understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

[SolidSnake84]

I dont know where else to go with this, so i'll ask my friends here at WP.

I've been with my wife for a few years now. Every aspect of our life is happy and wonderful. We have no children, and it's just us. We love to travel, eat out, go to the movies together, and all of that stuff.

We get along great and I consider her the only other person in my life besides my father, that i completley trust.

The problem is, since returning from our trip to Florida 32 days ago, we have had a sexless marriage, and a complete lack of other intimacy. I blame myself and have tried everything to try and bring it back. I even started lifting weights to try and change my physical build hoping it would help...Nothing has worked. I'm not ready to give up just yet, but i need help in seeing which way this thing is headed.

My father tells me that this is how it usually goes with people after a few years, and guys that i work with say the same thing. My problem is, at only 25 years of age, i'm not ready to accept that the sexual part of my marriage is over, like so many guys have done who are in their 30's and 40's.

However, the realistic part of me says that this is probably it. I love her to death and would give the waking world for her, and don't want to leave. But, is it just better to leave now before the kids come, so i can get over the heartache and hopefully be psychologically healed by my early 30's???

[TheMalcolmConnection]

Everyone goes through dry spells. What does she say when you bring it up to her?

[TheMalcolmConnection]

And also, while I'm not 30 or 40, if there is no sex in THOSE marriages, that's a GIANT problem. Women reach their sexual peak in their thirties, so that doesn't sound right to me. Don't get me wrong, you won't be banging every night, but you should at least be getting it on the regular 2-4 times a week.

[Mechanix544]

Hmmmmmm, I'd say the best way to deal with this situation is head on. You have to ask her what she is thinking. Is she depressed, embarassed about her body? Does she not find you attractive anymore? Is she getting fulfillment elsewhere? All valid questions someone in your shoes should be reasonably expected to ask, given the circumstances. 6 weeks and no boom boom.........that, in a marriage, is getting a little ridiculous, and would make any other man in america a little concerned, if not wary.

You have every right to sit her down, and see what is going on. At least you'll know, and knowing is half the battle, right?

[SolidSnake84]

Originally Posted by TheMalcolmConnection

Everyone goes through dry spells. What does she say when you bring it up to her?

She says she is either too tired or just doesnt feel like it. If i prod and push her too much about it, she gets angry. Like badly angry.

Last night i actually slept on our couch it was so bad.

[Gmanc711]

Originally Posted by TheMalcolmConnection

And also, while I'm not 30 or 40, if there is no sex in THOSE marriages, that's a GIANT problem. Women reach their sexual peak in their thirties, so that doesn't sound right to me. Don't get me wrong, you won't be banging every night, but you should at least be getting it on the regular 2-4 times a week.

Seriously...

Guys tell me now... if there is none when you get married, mark me down for not getting married.

EIther way... have you guys discussed it at all and shes just like "no"? Thats a huge issue...

If you havent really discussed it and it just hasn't "happened", maybe try planning like a nice date night or something, and going above and beyond to break it??

[Gmanc711]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

She says she is either too tired or just doesnt feel like it. If i prod and push her too much about it, she gets angry. Like badly angry.

Last night i actually slept on our couch it was so bad.

See now that is a huge problem to me. Like hey, theres nights my girlfriend wants to and I dont and vice versa.....sometimes you're not feeling well, or just tired or whatever... but the fact that shes flipping out like that I think is a red flag.

Sex is a VERY important part of a relationship. If you're not having sex, why are people together? I mean that completley seriously.

I mean, how long has it been up to this point?

[SolidSnake84]

Originally Posted by Gmanc711

Seriously...

Guys tell me now... if there is none when you get married, mark me down for not getting married.

EIther way... have you guys discussed it at all and shes just like "no"? Thats a huge issue...

If you havent really discussed it and it just hasn't "happened", maybe try planning like a nice date night or something, and going above and beyond to break it??

I dont have official polls or what not, but i saw something on a website where it says 65% of US married couples have sex only once a week, 20% are once every 2 weeks, and 15% of people go longer than a month. That data was from 2009

I have tried asking about it, like i said, she gets furious if i ask too many questions.

All of my married friends, and my father, told me this would happen BEFORE, i got married, and i was just foolish enough to believe it wouldnt happen to me.

I'm already in shape, i only took up weight training hoping that the extra muscle would spark something....

[Mechanix544]

Originally Posted by Gmanc711

Seriously...

Guys tell me now... if there is none when you get married, mark me down for not getting married.

EIther way... have you guys discussed it at all and shes just like "no"? Thats a huge issue...

If you havent really discussed it and it just hasn't "happened", maybe try planning like a nice date night or something, and going above and beyond to break it??

If the flowers, candy, dinner out and romantic wooing doesn't get you the payoff when u get home that evening, you will definitely know something is wrong. I agree with GManc, take one evening, get everything ready to roll, get her the flowers, dress up nice, take her out for a nice dinner, and then bring her home for dessert. If she doesn't give in then, well, I don't know what to tell ya man........

[SolidSnake84]

Originally Posted by Gmanc711

See now that is a huge problem to me. Like hey, theres nights my girlfriend wants to and I dont and vice versa.....sometimes you're not feeling well, or just tired or whatever... but the fact that shes flipping out like that I think is a red flag.

Sex is a VERY important part of a relationship. If you're not having sex, why are people together? I mean that completley seriously.

I mean, how long has it been up to this point?

32 days ago, or almost 6 weeks.

[TheMalcolmConnection]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

I dont have official polls or what not, but i saw something on a website where it says 65% of US married couples have sex only once a week, 20% are once every 2 weeks, and 15% of people go longer than a month. That data was from 2009

I have tried asking about it, like i said, she gets furious if i ask too many questions.

All of my married friends, and my father, told me this would happen BEFORE, i got married, and i was just foolish enough to believe it wouldnt happen to me.

I'm already in shape, i only took up weight training hoping that the extra muscle would spark something....

Straight up, it has NOTHING to do with the way you look. You definitely will have those hot and dry spells. My wife and I sometimes have that month where she says the same thing your wife does and sometimes we'll go home at lunch and THEN after work again.

It's like anything, the honeymoon where you're banging like bunnies goes away.

If you want to always be getting it daily (or multi-times a day), you need to be single and just dump a girl when it gets old, because this happens in almost every single relationship.

[Schneed10]

First, 32 days is a dry spell for sure, but too small a sample to make any drastic decisions.

The fact that she won't talk about it tells me something is wrong, like others have said. Possibilities:

- She's pregnant and isn't comfortable talking about it yet.
- She's sick with something serious.
- She's clinically depressed.
- She's mentally moving on from you. Sometimes you see people withdraw from their loved one if they've been presented an opportunity to be with someone else, and they're beginning to consider it.
- There's something else in her life causing a great deal of stress.

You gotta get her to talk about it. But come from a place of compassion, assume something is wrong and you're just looking to find out so you can help her through whatever it is.

[Slingin Sammy 33]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

I've been with my wife for a few years now. Every aspect of our life is happy and wonderful. We have no children, and it's just us. We love to travel, eat out, go to the movies together, and all of that stuff.

We get along great and I consider her the only other person in my life besides my father, that i completley trust.

The problem is, since returning from our trip to Florida 32 days ago, we have had a sexless marriage, and a complete lack of other intimacy. I blame myself and have tried everything to try and bring it back. I even started lifting weights to try and change my physical build hoping it would help...Nothing has worked. I'm not ready to give up just yet, but i need help in seeing which way this thing is headed.

What changed between before the FL trip and after?

I'm in my early 40s and been married 10 yrs (together for 12). As TMC said, sometimes you hit a dry spell between work, kids, responsiblities, etc. But, your sex life shouldn't be over, and certainly not at 25. If you and your wife are completely happy in all other aspects, and the dry spell has only been a month, I've got to believe there's something going on in her head that she may not be talking about.

[Gmanc711]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

I dont have official polls or what not, but i saw something on a website where it says 65% of US married couples have sex only once a week, 20% are once every 2 weeks, and 15% of people go longer than a month. That data was from 2009

I have tried asking about it, like i said, she gets furious if i ask too many questions.

All of my married friends, and my father, told me this would happen BEFORE, i got married, and i was just foolish enough to believe it wouldnt happen to me.

I'm already in shape, i only took up weight training hoping that the extra muscle would spark something....

Even once a week, I can get. If you're busy, have kids, whatever. I get that.... but if you're spending the night together every night and there isnt more, than man... thats gonna be dissapointing if that day rolls around for me.

[TheMalcolmConnection]

Originally Posted by Schneed10

First, 32 days is a dry spell for sure, but too small a sample to make any drastic decisions.

The fact that she won't talk about it tells me something is wrong, like others have said. Possibilities:

- She's pregnant and isn't comfortable talking about it yet.
- She's sick with something serious.
- She's clinically depressed.
- She's mentally moving on from you. Sometimes you see people withdraw from their loved one if they've been presented an opportunity to be with someone else, and they're beginning to consider it.
- There's something else in her life causing a great deal of stress.

You gotta get her to talk about it. But come from a place of compassion, assume something is wrong and you're just looking to find out so you can help her through whatever it is.

I kind of thought this too. Are you questioning your feelings for HER too if you're talking about moving on after 32 days of no sex?