On Marriage

[TheMalcolmConnection]

Originally Posted by saden1

For those of you who are married what tips do you have for us unmarried guys? How and where did you propose? Why did you propose to her? What do you do to keep the spark going? What kind of adjustments did you have to make? What kind of impact have the children had on your marriage?

1. First tip is to make sure that when you DO find someone that might be the one, you make DAMN sure. I've seen too many of my friends get married within 2-3 months of meeting someone.

2. I knew my wife the moment I saw her. That's corny as hell but true. I was 15, and it's insane to say, but I knew it. We're working on twelve years together and two years of marriage.

3. To keep the spark going, NEVER take yourselves too seriously. The second you start feeling like you're older, that's when the spark will start to go away. Sure, people grow and people change a little bit, but what you fell in love with is always going to be there. My wife and I had random beers last Wednesday night and danced outside on our back porch for about an hour. Not slow dancing, just ridiculous, hilarious dancing. Which also reminds me, make a date to get some at LEAST once a week.

4. The main adjustments I had to make was to realize that I am no longer a bachelor (not like I ever was, but I DID live alone). Remember to share everything equally whether it's money or chores.

5. Take it from someone who's 27 and has NO plans for kids in the current future... DON'T DO IT UNTIL YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY READY. We have a lot of couple friends and all of them are getting knocked up because it's "what you're supposed to do at that age." At least half of them admit to me privately they wish they hadn't had them. For the people who have kids, I'm sure they love them unconditionally, but until you're ready for that burden, make damn sure you're ready to contribute a LARGE part of your free time and money to deal with feedings, changing diapers, and spending at least one or two hours just to get them ready for a simple outing. Fun times. Your marriage will never be the same for better or worse when you have children.

[Schneed10]

Originally Posted by TheMalcolmConnection

1. First tip is to make sure that when you DO find someone that might be the one, you make DAMN sure. I've seen too many of my friends get married within 2-3 months of meeting someone.

2. I knew my wife the moment I saw her. That's corny as hell but true. I was 15, and it's insane to say, but I knew it. We're working on twelve years together and two years of marriage.

3. To keep the spark going, NEVER take yourselves too seriously. The second you start feeling like you're older, that's when the spark will start to go away. Sure, people grow and people change a little bit, but what you fell in love with is always going to be there. My wife and I had random beers last Wednesday night and danced outside on our back porch for about an hour. Not slow dancing, just ridiculous, hilarious dancing. Which also reminds me, make a date to get some at LEAST once a week.

4. The main adjustments I had to make was to realize that I am no longer a bachelor (not like I ever was, but I DID live alone). Remember to share everything equally whether it's money or chores.

5. Take it from someone who's 27 and has NO plans for kids in the current future... DON'T DO IT UNTIL YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY READY. We have a lot of couple friends and all of them are getting knocked up because it's "what you're supposed to do at that age." At least half of them admit to me privately they wish they hadn't had them. For the people who have kids, I'm sure they love them unconditionally, but until you're ready for that burden, make damn sure you're ready to contribute a LARGE part of your free time and money to deal with feedings, changing diapers, and spending at least one or two hours just to get them ready for a simple outing. Fun times. Your marriage will never be the same for better or worse when you have children.

I'll echo this. My wife and I are the same age, our daughter was born when we were both 27. I'm now 29 and feel 100% ready for kids, but that infant year was a very tough adjustment, neither of us was ready for the workload and it added a lot of stress.

At 29 we're much more ready. My wife is due with our second in early July, and we're headed into this one with nothing but excitement, even knowing how much work it is. Heading into the first one, we felt excited, but fear was the predominant emotion.

But, if you're worth your salt as a man, if you have kids early you suck it up and adjust. It was a rough first year but you get through it, and now I wouldn't change a thing. Somehow the love for the child stands out above all else, even above the major adjustment it takes.

So I guess there's something for both here; if you get knocked up early take solace. You won't regret it in the end. But if you can help it, wait until you're ready. The love for the child will still be there, and you'll be that much more ready.

[TheMalcolmConnection]

Originally Posted by Schneed10

So I guess there's something for both here; if you get knocked up early take solace. You won't regret it in the end. But if you can help it, wait until you're ready. The love for the child will still be there, and you'll be that much more ready.

Exactly what I meant to say, just with far less words.

The people I mentioned above who said they wish they hadn't had their kids, they definitely do love the more than anything, they just said if they had to do it again, they either wouldn't at all or have done it much later.

[724Skinsfan]

Originally Posted by Schneed10

At 29 we're much more ready. My wife is due with our second in early July, and we're headed into this one with nothing but excitement, even knowing how much work it is. Heading into the first one, we felt excited, but fear was the predominant emotion.

The second one was so much easier for us. You feel more comfortable and relaxed with diagnosing the baby's cries and in return he/she responds off of your comfort.

Honestly, I wouldn't say raising kids is "hard work", just more exhausting. I still don't sleep more than 3 or 4 hours without waking up to check on either of my two boys. But as far as me considering it difficult...nah, not really. Just be ready to have fun and not yell at them constantly for not being perfect little angels all the time.

Back to the marriage thing. I think patience and compromise are the two key ingredients that you have to actively work on. If you're the type of guy that thinks he should get his way because that's the way mommy and daddy treated you then your marriage will probably suck after 2 or 3 years. Work with each other and meet somewhere in the middle. Of course, a lot of this depends on her personality and what she expects you to do as the husband/bread winner.

[BringBackJoeT]

Originally Posted by TheMalcolmConnection

1. First tip is to make sure that when you DO find someone that might be the one, you make DAMN sure. I've seen too many of my friends get married within 2-3 months of meeting someone.

2. I knew my wife the moment I saw her. That's corny as hell but true. I was 15, and it's insane to say, but I knew it. We're working on twelve years together and two years of marriage.

3. To keep the spark going, NEVER take yourselves too seriously. The second you start feeling like you're older, that's when the spark will start to go away. Sure, people grow and people change a little bit, but what you fell in love with is always going to be there. My wife and I had random beers last Wednesday night and danced outside on our back porch for about an hour. Not slow dancing, just ridiculous, hilarious dancing. Which also reminds me, make a date to get some at LEAST once a week.

4. The main adjustments I had to make was to realize that I am no longer a bachelor (not like I ever was, but I DID live alone). Remember to share everything equally whether it's money or chores.

5. Take it from someone who's 27 and has NO plans for kids in the current future... DON'T DO IT UNTIL YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY READY. We have a lot of couple friends and all of them are getting knocked up because it's "what you're supposed to do at that age." At least half of them admit to me privately they wish they hadn't had them. For the people who have kids, I'm sure they love them unconditionally, but until you're ready for that burden, make damn sure you're ready to contribute a LARGE part of your free time and money to deal with feedings, changing diapers, and spending at least one or two hours just to get them ready for a simple outing. Fun times. Your marriage will never be the same for better or worse when you have children.

Agreed, most definitely. My wife and I are both older than you, and we just decided to put it off a little more because of a vacation we want to go on. We're having a lot of fun together, period.