On Marriage

[TheMalcolmConnection]

Originally Posted by saden1

For those of you who are married what tips do you have for us unmarried guys? How and where did you propose? Why did you propose to her? What do you do to keep the spark going? What kind of adjustments did you have to make? What kind of impact have the children had on your marriage?

1. First tip is to make sure that when you DO find someone that might be the one, you make DAMN sure. I've seen too many of my friends get married within 2-3 months of meeting someone.

2. I knew my wife the moment I saw her. That's corny as hell but true. I was 15, and it's insane to say, but I knew it. We're working on twelve years together and two years of marriage.

3. To keep the spark going, NEVER take yourselves too seriously. The second you start feeling like you're older, that's when the spark will start to go away. Sure, people grow and people change a little bit, but what you fell in love with is always going to be there. My wife and I had random beers last Wednesday night and danced outside on our back porch for about an hour. Not slow dancing, just ridiculous, hilarious dancing. Which also reminds me, make a date to get some at LEAST once a week.

4. The main adjustments I had to make was to realize that I am no longer a bachelor (not like I ever was, but I DID live alone). Remember to share everything equally whether it's money or chores.

5. Take it from someone who's 27 and has NO plans for kids in the current future... DON'T DO IT UNTIL YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY READY. We have a lot of couple friends and all of them are getting knocked up because it's "what you're supposed to do at that age." At least half of them admit to me privately they wish they hadn't had them. For the people who have kids, I'm sure they love them unconditionally, but until you're ready for that burden, make damn sure you're ready to contribute a LARGE part of your free time and money to deal with feedings, changing diapers, and spending at least one or two hours just to get them ready for a simple outing. Fun times. Your marriage will never be the same for better or worse when you have children.

[Schneed10]

Originally Posted by TheMalcolmConnection

1. First tip is to make sure that when you DO find someone that might be the one, you make DAMN sure. I've seen too many of my friends get married within 2-3 months of meeting someone.

2. I knew my wife the moment I saw her. That's corny as hell but true. I was 15, and it's insane to say, but I knew it. We're working on twelve years together and two years of marriage.

3. To keep the spark going, NEVER take yourselves too seriously. The second you start feeling like you're older, that's when the spark will start to go away. Sure, people grow and people change a little bit, but what you fell in love with is always going to be there. My wife and I had random beers last Wednesday night and danced outside on our back porch for about an hour. Not slow dancing, just ridiculous, hilarious dancing. Which also reminds me, make a date to get some at LEAST once a week.

4. The main adjustments I had to make was to realize that I am no longer a bachelor (not like I ever was, but I DID live alone). Remember to share everything equally whether it's money or chores.

5. Take it from someone who's 27 and has NO plans for kids in the current future... DON'T DO IT UNTIL YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY READY. We have a lot of couple friends and all of them are getting knocked up because it's "what you're supposed to do at that age." At least half of them admit to me privately they wish they hadn't had them. For the people who have kids, I'm sure they love them unconditionally, but until you're ready for that burden, make damn sure you're ready to contribute a LARGE part of your free time and money to deal with feedings, changing diapers, and spending at least one or two hours just to get them ready for a simple outing. Fun times. Your marriage will never be the same for better or worse when you have children.

I'll echo this. My wife and I are the same age, our daughter was born when we were both 27. I'm now 29 and feel 100% ready for kids, but that infant year was a very tough adjustment, neither of us was ready for the workload and it added a lot of stress.

At 29 we're much more ready. My wife is due with our second in early July, and we're headed into this one with nothing but excitement, even knowing how much work it is. Heading into the first one, we felt excited, but fear was the predominant emotion.

But, if you're worth your salt as a man, if you have kids early you suck it up and adjust. It was a rough first year but you get through it, and now I wouldn't change a thing. Somehow the love for the child stands out above all else, even above the major adjustment it takes.

So I guess there's something for both here; if you get knocked up early take solace. You won't regret it in the end. But if you can help it, wait until you're ready. The love for the child will still be there, and you'll be that much more ready.

[TheMalcolmConnection]

Originally Posted by Schneed10

So I guess there's something for both here; if you get knocked up early take solace. You won't regret it in the end. But if you can help it, wait until you're ready. The love for the child will still be there, and you'll be that much more ready.

Exactly what I meant to say, just with far less words.

The people I mentioned above who said they wish they hadn't had their kids, they definitely do love the more than anything, they just said if they had to do it again, they either wouldn't at all or have done it much later.

[724Skinsfan]

Originally Posted by Schneed10

At 29 we're much more ready. My wife is due with our second in early July, and we're headed into this one with nothing but excitement, even knowing how much work it is. Heading into the first one, we felt excited, but fear was the predominant emotion.

The second one was so much easier for us. You feel more comfortable and relaxed with diagnosing the baby's cries and in return he/she responds off of your comfort.

Honestly, I wouldn't say raising kids is "hard work", just more exhausting. I still don't sleep more than 3 or 4 hours without waking up to check on either of my two boys. But as far as me considering it difficult...nah, not really. Just be ready to have fun and not yell at them constantly for not being perfect little angels all the time.

Back to the marriage thing. I think patience and compromise are the two key ingredients that you have to actively work on. If you're the type of guy that thinks he should get his way because that's the way mommy and daddy treated you then your marriage will probably suck after 2 or 3 years. Work with each other and meet somewhere in the middle. Of course, a lot of this depends on her personality and what she expects you to do as the husband/bread winner.

[BringBackJoeT]

Originally Posted by TheMalcolmConnection

1. First tip is to make sure that when you DO find someone that might be the one, you make DAMN sure. I've seen too many of my friends get married within 2-3 months of meeting someone.

2. I knew my wife the moment I saw her. That's corny as hell but true. I was 15, and it's insane to say, but I knew it. We're working on twelve years together and two years of marriage.

3. To keep the spark going, NEVER take yourselves too seriously. The second you start feeling like you're older, that's when the spark will start to go away. Sure, people grow and people change a little bit, but what you fell in love with is always going to be there. My wife and I had random beers last Wednesday night and danced outside on our back porch for about an hour. Not slow dancing, just ridiculous, hilarious dancing. Which also reminds me, make a date to get some at LEAST once a week.

4. The main adjustments I had to make was to realize that I am no longer a bachelor (not like I ever was, but I DID live alone). Remember to share everything equally whether it's money or chores.

5. Take it from someone who's 27 and has NO plans for kids in the current future... DON'T DO IT UNTIL YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY READY. We have a lot of couple friends and all of them are getting knocked up because it's "what you're supposed to do at that age." At least half of them admit to me privately they wish they hadn't had them. For the people who have kids, I'm sure they love them unconditionally, but until you're ready for that burden, make damn sure you're ready to contribute a LARGE part of your free time and money to deal with feedings, changing diapers, and spending at least one or two hours just to get them ready for a simple outing. Fun times. Your marriage will never be the same for better or worse when you have children.

Agreed, most definitely. My wife and I are both older than you, and we just decided to put it off a little more because of a vacation we want to go on. We're having a lot of fun together, period.

[MTK]

I can recommend Diamonds, Engagement Rings and Fine Jewelry at Blue Nile

[saden1]

Originally Posted by Mattyk72

I can recommend Diamonds, Engagement Rings and Fine Jewelry at Blue Nile

They're pretty good Seattle based company...my boy was telling me on Friday they're looking for software developers. Have you or yours ever bought any jewelry from them?

[MTK]

Originally Posted by saden1

They're pretty good Seattle based company...my boy was telling me on Friday they're looking for software developers. Have you or yours ever bought any jewelry from them?

Yes several times, great quality, nothing but good things to say about them.

[BleedBurgundy]

Originally Posted by saden1

They're pretty good Seattle based company...my boy was telling me on Friday they're looking for software developers. Have you or yours ever bought any jewelry from them?

This is where I got the ring for my wife from. It's nice because you can pick out the individual stone and actually customize the setting. I was a little nervous not physically seeing it, but they came highly recommended by a friend of mine.

[MTK]

Originally Posted by BleedBurgundy

This is where I got the ring for my wife from. It's nice because you can pick out the individual stone and actually customize the setting. I was a little nervous not physically seeing it, but they came highly recommended by a friend of mine.

I went the same route. After shopping around the mall stores I was really turned off by their prices and lack of quality. I don't recall how I found Blue Nile but I'm so glad I did. The stone I got for my wife was very high quality. I referred my Dad to them when he got re-married and they were very happy with BN too.

[mredskins]

My ring is tungsten and you can't wreck it, impossible and it is lite weight!

[mredskins]

I always going to use Blue Nile but instead went to DE and it end up being cheaper once you figured sales tax but Blue Nile is legit.

[Schneed10]

There's a statistic you hear a lot; approximately 50% of American marriages end in divorce.

Keep in mind this does not mean 50% of people who get married end up divorced. This means 50% of the unions entered into end up in divorce. There are plenty of "frequent fliers" when it comes to divorce. Many who get divorced once get remarried and then divorce again, and again. My buddy's father (who's pretty much the most self centered man ever) has gotten married and divorced 6 times. He's now engaged to a 7th.

The repeat divorcees carry a disproportionate share of the divorces in this country. So while 50% of marriages end up in divorce, more than 50% of the people who get married never get divorced.

All this is to say, if you get hitched to someone who has gotten divorced before, the odds of you getting divorced are much higher than for that young engaged couple who have never been married before.

[mredskins]

I would say love is something that can not be measured or anylaized. There is no formula for love.

I would like to add a female with children generally is pretty guard as to who they bring into their lives. This has been my experience, though I have never dated anyone with a kid when I was single, nor would it have deterioed me if I had meet the right person.

[saden1]

The man said he has his asshole hat on, what more do you want?

Abused women have trust issues and are likely to cut you in the event that you f'up...they're not for all men.