advice needed...

[firstdown]

Originally Posted by GMScud

Yeah but if everything Jsarno is saying is the truth, this guy has had ample opportunity to be a good father/husband and has failed thus far. Hopefully he'll still be a part of his kids' lives, but it sounds like he has to make some changes.

Look, shit happens. My parents divorced when I was 14 and my brother was 10. It was tough, but leading up to the split they were both so unhappy in their marriage, and it trickled down to me and my brother. It was tough and awkward for a while, especially when my Dad started dating other women right away. Sure they both made some mistakes. Who doesn't in life? They have both since re-married, and I went from having two miserable parents to having four very happy parents.

If I'm reading this right you think he had child with his first wife which I think is not the case but I have only read about 90% of this thread.

[KLHJ2]

Originally Posted by firstdown

If I'm reading this right you think he had child with his first wife which I think is not the case but I have only read about 90% of this thread.

He had a daughter with his first wife. With much respect I utter the words "She is Deceased". Tread carefully my friend.

Edit: And actually GM was talking about the other guy and not J.

[jsarno]

Originally Posted by Angry

He had a daughter with his first wife. With much respect I utter the words "She is Deceased". Tread carefully my friend.

Thank you Angry.

In regards to comments from others. I did not pick out the name papi, julia did. Yes, it was in reference to David Ortiz...I AM from Boston after all, and unfortunately I have a similar stature. The youngest did call me "DADDY" once and I corrected him. I have already said on this site I am not trying to replace their father and I want him to be a part of their life.

One comment stuck out to me...I think it was from GM, but please correct me if I am wrong. That I was (paraphrasing) a horrible father and husband. I didn't have a chance to be a horrible, or good father, my daughter died shortly after birth 5 years ago. That was our 1 and only shot at a child as she (my ex) had massive complications to the point that she couldn't have any other children. As a husband, not sure how you would know I was horrible considering how much I put up with. You didn't know the situation, and having an 11+ year marriage and an ex wife that is still wanting me back (with lots of counseling) I'd have to say that I was a damn good husband. Why people feel the need to insert their own assumptions is beyond me. Someone said this thread is about "advice needed" and you need to understand there will be the other side to the story (again paraphrasing), and I completely understand this. I have listened to everyone on this thread except 1 person (who has been verbally abusive), and while some were negative, I still listened. I understand I am not doing what is deemed "appropriate", or "right". This is an uphill battle for me, and for Julia. The kids are of the utmost importance to BOTH OF US, and we have them as our focal point on a DAILY basis. A lot of the comments here have gone WAAAAY beyond "advice needed". To those that have maintained the course, I thank you. Negative or not, I thank you. I need to hear both sides of the story so I know what to expect and can make better judgements because I have a fuller picture.
For those that have been positive, I sincerely appreciate your well wishes, and comments. This situation is hard enough as it is. Like SS pointed out, I don't know any of you (except 2), and likely never will. I understand I am striking a cord with some of you, and for some, that is an issue for your counselor, for others I get it. I have stayed away from any retorts cause I understand this is not an ideal situation, and it's touchy to some. To those that are taking this too close to heart, the only advice I can give you (not that you want my advice) is to take care of your own situation. Worry about the skeletons in your own closet. Treat those close to you and around you right and you wont be in this situation. I honestly don't wish this on anyone, and anyone that has been through this (from either side) knows this sucks and is not easy. It's so easy to cast a stone at someone for doing something wrong, and lets face it, this situation is an EASY TARGET, but don't worry about the splinter in my eye when there may just be a log in yours.
Again, I apologize to all of those I may have offended, I assure you that was not the intent of this thread. Any advice, good or bad, wise or not, positive or negative is certainly welcomed and absorbed.

[firstdown]

Originally Posted by jsarno

Thank you Angry.

In regards to comments from others. I did not pick out the name papi, julia did. Yes, it was in reference to David Ortiz...I AM from Boston after all, and unfortunately I have a similar stature. The youngest did call me "DADDY" once and I corrected him. I have already said on this site I am not trying to replace their father and I want him to be a part of their life.

One comment stuck out to me...I think it was from GM, but please correct me if I am wrong. That I was (paraphrasing) a horrible father and husband. I didn't have a chance to be a horrible, or good father, my daughter died shortly after birth 5 years ago. That was our 1 and only shot at a child as she (my ex) had massive complications to the point that she couldn't have any other children. As a husband, not sure how you would know I was horrible considering how much I put up with. You didn't know the situation, and having an 11+ year marriage and an ex wife that is still wanting me back (with lots of counseling) I'd have to say that I was a damn good husband. Why people feel the need to insert their own assumptions is beyond me. Someone said this thread is about "advice needed" and you need to understand there will be the other side to the story (again paraphrasing), and I completely understand this. I have listened to everyone on this thread except 1 person (who has been verbally abusive), and while some were negative, I still listened. I understand I am not doing what is deemed "appropriate", or "right". This is an uphill battle for me, and for Julia. The kids are of the utmost importance to BOTH OF US, and we have them as our focal point on a DAILY basis. A lot of the comments here have gone WAAAAY beyond "advice needed". To those that have maintained the course, I thank you. Negative or not, I thank you. I need to hear both sides of the story so I know what to expect and can make better judgements because I have a fuller picture.
For those that have been positive, I sincerely appreciate your well wishes, and comments. This situation is hard enough as it is. Like SS pointed out, I don't know any of you (except 2), and likely never will. I understand I am striking a cord with some of you, and for some, that is an issue for your counselor, for others I get it. I have stayed away from any retorts cause I understand this is not an ideal situation, and it's touchy to some. To those that are taking this too close to heart, the only advice I can give you (not that you want my advice) is to take care of your own situation. Worry about the skeletons in your own closet. Treat those close to you and around you right and you wont be in this situation. I honestly don't wish this on anyone, and anyone that has been through this (from either side) knows this sucks and is not easy. It's so easy to cast a stone at someone for doing something wrong, and lets face it, this situation is an EASY TARGET, but don't worry about the splinter in my eye when there may just be a log in yours.
Again, I apologize to all of those I may have offended, I assure you that was not the intent of this thread. Any advice, good or bad, wise or not, positive or negative is certainly welcomed and absorbed.

Not to speak for GM but he was talking about the childrens father and not you as I made the same mistake thinking was talking about you.

[GMScud]

Originally Posted by firstdown

If I'm reading this right you think he had child with his first wife which I think is not the case but I have only read about 90% of this thread.

I think you misread my post. I was referring to Julia's ex-husband being the biological father of the two children currently calling Jsarno "dad." I know Jsarno didn't have kids with his ex-wife.

[firstdown]

Originally Posted by GMScud

I think you misread my post. I was referring to Julia's ex-husband being the biological father of the two children currently calling Jsarno "dad." I know Jsarno didn't have kids with his ex-wife.

I read your post again and now it makes more sense. I still have not seen the post where the kids are calling him dad but I did see where they are calling him pappi. As I said earlier I don't relate the word pappi with meaning dad but that could be because we live in different parts of the US. I personally just hope that when all is said and done that the best interest of the kids is what matters to all people involved. I'm guessing that at some point that will not happen to some degree.

[GMScud]

The only side I'm taking on this one is that of the children involved. A few people here are passing judgment about Jsarno's credibility and character. I'd rather not go that route. I don't know the man, but I understand mredskin's points about the inconsistent posts in the past. However, I have simply tried to give the best advice I can based on what I've been told.

Schneed10 makes great points on this one I think. Especially with regard to employment and parenting.

I guess for Jsarno you have to be careful what you ask for. The thread title is "advice needed." I suppose that doesn't mean you're going to like everything you hear.

I believe he has been given some good advice here, and I hope he heeds it.