Dogtag presents "The Official Moderator Roast Thread"

[BigRed]

***Warning*** This roast is not for the faint of heart. Please read only at your own risk! (And my first attempt at one of these. This is in the nature of the roast and not at all meant to offend.)

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A group of guys walk into a talent agency. It's Mattyk72, TAFKAS, Gmanc711, joecrisp and BrudLee. Mattyk72 says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry... I don't represent Redskins' acts. Daniel Snyder owns all the rights and I fear a lawsuit."

TAFKAS replies, "Sir, once you see our act, you'll want to hire us right away and won't fear ANY lawsuits Mr. Snyder might bring."

The agent replies, "Alright, then. I'll take a look at it."

BrudLee thanks the agent for his decision. All five men strip and BrudLee lays down on his back on the floor. Gmanc711 starts it off by to taking a large dump on BrudLee's face while joecrisp comes over and starts to fuck BrudLee in the ass. Mattyk72 takes his ego-sized penis and starts to slap Gmanc711 in head with it while TAFKAS lays down curled into a ball and starts sucking his own dick.

When Gmanc711 finishes his 5 minute dump, he starts licking Mattyk72's balls while BrudLee gets up (with joecrisp still in him) and starts to fist Gmanc711 in the ass.

TAFKAS continues to suck his own dick.

joecrisp finally finishes with BrudLee and opens up a duffel bag full of footballs. He takes one football and gets down on all fours in a center's position. BrudLee comes up behind joecrisp and fucks him in the ass and then yells, "Hike!". joecrisp hikes the football between BrudLee's legs and up his ass.

Mattyk72 grabs another footballs and hands the ball off to Gmanc711 who runs over to TAFKAS and shoves the football up his ass.

TAFKAS continues to suck his own dick.

Mattyk72 puts on a Brunell jersey, grabs yet another football, drops back, aims for Gmanc711 and throws the ball... directly into joecrisp's ass.

The agent begins to stand up to protest. "Hey! I think he was an inelligible receiver!" Mattyk72 picks up another ball to throw at the agent, but decides to throw it away when joecrisp grabs a football out of the bag and shoves it up his ass.

Tired of sucking his own dick, TAFKAS gets up, grabs a football, and shoves a second one up his own ass. He then grabs one more football, places it on a kicking tee, and bends over directly in front of it yelling, "Go for three! Go for three!"

BrudLee complies by kicking the ball directly into TAFKAS' ass. TAFKAS then starts shitting the balls out in perfect spirals to Gmanc711, Mattyk72, and joecrisp, who each make wonderful diving catches.

TAFKAS begins to suck his own dick again, but passes out from exhaustion. The remaining four finish the act by dancing in Funky Four fashion to "Play That Funky Music".

For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"

And Mattyk72 says, "The Warpath.net Aristocrats!"

[SmootSmack]

I'm like Chris Elliott in Scary Movie 3! (or was it 2?)

[GhettoDogAllStars]

[SmootSmack]

Whatever happened to the time honored tradition of wrapping up a roast with a few kind of words? Sigh...And remember Sheriff Gonna Getcha is a moderator (he's a lawyer too!) and so is Crazy Canuck (he's freakin' Canadian)

[BigRed]

You know... I couldn't remember all of the mods and there is no good place that I was able to easily find for a list. So I just used a few threads I've read recently with a quick scan through. So apologies to the mods I left out. Though lawyers and Canadians have plenty of jokes of their own! (Lawyers have "penile codes" and Canadians have "mounties".) Hahaha... those funny Canadians!

[BigRed]

As for kind words... I wouldn't be here lurking as much as I do if I didn't like and respect everyone here. I even have a link to this site on my own personal webpage!

[Summo]

Big Red i think the arictocrat post was the funniest I ever read here, I'm just pissed I wasn't involved. Perhaps I could have used my cock as a football ramrod or something.

[JoeRedskin]

Originally Posted by Summo

Perhaps I could have used my cock as a football ramrod or something.

Well, perhaps as the needle used to inflate the football.

[BigRed]

Originally Posted by JoeRedskin

Well, perhaps as the needle used to inflate the football.

Hahaha! BURN!

[BigRed]

Wow... Another mod I forgot! (We really do need a page with a list of mods...) One more and maybe I can make the Warpath.net Aristocrats 2.0 with 4 new characters...

Or I can just roast the forgotten individually:

Summo is so fat that when he auditioned for a part in Raiders of the Lost Ark, he got the part of the big Rolling Ball. When he bends over, we enter Daylight Saving Time. When he wears a yellow raincoat, people yell "Taxi!"

Man, and he's also dumb. He's so stupid he took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif. It took him 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes. He's so dumb he got stabbed in a shoot out.

But seriously, he's so ugly, they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in his shower. After he was born, his mother said "What a treasure!" and his father said "Yes, let's go bury it."

[SmootSmack]

Originally Posted by BigRed

Wow... Another mod I forgot! (We really do need a page with a list of mods...)

Some of the roles need to be updated, but here's the list

http://www.thewarpath.net/showgroups.php

[Southpaw]

I was going to attempt to roast Matty, but I just can't think of anything. I mean, how can you possibly roast someone who always has wonderful thoughts to add, AND is right all the time!?!

Like this one time a couple years ago, someone had written out a four paragraph post about why Ramsey should be the starter. Matty responded with "Ramsey sucks! Nuff said.", and half a dozen members(myself included) responded with stuff like "HAhAHa!, jOo R sO riTe mAtTY!" and "Ooooo... burn" and "I agree with Matty". I mean, how are you supposed to roast someone with that kind of insight? In fact, I'm getting T-Shirts made for like minded members like myself, that say "Matty Ball Washer's Club". Let me know if you're interested.





Kind words, hmmm... Matty, I like your website.

[joecrisp]

I think there was entirely too much interaction between myself and BrudLee in the Aristocrats post.

Besides, MattyK72 is more my type. He's got such an enormous...

EGO!

[hooskins]

Another joecrisp siting? Wow, thats two times this year, his ppd is going up like crazy

[BDBohnzie]

no way anyone's gonna top thewarpath aristocrats...so why even try?