Are you bitter?

[Schneed10]

Originally Posted by TheMalcolmConnection

For people who agree (like SS) you know how hard it is to be the asshole. For me, I'd much rather take the hit and please people I'm in the middle of (mostly family and wife).

Right now, I'm in a tough spot with the wife and my dad. Basically, this year was the first year we've been married and my dad forgot her birthday (let me remind you we've been together nearly ten years) and she was really hurt.

In my life I can't remember one time I've called my dad out, so basically rather than that, I'd rather just suffer and let there be weirdness between my wife and my dad. Am I wrong in thinking that if she has a problem SHE should be the one to address it and not me or is that part of my husbandly duties?

Sure I can see her point, and he should have at least called her or something, but when she gets mad at people she basically cuts them off and thanks to that I've almost estranged a couple of formerly close family members.

Understandable. You're a "harmonizer" personality. Explains why you're fun to be around on the boards, because harmonizers are typically fun people. You try to keep everyone as happy as possible and keep everyone at peace and getting along. Sometimes at your own expense. My wife fits this personality type, so does my brother.

But you're in the proverbial rock and a hard place. If you go with your wife's wishes and call out your dad, you and your dad will have an awkward conversation (and possibly a verbal fight depending on how he takes it). If you protect your dad from your wife's ire by not saying anything, you irk your wife and potentially cause her to do crazy woman things like holding grudges against family members.

Either way sucks, so I say you stand up for what you believe in. One way to go is tell your wife to get over it and she's being ridiculous. Oh she'll be mad, and she'll withhold the sex, but explain that if people cut others off for forgetting birthdays, very few people would have any friends in this world. It doesn't mean he doesn't love her - but sh*t happens, and it'd be a good exercise in forgiveness if she forgot about it and moved on. You could ask her which she thinks is more likely, that he purposely slighted her a birthday acknowledgement or that he simply was preoccupied and flat out forgot? Or if you think your Dad really was being petty and was mad at her for something, tell him that he's too old for that sh*t and is just causing angst in your house (ie less sex for you). He'll understand, dads look out for their sons like that!