Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=mredskins;719476][B]Wait until she gets prego talk about dry spells.

IMO 32 days is really not that big of a deal [/B] but I have a kid, job, etc... so sometimes life and it responsibilities just basically sweep you up.

I would try a date night and say we need time to refocus have fun and forgot life like when we first start dating. Have her say what she wants to do for that night and at the end of the night you should be scoring.

But the no sex could be symptom of a bigger problem but a 32 days I don't see it.[/quote]



So true. :rofl:




Keep in mind, pregnancy (like a possible medical issue or birth control interference) are all temporary, hormonal problems...that will pass.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=TheLastDon;719473]Tell her that if you don't get it from her you'll get it somewhere else. That should spark something in the situation one way or another.[/quote]saden, I blame you :laughing-

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

I've been married for a year and a half, together for 5 and a half. While we've had a few dry spells, they've been nowhere near what you've described. I think you're (minus TheLastDon) getting some good advice here. Hope everything works out for you.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

32 days is a long time. Time to have a serious talk.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=Slingin Sammy 33;719480]saden, I blame you :laughing-[/quote]

LOOL...he's keeping it real...it's an issue we have discussed before. He's not advocating cheating, he's advocating leaving and thus getting it from somewhere else.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

Impressive set of posts on the issue, fellas. Very insightful and thought out.

Same thing happened to a close friend of mine shortly after he was married. Wife refused to have sex, told him she was repulsed by him, would sleep on the opposite edge of the matress and not let him touch her. Went on for a month or two and he was seriously considering divorce. They went to a marriage counselor (which I'd also recommend here if talking it out doesn't work) who said he wanted to first speak with them separately. While my friend was waiting in the hall he heard laughter in the room and got really angry, thinking they were talking about him. When they came out the therapist said that she was most likely having a hormonal reaction to being pregnant and to go immediately to the store and buy a pregnancy test. Turns out one of his fellas had slipped past the goalie and their son was born 9.5 months after they were married.

My wife also had a bad reaction to some birth control which really affected her emotionally, so I'd also suggest looking into that option.

Good luck either way. I hope it all works out soon.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

I can't tell if TheLastDon was joking or not...i hope he wasn't trolling in a serious convo like this...i dont think he was, but you never know.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=Mattyk;719484]32 days is a long time. Time to have a serious talk.[/quote]


Without kids I think I may have to agree, I can try imagine my life before kid(s) we had so much free time you were basically banging just to kill time.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

Let me ask you this, SS84...have YOU changed anything since you've gotten married? Unknowingly and unintentionally, have you gotten too comfortable in the marriage and started slacking on how you treated her? Did you buy flowers before and now, not as much? Did you used to kiss her when leaving for work everyday and before sleep but now miss it sometimes?

Just throwing it out there, not blaming you.

I know it's tough, but try not to focus on it every day and let it ruin the whole day if another gets added to the tally. Maybe she feels pressured or that you just want her for sex...which is VERY easy for a woman to feel even if it's NOT true.

Try making her a nice meal, or get a movie and rub her feet with some lotion (that can flip a switch). Don't bring it up or put any pressure on her. Try just treating her extra special for a few days or week without mentioning it or making any moves. She may come back around if you don't make it an issue every day, which is tough to avoid for a guy. Just do your best to make her feel loved and appreciated, but not pressured for a while.

Wives can be confusing. Scratch that, they ARE confusing.

This will likely pass and some day, you'll have a kid together and she'll INSIST you go to Training Camp and won't take no for an answer. :D

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=SolidSnake84;719469]Yes. I've tried it all. I've tried to be loving, and she blows me off and she says i'm being over affectionate. It annoys her.

I love all the feedback guys, but reading the honest advice i get the feeling that i am truly and unequivocally screwed.[/quote]

Then I might try to totally be yourself, just give her the space she's asking for and after a while she might open up and tell you what the serious problem is. I would also tell her that she's not exactly making you feel like a spouse, more like a roommate if she's saying you're being OVERLY affectionate.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=Buster;719490]Let me ask you this, SS84...have YOU changed anything since you've gotten married? Unknowingly and unintentionally, have you gotten too comfortable in the marriage and started slacking on how you treated her? Did you buy flowers before and now, not as much? Did you used to kiss her when leaving for work everyday and before sleep but now miss it sometimes?

Just throwing it out there, not blaming you.

I know it's tough, but try not to focus on it every day and let it ruin the whole day if another gets added to the tally. Maybe she feels pressured or that you just want her for sex...which is VERY easy for a woman to feel even if it's NOT true.

Try making her a nice meal, or get a movie and rub her feet with some lotion (that can flip a switch). Don't bring it up or put any pressure on her. Try just treating her extra special for a few days or week without mentioning it or making any moves. She may come back around if you don't make it an issue every day, which is tough to avoid for a guy.[/quote]

She doesnt wake up with me in the morning, but i kiss her on the forehead every morning before work and tell her i love her. Maybe i have done something unknowingly...i will refocus over the next few days and let everybody know what happens...thanks

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=TheMalcolmConnection;719492]Then I might try to totally be yourself, just give her the space she's asking for and after a while she might open up and tell you what the serious problem is. [/quote]


^Cliff notes for my long post. :goodjob:

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=saden1;719485]LOOL...he's keeping it real...it's an issue we have discussed before. He's not advocating cheating, he's advocating leaving and thus getting it from somewhere else.[/quote]


I'm advocating getting the situation out in the open by any means necessary. Let the situation blow up and see where the pieces fall. I don't think 32 days is that long of a dry spell when you have been with someone a long time. I wouldn't be worried quite yet.

We are coming up on football season so your time should be all booked up for the next 5 months or so anyway. To a lot of guys this would be a blessing. At least this way you are going to be assured of catching all the football you want. Now if she's still not giving it up in February then figure out what to do. In the meantime enjoy the Redskins season!

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=SolidSnake84;719469]Yes. [B]I've tried it all. I've tried to be loving, and she blows me off and she says i'm being over affectionate. It annoys her[/B].

I love all the feedback guys, but reading the honest advice i get the feeling that i am truly and unequivocally screwed.[/quote]

I'll tell you what, I think thats more concerning to me than the sex part... because women are ussually ALL ABOUT this. If there is one thing my girl and I ever argue about, its how affectionate I am... the fact that that bothers her, makes me almost 99.9% positive that its something more that is bothering her.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=SolidSnake84;719493]She doesnt wake up with me in the morning, but i kiss her on the forehead every morning before work and tell her i love her. Maybe i have done something unknowingly...i will refocus over the next few days and let everybody know what happens...thanks[/quote]

Sometimes it feels like they're making you work for it.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

It is threads like this that make me miss jsarno.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=TheLastDon;719495]I'm advocating getting the situation out in the open by any means necessary. Let the situation blow up and see where the pieces fall. I don't think 32 days is that long of a dry spell when you have been with someone a long time. I wouldn't be worried quite yet.

We are coming up on football season so your time should be all booked up for the next 5 months or so anyway. To a lot of guys this would be a blessing. At least this way you are going to be assured of catching all the football you want. Now if she's still not giving it up in February then figure out what to do. In the meantime enjoy the Redskins season![/quote]

[IMG]http://www.thewarpath.net/images/avatars/Newb_Jersey_Avatar.jpg[/IMG]

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=mredskins;719498]It is threads like this that make me miss jsarno.[/quote]LOL the thread that will live in infamy. I don't think any of the personal threads will ever top that one.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=TheLastDon;719495]I'm advocating getting the situation out in the open by any means necessary. Let the situation blow up and see where the pieces fall. I don't think 32 days is that long of a dry spell when you have been with someone a long time. I wouldn't be worried quite yet.

We are coming up on football season so your time should be all booked up for the next 5 months or so anyway. To a lot of guys this would be a blessing. At least this way you are going to be assured of catching all the football you want. Now if she's still not giving it up in February then figure out what to do. In the meantime enjoy the Redskins season![/quote]

Ok I get you now. Thanks for your lightheartedness. It's a nice refreshment the way this thread has been going.

Seriously thanks everyone for responding. I feel a little nervous still, but am starting to feel better about where i stand...

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=SolidSnake84;719488]I can't tell if TheLastDon was joking or not...i hope he wasn't trolling in a serious convo like this...i dont think he was, but you never know.[/quote]

Weather he was or not... I think thats a pretty good word track if she wont talk to you about it at all... NOT AT THIS STAGE...but if this goes anotehr couple months and she wont open up abotu it at all... I would say that... I wouldnt follow through with it, but it would at least get something going.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=CooleyAsCanBe;719487]Impressive set of posts on the issue, fellas. Very insightful and thought out.

Same thing happened to a close friend of mine shortly after he was married. Wife refused to have sex, told him she was repulsed by him, would sleep on the opposite edge of the matress and not let him touch her. Went on for a month or two and he was seriously considering divorce. They went to a marriage counselor (which I'd also recommend here if talking it out doesn't work) who said he wanted to first speak with them separately. While my friend was waiting in the hall he heard laughter in the room and got really angry, thinking they were talking about him. When they came out the therapist said that she was most likely having a hormonal reaction to being pregnant and to go immediately to the store and buy a pregnancy test. Turns out one of his fellas had slipped past the goalie and their son was born 9.5 months after they were married.

My wife also had a bad reaction to some birth control which really affected her emotionally, so I'd also suggest looking into that option.

Good luck either way. I hope it all works out soon.[/quote]


Did it end up working out for them afterwards?

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=mredskins;719498]It is threads like this that make me miss jsarno.[/quote]

Hey off topic for a bit, but what is this thread that jsarno started that everyone talks about? Even since I was a newb here I heard people talk about this one infamous jsarno thread...does anybody have a link to it???

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=Gmanc711;719506]Weather he was or not... I think thats a pretty good word track if she wont talk to you about it at all... NOT AT THIS STAGE...but if this goes anotehr couple months and she wont open up abotu it at all... I would say that... I wouldnt follow through with it, but it would at least get something going.[/quote]

Yeah, that's all I'm saying. Get it out in the open. And I agree, wait longer. 32 days really isn't all that long in a marriage. Reminds me of an old joke. Q: Why does a husband usually die before his wife? A: Because they want to. Marriage is hard work and you go through these types of things throughout the course of it.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=SolidSnake84;719509]Hey off topic for a bit, but what is this thread that jsarno started that everyone talks about? Even since I was a newb here I heard people talk about this one infamous jsarno thread...does anybody have a link to it???[/quote]
[url]http://www.thewarpath.net/parking-lot/28339-advice-needed.html[/url]

Enjoy with a couple beers.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

thewarpath.net/parking-lot/28339-advice-needed.html

Enjoy with a couple beers.[/quote]

LMAO! When I get home from work I'm going to re-read this with a couple of beers! WOW!

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

Re-read you say?

What's your other account? :D

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=Buster;719520]Re-read you say?

What's your other account? :D[/quote]


LOL! I was thinking that too. Probably Hess34 (or whatever her actual screen name was)

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=mredskins;719523]LOL! I was thinking that too. Probably Hess34 (or whatever her actual screen name was)[/quote]


[url]http://www.thewarpath.net/parking-lot/26415-steve-youngs-family-up-against-mormon-4.html#post717510[/url]

:D


All if his/her previous posts were in the Mormon thread. Interesting someone would sign up at a Redskins site just to talk about Steve Young being a Mormon....or to provide extra "support" in a debate.



What's the deal, Saden?

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=SolidSnake84;719469]Yes. I've tried it all. I've tried to be loving, and she blows me off and [B]she says i'm being over affectionate[/B]. It annoys her.

I love all the feedback guys, but reading the honest advice i get the feeling that i am truly and unequivocally screwed.[/quote]

Well if she feels that way get her drunk smack her on the ass and hit that thing. Maybe your trying too much and its turning her off. I'm 46 and my wife is in her late 30's and we still find time a couple times a week to have a little fun.

Wow, look at my post number for this one. HMMMMMMMMM wonder what 10000 should be.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

Not to be a jerk, but have you thought of getting an iPhone?

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=TheMalcolmConnection;719528]Not to be a jerk, but have you thought of getting an iPhone?[/quote]


Haha i saw that statistic today on a news article....if it helped, i would honestly buy one

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

Do they vibra....nevermind.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

Lotta great posts/advice already in this thread. I reckon I can add a bit of insight SS84 (I've been married to my special lady friend throughout our 20s).

- While their bodies are typically at the peak during their 20s a LOT of women just don't have a ton of libido during that time. A cruel effing irony thrown at us by nature or God! My lady honestly had weeks of no sex-drive off and on even separating out the birth control situation. The physical aspect of any relationship has a natural ebb and tide life of its own. I can honestly say that the really fantastic sex (in our marriage) didn't happen till about the 4th yr...and, taking highs and lows into account, it just continues to get better over time.

- The increased "focus" on sex, especially from you but within the relationship as a whole, doesn't help in the short run. While I don't quite get it lots of women have serious performance anxiety and especially if they don't have much libido to start with. This means you need to find a tactful way to ratchet down the sex issue while simultaneously extracting the info (what's going on w/ her). So...communication is the key. Think about what kind of setting puts her at ease most and try a different approach to the issue than you have before.

- Don't let yourself start believing other women, especially if there's a particular friend/coworker/etc you fancy, will not have many if not all the same propensities your wife has. For one thing you're likely to get involved with another woman roughly the same age and, believe it or not, more similar than dissimilar to your wife. Relationships are most always hot and heavy in the beginning, and then the patterns of normal life emerge.

*I assume this will be a process. Keep us posted :)

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

Yeah guys i'll let everybody know how it goes...i'm getting off work in 20 mins so i will go home and try and feel her out so to speak. I may be able to post results tonight, but more than likely it will be in the morning...so check back!

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=Gmanc711;719508]Did it end up working out for them afterwards?[/quote]

Yeah, they've been happily married for 20 years and have four kids.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=SolidSnake84;719536]Yeah guys i'll let everybody know how it goes...i'm getting off work in 20 mins so i will go home and try and feel her out so to speak. I may be able to post results tonight, but more than likely it will be in the morning...so check back![/quote]

Maybe thats the problem. You need to be feeling her up not feeling her out.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=SolidSnake84;719532]Haha i saw that statistic today on a news article....if it helped, i would honestly buy one[/quote]

I have to give SmootSmack first dibs on that joke...

...that being said, I told my wife your problem on the way home a few minute ago and she said unless there is something SERIOUSLY wrong, just be open, give some space and things will come around.

Until that time, the internet will be your best friend...

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

Maybe she has discovered that she is bi and she is trying to figure out how to ask you if her hot ass girl friend can join you two in the bed room.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=TheMalcolmConnection;719542]I have to give SmootSmack first dibs on that joke...

...that being said, I told my wife your problem on the way home a few minute ago and she said unless there is something SERIOUSLY wrong, just be open, [B]give some space [/B]and things will come around.

Until that time, the internet will be your best friend...[/quote]

That's probably the biggest thing. Those rare times that Senora Smack is less than interested I used to get all frustrated with her. Like my pride was on the line "I put a ring on your finger and now you don't want this?!" But I've since learned to be more "understanding" "Take all the time you need honey, I'm not going anywhere" I've started to learn all her non-verbal behavior too. 'Cause often times she'd be like tonight it's you and me! And I'd be all like that's what's up! Only to find out it was all talk by the time the evening rolled around.

But one thing I've learned, when guys are upset and frustrated usually the best release is to hit something or to [I]hit[/I] something (if you know what I mean). For women, it's unfortunately not always the same.

Anyhow Snake, as has been said here you need to talk to her but not in a [url=http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2010/07/exclusive-audio-out-control-mel-gibson-says-hell-burn-down-house-after-demanding]Mel Gibson-"you better blow!!!!! me"[/url] kind of way

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=SmootSmack;719544]That's probably the biggest thing. Those rare times that Senora Smack is less than interested I used to get all frustrated with her. Like my pride was on the line "I put a ring on your finger and now you don't want this?!" But I've since learned to be more "understanding" "Take all the time you need honey, I'm not going anywhere" I've started to learn all her non-verbal behavior too.[I][B] 'Cause often times she'd be like tonight it's you and me! And I'd be all like that's what's up! Only to find out it was all talk by the time the evening rolled around.[/B][/I]

But one thing I've learned, when guys are upset and frustrated usually the best release is to hit something or to [I]hit[/I] something (if you know what I mean). For women, it's unfortunately not always the same.

Anyhow Snake, as has been said here you need to talk to her but not in a [URL="http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2010/07/exclusive-audio-out-control-mel-gibson-says-hell-burn-down-house-after-demanding"]Mel Gibson-"you better blow!!!!! me"[/URL] kind of way[/quote]

DUDE. I'm not hijacking this at all, but that makes me want to flip my shit. I don't mind not getting a piece, but don't get my hopes up.