The Relationships Thread

[Schneed10]

Originally Posted by Lotus

I disagree with those who say you always need a clean break after it is over. I think it depends on circumstance. I have some ex's who I happily will never see again but also a couple of ex's who remain nice friends.

The younger you are the more likely you are to think this way. At least that's my assertion.

The risk/reward just isn't there in my mind. The likelihood of a post-breakup friendship succeeding is low, there are emotional consequences, and friendship can be found with lots of other people who you never dated before.

The only reason people stay friends with an ex is because there are still feelings there, even if they don't want to admit it. Staying friends either leaves the door open for the future (false hope) or clings to the past (can't let go).

Rip it off like a bandaid and move on.

[Lotus]

Originally Posted by Schneed10

The younger you are the more likely you are to think this way. At least that's my assertion.

The risk/reward just isn't there in my mind. The likelihood of a post-breakup friendship succeeding is low, there are emotional consequences, and friendship can be found with lots of other people who you never dated before.

The only reason people stay friends with an ex is because there are still feelings there, even if they don't want to admit it. Staying friends either leaves the door open for the future (false hope) or clings to the past (can't let go).

Rip it off like a bandaid and move on.

I'll be 50 this summer so age has nothing to do with my statement.

I agree that sometimes ripping off the bandaid is the right move. But, from another perspective, you saw enough in that person to be lovers but not enough to be friends? I therefore disagree that the only reason to stay friends is unresolved feelings. The fact is, if both parties are mature and caring, sometimes you can be just friends. Like I said, I have a couple of folks in my life who fit this description.

[DynamiteRave]

Originally Posted by Schneed10

The younger you are the more likely you are to think this way. At least that's my assertion.

The risk/reward just isn't there in my mind. The likelihood of a post-breakup friendship succeeding is low, there are emotional consequences, and friendship can be found with lots of other people who you never dated before.

The only reason people stay friends with an ex is because there are still feelings there, even if they don't want to admit it. Staying friends either leaves the door open for the future (false hope) or clings to the past (can't let go).

Rip it off like a bandaid and move on.

True that Schneed. I totally agree. For me it's a bit of false hope and not letting go. Always feels like I'm missing out on something without them there. It's almost like death in a way; Even though they're gone, the essence still lingers.

I feel like guys go, "F it." And they're either happily single or onto the next woman. Women always seem to have an awful time with breakups, me included. Unless they're the ones that ruined the relationship (cheaters).

[tryfuhl]

Originally Posted by DynamiteRave

True that Schneed. I totally agree. For me it's a bit of false hope and not letting go. Always feels like I'm missing out on something without them there. It's almost like death in a way; Even though they're gone, the essence still lingers.

I feel like guys go, "F it." And they're either happily single or onto the next woman. Women always seem to have an awful time with breakups, me included. Unless they're the ones that ruined the relationship (cheaters).

Well society has been rotating to a point where women seem to be a bit more ruthless, for lack of a better term, in that regard. Guys can be hurt too.

[DynamiteRave]

Originally Posted by tryfuhl

Well society has been rotating to a point where women seem to be a bit more ruthless, for lack of a better term, in that regard. Guys can be hurt too.

Thugs have feelings too!

[SolidSnake84]

Originally Posted by Schneed10

The younger you are the more likely you are to think this way. At least that's my assertion.

The risk/reward just isn't there in my mind. The likelihood of a post-breakup friendship succeeding is low, there are emotional consequences, and friendship can be found with lots of other people who you never dated before.

The only reason people stay friends with an ex is because there are still feelings there, even if they don't want to admit it. Staying friends either leaves the door open for the future (false hope) or clings to the past (can't let go).

Rip it off like a bandaid and move on.

Sometimes we dont agree Schneed but i say you are 100% dead on with this statement and i agree whole heartedly.

I was truly a few woman guy in high school, i was not a player or any of that stuff. Even back then i believed that i only wanted to spend time and make an investment in someone i thought was going to be there for the future.

I had 3 girlfriends, one of which ended up becoming my wife. The other two, it did not work trying to be friends afterwards. My first girlfriend I had as a senior and we were going our seperate ways as college approached. We said that we would "remain friends", and it seemed like a good idea at the time. It wasn't, because a few months passed and the first time I saw her again it messed me up. I knew right then i had to cut it off and I did.

Right before I started dating my wife, I was with a girl for close to a year. Our relationship was very serious, we had talked about marriage, etc, i had a wonderful relationship with her siblings and family, and in fact she even recruited me to play drums in her father's church. (He was a pastor). Well, we began struggling and pretty soon I noticed a new guy was coming to the church. He was 6'2" and had a chest as wide as a car hood, and i could see the way she looked at him, and being experienced, i knew the writing was on the wall. We were close to being done and before long, that was that.

Problem was, i was still engrained in the church, still playing in the band, teaching childrens church, etc.. It was very painful every Sunday seeing her and seeing him together, and even though i knew better, I really believed that if I stuck around and stayed "Just a friend", that maybe i would get another shot.

I didn't realize it but at the time I was suffering from what had to be a mental problem because every single day I really approached it as "today might be my day" that I get to be the guy again. The truth is, i made relationships with her family, I loved her brother and all of her family like my own, they were wonderful people, and the whole time i was around they reciprocated that love. So it was very painful when i reached the end, and I guess i just couldn't give up how good they made me felt. I never had the most stable family situation and so i believe i longed to finally be integrated into a solid, loving family. Well, one day about 6 months after we had broken up, all the while I was still living in the fantasy world believing that i was gonna "come back", my ex, i will call her "Abby", called me one night and told me to meet her at the college.

My mind and heart began to race, i believed that my number was being called!! Long story short, she told me that she knew that i believed i was going to get another chance, and she was there to tell me straight out it was never going to happen. The new guy had proposed to her and she accepted. I was crushed just like that and so I split from the whole program, left the church immediatley, and have never seen her since that day. I didn't go back in a church until 2011. I only went back when my wife and i found our own church that did not have any of our family and friends there so that I could make sure that I was going for the right reasons.

To make this too long story short, I met my wife right around the end of my time with "Abby", and she totally changed my whole life and my outlook on things. It's cliched but you just know when you find "the one", and i knew that day that i met her that I was going to marry her and there was never a doubt in my mind.

So the "just friends" thing doesn't work, in my opinion!!! Thanks for listening to my pitiful story

[mlmpetert]

Less housework to blame for womens' bigger waistlines - WTOP Mobile

[mredskins]

Originally Posted by mlmpetert

Less housework to blame for womens' bigger waistlines - WTOP Mobile

I think across the board that is true for both sexes. We will soon all be like the folks in Wall-E

[Monkeydad]

Originally Posted by mlmpetert

Less housework to blame for womens' bigger waistlines - WTOP Mobile

Less housework should mean MORE exercise time.


Women...pfft.

[firstdown]

Originally Posted by mlmpetert

Less housework to blame for womens' bigger waistlines - WTOP Mobile

That's BS. Have you ever seen a Maid Brigade crew? They have to pair them up to balance out the ride in the car.