advice needed...

[saden1]

Fair enough. If you love your kids you got to fight for your kids and that guy aught to fight for them if he wants to keep them. I certainly wouldn't let her walk away with my kids and have another man raise them knowing full well that I kept my end of the "death do us part" bargain. Make her ass pay child support and shit to boot.

[dmek25]

as long as you " man up" and be a part of their lives, you will always be " dad" in their eyes

[mredskins]

GMScud sorry for your childhood and the crap you had to go through. The point of my outrage was not the divorce, it was the point that these kids are basically being messed with by having to call Jasnro daddy or papi (even if it is by their own choice they should be corrected).

How would you feel if after your parents divorce your dad ask you to call one of his GF mom or mommy? Would that not have have messed with your mind?

[GMScud]

Originally Posted by mredskins

GMScud sorry for your childhood and the crap you had to go through. The point of my outrage was not the divorce, it was the point that these kids are basically being messed with by having to call Jasnro daddy or papi (even if it is by their own choice they should be corrected).

How would you feel if after your parents divorce your dad ask you to call one of his GF mom or mommy? Would that not have have messed with your mind?

I had a great childhood, it was just a little rocky for a year or two.

I don't think the kids "have to" call Jsarno "dad." If they are, it shows they have strong feelings towards him. It's kind of a gray area as to whether or not they should be corrected. They are so young. Should they call him his first name? Or Mr. so and so? It's kind of awkward. I think you're focusing on the wrong thing though. If they are taking so well to Jsarno and going so far as to call him "dad," what does that say about their biological father?

As for me, I was 14 when my parents split, so I was old enough to understand what was going on.

I don't think there's any one standard this situation should be held to. It's unique. If I were Jsarno and Julia, I would definitely talk to a counselor or therapist, for three reasons:

1) the children - making sure their mental health and happiness are a priority.
2) her ex-husband - how to cope with his abusive nature and how to keep the children integrated with him in a healthy capacity
3) Julia and Jsarno - making sure they understand possible stumbling blocks in these kind of situations and how to best handle it. If the kids really do see him as "dad," then losing him after already losing their real dad could be really bad.

[firstdown]

Originally Posted by mredskins

GMScud sorry for your childhood and the crap you had to go through. The point of my outrage was not the divorce, it was the point that these kids are basically being messed with by having to call Jasnro daddy or papi (even if it is by their own choice they should be corrected).

How would you feel if after your parents divorce your dad ask you to call one of his GF mom or mommy? Would that not have have messed with your mind?

Actually papi in the South is more what child would call their grand dad.

[mredskins]

^ Good Advice.

[SmootSmack]

maybe they think jsarno is David Ortiz

[FRPLG]

Originally Posted by SmootSmack

maybe they think jsarno is David Ortiz

I've thought that for a while.

[Schneed10]

I must respectfully, and delicately, back mredskins here. While his choice of words may have been poor, I understand the general sentiment. I do think that if you come onto this website and provide information to the public/membership, then they have the right to judge you for it. This forum encourages the sharing of opinions, and negative opinions are no less valid. That said (and I've learned the hard way on this), it must be done with civility.

But I get the general sentiment and think the following:

1) This decision was rushed into. There was a little back and forth between New Mexico and San Diego to see her, but ultimately a decision like this should take more time. "Doing what makes you happy" is otherwise known as thinking with your dick (figuratively), and only gets you in trouble.

2) I don't think Julia's motives are purely for love. I think she's in it for security, safety, and financial support. If it were love, she wouldn't have gone so many years with no contact.

3) I think jsarno has acted irresponsibly by going on a vacation when he has no gainful employment, and has no prospects for adequately supporting a family of four.

4) While the previous husband has been abusive, I see the children as hardly better off today. Jsarno's decision making leading up to this point leads me to believe they still lack a quality male role model in their lives. And that's very sad.

5) Until you're living with the children as a full-time parent who actually takes care of them, provides discipline, structure, routine and comfort, it doesn't matter how much they like to go to Chucky Cheese with you. Because of the tendency to make decisions so selfishly, I don't think jsarno has it in him to be a quality parent. Being a good father takes work, commitment, dedication, dependability, and most of all sacrifice. To date, jsarno has exhibited none of these qualities.

Respectfully, I'm not fond of the way this situation has been handled. I would be surprised if it turns out well in the long haul. But no doubt I'll never know the complete truth, it certainly won't be revealed in this thread.

[saden1]

Dr. Phil that's a bit much don't you think? You done gone to places you don't belong doc.

[70Chip]

Determined to stay out of here.

[SmootSmack]

Originally Posted by Schneed10

I must respectfully, and delicately, back mredskins here. While his choice of words may have been poor, I understand the general sentiment. I do think that if you come onto this website and provide information to the public/membership, then they have the right to judge you for it. This forum encourages the sharing of opinions, and negative opinions are no less valid. That said (and I've learned the hard way on this), it must be done with civility.

But I get the general sentiment and think the following:

1) This decision was rushed into. There was a little back and forth between New Mexico and San Diego to see her, but ultimately a decision like this should take more time. "Doing what makes you happy" is otherwise known as thinking with your dick (figuratively), and only gets you in trouble.

2) I don't think Julia's motives are purely for love. I think she's in it for security, safety, and financial support. If it were love, she wouldn't have gone so many years with no contact.

3) I think jsarno has acted irresponsibly by going on a vacation when he has no gainful employment, and has no prospects for adequately supporting a family of four.

4) While the previous husband has been abusive, I see the children as hardly better off today. Jsarno's decision making leading up to this point leads me to believe they still lack a quality male role model in their lives. And that's very sad.

5) Until you're living with the children as a full-time parent who actually takes care of them, provides discipline, structure, routine and comfort, it doesn't matter how much they like to go to Chucky Cheese with you. Because of the tendency to make decisions so selfishly, I don't think jsarno has it in him to be a quality parent. Being a good father takes work, commitment, dedication, dependability, and most of all sacrifice. To date, jsarno has exhibited none of these qualities.

Respectfully, I'm not fond of the way this situation has been handled. I would be surprised if it turns out well in the long haul. But no doubt I'll never know the complete truth, it certainly won't be revealed in this thread.

I agree on many points, and I'm not even a parent so I can't fully appreciate all of what a parent would be thinking. I think though that what you've outlined is a lot different from just spitting out "you're a royal piece of shit"

[mredskins]

Originally Posted by SmootSmack

I agree on many points, and I'm not even a parent so I can't fully appreciate all of what a parent would be thinking. I think though that what you've outlined is a lot different from just spitting out "you're a royal piece of shit"

I apologized for my comment and at the time I was reading this I pictured someone doing that to my son. After I had raised/ raising him for someone to swoop in and try to tell or allow them to call them Papi or Dad would send me through the roof.

Thanks S10 for the backing, I agree whole heartly with you.

I really think like S10 said you got to live with these kids to find out how it is going to work out. Most people can easily befriend childern they are very trusting and enjoy any adult attention. I could take my son to Chucky Cheese every day and he would love and like the hell out of me, does this make me a good parent? Ah no...

I also find it incrediable how many people back Jsarno on this site after the guy has been a know it all ass to most of us but I guess you guys like the abuse. Is it the flowers he sends to your hospital bed after beating you up the night before that makes you want to take him back?

[SmootSmack]

Originally Posted by mredskins

I apologized for my comment and at the time I was reading this I pictured someone doing that to my son. After I had raised/ raising him for someone to swoop in and try to tell or allow them to call them Papi or Dad would send me through the roof.

True, I should have acknowledged that you did eventually apologize

Thanks S10 for the backing, I agree whole heartly with you.

I really think like S10 said you got to live with these kids to find out how it is going to work out. Most people can easily befriend childern they are very trusting and enjoy any adult attention. I could take my son to Chucky Cheese every day and he would love and like the hell out of me, does this make me a good parent? Ah no...

Certainly, my cousins and nieces adore me and think I'm so much fun (and it's so cool how I can get them free passes to Disney World), but I'm not naive to the difficulties and responsibilities of being a real parent

I also find it incrediable how many people back Jsarno on this site after the guy has been a know it all ass to most of us but I guess you guys like the abuse. Is it the flowers he sends to your hospital bed after beating you up the night before that makes you want to take him back?

Which is ultimately what I think is the issue here. Personally, and jsarno already knows this, I could pretty much care less about him. I don't know him, I don't think I'll ever know him, I don't have any desire to. I'm sure he feels the same about me. But I'm trying to put that aside here (as I think others are too), but are you? If it was Sheriff Gonna Getcha for example who had started this thread would your reaction be different?

[mredskins]

I am upset most with the poor children in this story but it does help fuel my angry that Jsarno is unlikeable. Is this not human nature though? We are more forgiving to the ones we like vs. those we dislike.

To be honest I think Jsarno read this situation in the Playboy Advisor and has adapted as his own story, I find him to be an out right liar on many levels, none of his storys add up and he has been caught in lies many times here. I personally think he is either or both crazy and/or a heavy drinker.

Since my life is lacking in any major drama it is nice to be able to read this thread to get me through boring parts of my work day and I thank you Jsarno for that. See you can always find something nice to say. =)