understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

Gmanc711 · 08-12-2010, 04:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CooleyAsCanBe

Impressive set of posts on the issue, fellas. Very insightful and thought out.

Same thing happened to a close friend of mine shortly after he was married. Wife refused to have sex, told him she was repulsed by him, would sleep on the opposite edge of the matress and not let him touch her. Went on for a month or two and he was seriously considering divorce. They went to a marriage counselor (which I'd also recommend here if talking it out doesn't work) who said he wanted to first speak with them separately. While my friend was waiting in the hall he heard laughter in the room and got really angry, thinking they were talking about him. When they came out the therapist said that she was most likely having a hormonal reaction to being pregnant and to go immediately to the store and buy a pregnancy test. Turns out one of his fellas had slipped past the goalie and their son was born 9.5 months after they were married.

My wife also had a bad reaction to some birth control which really affected her emotionally, so I'd also suggest looking into that option.

Good luck either way. I hope it all works out soon.

Did it end up working out for them afterwards?

SolidSnake84 · 08-12-2010, 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mredskins

It is threads like this that make me miss jsarno.

Hey off topic for a bit, but what is this thread that jsarno started that everyone talks about? Even since I was a newb here I heard people talk about this one infamous jsarno thread...does anybody have a link to it???

TheLastDon · 08-12-2010, 04:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gmanc711

Weather he was or not... I think thats a pretty good word track if she wont talk to you about it at all... NOT AT THIS STAGE...but if this goes anotehr couple months and she wont open up abotu it at all... I would say that... I wouldnt follow through with it, but it would at least get something going.

Yeah, that's all I'm saying. Get it out in the open. And I agree, wait longer. 32 days really isn't all that long in a marriage. Reminds me of an old joke. Q: Why does a husband usually die before his wife? A: Because they want to. Marriage is hard work and you go through these types of things throughout the course of it.

mredskins · 08-12-2010, 04:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

Hey off topic for a bit, but what is this thread that jsarno started that everyone talks about? Even since I was a newb here I heard people talk about this one infamous jsarno thread...does anybody have a link to it???

http://www.thewarpath.net/parking-lo...ce-needed.html

Enjoy with a couple beers.

TheLastDon · 08-12-2010, 04:53 PM

thewarpath.net/parking-lot/28339-advice-needed.html

Enjoy with a couple beers.[/quote]

LMAO! When I get home from work I'm going to re-read this with a couple of beers! WOW!

Monkeydad · 08-12-2010, 04:56 PM

Re-read you say?

What's your other account?

mredskins · 08-12-2010, 04:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Buster

Re-read you say?

What's your other account?

LOL! I was thinking that too. Probably Hess34 (or whatever her actual screen name was)

Monkeydad · 08-12-2010, 05:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mredskins

LOL! I was thinking that too. Probably Hess34 (or whatever her actual screen name was)

http://www.thewarpath.net/parking-lo...tml#post717510

All if his/her previous posts were in the Mormon thread. Interesting someone would sign up at a Redskins site just to talk about Steve Young being a Mormon....or to provide extra "support" in a debate.

What's the deal, Saden?

firstdown · 08-12-2010, 05:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

Yes. I've tried it all. I've tried to be loving, and she blows me off and she says i'm being over affectionate. It annoys her.

I love all the feedback guys, but reading the honest advice i get the feeling that i am truly and unequivocally screwed.

Well if she feels that way get her drunk smack her on the ass and hit that thing. Maybe your trying too much and its turning her off. I'm 46 and my wife is in her late 30's and we still find time a couple times a week to have a little fun.

Wow, look at my post number for this one. HMMMMMMMMM wonder what 10000 should be.

TheMalcolmConnection · 08-12-2010, 05:20 PM

Not to be a jerk, but have you thought of getting an iPhone?

SolidSnake84 · 08-12-2010, 05:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheMalcolmConnection

Not to be a jerk, but have you thought of getting an iPhone?

Haha i saw that statistic today on a news article....if it helped, i would honestly buy one

Monkeydad · 08-12-2010, 05:33 PM

Do they vibra....nevermind.

The Goat · 08-12-2010, 05:37 PM

Lotta great posts/advice already in this thread. I reckon I can add a bit of insight SS84 (I've been married to my special lady friend throughout our 20s).

- While their bodies are typically at the peak during their 20s a LOT of women just don't have a ton of libido during that time. A cruel effing irony thrown at us by nature or God! My lady honestly had weeks of no sex-drive off and on even separating out the birth control situation. The physical aspect of any relationship has a natural ebb and tide life of its own. I can honestly say that the really fantastic sex (in our marriage) didn't happen till about the 4th yr...and, taking highs and lows into account, it just continues to get better over time.

- The increased "focus" on sex, especially from you but within the relationship as a whole, doesn't help in the short run. While I don't quite get it lots of women have serious performance anxiety and especially if they don't have much libido to start with. This means you need to find a tactful way to ratchet down the sex issue while simultaneously extracting the info (what's going on w/ her). So...communication is the key. Think about what kind of setting puts her at ease most and try a different approach to the issue than you have before.

- Don't let yourself start believing other women, especially if there's a particular friend/coworker/etc you fancy, will not have many if not all the same propensities your wife has. For one thing you're likely to get involved with another woman roughly the same age and, believe it or not, more similar than dissimilar to your wife. Relationships are most always hot and heavy in the beginning, and then the patterns of normal life emerge.

*I assume this will be a process. Keep us posted

SolidSnake84 · 08-12-2010, 05:39 PM

Yeah guys i'll let everybody know how it goes...i'm getting off work in 20 mins so i will go home and try and feel her out so to speak. I may be able to post results tonight, but more than likely it will be in the morning...so check back!

CooleyAsCanBe · 08-12-2010, 05:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gmanc711

Did it end up working out for them afterwards?

Yeah, they've been happily married for 20 years and have four kids.

08-12-2010, 04:53 PM	#65
TheLastDon Camp Scrub Join Date: Jul 2010 Posts: 12	Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go?? thewarpath.net/parking-lot/28339-advice-needed.html Enjoy with a couple beers.[/quote] LMAO! When I get home from work I'm going to re-read this with a couple of beers! WOW!

08-12-2010, 04:56 PM	#66
Monkeydad Living Legend Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: PA Age: 45 Posts: 17,460	Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go?? Re-read you say? What's your other account? __________________ Not sent from a Droid, iPhone, Blackberry or toaster

08-12-2010, 05:20 PM	#70
TheMalcolmConnection I like big (_\|_)s. Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Lexington, Virginia Age: 43 Posts: 19,225	Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go?? Not to be a jerk, but have you thought of getting an iPhone? __________________ Regret nothing. At one time it was exactly what you wanted.

08-12-2010, 05:33 PM	#72
Monkeydad Living Legend Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: PA Age: 45 Posts: 17,460	Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go?? Do they vibra....nevermind. __________________ Not sent from a Droid, iPhone, Blackberry or toaster

08-12-2010, 05:37 PM	#73
The Goat Pro Bowl Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 5,662	Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go?? Lotta great posts/advice already in this thread. I reckon I can add a bit of insight SS84 (I've been married to my special lady friend throughout our 20s). - While their bodies are typically at the peak during their 20s a LOT of women just don't have a ton of libido during that time. A cruel effing irony thrown at us by nature or God! My lady honestly had weeks of no sex-drive off and on even separating out the birth control situation. The physical aspect of any relationship has a natural ebb and tide life of its own. I can honestly say that the really fantastic sex (in our marriage) didn't happen till about the 4th yr...and, taking highs and lows into account, it just continues to get better over time. - The increased "focus" on sex, especially from you but within the relationship as a whole, doesn't help in the short run. While I don't quite get it lots of women have serious performance anxiety and especially if they don't have much libido to start with. This means you need to find a tactful way to ratchet down the sex issue while simultaneously extracting the info (what's going on w/ her). So...communication is the key. Think about what kind of setting puts her at ease most and try a different approach to the issue than you have before. - Don't let yourself start believing other women, especially if there's a particular friend/coworker/etc you fancy, will not have many if not all the same propensities your wife has. For one thing you're likely to get involved with another woman roughly the same age and, believe it or not, more similar than dissimilar to your wife. Relationships are most always hot and heavy in the beginning, and then the patterns of normal life emerge. *I assume this will be a process. Keep us posted __________________ 24-34

08-12-2010, 05:39 PM	#74
SolidSnake84 Playmaker Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Stephens City, VA Posts: 2,947	Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go?? Yeah guys i'll let everybody know how it goes...i'm getting off work in 20 mins so i will go home and try and feel her out so to speak. I may be able to post results tonight, but more than likely it will be in the morning...so check back! __________________ Time to nut up or shut up

understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

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