On Marriage

[Slingin Sammy 33]

Originally Posted by saden1

How much are we talking here? 3k ring? more?

More than $ 3K balla. The rule of thumb is 2 months salary. If you go with a 1 karat, with high clarity and high color rating you'll be fine. The clarity and color ratings give the ring the "sparkle". Cut and minimizing inclusions are important, but from what my wife tells me, women talk about the size of the ring and then look at the sparkle. (Size does matter)

Do NOT buy from one of the chain jewelers or someone in a mall. Find an independent jewlery store that has been well established in your area. Do some research online and negotiate the hell out of them, you should get a good deal. PM me if you want more detail. Good luck!

Also check into a local metal fabrication contractor for the "ball & chain".

[Schneed10]

Originally Posted by BleedBurgundy

Oh, saden, one more thing... the engagement ring. I was talking to my wife earlier this morning and she mentioned one of the girls in the office was getting married. Then she went on to talk about how the women were all comparing rings... and how hers was the best. I have to tell you, that is one purchase that you only get one shot at and you have to go big. You'll never regret the money you spend on a good one, but you'll kick yourself if you don't. I'd say find something that you think is just about right, and then go up by about 50-100% depending on your budget. My wife was never a big jewelry person, never talked about it anyway, but she has repeatedly talked about all the compliments she gets, and it always makes her smile. Money well spent.

And I would actually say the exact opposite. If a woman cares that much about the size of the ring and comparing it to other women, then she's going to do the same thing with cars, with houses, with clothes, with everything. Run like hell from those broads. If she can't be happy with whatever you pick out, then she's missing the point.

The point is she's supposed to love whatever you pick out, because you gave it to her.

Now I'm not saying buy her a piece of shit, but don't stress about making sure she's got a huge ring. If you got the cash and need to find something to do with it, then why the hell not. But I'd rather put that money towards a kick ass honeymoon, something that can create memories for the two of you.

[GMScud]

Originally Posted by Schneed10

And I would actually say the exact opposite. If a woman cares that much about the size of the ring and comparing it to other women, then she's going to do the same thing with cars, with houses, with clothes, with everything. Run like hell from those broads. If she can't be happy with whatever you pick out, then she's missing the point.

The point is she's supposed to love whatever you pick out, because you gave it to her.

Now I'm not saying buy her a piece of shit, but don't stress about making sure she's got a huge ring. If you got the cash and need to find something to do with it, then why the hell not. But I'd rather put that money towards a kick ass honeymoon, something that can create memories for the two of you.

I agree here big time. A friend of mine is a partner in a small jewelry business here in the DC area. He's helping me put together a ring for my girlfriend. I'm not currently rolling in the dough, but I'm not poor either, so we're putting together something reasonable. A .75 ct solitaire of very nice cut/color/clarity, set simply in a thin platinum band. It's not amazing, but it's a quality engagement ring and it shines. It's the fact that I'm giving it to her as a representation of my love that counts.

I know plenty of people who started with a small engagement ring because they were on a strict budget at the time, and they gradually upgraded the setting and surrounding diamonds as time passed and money accumulated. Don't buy her garbage, but don't focus on the whole 2 or 3 months salary crap either. That's most likely a myth created by the "Jared" and "Kay's" of the world to boost sales.

If she loves you like she should, she'll be thrilled you're proposing, and not hung up on how much her ring blings. I can't stand women who flash their engagement rings as a status symbol. I see it all the time in an area as affluent as Chevy Chase/Bethesda. It's annoying and superficial. It's actually a direct contradiction of what marriage represents.

[saden1]

Originally Posted by Slingin Sammy 33

More than $ 3K balla. The rule of thumb is 2 months salary. If you go with a 1 karat, with high clarity and high color rating you'll be fine. The clarity and color ratings give the ring the "sparkle". Cut and minimizing inclusions are important, but from what my wife tells me, women talk about the size of the ring and then look at the sparkle. (Size does matter)

Do NOT buy from one of the chain jewelers or someone in a mall. Find an independent jewlery store that has been well established in your area. Do some research online and negotiate the hell out of them, you should get a good deal. PM me if you want more detail. Good luck!

Also check into a local metal fabrication contractor for the "ball & chain".

More than 3K for an engagement ring? Isn't the 2 month salary rule for a wedding ring? And is that before or after taxes?

[tryfuhl]

Originally Posted by Schneed10

And I would actually say the exact opposite. If a woman cares that much about the size of the ring and comparing it to other women, then she's going to do the same thing with cars, with houses, with clothes, with everything. Run like hell from those broads. If she can't be happy with whatever you pick out, then she's missing the point.

The point is she's supposed to love whatever you pick out, because you gave it to her.

Now I'm not saying buy her a piece of shit, but don't stress about making sure she's got a huge ring. If you got the cash and need to find something to do with it, then why the hell not. But I'd rather put that money towards a kick ass honeymoon, something that can create memories for the two of you.

Hard to find a chick that won't get into the ring discussion. They'll show that off just as often, if not more, than a new baby.

[mredskins]

Originally Posted by tryfuhl

Hard to find a chick that won't get into the ring discussion. They'll show that off just as often, if not more, than a new baby.

Yeah if you have a chick that shows off her ring more then her children you might have picked the wrong chick.

Is it just me or are jewelry radio commercials not the worst thing in the world.

[Schneed10]

And a good test to remember; if you get her a ring and she asks to have it upgraded, watch out. If she wants to upgrade the stone, there's a good chance she'll want to upgrade husbands.

Now if you offer to upgrade it like in GMScud's case, that's different. But if she seeks to upgrade it without you offering, I think that's a bad sign.

[Schneed10]

Originally Posted by saden1

More than 3K for an engagement ring? Isn't the 2 month salary rule for a wedding ring? And is that before or after taxes?

The wedding ring (or wedding band, technically) is meant just to supplement the engagement ring. The engagement ring is the main event.

I spent $3900 on my wife's. That bought a .75 carat with very good color and clarity, it sparkles real nice. She's thrilled with it and never compares it to others.

I think we then spent $500 on the wedding band, which is ringed with tiny sidestone diamonds.

At the time I was making $45,000 a year.

[Trample the Elderly]

I just came back from my cousin's wedding in Williamsburg. It was a nice deal. All I can say is this, MAKE SURE YOU HAVE BOOZE AT THE WEDDING. Now I don't drink, but if you can't pony up for a few bottles of bourbon and some wine, or at the very least a few pints of ale, then something's wrong.
I'd get hitched but I can't find a woman stupid enough to marry me, so I'm content with being a whore.

[TheMalcolmConnection]

Originally Posted by saden1

For those of you who are married what tips do you have for us unmarried guys? How and where did you propose? Why did you propose to her? What do you do to keep the spark going? What kind of adjustments did you have to make? What kind of impact have the children had on your marriage?

1. First tip is to make sure that when you DO find someone that might be the one, you make DAMN sure. I've seen too many of my friends get married within 2-3 months of meeting someone.

2. I knew my wife the moment I saw her. That's corny as hell but true. I was 15, and it's insane to say, but I knew it. We're working on twelve years together and two years of marriage.

3. To keep the spark going, NEVER take yourselves too seriously. The second you start feeling like you're older, that's when the spark will start to go away. Sure, people grow and people change a little bit, but what you fell in love with is always going to be there. My wife and I had random beers last Wednesday night and danced outside on our back porch for about an hour. Not slow dancing, just ridiculous, hilarious dancing. Which also reminds me, make a date to get some at LEAST once a week.

4. The main adjustments I had to make was to realize that I am no longer a bachelor (not like I ever was, but I DID live alone). Remember to share everything equally whether it's money or chores.

5. Take it from someone who's 27 and has NO plans for kids in the current future... DON'T DO IT UNTIL YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY READY. We have a lot of couple friends and all of them are getting knocked up because it's "what you're supposed to do at that age." At least half of them admit to me privately they wish they hadn't had them. For the people who have kids, I'm sure they love them unconditionally, but until you're ready for that burden, make damn sure you're ready to contribute a LARGE part of your free time and money to deal with feedings, changing diapers, and spending at least one or two hours just to get them ready for a simple outing. Fun times. Your marriage will never be the same for better or worse when you have children.

[Slingin Sammy 33]

Originally Posted by saden1

More than 3K for an engagement ring? Isn't the 2 month salary rule for a wedding ring? And is that before or after taxes?

Don't put yourself into massive debt over the ring, but as some of the other guys have mentioned .75 to 1 karat, with good color, clarity will set you back about 4-6K if you work with the independent jewelers. I'm sure you've got a good woman or you wouldn't be ready to pull the trigger. Whether outwardly (yes, run for the hills) or subtly, most women do compare rings. It's not usually the overt Chevy Chase type of comparisons, it's when all her friends see it for the first time and talk about it, or when she's out somewhere and another woman comments on how pretty the ring is. I'm sure she'll be very happy with whatever you give her.

[GMScud]

Originally Posted by Slingin Sammy 33

Don't put yourself into massive debt over the ring, but as some of the other guys have mentioned .75 to 1 karat, with good color, clarity will set you back about 4-6K if you work with the independent jewelers. I'm sure you've got a good woman or you wouldn't be ready to pull the trigger. Whether outwardly (yes, run for the hills) or subtly, most women do compare rings. It's not usually the overt Chevy Chase type of comparisons, it's when all her friends see it for the first time and talk about it, or when she's out somewhere and another woman comments on how pretty the ring is. I'm sure she'll be very happy with whatever you give her.

Yeah, just to clarify what I said earlier- Obviously any woman will show her friends/family/co-workers her ring. She should. It's an exciting thing. But she should be showing it off out of excitement for getting engaged, not how big and fancy the ring is. I see the latter too often.

[Schneed10]

Originally Posted by TheMalcolmConnection

1. First tip is to make sure that when you DO find someone that might be the one, you make DAMN sure. I've seen too many of my friends get married within 2-3 months of meeting someone.

2. I knew my wife the moment I saw her. That's corny as hell but true. I was 15, and it's insane to say, but I knew it. We're working on twelve years together and two years of marriage.

3. To keep the spark going, NEVER take yourselves too seriously. The second you start feeling like you're older, that's when the spark will start to go away. Sure, people grow and people change a little bit, but what you fell in love with is always going to be there. My wife and I had random beers last Wednesday night and danced outside on our back porch for about an hour. Not slow dancing, just ridiculous, hilarious dancing. Which also reminds me, make a date to get some at LEAST once a week.

4. The main adjustments I had to make was to realize that I am no longer a bachelor (not like I ever was, but I DID live alone). Remember to share everything equally whether it's money or chores.

5. Take it from someone who's 27 and has NO plans for kids in the current future... DON'T DO IT UNTIL YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY READY. We have a lot of couple friends and all of them are getting knocked up because it's "what you're supposed to do at that age." At least half of them admit to me privately they wish they hadn't had them. For the people who have kids, I'm sure they love them unconditionally, but until you're ready for that burden, make damn sure you're ready to contribute a LARGE part of your free time and money to deal with feedings, changing diapers, and spending at least one or two hours just to get them ready for a simple outing. Fun times. Your marriage will never be the same for better or worse when you have children.

I'll echo this. My wife and I are the same age, our daughter was born when we were both 27. I'm now 29 and feel 100% ready for kids, but that infant year was a very tough adjustment, neither of us was ready for the workload and it added a lot of stress.

At 29 we're much more ready. My wife is due with our second in early July, and we're headed into this one with nothing but excitement, even knowing how much work it is. Heading into the first one, we felt excited, but fear was the predominant emotion.

But, if you're worth your salt as a man, if you have kids early you suck it up and adjust. It was a rough first year but you get through it, and now I wouldn't change a thing. Somehow the love for the child stands out above all else, even above the major adjustment it takes.

So I guess there's something for both here; if you get knocked up early take solace. You won't regret it in the end. But if you can help it, wait until you're ready. The love for the child will still be there, and you'll be that much more ready.

[TheMalcolmConnection]

Originally Posted by Schneed10

So I guess there's something for both here; if you get knocked up early take solace. You won't regret it in the end. But if you can help it, wait until you're ready. The love for the child will still be there, and you'll be that much more ready.

Exactly what I meant to say, just with far less words.

The people I mentioned above who said they wish they hadn't had their kids, they definitely do love the more than anything, they just said if they had to do it again, they either wouldn't at all or have done it much later.

[724Skinsfan]

Originally Posted by Schneed10

At 29 we're much more ready. My wife is due with our second in early July, and we're headed into this one with nothing but excitement, even knowing how much work it is. Heading into the first one, we felt excited, but fear was the predominant emotion.

The second one was so much easier for us. You feel more comfortable and relaxed with diagnosing the baby's cries and in return he/she responds off of your comfort.

Honestly, I wouldn't say raising kids is "hard work", just more exhausting. I still don't sleep more than 3 or 4 hours without waking up to check on either of my two boys. But as far as me considering it difficult...nah, not really. Just be ready to have fun and not yell at them constantly for not being perfect little angels all the time.

Back to the marriage thing. I think patience and compromise are the two key ingredients that you have to actively work on. If you're the type of guy that thinks he should get his way because that's the way mommy and daddy treated you then your marriage will probably suck after 2 or 3 years. Work with each other and meet somewhere in the middle. Of course, a lot of this depends on her personality and what she expects you to do as the husband/bread winner.