understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

[hooskins]

Wow man, I dont know what to say. You need to confront her and ask her WTF is the problem and to lay down the truth.

[KLHJ2]

Originally Posted by hooskins

Wow man, I dont know what to say. You need to confront her and ask her WTF is the problem and to lay down the truth.

At least it was only a 40 oz. At first I thouht he meant a 40 pack and I couldn't help but think "You are goinng to die from drinking shitty beer before the alcohol poisioning sets in"

[SUNRA]

Listen to me young man. I am 43 years old married to a 29 year old woman. We have sex at least 4 times a week. If your wife has all of a sudden changed after a trip, there could have been something that happened to her that she doesn't feel comfortable with telling you. The main reason the sexual relationship in marriages deminishes is because it becomes too redundant in sexual positions. If you are not willing to keep your sex life exciting by having sex in different places in the house or different positions other than missionary it might light a fire. Most importantly ask her what likes the most in bed and what she likes the least. Then make it happen more and often.

[SBXVII]

Wow 3 pages already. I'm late to the party I guess.

Ok, most here would say don't ask SBXVII cause I sorta gave my opinion recently about being married after one of our fellow fans got married. But, I'll give you my two cents anyway.....

If it was a recent change- find out why. It sounds like she's mad at you about something. Perhaps something you said or did,.... or did not do. I agree with others, take this head on and approach her about it. It could be one of the above or something simple like she failed to pick up her pills and does not want to get pregnant.

The toughest yrs for any marriage is the first 5. Get past that and you should be doing somewhat well. My joking diatribe....is:

Couples date
Fall in love
*Have sex all the time.*
After the first yr of sex every night it turns into 3-4 times a week. Then after the second yr it turns into 2-3 times a week. Then your lucky to get it once a week and so on and so forth. Welcome to the club. It's a special club and only a select few can be apart of..... for those who are married. lol.

Every one has different issue yet similar....

What is similar is kids... usually. About the time couple have their first kid the wife is exhausted breast feeding all day and night. Your exhausted cause you wake up everytime the kid cries for food or your wife gets out of bed. For what ever reason women find it hard to be sexy and excited about sex while breast feeding or being exhausted. Even though she probably looks sexy as hell. lol.

On top of this wonderful problem we found out my wife was allergic to latex. Condoms would give her an infection which lasted a week to week and a half, then her period which lasted a week, then sex, and the whole process started over. I was getting it once a month.

After the second kid I was fixed and although sex was obviously not an issue anymore other things became the problem. See daycare is expensive so my wife took off and stayed at home and did daycare for other families to help make ends meet. Again I couldn't understand why she kept saying she was so tired at the end of the day. I mean how hard can daycare be? right? until I had to sit in for her so she could make a doctors appointment.

My problem now is she's in menopaus, which means high blood pressure and migraines. To top it off she does not want to take steroids for the menopaus cause she is afraid of possible breast cancer and growing hair everywhere. So in a nut shell she is also dry down there and sex using lube burns.

As I said in the other thread. She's my best friend, my confidant, and as bad as it sounds like I make it out to be..... I've learned I have to take the good with the bad.

Remember... for better or worse?

I'd say talk with her first. Find out if whatever the problem is can be fixed. If not then decide whats important to you.

[724Skinsfan]

Originally Posted by SBXVII

Wow 3 pages already. I'm late to the party I guess.

Ok, most here would say don't ask SBXVII cause I sorta gave my opinion recently about being married after one of our fellow fans got married. But, I'll give you my two cents anyway.....

If it was a recent change- find out why. It sounds like she's mad at you about something. Perhaps something you said or did,.... or did not do. I agree with others, take this head on and approach her about it. It could be one of the above or something simple like she failed to pick up her pills and does not want to get pregnant.

The toughest yrs for any marriage is the first 5. Get past that and you should be doing somewhat well. My joking diatribe....is:

Couples date
Fall in love
*Have sex all the time.*
After the first yr of sex every night it turns into 3-4 times a week. Then after the second yr it turns into 2-3 times a week. Then your lucky to get it once a week and so on and so forth. Welcome to the club. It's a special club and only a select few can be apart of..... for those who are married. lol.

Every one has different issue yet similar....

What is similar is kids... usually. About the time couple have their first kid the wife is exhausted breast feeding all day and night. Your exhausted cause you wake up everytime the kid cries for food or your wife gets out of bed. For what ever reason women find it hard to be sexy and excited about sex while breast feeding or being exhausted. Even though she probably looks sexy as hell. lol.

On top of this wonderful problem we found out my wife was allergic to latex. Condoms would give her an infection which lasted a week to week and a half, then her period which lasted a week, then sex, and the whole process started over. I was getting it once a month.

After the second kid I was fixed and although sex was obviously not an issue anymore other things became the problem. See daycare is expensive so my wife took off and stayed at home and did daycare for other families to help make ends meet. Again I couldn't understand why she kept saying she was so tired at the end of the day. I mean how hard can daycare be? right? until I had to sit in for her so she could make a doctors appointment.

My problem now is she's in menopaus, which means high blood pressure and migraines. To top it off she does not want to take steroids for the menopaus cause she is afraid of possible breast cancer and growing hair everywhere. So in a nut shell she is also dry down there and sex using lube burns.

As I said in the other thread. She's my best friend, my confidant, and as bad as it sounds like I make it out to be..... I've learned I have to take the good with the bad.

Remember... for better or worse?

I'd say talk with her first. Find out if whatever the problem is can be fixed. If not then decide whats important to you.

Wow! Etch that stuff into stone.

[SmootSmack]

From what I gather, they're not really doing anything together. Anything positive at least. It's one thing to have a dry sex spell, but quite another to suddenly stop doing anything together

[MTK]

This thread is definitely a TMI Hall of Famer

[SolidSnake84]

Hey guys im back. The weekend was kind of busy and I've got both good news and bad news to report.

I can tell you first that we made huge progress over the weekend. On Saturday we were together all day between going to yard sales and also going over to my father's for his birthday dinner. She told me that there are some nights that she is in the mood mentally, but physical exhaustion takes it from her.

She also told me that sometimes i annoy her or piss her off, leading to her not wanting to have sex. I guess there are annoying habits of mine that i am letting slip. (I had this problem when i was engaged).

And now the bad news: It will be Wednesday at the earliest that i can try again....Wife is having that monthly time....so i suffer a few more days, and hopefully end this horrible spell on Wednesday. Thanks everybody

[Monkeydad]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

Hey guys im back. The weekend was kind of busy and I've got both good news and bad news to report.

I can tell you first that we made huge progress over the weekend. On Saturday we were together all day between going to yard sales and also going over to my father's for his birthday dinner. She told me that there are some nights that she is in the mood mentally, but physical exhaustion takes it from her.

She also told me that sometimes i annoy her or piss her off, leading to her not wanting to have sex. I guess there are annoying habits of mine that i am letting slip. (I had this problem when i was engaged).

And now the bad news: It will be Wednesday at the earliest that i can try again....Wife is having that monthly time....so i suffer a few more days, and hopefully end this horrible spell on Wednesday. Thanks everybody

Well, progress. That couch scene on Friday was BAD...she seemed psycho or..."out of town" in female terms, which was confirmed.

Of course, that may explain that particular moment of insanity but not the previous 5 weeks.

Crazy how she accuses YOU of leading her on and letting her down. That's almost laughable...like you'd actually turn her down if she wanted to do something.

I say keep talking, even if it only gets you a longer list of your offenses and complaints about you...it's something and progress.


If this continues on for another month, I'd SERIOUSLY try to get her into marriage counseling if you don't find out about any physical/medical/hormonal problems. It's no fun but it will be the only resort to try to save the relationship. You can't let her screw with your emotions and sanity constantly...or have all of the power in the relationship. No one party should, it needs to be a give-and-take thing, compromising to make the other person happy. If either one of you is only in it for your own personal happiness, no one will be happy.

[KLHJ2]

Dude lock yourself in the bathroom and toss off to Laura Croft.

[MonkFan4Life]

Hey Solid I know we butted heads in the Campbell thread but I can seriously feel your pain. From reading it seems that you like most men probably would like to have sex every second of every day. Hell you wouldn't have married her if you didn't. When I had my issues with my wife and believe me they went on for years. I would stay as persistent as I always had before. When I wanted it I asked, I asked why when she didn't want to and as a man I always wanted to break out my "toolbox" because I felt like any situation could be fixed. But what I found to be most effective was to not ask for sex. Now this took me a while to perfect because when the feeling came I was ready and she knew. But when you don't ask for it then they begin to wonder why. Eventually she asked me why and I was honest in saying that when I ask you're going to say no so why put myself through the bullshit. Which did end up starting an arument or 40. Never the less, we would have occasional sex and when I say occasional I mean like maybe once a month type of shit.

We've been to many marriage workshops and stuff like that. She finds the crap and I go. Usually it ends up helping in some way shape or form. Mostly with communication. We went to this Bible based joint early this year and the guys were talking about having sex and how it has to be done because it keeps the realtionship healthy. Now praying and all that before cranking ?..... cant do it. Because what I do in the bed has NOTHING to do with God unless she's calling him I can tell you that. But I say that to say tha communication is the key. It's not your fault that this is such a silent issue betwen the two but that what is missing. So be patient above all.

She would tell me how she would want to while she was at work but the seond she got home other things took over and she would eventually be too tired. We had many talks where I would tell her that I do everything that I should be doing around the house, with the baby, whatever and all I ask for is this one thing. Long story short, now I'm pretty much a lock to get some tail on weekends. Is it what I want ? Hell no. But, that's the tender morsel of heaven that I have to go with now. Sex is something that she never wants to talk about because she says she has this self esteem thing or that she doesn't feel right atlking about it. Which is crazy because the things that we have done....sorry Smoot. TMI.

Anyway, just stop asking her for it, make it seem as though you don't give a shit if you all get it in or not. Try not to breathe hard so that she knows that you're frustrated when she wants to spoon and if you blood rushes down there let it be. Compliment her and all of that good stuff. But under no circumstances do you let this be a deal breaker. You all got married for a reason, the sex will come. Now if this thread was titled "I'm Going Crazy Because My Wife Is A Bitch" then maybe we can start finding lawers. I got a friend who is close to divorce and it's a litle disheartening.

Keep the faith, Keep the love, be patient, and like Angry said whack it to Laura Croft. Or some good ol Lesbo Porn ! Or whatever you prefer, I just don't like dudes in mine. I'd say I'm about 99-1 on all chick to anything with a dude stuff. There have to be some pretty mean There are many sites where you can get 200 min of movie time for ONLY $19.99. I've still got my log in just incase there is another dry spell !

Good Luck Man !

[SolidSnake84]

Originally Posted by MonkFan4Life

Hey Solid I know we butted heads in the Campbell thread but I can seriously feel your pain. From reading it seems that you like most men probably would like to have sex every second of every day. Hell you wouldn't have married her if you didn't. When I had my issues with my wife and believe me they went on for years. I would stay as persistent as I always had before. When I wanted it I asked, I asked why when she didn't want to and as a man I always wanted to break out my "toolbox" because I felt like any situation could be fixed. But what I found to be most effective was to not ask for sex. Now this took me a while to perfect because when the feeling came I was ready and she knew. But when you don't ask for it then they begin to wonder why. Eventually she asked me why and I was honest in saying that when I ask you're going to say no so why put myself through the bullshit. Which did end up starting an arument or 40. Never the less, we would have occasional sex and when I say occasional I mean like maybe once a month type of shit.

We've been to many marriage workshops and stuff like that. She finds the crap and I go. Usually it ends up helping in some way shape or form. Mostly with communication. We went to this Bible based joint early this year and the guys were talking about having sex and how it has to be done because it keeps the realtionship healthy. Now praying and all that before cranking ?..... cant do it. Because what I do in the bed has NOTHING to do with God unless she's calling him I can tell you that. But I say that to say tha communication is the key. It's not your fault that this is such a silent issue betwen the two but that what is missing. So be patient above all.

She would tell me how she would want to while she was at work but the seond she got home other things took over and she would eventually be too tired. We had many talks where I would tell her that I do everything that I should be doing around the house, with the baby, whatever and all I ask for is this one thing. Long story short, now I'm pretty much a lock to get some tail on weekends. Is it what I want ? Hell no. But, that's the tender morsel of heaven that I have to go with now. Sex is something that she never wants to talk about because she says she has this self esteem thing or that she doesn't feel right atlking about it. Which is crazy because the things that we have done....sorry Smoot. TMI.

Anyway, just stop asking her for it, make it seem as though you don't give a shit if you all get it in or not. Try not to breathe hard so that she knows that you're frustrated when she wants to spoon and if you blood rushes down there let it be. Compliment her and all of that good stuff. But under no circumstances do you let this be a deal breaker. You all got married for a reason, the sex will come. Now if this thread was titled "I'm Going Crazy Because My Wife Is A Bitch" then maybe we can start finding lawers. I got a friend who is close to divorce and it's a litle disheartening.

Keep the faith, Keep the love, be patient, and like Angry said whack it to Laura Croft. Or some good ol Lesbo Porn ! There are many sites where you can get 200 min of movie time for ONLY $19.99. I've still got my log in just incase there is another dry spell !

Good Luck Man !

I dont remember butting heads in the Campbell thread, but if we did I'm sorry. One thing I do like about the board is that with the exception of a few trolls that pop in here and there, people get along basically great here even when they are disagreeing.

Everybody has been giving great advice and it really makes me feel good to know that I am not alone. I still am shocked at the amount of men that get married and then the sex just dries up. Where are these women getting it from then??? I have a hard time believing that people just stop and are ok with it.

I found a USA today poll like i mentioned earlier, that was horrifying. 65% of married adults have sex only once a week, 20% have sex once every 2 weeks, and horrifyingly 15% have sex less than once a month....Somebody seriously needs to find out why. I find it hard to believe that every single man or women resort to prostitutes or having an affair to get what they need.

[mredskins]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

I dont remember butting heads in the Campbell thread, but if we did I'm sorry. One thing I do like about the board is that with the exception of a few trolls that pop in here and there, people get along basically great here even when they are disagreeing.

Everybody has been giving great advice and it really makes me feel good to know that I am not alone. I still am shocked at the amount of men that get married and then the sex just dries up. Where are these women getting it from then??? I have a hard time believing that people just stop and are ok with it.

I found a USA today poll like i mentioned earlier, that was horrifying. 65% of married adults have sex only once a week, 20% have sex once every 2 weeks, and horrifyingly 15% have sex less than once a month....Somebody seriously needs to find out why. I find it hard to believe that every single man or women resort to prostitutes or having an affair to get what they need.

Dude you need to have a kids and then look at these stats you will still be horrified but you will be wondering how all these folks are still have enough time to or energy to even have that much sex.

[firstdown]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

I dont remember butting heads in the Campbell thread, but if we did I'm sorry. One thing I do like about the board is that with the exception of a few trolls that pop in here and there, people get along basically great here even when they are disagreeing.

Everybody has been giving great advice and it really makes me feel good to know that I am not alone. I still am shocked at the amount of men that get married and then the sex just dries up. Where are these women getting it from then??? I have a hard time believing that people just stop and are ok with it.

I found a USA today poll like i mentioned earlier, that was horrifying. 65% of married adults have sex only once a week, 20% have sex once every 2 weeks, and horrifyingly 15% have sex less than once a month....Somebody seriously needs to find out why. I find it hard to believe that every single man or women resort to prostitutes or having an affair to get what they need.

Those poll number do not add up or the questions were very limited. When she said it was that time of month you should have encouraged her to do something else. Nothing spells love better the Blow J#%. JK

[KLHJ2]

Shit you can get it for free at Pornhub. As many minutes as you want no membership and no fee.