understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

[TheMalcolmConnection]

Originally Posted by Schneed10

2-4 times a week is abnormally often for those age ranges in a mature relationship.

My wife and I are both 31, we run at about once per week to once every 10 days. How often is not important, it's the quality that matters. If the quality goes out, the relationship fizzles.

Exactly. I mean it's different for everyone, and to be honest if we DID do it daily, it kind of loses how special it is (and yes you can call me gay for saying that).

[SmootSmack]

Originally Posted by TheMalcolmConnection

And also, while I'm not 30 or 40, if there is no sex in THOSE marriages, that's a GIANT problem. Women reach their sexual peak in their thirties, so that doesn't sound right to me. Don't get me wrong, you won't be banging every night, but you should at least be getting it on the regular 2-4 times a week.

My wife will be 30 in a couple of years and we'll soon be "trying" for Little Smoots....so let the good times roll!

Look on the bright side Snake, you won't have to worry about a vasectomy if you ain't gettin' none in the first place

[Mechanix544]

Hmmmmmm, I'd say the best way to deal with this situation is head on. You have to ask her what she is thinking. Is she depressed, embarassed about her body? Does she not find you attractive anymore? Is she getting fulfillment elsewhere? All valid questions someone in your shoes should be reasonably expected to ask, given the circumstances. 6 weeks and no boom boom.........that, in a marriage, is getting a little ridiculous, and would make any other man in america a little concerned, if not wary.

You have every right to sit her down, and see what is going on. At least you'll know, and knowing is half the battle, right?

[Schneed10]

First, 32 days is a dry spell for sure, but too small a sample to make any drastic decisions.

The fact that she won't talk about it tells me something is wrong, like others have said. Possibilities:

- She's pregnant and isn't comfortable talking about it yet.
- She's sick with something serious.
- She's clinically depressed.
- She's mentally moving on from you. Sometimes you see people withdraw from their loved one if they've been presented an opportunity to be with someone else, and they're beginning to consider it.
- There's something else in her life causing a great deal of stress.

You gotta get her to talk about it. But come from a place of compassion, assume something is wrong and you're just looking to find out so you can help her through whatever it is.

[TheMalcolmConnection]

Originally Posted by Schneed10

First, 32 days is a dry spell for sure, but too small a sample to make any drastic decisions.

The fact that she won't talk about it tells me something is wrong, like others have said. Possibilities:

- She's pregnant and isn't comfortable talking about it yet.
- She's sick with something serious.
- She's clinically depressed.
- She's mentally moving on from you. Sometimes you see people withdraw from their loved one if they've been presented an opportunity to be with someone else, and they're beginning to consider it.
- There's something else in her life causing a great deal of stress.

You gotta get her to talk about it. But come from a place of compassion, assume something is wrong and you're just looking to find out so you can help her through whatever it is.

I kind of thought this too. Are you questioning your feelings for HER too if you're talking about moving on after 32 days of no sex?

[SolidSnake84]

Originally Posted by TheMalcolmConnection

I kind of thought this too. Are you questioning your feelings for HER too if you're talking about moving on after 32 days of no sex?

Not at all. I love her to death, but wanted advice on if the worst is coming and should I just end it now so that I can go ahead and get over her, and try and put my life back together.

I KNEW this would happen. I was warned. I just didnt think it would happen to me, or so soon.

[TheMalcolmConnection]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

Not at all. I love her to death, but wanted advice on if the worst is coming and should I just end it now so that I can go ahead and get over her, and try and put my life back together.

I KNEW this would happen. I was warned. I just didnt think it would happen to me, or so soon.

It's just the two of you being comfortable with each other. The main thing is that when you DO plan something, don't force it at all. Just be cool, nice romantic night out, have a few drinks (JUST a couple) and see where that goes. Are you being affectionate at all (kissing, holding hands, hugging, etc?)??

[SolidSnake84]

Originally Posted by TheMalcolmConnection

It's just the two of you being comfortable with each other. The main thing is that when you DO plan something, don't force it at all. Just be cool, nice romantic night out, have a few drinks (JUST a couple) and see where that goes. Are you being affectionate at all (kissing, holding hands, hugging, etc?)??

Yes. I've tried it all. I've tried to be loving, and she blows me off and she says i'm being over affectionate. It annoys her.

I love all the feedback guys, but reading the honest advice i get the feeling that i am truly and unequivocally screwed.

[Dealseeker777]

You call 32 days a Dry spell...........

Wait until you have kids...lol

[Slingin Sammy 33]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

I've been with my wife for a few years now. Every aspect of our life is happy and wonderful. We have no children, and it's just us. We love to travel, eat out, go to the movies together, and all of that stuff.

We get along great and I consider her the only other person in my life besides my father, that i completley trust.

The problem is, since returning from our trip to Florida 32 days ago, we have had a sexless marriage, and a complete lack of other intimacy. I blame myself and have tried everything to try and bring it back. I even started lifting weights to try and change my physical build hoping it would help...Nothing has worked. I'm not ready to give up just yet, but i need help in seeing which way this thing is headed.

What changed between before the FL trip and after?

I'm in my early 40s and been married 10 yrs (together for 12). As TMC said, sometimes you hit a dry spell between work, kids, responsiblities, etc. But, your sex life shouldn't be over, and certainly not at 25. If you and your wife are completely happy in all other aspects, and the dry spell has only been a month, I've got to believe there's something going on in her head that she may not be talking about.

[SolidSnake84]

Originally Posted by Slingin Sammy 33

What changed between before the FL trip and after?

I'm in my early 40s and been married 10 yrs (together for 12). As TMC said, sometimes you hit a dry spell between work, kids, responsiblities, etc. But, your sex life shouldn't be over, and certainly not at 25. If you and your wife are completely happy in all other aspects, and the dry spell has only been a month, I've got to believe there's something going on in her head that she may not be talking about.

First off, great advice by Schneed10. I appreciate it deeply, and have never considered those issues. Regarding pregnancy, i highly doubt it, our sex life was shaky before FL, and absolutley ended when we got home.

To answer Sammy, its like somebody just flipped a switch...

[Slingin Sammy 33]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

First off, great advice by Schneed10. I appreciate it deeply, and have never considered those issues. Regarding pregnancy, i highly doubt it, our sex life was shaky before FL, and absolutley ended when we got home.

To answer Sammy, its like somebody just flipped a switch...

Like the other folks have said, there's something more to this than normal reduction in frequency, especially since you mentioned how angry she gets when you try to discuss it.

Try to hang in there and find out what's wrong, but if this continues to go on for another month or so despite your efforts, you've got a real problem. A sexless marriage isn't a norm, especially not in your mid-20s with no kids.

[Gmanc711]

And Also, I agree with everyone who says that something is up/wrong...

[Schneed10]

They key is how drastic was this change?

Did you go from regularly doing it once a week to suddenly not doing it for 32 days straight? Because that tells me something is wrong.

Did she suddenly start taking a new birth control medicine? Because that really messes with the womens, that could easily explain a sudden change in sex drive and mood.

Or did the change take place gradually? Because that would tell me hormonal changes are going on with your wife that are reducing her sex drive. Sadly, this is not that fixable.

[CRedskinsRule]

I wouldn't fret over 30 days. Of course the first question always is, maybe she got pregnant and is afraid to say, since it sounds like you aren't ready for kids yet. If you are married and happy, you need to really sit down with her and discuss it, find out what she is thinking, and why her behavior has changed. It seems kinda weird to be thinking of chucking it all this quickly. just my