Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane

[GMScud]

Originally Posted by GMScud

Actually it has nothing to do with being a newlywed. My wife and I have been together 7 years and living together most of that time, so the fact that we recently tied the knot is pretty irrelevant here.

I'm not saying TMC is wrong for taking his family to the airport, just saying that it seems like it wouldn't have been a big deal at all for them to find their own way to the airport, and then his wife wouldn't be upset (however she shouldn't be this upset anyway). Wasn't it you who told me in a thread a while back, "happy wife, happy life?"

Anyway, 3 of the 7 years my wife and I have been together, we've been living very close to my family. Plus my parents are divorced/re-married, so I have two sets of parents here that always want to see us. So over these 3 years I've learned that there's a balance that needs to be found. Sometimes I simply have to turn down invites in order to spend some quality time with the wife. And sometimes when I accept invites, the wife gets a little annoyed, but I think I've almost got it down to a science at this point.

Just to clarify here, I don't want to sound like an ingrate. I am TOTALLY blessed to have such great parents/step-parents, and it's in no way any type of chore to spend time with them. I love it. But I just have to find a balance to keep everyone happy, including myself.

After reading the part in bold, I feel like I came off pretty selfish.

[mredskins]

Originally Posted by GMScud

Just to clarify here, I don't want to sound like an ingrate. I am TOTALLY blessed to have such great parents/step-parents, and it's in no way any type of chore to spend time with them. I love it. But I just have to find a balance to keep everyone happy, including myself.

After reading the part in bold, I feel like I came off pretty selfish.

This is exactly why TMC should take his mom it is a balance. Sounds like he has done a lot on her family's side and know his folks need a favor.

[GMScud]

Originally Posted by mredskins

This is exactly why TMC should take his mom it is a balance. Sounds like he has done a lot on her family's side and know his folks need a favor.

Fair enough. But I feel like the bigger issue isn't taking his mom to the airport just because he and his wife vacation with her parents. I think the issue is his wife being upset that they didn't spend some alone time together on that day. Maybe I missed something.

I think TMC is right in his stance though. As he said, he could have taken his mom to the airport and still had a nice time in DC/Blacksburg with his wife. She's just having one of those silly women moments where they blow the tiniest ish out of proportion.

[TheMalcolmConnection]

Originally Posted by GMScud

Fair enough. But I feel like the bigger issue isn't taking his mom to the airport just because he and his wife vacation with her parents. I think the issue is his wife being upset that they didn't spend some alone time together on that day. Maybe I missed something.

I think TMC is right in his stance though. As he said, he could have taken his mom to the airport and still had a nice time in DC/Blacksburg with his wife. She's just having one of those silly women moments where they blow the tiniest ish out of proportion.

Exactly right. She was sending me texts at lunch saying how much this is affecting our marriage, blah blah blah. I wrote her back saying, "If this is truly affecting our marriage, then we truly had some underlying issues. Both you and me have done things for each other, our families, friends, and our work that we didn't want to do, but sometimes you just have to suck it up."

[mredskins]

Originally Posted by TheMalcolmConnection

Exactly right. She was sending me texts at lunch saying how much this is affecting our marriage, blah blah blah. I wrote her back saying, "If this is truly affecting our marriage, then we truly had some underlying issues. Both you and me have done things for each other, our families, friends, and our work that we didn't want to do, but sometimes you just have to suck it up."

A two hour favor for your family and it is effecting your marriage??? Dude there is more to this story. Are you generally a happy couple?

You probably need to have a sit down with and not text and/or email because each of you are going to inflict your own emotions in to the message.

[GMScud]

Originally Posted by mredskins

A two hour favor for your family and it is effecting your marriage??? Dude there is more to this story. Are you generally a happy couple?

You probably need to have a sit down with and not text and/or email because each of you are going to inflict your own emotions in to the message.

Also good advice. So much can be lost in translation with texts/emails. I've had more than one stupid argument because something that was text was taken the wrong way.

[tryfuhl]

Originally Posted by TheMalcolmConnection

Exactly right. She was sending me texts at lunch saying how much this is affecting our marriage, blah blah blah. I wrote her back saying, "If this is truly affecting our marriage, then we truly had some underlying issues. Both you and me have done things for each other, our families, friends, and our work that we didn't want to do, but sometimes you just have to suck it up."

exactly.. if that is doing it how dare she question the sanctity of the marriage when she's acting so selfishly.. side question, when does your family have to be at the airport?

[GMScud]

Originally Posted by TheMalcolmConnection

Exactly right. She was sending me texts at lunch saying how much this is affecting our marriage, blah blah blah. I wrote her back saying, "If this is truly affecting our marriage, then we truly had some underlying issues. Both you and me have done things for each other, our families, friends, and our work that we didn't want to do, but sometimes you just have to suck it up."

TMC, let me ask you, is she normally a really stubborn person? From the stories you've told on here, it seems to me that you and your wife have a pretty kick-ass relationship. It will be fine.

[TheMalcolmConnection]

Originally Posted by GMScud

TMC, let me ask you, is she normally a really stubborn person? From the stories you've told on here, it seems to me that you and your wife have a pretty kick-ass relationship. It will be fine.

She's EXTREMELY stubborn, but yes, we have a great relationship and routinely I'll decline an invitation to have dinner with my family just so that she and I can have a date night. I've just never seen it like this.

[GMScud]

Originally Posted by TheMalcolmConnection

She's EXTREMELY stubborn, but yes, we have a great relationship and routinely I'll decline an invitation to have dinner with my family just so that she and I can have a date night. I've just never seen it like this.

That's really weird. As someone else suggested- is there something else going on in her life right now that would cause an outburst like this? Has something been building up inside her and this was just the straw that broke the camel's back? Seems like a gigantic overreaction.

[saden1]

Originally Posted by GMScud

Fair enough. But I feel like the bigger issue isn't taking his mom to the airport just because he and his wife vacation with her parents. I think the issue is his wife being upset that they didn't spend some alone time together on that day. Maybe I missed something.

I think TMC is right in his stance though. As he said, he could have taken his mom to the airport and still had a nice time in DC/Blacksburg with his wife. She's just having one of those silly women moments where they blow the tiniest ish out of proportion.

Does his mom ask him for things constantly? Taking someone to the airport is once in a blue moon thing. He can either take them to the airport or he can't. If he already has plans with his wife then he should tell his parents I have plans. At the end of the day it's only a few hours and unless you planned to go out of town or on a road trip it's nothing to get worked up about. Certainly not the kind of thing you get pissed off about for 2 days.

You can play peacemaker all you want but this is an issue that's going to come up time and again and she needs to be set straight...in the nicest possible way of course.


My wife comes first but that doesn't mean my parents come second all the time. A wife and a husband are suppose to understand that about their respective in-laws to make their relationship work.

[GMScud]

Originally Posted by saden1

Does his mom ask him for things constantly? Taking someone to the airport is once in a blue moon thing. He can either take them to the airport or he can't. If he already has a plan with his wife then he should tell his parents I have plans. At the end of the day it's only a few hours and unless you planned to go out of town or on a road trip it's nothing to get worked up about. Certainly not the kind of thing you get pissed off about for 2 days.

You can play peacemaker all you want but this is an issue that's going to come up time and again and she needs to be set straight...in the nicest possible way of course.


My wife comes first but that doesn't mean my parents come second all the time. A wife and a husband are suppose to understand that about their respective in-laws to make their relationship work .

Well said. I'm not a big fan of my mother-in-law. She's a very good person, but we just don't see eye to eye on a lot of things. But we play nice and are pleasant to each other for my wife's sake. Marriage/family involves lots of compromises.

[mredskins]

Originally Posted by GMScud

Well said. I'm not a big fan of my mother-in-law. She's a very good person, but we just don't see eye to eye on a lot of things. But we play nice and are pleasant to each other for my wife's sake. Marriage/family involves lots of compromises.

Me and you same boat. My MIL is just annoying but does a lot for my family so I give her the respect she deserves.

She came on our beach trip with us this year for a few days of the week we were there, I could tell we both had had enough of each other by third day, which ironically was the day she left.

I think MIL get the short end of the stick most times anyways by the time you are done with your wife's drama and your own mom's drama you have little left in the tank to deal with the MIL's drama and if you got daughters you are even further drained.