the size of their salary or their spending.

What really sucks is when there are kids involved, and the parents continue to spend spend spend without saving for college. The kid will have the equivalent of a mortgage payments' worth of student loans when 22 years old, all so the parents can keep up the impression that they're wealthy. It's downright criminal.
Exactly. The number one trait of all millionaires in America is that they don't spend money.

Those who take on debt are in for some pain. Debt means you bought something you couldn't afford. If you can't afford it then don't buy it. Outside of a house one should almost never incur debt.
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Old 12-12-2007, 12:52 PM   #12
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Re: F.... Keeping up with the Jones's

Man, I feel for you guys. The whole gift giving thing has become an epidemic. I don't even know why one has to give and receive gifts. I don't get it. I mean, I do get giving something to complete strangers but why family members?
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Old 12-12-2007, 02:37 PM   #13
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Re: F.... Keeping up with the Jones's

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Exactly. The number one trait of all millionaires in America is that they don't spend money.

Those who take on debt are in for some pain. Debt means you bought something you couldn't afford. If you can't afford it then don't buy it. Outside of a house one should almost never incur debt.
I agree, but I'll add education to the short list of "good" debt.
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Old 12-12-2007, 03:18 PM   #14
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Re: F.... Keeping up with the Jones's

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I agree, but I'll add education to the short list of "good" debt.
Yep. A good way to look at it is if the federal government allows you to deduct the interest on your tax return, it's "good" debt. Definitely true for mortgages and student loans.
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Old 12-12-2007, 10:17 AM   #15
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Re: F.... Keeping up with the Jones's

You're all crazy! Don't you guys watch The Office? In the Christmas episode Michael Scott explains why giving an expensive gift is so great.

Michael Scott: "Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It is like this tangible thing that you can point to and say 'Hey man, I love you this many dollars-worth'.”
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