Mega-Merge: 2010 Free Agency Rumors and Reports Thread

[CultBrennan59]

^supposedly Barry Simms is too according to 106.7

[tryfuhl]

Everyone remember these? Plenty of offensive language in here so skip if you might be offended.

"We have a game Sunday? F***, I didn't even know. They don't tell me when the games are played. I just run out onto the field and start aiming lasers for f***ing Saturn, you know what I mean? If there's a defense there, whatever. Sexy Rexy is more than happy to spray hot passes all over the defense's chest. Who are we playing? The Lions? Pfft. Those guys aren't sexy. You telling me Jon Kitna is sexy? I've seen white supremacists in prison who are sexier than that do-gooder. No wonder he's a devout Christian. What kind of pussy would he pull on the open market? Dumpster pussy, that's what.

What's that color the Lions wear? Honolulu Blue? Yeah, well I nailed six Hawaiian Tropic girls last week. So while those *******s are busy wearing Honolulu, I'm busy f***ing it. Wore my mesh practice top the whole time, too. And in front of a mirror. Ever stick your finger up your own ass? God, it just felt so right.

Jesus, now that you told me I'm playing Detroit, I'm all ****ing hot. God dammit. I gotta go throw something. Now. I just... I just can't take the anticipation. It's driving me buc wild. Such a depleted secondary. So many long, long throws. You know I accidentally f***ed Olin Kreuntz once? True story.

So, you play fantasy football? That's funny. Because I am fantasy football. Girls watch me throw and they ovulate. It's just the way I move. So poised. So strong. So fluid. They know I'm undressing the defense with my arm. Oh, Daddy says that Rex Grossman is up to no good. And you know what, honey? Your daddy is right. I am thinking nasty, nasty thoughts when I'm out there. I throw that ball sixty yards, and I just wanna ram a stick of butter up some girl's ass. I can't help it. Football and sex just go together for me. It's a natural fit, just like any girl is a natural fit on me.

Hope you win, kid. Either way, Rex is f***ing that night."

"Is that Berrian? I think he's triple-covered. You know what? F*** it. I'm throwing it downfield.

Yeah, I see Jones open on the flank. But f*** that. Dumpoff passes are for f a g g o t s. I'm f***ing Sexy Rexy Grossman. I can get that ball in there. And, even if I can't, I bet I'll be able to pull it off the next go round. I like throwing the ball long. It makes my dick hard.

What's that? I should throw a quick slant? F*** that. That's gay. Button hook? Gay. Flare out? Gay. Screen pass? Kevin Spacey gay. This is f***ing football. You can't just expect wins to come to you. You can't massage that ****. You gotta grab that game by the throat and rape the ever-loving **** out of it. You think a 5-yard out is gonna win you a game? You're a pussy. This ain't John Shoop running this offense. Sexy Rexy's got the arm. The dragon. You gotta unleash the dragon.

Okay, I'm throwing it. Nice. Look how far it went. I look good. I bet I made that Pats cheerleader wet her panties with that throw. She f***ing wants me. I bet she likes it over a stair railing. I can hit that with 100% accuracy, my dear. Mmmmmm. I am delicious.

Oh ****. Looks like Samuel caught it. Again. Oh well. It still felt f***ing great to throw that ****. Tell me that wasn't one of the prettiest passes you ever saw. You know what? Not only am I gonna throw it long the next time we hit the field. I'm gonna throw it even longer. Harder. You see that kid in wheelchair sitting in the end zone bleachers? I'm gonna nail him right between the f***ing eyes with a Sexy Rexy fastball. Why? Because I can.

This is Rex Grossman we're talking about here. We're talking 210 lbs. of twisted steel and sex appeal. I'm not just a gunslinger. I'm a cumslinger. Throwing that ball long tells all the Rexettes that I am f***ing out there. On the edge. Where I gotta be. The ladies love the danger. The unpredictability. Oh, maybe I'll tease them with a pretty touch pass every now and again. But then I'm gonna go right back to pumping that ball out for all it's worth. It tells them I throw like I f***. That's how we do things in the sexy business.

Tell me you're not turned on right now. I am."

New AV

[SFREDSKIN]

Originally Posted by CultBrennan59

^supposedly Barry Simms is too according to 106.7

I hope not!! He's a walking penalty flag.