Creepy guy (or gal) in the movie theater.

[gabe1984]

As 12thman pointed out yesterday on the f the creepy people at work thread, I have a unique ability to attract crazy people towards me. Here's another example.

I graduated from the University of Maryland in May of 2006. During my senior year my buddy and I went to go see the 40 Year Old Virgin at the Hoff, which is a huge auditorium on campus that they play movies at. This place is big, it's gotta seat around 1,000 people. Anyone who goes to Maryland will probably agree that it's the largest theater they've ever seen a movie in.

Anyways, my buddy and I got there kinda early, we were in the first 50-100 people in line. So, we go in and sit down right in the middle of the auditorium and wait for the movie to start. On either side of us, there's atleast 15 empty seats before there was someone else sitting. Infact, the theater is less than 1/4 full, and people are slowly trickling in. To put it simply, there was no lack of seats, you could pretty much still sit where ever you wanted to.

All of a sudden this Asian being speedwalks down my row and parks it in the seat directly to my left. Not only did this person sit right next to me, but the person was nudging up against me. Keep in mind that there are about 800 empty seats open. With all the empty seats in the theater, why this person decided to sit next to me, body rubbed up against mine like there was a fat a guy in the seat to his left pushing him into me, I have no idea. At this point, my buddy and I just completey loose it and cannot stop laughing, it was hilarious.

To make things even funnier, as you've noticed I've referred to this person as a being or person, because I honestly could not tell the gender of this person. It had short hair, however it didnt sit like a man would sit. It sat cross legged, but it was like the kind of cross legged that would crush your balls. Bottom of the right knee, all the way up to the quad of the left leg, it's right elbow on my left arm rest, pointer finger extended up the side of his cheek, while the rest of fingers held in place right below his nose. Go head, practice that pose so you can get a feel for what was right next to me, with his elbow on my left arm rest. I was laughing so hard that it hurt, and at the same time I felt really uncomfortable.

It gets even better because as the theater filled up, no one came in to sit with this being. The theater eventually filled up, but it was just there by itself, it did not talk to the people who sat on the other side of it. Also, it did not laugh one time during the entire movie. How can you not laugh at the 40 Year Old Virgin. We were tempted to ask it after the show why it sat next to me, but decided not to because we feared for our lives. Needless to say, this person was very creepy.

[Schneed10]

LOL!

Bow chicky bow bow!

[12thMan]

Damn, the stories just get better and better. That's funny!

[TheMalcolmConnection]

That reminds me of people who crowd in public places. My wife and I will sit in a theater and without FAIL someone will sit right next to, in front of or behind us when the REST of the theater is open.

Happens EVERY TIME. It could be just me and her and one other person would come in and sit right next to us.

[ArtMonkDrillz]

This reminds me of a somewhat similar movie experience that I had a few years back.

I went to see some drama/serious/whatever movie with my cousin and another friend. I can't remember what movie it was or why we saw it in the first place (because all I remember is that it blew) but this one moment made the night pretty memorable.
I remember that the main character in the movie had all these emotional/relationship problems because of his childhood, and his girlfriend was one of the only people to help him sort this stuff out.
So towards the end of the movie the main character finally breaks through his problems and he and his girlfriend finally kiss for the first time and it's implied that they are about to have sex. That was when the huge fat guy a few rows in front of us suddenly stretches his arms over his head, then claps his big paws together, starts rubbing his hands as loud as he could, and then bellows out a big "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Basically it seemed like he thought the movie was about to turn into a hardcore porn and he was more than excited for that.
Everyone in the theater looked over in disgust and I just started laughing so hard that I actually had to go to the lobby for a few minutes to claim down.

It was off-putting, to say the least.

[Hog1]

I have learned through many years of observation of deviant human behavior, the best way to handle such an occurance.
Casually lean over to "it" as if to say something, and hit "it" with a 2 second burst of about 40,000 volts off your hand held stun gun............stroll away to another location when appropriate

[saden1]

A friend and I went to the movies last weekend to see Shrek and some SOB with stinky feet sat within our vicinity. The smell was so f'ing awful we couldn't enjoy the movie.

Smelly people, please stay away from the theaters.