understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

[JoeRedskin]

Don't forget to crank the Led Zeppelin as you put your patented never fail moves on!

[firstdown]

Originally Posted by JoeRedskin

Don't forget to crank the Led Zeppelin as you put your patented never fail moves on!

Thats Barry White for us older guys.

[12thMan]

Crap, I'm trying to post this YouTube video but it won't work.

[CRedskinsRule]

Originally Posted by 12thMan

Dang I was hoping that this was the spoiler for tonight's festivities, written in a white for those who wanted to wait till tomorrow

[MonkFan4Life]

Solid don't get so upset bro. You have to find a way to laugh through the pain.

I have been where you are. Many of us have. My sexual relationship with my wife is on a good ground now but perfect ? NO. I've been married for 4 years this September the 9th and I've been with my wife for 10 years now. The first 1 and a half she was my **** buddy. When I wanted it, I got it. How I wanted it, I got it. No matter the time, the place, whatever. After we became serious it started to slow down then when we moved in together I swear it would be about once a month. Once a month for about a year which then became about once every two months. Then once every 3 months. This went on for a loooong time. Even after getting married sex or lack there of was a major issue for me. Especially when I do all the cooking, most of the cleaning, and not to toot my horn I'm a damn good husband. I treat that broad right. Did I bitch about the sex thing ? ALL THE TIME.

Our sex was so infrequent I KNEW that day that she got pregnant. That's how bad it was. I went through 7 plus years of when she felt like it sex. Almost ended our relationship. But what I found to be most effective was when I stopped asking. We had many arguments about it, but what a lot of us have been saying is to take it slow. If she has been giving you excuse after excuse it's probably because she doesn't have an answer to give you. That was the worst thing for me.

To tell me "I don't know why I don't want to have sex with you" was complete and utter bullshit to me. After talking to my sister who works at an OB, she told me that women come into her office all the time about stuff like that. So while I may put up a link to a clip from Johnny Dangerously or Fast Times those are jokes but still I don't know all the answers. I can just tell you what worked for me. And what you're doing and how you are feeling now didn't. You are angry, confused, and frustrated. You only way to deal with it is in absolutes. But you have to think like a woman, she wants a reason to argue so she can point to that to say "this is why" but you can't give her that. Which is why I eventually took my friends advice and not asking for it.

Was it fun ? No, was it easy, hell no. Did it work ? Id like to say that it did. Sometimes I have to do it still. But now I can take solice in the fact that on Friday after we've picked our son up from daycare she's gonna look at me and say, "well it's the weekend". And even though I know what she means I always say, "yeah I know, we get to rest, get some cleaning done,...what do you have planned ?" Then she'll say, "well you know, we can do some things" 3 days out of the week I have the chance to get some tail. That is her compromise. Do I ask for it during the week ? Occasionally, will I get it ? Meh, it's hit or miss.

But be patient man. Just be with her, and it will all work itself out. Should you have to go through all of this ? No, but the fact is that you kinda have to. Unless you want to be lying next to her in the bed yet you all are so far apart.

Hit a J, drink some Remy, and play some Call of Duty. I prestiged and killed about 3,559,052 zombies off the no sex time. Many a frustraion was let out in Rust !

Keep your head up, just be patient. Be an all world husband but give it some time before you try to crank.

[skinsfaninok]

Originally Posted by MonkFan4Life

Solid don't get so upset bro. You have to find a way to laugh through the pain.

I have been where you are. Many of us have. My sexual relationship with my wife is on a good ground now but perfect ? NO. I've been married for 4 years this September the 9th and I've been with my wife for 10 years now. The first 1 and a half she was my **** buddy. When I wanted it, I got it. How I wanted it, I got it. No matter the time, the place, whatever. After we became serious it started to slow down then when we moved in together I swear it would be about once a month. Once a month for about a year which then became about once every two months. Then once every 3 months. This went on for a loooong time. Even after getting married sex or lack there of was a major issue for me. Especially when I do all the cooking, most of the cleaning, and not to toot my horn I'm a damn good husband. I treat that broad right. Did I bitch about the sex thing ? ALL THE TIME.

Our sex was so infrequent I KNEW that day that she got pregnant. That's how bad it was. I went through 7 plus years of when she felt like it sex. Almost ended our relationship. But what I found to be most effective was when I stopped asking. We had many arguments about it, but what a lot of us have been saying is to take it slow. If she has been giving you excuse after excuse it's probably because she doesn't have an answer to give you. That was the worst thing for me.

To tell me "I don't know why I don't want to have sex with you" was complete and utter bullshit to me. After talking to my sister who works at an OB, she told me that women come into her office all the time about stuff like that. So while I may put up a link to a clip from Johnny Dangerously or Fast Times those are jokes but still I don't know all the answers. I can just tell you what worked for me. And what you're doing and how you are feeling now didn't. You are angry, confused, and frustrated. You only way to deal with it is in absolutes. But you have to think like a woman, she wants a reason to argue so she can point to that to say "this is why" but you can't give her that. Which is why I eventually took my friends advice and not asking for it.

Was it fun ? No, was it easy, hell no. Did it work ? Id like to say that it did. Sometimes I have to do it still. But now I can take solice in the fact that on Friday after we've picked our son up from daycare she's gonna look at me and say, "well it's the weekend". And even though I know what she means I always say, "yeah I know, we get to rest, get some cleaning done,...what do you have planned ?" Then she'll say, "well you know, we can do some things" 3 days out of the week I have the chance to get some tail. That is her compromise. Do I ask for it during the week ? Occasionally, will I get it ? Meh, it's hit or miss.

But be patient man. Just be with her, and it will all work itself out. Should you have to go through all of this ? No, but the fact is that you kinda have to. Unless you want to be lying next to her in the bed yet you all are so far apart.

Hit a J, drink some Remy, and play some Call of Duty. I prestiged and killed about 3,559,052 zombies off the no sex time. Many a frustraion was let out in Rust !

Keep your head up, just be patient. Be an all world husband but give it some time before you try to crank.

AGREE!!! 100% with everything you said

[tryfuhl]

lead into it with a good dinner, massage, something

[wilsowilso]

This is just my opinion. I am married with no kids.

I hope you have great luck tonight, but from everything I have read so far even if you are succesful it won't matter.

You yourself have mostly admitted that.

You two have stopped communicating. With this type of pressure/frustration it's really snowballed and now you just seem completely out of sorts.

My advice is you say to her tonight.

I don't want to have sex with you right now, but if you still respect and love me we need to TALK about sex tonight. Not for five minutes. We need to really talk about it because I'm frustrated and confused and I love you and I dont know where your heart and mind are at. You are my wife and my partner and I need you to communicate with me.

If she refuses you have to suggest marriage counseling. Strongly suggest.

[JoeRedskin]

Originally Posted by wilsowilso

This is just my opinion. I am married with no kids.

I hope you have great luck tonight, but from everything I have read so far even if you are succesful it won't matter.

You yourself have mostly admitted that.

You two have stopped communicating. With this type of pressure/frustration it's really snowballed and now you just seem completely out of sorts.

My advice is you say to her tonight.

I don't want to have sex with you right now, but if you still respect and love me we need to TALK about sex tonight. Not for five minutes. We need to really talk about it because I'm frustrated and confused and I love you and I dont know where your heart and mind are at. You are my wife and my partner and I need you to communicate with me.

If she refuses you have to suggest marriage counseling. Strongly suggest.

Excellent post. Excellent.

[12thMan]

Like seriously, you guys are offering up some great advice here. This thread is golden regardless of who needs it.

[over the mountain]

solid - come on buddy. we are all guys here, almost all of us over older than our mid 20s, some of us are married, some of us arent, some are divorced.

relationships at this stage in our lives are serious. you are still a young man in relative terms. this thing is going to take some time imo.

like credskins said, setting a date and time certain can lead to collosal failure and disappointment.

in my earlier post i wrote what works for me. my girl has her period every freeakin month and it is a brutal rollercoaster of emotion. trust me i know.

look at other guys posts on here. most guys in a committed relationship or marriage arent getting it like thay used to. its just the way it is.

like in my earlier post, id check to see if your schedules dont leave alot of random spontaneous sex time or if her schedule is to demanding and makes her dead tired when she sgets home.

idk man, but just hang in there. it sounds like something she has to figure out internally. the thought and your thread title of considering leaving your loved one b/c you arent getting any seems alil drastic to me.

your still a young guy, be thankful you found the one you love, so love her. there is a long road ahead for both of you.

dangit solid, i was hoping to come on here and read something positive. you cant force a solution, you cant force a decision with this. this takes its own time and route. my advice is to be there for your lady every step of the way, all the way. she is probably more confused and frustrated than you.

[skinsfan69]

The hell w/ getting married. I enjoy having my own house with my own space. Especially on football Sunday. 3-4 days a week is enough for me and my GF. I don't want to see any women 7 days a week. I lived with one girl back in 05 and she was easy to live with. But I really had no desire to have sex with her cause we saw each other every damn day. IMO I just don't think a lot of people are meant to live w/ one another day after day and that is why the divorce rate is so high. People just get sick/tired of one another.

[DynamiteRave]

Just coming from a woman, the "Your period is over, it's time to have sex" approach is NOT going to work. Granted she's your wife and the waters are a bit different than from someone you're just dating, it just screams, -I'm desperate for sex- which is, let me say, a turn off. I'm not saying you aren't planning to wine her and dine her in an act of seduction but that coming randomly, especially right after the end of her monthly is more than just obvious. I'm going to suggest you keep trying to talk to her about it, instead of waving your junk at her in a plea that it does something for her.

You need to keep letting her know you care for her and that you're deeply concerned about your relationship with her even in the midst of this sex drought. Love and concern should always come before the sex. My SO right now has told me before that if for some reason they had to abstain from sex to be with me, they would. Because they love me that much and although the sex is important, it's not the make or break of our relationship.

I know, I know, sex is an important part of a relationship but a month shouldn't be making you lose your damn mind. You'd think she had the antidote coming out from between her legs and you're going to die if you don't get it.

But you know what I'm saying? At this point, could you say the same thing about your wife? That you can see her through this, no sex thing? No matter how long? If she's not cheating on you, that is... But if you can't say yes or even maybe then you really need to look inside and do some self-searching.

[GMScud]

Hopefully all went well for SS84 tonight.

[GusFrerotte]

Never heard of 3 years and out before with the sex, especially a young couple. I have heard about the 7 year wall that is usually when the big D comes. What happened in Fla is what you should be asking yourself and her. I admit I am still a bachelor at 40, but most of my buds got married right out of undergrad and never have said complained about bedroom problems even now. All, but one are still married. They are pretty honest with their wives and from what I see and vice versa. You just need to come out with it and ask her what's wrong. 32 days isn't that bad if you both work a lot, etc.