advice needed...

[love them hogs]

Originally Posted by jsarno

That is GREAT to know. It's good to hear I am not the only one that went through this. In particular I am interested to hear how well adjusted (or not) the kids are? (well in your case, your son)

He is very well adjusted.Gets good grades,plays baseball and soccer and is a completely normal kid.I suppose that he was so young when I came along that it all seems natural to him to have two Daddies.It also helped a bunch that his biological father and I got along rather well believe it or not.It got to the point where it was actually easier for just me to go and do the dropping off and picking up when it came time for visitation.Early on we had a conversation,his bio-father and I,where I explained that I would never try to replace him and that I understood that he was an important part of his life.You will have to be thick skinned at first because there is bound to be hard feelings, but hopefully with a little time and patience things will get at very least civil.

[jsarno]

Originally Posted by love them hogs

He is very well adjusted.Gets good grades,plays baseball and soccer and is a completely normal kid.I suppose that he was so young when I came along that it all seems natural to him to have two Daddies.It also helped a bunch that his biological father and I got along rather well believe it or not.It got to the point where it was actually easier for just me to go and do the dropping off and picking up when it came time for visitation.Early on we had a conversation,his bio-father and I,where I explained that I would never try to replace him and that I understood that he was an important part of his life.You will have to be thick skinned at first because there is bound to be hard feelings, but hopefully with a little time and patience things will get at very least civil.

That's good to know, thanks.

I have not met their biological father yet, and that doesn't appear to be in the immediate future, but i am sure it will happen at some point. I will have to put myself in his shoes when that does happen. I can only hope we can be civil.
What recommendations / advice do you have for me to help with my first encounter with the bio-father? What was good / bad in your experience?

[firstdown]

Originally Posted by jsarno

That's good to know, thanks.

I have not met their biological father yet, and that doesn't appear to be in the immediate future, but i am sure it will happen at some point. I will have to put myself in his shoes when that does happen. I can only hope we can be civil.
What recommendations / advice do you have for me to help with my first encounter with the bio-father? What was good / bad in your experience?

Not sure how her x feels at this time but I'd give it some time for him to cool down if thats needed and then I would give him a call. Tell him how you feel about not trying to take his place and all that stuff. I would also offer to let him tell you how he feels about whats going on and let him ask questions about you. If your up front about things and you make him comfortable talking with you things could go much smoother with the children. Its when people do not comunicate that things get worse instead of getting better. I would not be surprised if he tells you off but if you tell him you understand how he feels there is only so much he can say as you would feel the same way if thing where reverse.

[jsarno]

Originally Posted by firstdown

Not sure how her x feels at this time but I'd give it some time for him to cool down if thats needed and then I would give him a call. Tell him how you feel about not trying to take his place and all that stuff. I would also offer to let him tell you how he feels about whats going on and let him ask questions about you. If your up front about things and you make him comfortable talking with you things could go much smoother with the children. Its when people do not comunicate that things get worse instead of getting better. I would not be surprised if he tells you off but if you tell him you understand how he feels there is only so much he can say as you would feel the same way if thing where reverse.

When you said "call him", I was like WHHHHHAAAAAAT??? But after letting it absorb, it's sound advice. Thank you...I will have to try that at some point, but I am sure that won't happen for quite some time...it's still too fresh.

[love them hogs]

Originally Posted by jsarno

That's good to know, thanks.

I have not met their biological father yet, and that doesn't appear to be in the immediate future, but i am sure it will happen at some point. I will have to put myself in his shoes when that does happen. I can only hope we can be civil.
What recommendations / advice do you have for me to help with my first encounter with the bio-father? What was good / bad in your experience?

Its probably good that the two of you don't meet until things cool down a bit.It will take time for it to sink in that you are there and not going anywhere.
When you do meet I wouldn't say much at first and just try to gauge how he reacts to you.If he seems to be civil then go ahead and try to have the conversation about not trying to replace him.I would suggest doing this in person, face to face,not over the phone.It will carry more weight if he can look you in the eyes and know that you are telling him the truth.
Its obviously going to be awkward at first but it should get better with time.I was lucky in that he had already found someone new when we first met face to face.So once we had the conversation things really smoothed out and we were about as friendly with each other as two men in that situation could be.

Hope this helps and good luck.