15 reasons I wish I had a tail

[ArtMonkDrillz]

people wanted to know...

1. People would know when to back the F up
2. It would make pouring a beer into a beer bong easier when binge drinking alone
3. You could open the car door even when your hands were full of stuff (like beer and liquor)
4. Easier access to an itchy back
5. I could use it to protect my "valuables" in a street fighting situation
6. Seriously people, look at the way the tail is pointed straight out, back the F up
7. I need something to lean my head on that wont mess up my sweet mullet
8. My dog has a tail and girls seem to think he's cute, might work for me too
9. Tails increase balance, I need balance in my life
10. Sucker punches are easy, but imagine how much easier they would be if you could tap someone on their back with your tail to distract them
11. Dude, it's a tail, why wouldn't I want one?
12. I would finally have an excuse for biting people: "Shouldn't have pulled my tail"
13. I wouldn't have to express my emotions using "words," whatever those are
14. I could double fist and still be able to take a shot
15. To swat away horse flies, those little bastards need to know when to back the F up

anybody got any better ideas?