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What do you do for a living?

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Old 12-08-2014, 11:39 PM   #1
punch it in
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Re: What do you do for a living?

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Originally Posted by mredskins View Post
My job is so fucking unbelievable.

I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work. Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single fucking day.

Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.

LOL
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Old 12-09-2014, 10:45 AM   #2
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Re: What do you do for a living?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mredskins View Post
My job is so fucking unbelievable.
I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:
First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.
The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.
But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work. Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single fucking day.
Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.
lol thats some funny stuff. i was like "WTF does this dude do?" until i read the last line. descriptive, engaging and had a punch line. well done.
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Old 12-10-2014, 02:16 PM   #3
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Re: What do you do for a living?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mredskins View Post
My job is so fucking unbelievable.
I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:
First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.
The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.
But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work. Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single fucking day.
Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.
I never thought of Daphne as a Lesbian, but that does explain the green scarf and purple dress she wears

Also, why are you so obsessed with traps?
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Old 12-10-2014, 02:48 PM   #4
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Re: What do you do for a living?

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I never thought of Daphne as a Lesbian, but that does explain the green scarf and purple dress she wears

Also, why are you so obsessed with traps?
Pretty sure it is Velma that is being described as the lesbian.
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Old 12-10-2014, 03:59 PM   #5
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Re: What do you do for a living?

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Pretty sure it is Velma that is being described as the lesbian.

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Old 12-10-2014, 04:34 PM   #6
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Re: What do you do for a living?

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Worst joke ever bro.
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Old 12-10-2014, 04:52 PM   #7
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Re: What do you do for a living?

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That was pretty tricky of you. Doesn't hold a candle to my job description joke.
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Old 12-09-2014, 10:47 AM   #8
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Re: What do you do for a living?

for the record i just copy pasted it. It is a long time running internet joke.
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Old 12-09-2014, 04:57 PM   #9
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Re: What do you do for a living?

Cool bump!

When you last read my post I was printing tshirts and going to community college. Since then I finished up my BS at George Mason. I then finished up my MS at George Mason. Now I lead two teams of engineers at a large government agency. We work on continuous monitoring and do some pretty fun stuff!
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Old 12-10-2014, 02:08 PM   #10
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Re: What do you do for a living?

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Cool bump!

When you last read my post I was printing tshirts and going to community college. Since then I finished up my BS at George Mason. I then finished up my MS at George Mason. Now I lead two teams of engineers at a large government agency. We work on continuous monitoring and do some pretty fun stuff!
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Old 12-10-2014, 07:44 PM   #11
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Re: What do you do for a living?

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Originally Posted by Daseal View Post
Cool bump!

When you last read my post I was printing tshirts and going to community college. Since then I finished up my BS at George Mason. I then finished up my MS at George Mason. Now I lead two teams of engineers at a large government agency. We work on continuous monitoring and do some pretty fun stuff!
Wait the puppy kicker flies a black helicopter?????
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Old 12-10-2014, 09:11 PM   #12
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Re: What do you do for a living?

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Wait the puppy kicker flies a black helicopter?????
Hah. No, not nearly that fun! I do get to kick puppies for a living though. It's hard telling someone their baby is ugly, but that's when they send me!
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Old 12-11-2014, 11:14 AM   #13
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Re: What do you do for a living?

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Hah. No, not nearly that fun! I do get to kick puppies for a living though. It's hard telling someone their baby is ugly, but that's when they send me!
i laughed out loud
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Old 12-15-2014, 01:04 AM   #14
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Re: What do you do for a living?

What do I do for a living?
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Old 12-15-2014, 03:23 PM   #15
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Re: What do you do for a living?

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What do I do for a living?
It's funny, for some reason I always pictured you as Barney from How I met Your Mother, lol!
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