advice needed...

[Schneed10]

Originally Posted by jsarno

What is this abandonment thing that I've seen more than once on this thread? I haven't even heard that before...can you fill me in on how this transates to me / julia and this situation?
Let me paint a picture, Julia is a nanny, and makes about 1/4th of what her husband makes.
Let me be more clear about the letter...she is going to write in it that she is wanting a "trial separation" and that she is going to her parents or something but for him not to contact her for a week. He NEVER takes care of the kids, she does 100% of the child care. He wouldn't be able to take care of the kids anyway. That being said, she will NOT take the kids permanantly from him, just for a week. So how does this work in terms of "abandonment"? I do not want to risk her losing the kids.

In terms of the cruise, my mother and sister are on it, so I am on it regardless...it's been planned for over a year and already paid for.

Forget the legal implications.

If she makes a quarter of what he makes, and she's leaving him, it sounds like she and her kids will be heavily dependent upon you for income. And you said you don't have a job. My first question is how do you and Julia expect to support the kids when you guys are living together?

I'd STRONGLY suggest you skip the cruise and pound the pavement, regardless of whether it's paid for.

From the sounds of it, you can't afford to support these children. And if he's making a decent income, it's only a matter of time before she begins to compare your income to his, and begins to regret making the move just for the sake of her children alone.

She shouldn't go on the cruise either. She needs to stay home and get to work on securing a steady child support payment. Without it, it sounds like the two of you will not be able to care for them properly.

[jsarno]

Originally Posted by Schneed10

Forget the legal implications.

If she makes a quarter of what he makes, and she's leaving him, it sounds like she and her kids will be heavily dependent upon you for income. And you said you don't have a job. My first question is how do you and Julia expect to support the kids when you guys are living together?

I'd STRONGLY suggest you skip the cruise and pound the pavement, regardless of whether it's paid for.

From the sounds of it, you can't afford to support these children. And if he's making a decent income, it's only a matter of time before she begins to compare your income to his, and begins to regret making the move just for the sake of her children alone.

She shouldn't go on the cruise either. She needs to stay home and get to work on securing a steady child support payment. Without it, it sounds like the two of you will not be able to care for them properly.

OK, I have enough stashed, and available if need be to take care of her and the kids for close to a year. Trust me, I understand my financial situation. I WILL find a job shortly, and I have time to get a job...it's just out of my comfort zone to not have a job.
We are both already set for 6 months without any addition income requirements. I also will not be without a paycheck until AFTER the cruise...so I'll be fine. I appreciate your concern, and if I were in your shoes, I would have said the same thing.

Thanks.

[Schneed10]

Originally Posted by jsarno

OK, I have enough stashed, and available if need be to take care of her and the kids for close to a year. Trust me, I understand my financial situation. I WILL find a job shortly, and I have time to get a job...it's just out of my comfort zone to not have a job.
We are both already set for 6 months without any addition income requirements. I also will not be without a paycheck until AFTER the cruise...so I'll be fine. I appreciate your concern, and if I were in your shoes, I would have said the same thing.

Thanks.

OK I was just going off your earlier post where you said you couldn't afford to live off $8-10 per hour. And you also said 'at least I have a decent amount in my checking account to live off, but this place is freakin expensive.' If you do indeed have significant savings that certainly does help.

But being the financey type, I feel obliged to warn that your own savings could be at risk as part of a pending divorce settlement between you and your current wife. You mentioned the divorce was final as of Monday, do you know how much in savings you're obligated to pass over to her? And how much in the way of alimony, if any?

Also, important to note that moving expenses to get you from New Mexico to San Diego will amount to about $3-4K, assuming you have enough stuff requiring a moving company.

And I'd also caution that you shouldn't underestimate the difficulty of finding a job in this job market, especially one that will pay you an MBA's salary, which I know is a degree you have. And if you're going to settle in California with Julia, even significant savings can get sucked up quickly in such a high cost of living area. Besides, if you have that much in savings, no doubt your best financial move would be to put it towards a down payment on a home in San Diego for you and your new family. You'll want to do everything you can to preserve that savings to use for that purpose, otherwise you're stuck renting.

Good luck to ya.

[mredskins]

Originally Posted by Schneed10

OK I was just going off your earlier post where you said you couldn't afford to live off $8-10 per hour. And you also said 'at least I have a decent amount in my checking account to live off, but this place is freakin expensive.' If you do indeed have significant savings that certainly does help.

But being the financey type, I feel obliged to warn that your own savings could be at risk as part of a pending divorce settlement between you and your current wife. You mentioned the divorce was final as of Monday, do you know how much in savings you're obligated to pass over to her? And how much in the way of alimony, if any?

Also, important to note that moving expenses to get you from New Mexico to San Diego will amount to about $3-4K, assuming you have enough stuff requiring a moving company.

And I'd also caution that you shouldn't underestimate the difficulty of finding a job in this job market, especially one that will pay you an MBA's salary, which I know is a degree you have. And if you're going to settle in California with Julia, even significant savings can get sucked up quickly in such a high cost of living area. Besides, if you have that much in savings, no doubt your best financial move would be to put it towards a down payment on a home in San Diego for you and your new family. You'll want to do everything you can to preserve that savings to use for that purpose, otherwise you're stuck renting.

Good luck to ya.

S10 stop blowing the train horn, you going to screw up this train wreck.

If you went through all of Jsarno's 8k+ post you would find many stories about him and/or his life that simpley just don't add up. I think he is a lair and/or a drunk. He has been a know it all a$$ on this site for a long time and this story is just the icing on the cake.

My only prayers are for the childern in this story. Otherwise I belive Julia and Jsarno are just a bunch of snakes in the grass destorying god's work. What complete shelfness on both their parts. Some people are so quick to forget their vows to the lord just because they get a ach in their groin. Did you ever thing of marriage consuling or going to your preist for help?

As for Jsarno you get what you deserve and in a year or so you will look back and see the incrediable mistake you have made, it could not happen to a nicer guy, really.

Sorry for being a d*ck but this story really rubbed me the wrong way and I believe a lot of America's problems today are due to the high divorce rate i nthis country. Also, sorry for the grammer I am in a rush to get to a meeting this morning, no time to proof.

[Schneed10]

Originally Posted by mredskins

S10 stop blowing the train horn, you going to screw up this train wreck.

If you went through all of Jsarno's 8k+ post you would find many stories about him and/or his life that simpley just don't add up. I think he is a lair and/or a drunk. He has been a know it all a$$ on this site for a long time and this story is just the icing on the cake.

My only prayers are for the childern in this story. Otherwise I belive Julia and Jsarno are just a bunch of snakes in the grass destorying god's work. What complete shelfness on both their parts. Some people are so quick to forget their vows to the lord just because they get a ach in their groin. Did you ever thing of marriage consuling or going to your preist for help?

As for Jsarno you get what you deserve and in a year or so you will look back and see the incrediable mistake you have made, it could not happen to a nicer guy, really.

Sorry for being a d*ck but this story really rubbed me the wrong way and I believe a lot of America's problems today are due to the high divorce rate i nthis country. Also, sorry for the grammer I am in a rush to get to a meeting this morning, no time to proof.

Zoinks!

There are definitely some inconsistencies in what you're saying here, jsarno. In the first post you said "at least I have a decent amount in my checking account to live off, but this place is freakin expensive.' And then in a more recent post you said you have enough money to support a family for a year in San Diego. Now unless you consider ramen noodles and grilled cheese sandwiches supporting a family, you seem to be saying you have a whole buttload of money, not just a decent amount in the checking account.

I'm just trying to help out, which was the purpose of this thread, right? If you're head over heels about someone, chances are you're not thinking of everything. I'm just trying to put some considerations out there that could wind up being very important.

[jsarno]

Originally Posted by mredskins

S10 stop blowing the train horn, you going to screw up this train wreck.

If you went through all of Jsarno's 8k+ post you would find many stories about him and/or his life that simpley just don't add up. I think he is a lair and/or a drunk. He has been a know it all a$$ on this site for a long time and this story is just the icing on the cake.

In terms of being a know it all a$$, maybe you're right. I apologize. My intent is obviously to never be an a$$, or to come across as a know it all. I know I can say things in a very matter of fact way and I rub people the wrong way.

My only prayers are for the childern in this story. Otherwise I belive Julia and Jsarno are just a bunch of snakes in the grass destorying god's work. What complete shelfness on both their parts. Some people are so quick to forget their vows to the lord just because they get a ach in their groin. Did you ever thing of marriage consuling or going to your preist for help?

As for Jsarno you get what you deserve and in a year or so you will look back and see the incrediable mistake you have made, it could not happen to a nicer guy, really.

Sorry for being a d*ck but this story really rubbed me the wrong way and I believe a lot of America's problems today are due to the high divorce rate i nthis country. Also, sorry for the grammer I am in a rush to get to a meeting this morning, no time to proof.

I wasn't going to comment, but I felt compelled. Yes, I know in God's eye I am doing something wrong. I can only hope for forgiveness.
I do find it ironic that you are pointing out what God wants but are calling me an a$$ and I will get what I deserve. But hey, I understand you don't like me for reasons already stated. I haven't posted here in a long while, I hope you find my future posts less intrusive, and I will make more of an attempt to be patient and less of an a$$.

[mredskins]

Originally Posted by jsarno

In terms of being a know it all a$$, maybe you're right. I apologize. My intent is obviously to never be an a$$, or to come across as a know it all. I know I can say things in a very matter of fact way and I rub people the wrong way.



I wasn't going to comment, but I felt compelled. Yes, I know in God's eye I am doing something wrong. I can only hope for forgiveness.
I do find it ironic that you are pointing out what God wants but are calling me an a$$ and I will get what I deserve. But hey, I understand you don't like me for reasons already stated. I haven't posted here in a long while, I hope you find my future posts less intrusive, and I will make more of an attempt to be patient and less of an a$$.

This is classic jsanro.

Now if you go back to the 8k+ post that he has and droped them into excel and data sorted them according to time. You would find that between 11pm and 6am he is a know it all a$$ but then if you looked at the postings between 8am and say 8pm you will get the "I am so sorry Jsarno". I think someone likes to drink then come on here with their beer muscles and talk crap at night.

Shockingly this thread started at 2 in the morning. Not saying you are talking crap in this thread but some of your best stories are webbed together in the early morning hours with a bottle of your favorite posion.

And yes we are all sinners and I sinned by judging you. I will ask for forgivness at church this Sunday.

[jsarno]

Originally Posted by mredskins

This is classic jsanro.

Now if you go back to the 8k+ post that he has and droped them into excel and data sorted them according to time. You would find that between 11pm and 6am he is a know it all a$$ but then if you looked at the postings between 8am and say 8pm you will get the "I am so sorry Jsarno". I think someone likes to drink then come on here with their beer muscles and talk crap at night.

Shockingly this thread started at 2 in the morning. Not saying you are talking crap in this thread but some of your best stories are webbed together in the early morning hours with a bottle of your favorite posion.

And yes we are all sinners and I sinned by judging you. I will ask for forgivness at church this Sunday.

All I can ask is that you forgive me for my past comments that have offended you and possibly others. I think there was a part of me that was bitter about my life, and where it was going, and it may have spewed over to this site at times. Again, I apologize. So I ask you to reserve judgement, you may just see a different poster from here on out. It's funny what being happy can do to a person.

[GMScud]

Originally Posted by mredskins

S10 stop blowing the train horn, you going to screw up this train wreck.

If you went through all of Jsarno's 8k+ post you would find many stories about him and/or his life that simpley just don't add up. I think he is a lair and/or a drunk. He has been a know it all a$$ on this site for a long time and this story is just the icing on the cake.

My only prayers are for the childern in this story. Otherwise I belive Julia and Jsarno are just a bunch of snakes in the grass destorying god's work. What complete shelfness on both their parts. Some people are so quick to forget their vows to the lord just because they get a ach in their groin. Did you ever thing of marriage consuling or going to your preist for help?

As for Jsarno you get what you deserve and in a year or so you will look back and see the incrediable mistake you have made, it could not happen to a nicer guy, really.

Sorry for being a d*ck but this story really rubbed me the wrong way and I believe a lot of America's problems today are due to the high divorce rate i nthis country. Also, sorry for the grammer I am in a rush to get to a meeting this morning, no time to proof.

Wow, I think the title of this thread was "advice needed" not "be judgemental of my situation and character without even meeting me and be a namecalling idealist simultaneously."

Some things are better left not said. That was an opinion you probably should have kept to yourself, IMO.

[jsarno]

Originally Posted by Schneed10

OK I was just going off your earlier post where you said you couldn't afford to live off $8-10 per hour. And you also said 'at least I have a decent amount in my checking account to live off, but this place is freakin expensive.' If you do indeed have significant savings that certainly does help.

But being the financey type, I feel obliged to warn that your own savings could be at risk as part of a pending divorce settlement between you and your current wife. You mentioned the divorce was final as of Monday, do you know how much in savings you're obligated to pass over to her? And how much in the way of alimony, if any?

Also, important to note that moving expenses to get you from New Mexico to San Diego will amount to about $3-4K, assuming you have enough stuff requiring a moving company.

And I'd also caution that you shouldn't underestimate the difficulty of finding a job in this job market, especially one that will pay you an MBA's salary, which I know is a degree you have. And if you're going to settle in California with Julia, even significant savings can get sucked up quickly in such a high cost of living area. Besides, if you have that much in savings, no doubt your best financial move would be to put it towards a down payment on a home in San Diego for you and your new family. You'll want to do everything you can to preserve that savings to use for that purpose, otherwise you're stuck renting.

Good luck to ya.

My divorce is already done. When you have no kids and you settle yourself, they can go very quickly. We have already split EVERYTHING. I am moving myself with a trailer, so it will cost me about $400-$500 including gas to move. I decided to rent a room in a house with a firefighter and police officer, who seem like nice guys...save a ton of money that way. Instead of paying 1200-1400 for a 1 bedroom with utilitites, I'm only paying $675 with all utilities. Much better.
About my post referring to the $8-10 an hour jobs...well, I don't consider my savings something that I SHOULD live off. I'm pretty sure you understand this having a financial background. I am using it as a "last resort". I certainly don't want to use it. Thus my comments about needing a job and not being able to afford living off 8-10 and hour. I really don't want to touch what I have worked hard to save. What's the point of savings if it all gets used?
About what I bolded...YES! I absolutely do not underestimate this job market. This is why I asked about it. I am waaay out of my comfort zone.

[Schneed10]

Originally Posted by jsarno

My divorce is already done. When you have no kids and you settle yourself, they can go very quickly. We have already split EVERYTHING. I am moving myself with a trailer, so it will cost me about $400-$500 including gas to move. I decided to rent a room in a house with a firefighter and police officer, who seem like nice guys...save a ton of money that way. Instead of paying 1200-1400 for a 1 bedroom with utilitites, I'm only paying $675 with all utilities. Much better.
About my post referring to the $8-10 an hour jobs...well, I don't consider my savings something that I SHOULD live off. I'm pretty sure you understand this having a financial background. I am using it as a "last resort". I certainly don't want to use it. Thus my comments about needing a job and not being able to afford living off 8-10 and hour. I really don't want to touch what I have worked hard to save. What's the point of savings if it all gets used?
About what I bolded...YES! I absolutely do not underestimate this job market. This is why I asked about it. I am waaay out of my comfort zone.

So where is Julia going to live if you're shacking up with two other guys? I guess you're not going to live together right away?

And I guess that means she's going to live on her own once she leaves the husband? Can she afford that on the low nanny's pay you were speaking about?

Smart move not to tap your savings, because you need to keep it in order to buy a house for you and Julia so you can actually live together. All the more reason to skip the cruise and get a job ASAP.

[jsarno]

Originally Posted by Schneed10

So where is Julia going to live if you're shacking up with two other guys? I guess you're not going to live together right away?

No...I do not think it's right to go from one daddy to the next overnight. The kids need to have some sort of normalcy through such a traumatic experience.

And I guess that means she's going to live on her own once she leaves the husband? Can she afford that on the low nanny's pay you were speaking about?

She is actually going to be a live in nanny for now. We are looking for apartments for her cause she doesn't feel completely comfortable with that. She does make enough money to make it on her own...she has NO DEBT other than a small student loan payment.

Smart move not to tap your savings, because you need to keep it in order to buy a house for you and Julia so you can actually live together. All the more reason to skip the cruise and get a job ASAP.

Well, like I said, the cruise is already paid for, and if I cancel, they keep the money...or at least 75% of it. So what's the point? I can't leave my mother and sister on the cruise by themselves...especially considering this is a graduating gift to my sister.

[Slingin Sammy 33]

Originally Posted by jsarno

I decided to rent a room in a house with a firefighter and police officer, who seem like nice guys....

It's not the firefighter and police officer from the Village People is it (not that there's anything wrong with that)?

Just thought I'd lighten the mood a bit.

[MTK]

Originally Posted by Slingin Sammy 33

It's not the firefighter and police officer from the Village People is it (not that there's anything wrong with that)?

Just thought I'd lighten the mood a bit.

lol that would make sense, check out this recent pic of jsarno:

[Slingin Sammy 33]

Originally Posted by Mattyk72

lol that would make sense, check out this recent pic of jsarno:

Can't get to the pic?