Dear Warpath-Post #8000

[SmootSmack]

(This is dedicated to all those who didn't make it to 8,000, figure I'd do my "10,000th" tribute 2,000 posts early because with the season starting my 10,000th will probably be something like "Samuels was just called for holding")

Dear Warpath,

I'm writing you this letter because I never thought it would happen to me! I was working my summer job doing some yard work at the Jetsons home, when I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Mrs. Jetson.

"Mrs. Jetson," I said, startled.

"Please, call me JudyJane," she replied. "I didn't mean to startle you. Thought you might want to come inside for some lemonade."

"That sounds like Super Happy Fun!” I replied, wincing that I would say such a lame line. Damn you TMC! She laughed, but more out of pity.

I sat in her kitchen sipping a nice tall glass of freshly squeezed lemonade when she asked me if I wanted some pie. Well, of course I do! As she got up I could have sworn I caught a glimpse of her Question 3.

"Do you mind if I check my email," I asked, as I glanced at the desktop in the other room.

"Go right ahead."

I quickly checked my email then, with the pie still not ready, I started searching some posts on TheWarpath.net.

"Checking your email?" she smirked as she stood at the doorway of the study wearing nothing but an oversized Redskins t-shirt that covered just enough to leave plenty to the imagination.

"I wish my husband checked TheWarpath.net," she sighed as she moved toward me. "I've tried everything. Even tried putting on a different site skin every night, 50's, 70s, alternate original, nothing worked. Even tattoo didn't work. He's just not interested."

Of course, she wasn't telling me the whole story. Everyone had heard about the night she caught him bookmarking a Dallas Cowboys fan site. He convinced her it was a harmless mistake. But the word on the parking lot was that he was a frequent poster on the Cowboys site, going by the name of Spacely Sprockets. Either way it wasn't my place to get involved, so I started to log out.

"Don't" she said, as she pulled up a chair next to mine. "Let's see what the latest threads are."

Who's the most indispensable player on the Redskins defense I wondered aloud.

"Why don't you start a new thread? You know how to start a new thread don't you? You just move your cursor over the 'New Thread' button...and click," she whispered in my ear.

Well then. I decided I would tease her a bit, gently hovering the cursor over the 'New Thread' button, dragging it all around the edges until she couldn't take it anymore, reached over and clicked the mouse.

I started typing slowly and methodically. Talking about how Cornelius Griffin is a rock on the line who allows everyone else to flourish and he proved how indispensable he was last year when he was out. I started building up the pace talking about Marcus Washington and pointing out that as awesome as he is Gregg Williams seems to do a good job with linebackers overall and the addition of Andre Carter takes a lot of pressure off of MW to make the big plays.

"Are you going to submit reply?" she asked.

"Not yet, almost"

Now I was furiously pounding away at the keyboard, hitting every key with a deliberate intensity, talking about Shawn Springs and Sean Taylor. And how neither of those guys could be out for a long time, because our secondary depth left a bit to be desired, especially at safety. Suddenly I felt like I said all I could say.

"Submit reply," she gasped struggling for a breath.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Submit reply, damnit!," She screamed, spewing out a litany of curse words that would make JWSleep blush, and digging her nails into my arm.

I clicked on 'Reply' and a geyser of words that had built up inside of me exploded all over the screen, spelling and grammer mistakes everywhere no doubt.

"I should clean this up."

"Don't," she said, "leave it like that." A big smile wiped across her face.

For added measure I put up a poll as well. That impressed her, as she told me she didn't think I knew how to do that.

"Don't you know I'm a mod baby?" I said as I took another bite of that pie.

"Oh, like Brud," she said knowingly.

Yes exactly, like Brud. Wait, what? Like Brud? Was that Brud I saw sneaking out her window last week? Nah...Well, no time to worry about it now as I heard a car pulling up to the driveway. It was her husband.

"Go out the back door," she said, "my husband never comes in that way." I shot a glance over at her with a little smirk. What a comment I thought, that line had all the subtlety of a BSB welcome.

"Hurry up," she yelled as the sound of the front door turning seemed to be getting louder.

I ran out of there with a huge smile on my face, thinking of all the What! What!'s I was going to get. I couldn't believe it had actually happened to me...I just had my 8000th post.