Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

I remember when my wife and I were at the edge and things were not too good between us. We went out to dinner and had a talk. A nice long talk. We kept it from turning into an argument but we knew that by the time we went to sleep that we would get out what was on our mind first. Take her out somewhere so you all can talk. Don't show any anger just talk to her and let her know that you want you all to last but for you all to last you can't live in this limbo that you are in now. Ask her out on a date off some old young kids in love kinda thing. Take her out just to talk, or cook dinner at home with the candles and all but let her know you don't want to get it in. Just talk and spend time with her.

The key is to start a dialogue.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=12thMan;721118]Solid, bro you need to come to D.C. and hang out man. We'll get you all straightened out brother. I mean if you want to. I'm not trying to wreck your deal, but if you need to get...you know...we'll take care of you in D.C.[/quote]

Are you inviting him for some swingers action? Sure sounds like it.

What does the name 12thMan really mean?

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=Buster;721041]Success in a relationship is usually found when both parties compromise and are willing to listen to the other's feelings....usually...

[IMG]http://stewpig.com/wp-content/gallery/adwin/FUcomics40.jpg[/IMG][/quote]

This is a great, great comic strip. lol

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

SS84 - Apparently, all of your answers are in the ads above this thread. Some involve counseling and talking, along with hormone therapy and a new razor.

[IMG]http://img248.imageshack.us/img248/9646/wpads.png[/IMG]

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

sounds like she either doesn't love you anymore or is having an affiar. if i were you i'd leave. why be married to a cold fish? there are too many other women out there that will give you what you want. just my .02.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=SolidSnake84;720949]Ok guys please dont laugh at me because i'm being brutally honest here:

she doesnt like her face being touched. I cup her chin sometimes to be playful.

[B]I grab her butt when she isnt paying attention, and sometimes it makes her mad.[/B]

I have a habitually negative demeanor sometimes; i can be too overdramatic. For example, yesterday i was describing our recent drought (weather wise, not sex lol) to a neighbor, and i was telling him how lucky we were for the rain, because "people were near death" in my own words. Sometimes i say things like that and i honestly cant help it. it is so random.[/quote]

every girl i've ever dated i've grabbed her ass when she wasn't expecting it and vice versa. i can not remember ever getting a negative response. that's a small way of being affectionate w/ someone you're dating/married or what ever. sounds like she's way too uptight.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=skinsfan69;721286]every girl i've ever dated i've grabbed her ass when she wasn't expecting it and vice versa. i can not remember ever getting a negative response. that's a small way of being affectionate w/ someone you're dating/married or what ever. sounds like she's way too uptight.[/quote]

Gonna have to agree with you. Solid, there's really only so much you can do. Granted, it's only been a month, but you still need to consider some things here before you waste too much of your time "trying" and you let good things pass you by. I'd stay don't give up on her yet, because you're married, made a commitment to her through the good and bad and right now is a test of the bad. But there comes a point (at which I'd say around 2 or 3 months) that if it continues like this and she keeps pushing you away, you need to stop beating around the bush and stop trying to approach it nicely and being like, "hey, it's been months since we've been intimate and you've been acting cold towards me lately... What's going on?" I mean work can only tire you out but SO much, you know and the last thing she should be doing is taking it out on you. She's as much at fault as you are (if you've been doing anything wrong, which I don't really think you have been)

I'm sure you love your wife and she's a very nice woman but just like you, I know she has to have sexual needs. Being tired and not feeling like it, shouldn't last for months and months. After 2-3 months it should start sending up red flags and you should either start talking to her seriously about seeking marriage counseling or start considering that maybe there's something not kosher going on behind your back. I'm around your age (a couple years younger, though not married) but I couldn't imagine not being intimate with my significant other for over a month. Honestly the first thing that would come to my mind, is that they were cheating on me... But then again, I'm the paranoid type.

Something's just not stirring the koolaid here... But I do wish you luck and hope you and your wife work things out.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

I will say this if you decide to stay together then consider sleeping in separate rooms. It really isn't that big of a deal anymore as it seems more and more couples are doing it. You made a comment about how your wife doesn't like to be touched when she's sleeping so if anything this should at least help the both of you get some sleep. Doesn't mean you can't cuddle sometimes or anything like that instead it just helps both of you get some space.

Plus you don't have to worry so much about waking up your partner, covers being unevenly distributed, or snoring.

Anyway this explains it better:
[url=http://www.divinecaroline.com/22074/74191-couples-sleep-separate-beds]Should Couples Sleep in Separate Beds? - DivineCaroline[/url]

Still there's a part of me that strongly suspects she's having an affair. Part of me wants to say that I don't want to scare you but this story seems to be a little to close to your situation.
[url=http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/ate/sexandrelationships/relationships/200325.html]I no longer want to have sex with my husband[/url]

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=Buster;721207]Are you inviting him for some swingers action? Sure sounds like it.

[B]What does the name 12thMan really mean?[/B][/quote]

LMFAO!!! Hahaha

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=Buster;721221]SS84 - Apparently, all of your answers are in the ads above this thread. Some involve counseling and talking, along with hormone therapy and a new razor.
[/quote]

That's inspired me to try a little experiment right here and now.

Man, if only there was a website where I could buy pogs and milkcaps. That sure would be swell. I would get the slammer and anything.

Then I would need to learn how to pickup chicks. However there's no website around that I can find to teach me. Man I really want to be a ladies man and have no fear of rejection.

I'd also like to learn secrets for World of Warcraft. Yeah, that would help me learn how to pickup chicks.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

Ok guys. Today is the big day...The monthly woman problems have came to the end, and i'm going for it tonight. Tonight is the night to end all of these problems. I'm either going to be successful or I'm going down in a blaze of glory. WP brothers and sisters, pray for my soul.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

My god, the plot is worse than a teen movie.

I wish you luck. To help you out I have provided an instructional video demonstrating what you need to say.

[YT]pDBodUJIQH8[/YT]

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=SolidSnake84;721408]Ok guys. Today is the big day...The monthly woman problems have came to the end, and i'm going for it tonight. Tonight is the night to end all of these problems. I'm either going to be successful or I'm going down in a blaze of glory. WP brothers and sisters, pray for my soul.[/quote]

Thinking of all the what ifs, and could be's, and dos and donts have driven me mad. I'm just convinced that if I can get it done today, then everything will be back to normal....

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

Just let Rick Damone tell you how to getit done

[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WzyxybYEGM]YouTube - Fasttimes at Ridgemont High - Damone attitude scene[/url]

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

The five point plan. Vid sucks bit the lessons are lifechanging !

[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fz2zVcO9Eus]YouTube - Dumone's 5 Point Plan[/url]

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

Not to be a Debbie Downer, but this is one of those areas where built up pressures tend to result in colossal failures. Honestly, if there is any hesitation on her side, could you imagine how she will feel knowing "today is the day". Why not do more of a 3 day plan leading up to the weekend. Cuddle her today, then tomorrow expect to be shot down, but throw a softball type proposition out, and then Friday set the stage for a run amok weekend with midget strippers and everything!

I may be against the grain, but I think you need to let up on your part of the obsessing over it.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

CR you are actually right. Or at least I think so. She know's that she's off now and that the HOV lane is open. The only thing is should you take it or just stay on themain highway. Let it be, don't try and let the day be what it is. IF asking for sex causes and issue why tempt fate ? I know that you should get it because it's what she signed on for whenyou all got married but you also signed on to deal with teh bullshit whenever it comes along. So let it go. Honestly I went for about 3 weeks without asking for sex and even when she felt that something was wrong and asked me for it I turned it down. Believe me it was hard but sooner or later she went ahead and rapped on the mic and I couldn't turn it down. You've got to play her game. She kept saying no so don;t try anymore. She'll come around. Like I said before,...PATIENCE is the key.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

Solid, sending goood vibes your way my man. And if things don't work out, hell, next time you're in D.C. we'll have a few rounds:) Good luck!

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=CRedskinsRule;721435]Not to be a Debbie Downer, but this is one of those areas where built up pressures tend to result in colossal failures. Honestly, if there is any hesitation on her side, could you imagine how she will feel knowing "today is the day". Why not do more of a 3 day plan leading up to the weekend. Cuddle her today, then tomorrow expect to be shot down, but throw a softball type proposition out, and then Friday set the stage for a run amok weekend with midget strippers and everything!

[B]I may be against the grain, but I think you need to let up on your part of the obsessing over it[/B].[/quote]

Nope. Not against the grain. It's like he is intent on pissing her off and ignoring the underlying issues.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=CRedskinsRule;721435]Not to be a Debbie Downer, but this is one of those areas where built up pressures tend to result in colossal failures. Honestly, if there is any hesitation on her side, could you imagine how she will feel knowing "today is the day". Why not do more of a 3 day plan leading up to the weekend. Cuddle her today, then tomorrow expect to be shot down, but throw a softball type proposition out, and then Friday set the stage for a run amok weekend with midget strippers and everything!

I may be against the grain, but I think you need to let up on your part of the obsessing over it.[/quote]
THREE DAY PLAN. Hell I have like a 3 minute plan at best and if that does not work I know to just give it up.

I also have the fool proof plane that is dinner, wine, roaring fire, but thats our once a month night so its a given then.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=SolidSnake84;721413]Thinking of all the what ifs, and could be's, and dos and donts have driven me mad. I'm just convinced that if I can get it done today, then everything will be back to normal....[/quote]

Make sure you tell her that now that she's done being in agony the last few days, your only goal tonight is to get some for yourself so you can rest easy this weekend...the ladies looooove that

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

Fine. F#ck this. F#ck all of this. The first few days of this thread everybody says how its not my fault. Now the last few days and this says its got to be because of me and how i'm being selfish.

So F#ck my problem and F this thread. Congrats to everyone sincerely who are happily married and get it more than once a month. I tip my hand to everybody else who says that sex dries up in marriage and thats just the way it is. If i missed anyone, let me know.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=SmootSmack;721456]Make sure you tell her that now that she's done being in agony the last few days, your only goal tonight is to get some for yourself so you can rest easy this weekend...the ladies looooove that[/quote]

Brilliant. I was trying to think of the right to put it.

You just go for what you want and damn the consequences SS84 - it's plan sure to succeed!

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

Don't forget to crank the Led Zeppelin as you put your patented never fail moves on!

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=JoeRedskin;721460]Don't forget to crank the Led Zeppelin as you put your patented never fail moves on![/quote]

Thats Barry White for us older guys.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=SolidSnake84;721458]Fine. F#ck this. F#ck all of this. The first few days of this thread everybody says how its not my fault. Now the last few days and this says its got to be because of me and how i'm being selfish.

So F#ck my problem and F this thread. Congrats to everyone sincerely who are happily married and get it more than once a month. I tip my hand to everybody else who says that sex dries up in marriage and thats just the way it is. If i missed anyone, let me know.[/quote]

Woah! Easy now. I think you're missing what we're trying to say here. Well, I won't speak for others, but all I'm saying is-and look, we've all been there, when we "act" purely for selfish reasons-but considering what you're going through you just need to move a bit diplomatically. From everything you've described, this doesn't appear to be your fault. But this isn't just some fling we're talking about here. It's your wife. So you could dwell on whose fault it is and gettin' some tonight. But is that really all you want?

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

Crap, I'm trying to post this YouTube video but it won't work.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=SolidSnake84;721458]Fine. F#ck this. F#ck all of this. The first few days of this thread everybody says how its not my fault. Now the last few days and this says its got to be because of me and how i'm being selfish.

So F#ck my problem and F this thread. Congrats to everyone sincerely who are happily married and get it more than once a month. I tip my hand to everybody else who says that sex dries up in marriage and thats just the way it is. If i missed anyone, let me know.[/quote]

You really missed the point. A relationship is NEVER one person's fault. I am divorced and I would love to blame my ex - Can I get some backup Joe? - but reality is marriage is a 2 person commitment. From many of your posts, here and in other threads, it is clear that you can be impetuous about things, and I was trying to point out that a bull headed rush the first day that she is off of her monthly time may not be the best move. You still need to understand why she has backed off, and what her issues are. We all have supported you that she needs to be more talkative and clearly discuss why she has, and lacking that discussion, your frustration is certainly understandable. BUT, if you haven't had the discussion, and you choose to push a now or never approach, then yes you start becoming a larger stumbling block to your own stated goal of getting the relationship on track.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=12thMan;721465][YT]<object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/zpjq8jqrPq8?fs=1&amp;hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/zpjq8jqrPq8?fs=1&amp;hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>[/YT][/quote]

Dang I was hoping that this was the spoiler for tonight's festivities, written in a white for those who wanted to wait till tomorrow

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

Solid don't get so upset bro. You have to find a way to laugh through the pain.

I have been where you are. Many of us have. My sexual relationship with my wife is on a good ground now but perfect ? NO. I've been married for 4 years this September the 9th and I've been with my wife for 10 years now. The first 1 and a half she was my **** buddy. When I wanted it, I got it. How I wanted it, I got it. No matter the time, the place, whatever. After we became serious it started to slow down then when we moved in together I swear it would be about once a month. Once a month for about a year which then became about once every two months. Then once every 3 months. This went on for a loooong time. Even after getting married sex or lack there of was a major issue for me. Especially when I do all the cooking, most of the cleaning, and not to toot my horn I'm a damn good husband. I treat that broad right. Did I bitch about the sex thing ? ALL THE TIME.

Our sex was so infrequent I KNEW that day that she got pregnant. That's how bad it was. I went through 7 plus years of when she felt like it sex. Almost ended our relationship. But what I found to be most effective was when I stopped asking. We had many arguments about it, but what a lot of us have been saying is to take it slow. If she has been giving you excuse after excuse it's probably because she doesn't have an answer to give you. That was the worst thing for me.

To tell me "I don't know why I don't want to have sex with you" was complete and utter bullshit to me. After talking to my sister who works at an OB, she told me that women come into her office all the time about stuff like that. So while I may put up a link to a clip from Johnny Dangerously or Fast Times those are jokes but still I don't know all the answers. I can just tell you what worked for me. And what you're doing and how you are feeling now didn't. You are angry, confused, and frustrated. You only way to deal with it is in absolutes. But you have to think like a woman, she wants a reason to argue so she can point to that to say "this is why" but you can't give her that. Which is why I eventually took my friends advice and not asking for it.

Was it fun ? No, was it easy, hell no. Did it work ? Id like to say that it did. Sometimes I have to do it still. But now I can take solice in the fact that on Friday after we've picked our son up from daycare she's gonna look at me and say, "well it's the weekend". And even though I know what she means I always say, "yeah I know, we get to rest, get some cleaning done,...what do you have planned ?" Then she'll say, "well you know, we can do some things" 3 days out of the week I have the chance to get some tail. That is her compromise. Do I ask for it during the week ? Occasionally, will I get it ? Meh, it's hit or miss.

But be patient man. Just be with her, and it will all work itself out. Should you have to go through all of this ? No, but the fact is that you kinda have to. Unless you want to be lying next to her in the bed yet you all are so far apart.

Hit a J, drink some Remy, and play some Call of Duty. I prestiged and killed about 3,559,052 zombies off the no sex time. Many a frustraion was let out in Rust !

Keep your head up, just be patient. Be an all world husband but give it some time before you try to crank.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

lead into it with a good dinner, massage, something

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=SolidSnake84;721458]Fine. F#ck this. F#ck all of this. The first few days of this thread everybody says how its not my fault. Now the last few days and this says its got to be because of me and how i'm being selfish.

So F#ck my problem and F this thread. Congrats to everyone sincerely who are happily married and get it more than once a month. I tip my hand to everybody else who says that sex dries up in marriage and thats just the way it is. If i missed anyone, let me know.[/quote]

I've been there with you.. though I haven't been married and these guys that are sad that they're not single laughed at me for it

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=tryfuhl;721519]I've been there with you.. though I haven't been married and these guys that are sad that they're not single laughed at me for it[/quote]

First, no, you haven't been there with him. He's married, you're not. Kind of apples and oranges. He's, supposedly, in it for the long haul. You, not so much. No offense, but that's just one of those - "I don't know what I'm talking about." comments.

Second, maybe I missed it, not seeing anyone bitching about being married. Sure, it's not wonderful [I]all[/I] the time. Sure, I love to complain about my wife as much as the next guy. But guess what - you can have your singleness. Been there done that. Didn't get married until I was 37, and by the end there, I was pretty much - okay, this sucks. Enjoy you're single days - maybe they end never for you. More power to you. Me - I'll take the partnership of a good woman through thick and thin, hot sex and no sex, friendship and distance. In the end, hopefully a long time from now, when they bury me in the ground, it won't be the many flings I had in my man-slut single days that I will be sorry to let go of, it will be the timeless, committed love of my beautiful wife.

Finally, SS84, you know - I just don't know what to say to you. I tried to explain that the "I'm just not that into you right now" moments happen in marriage. Ain't nothing you can do about it. Forcing it w/out finding out what's really going on, especially after her time of the month, just struck me as ignorant and selfish. But - hey - don't listen to the advice of someone who actually has "been there with you".

Just a couple questions for you SS84 - Are you in this marriage for the next 5 months or the next 50 years? If the later, are a couple days [I]really[/I] going to make a difference?

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=CRedskinsRule;721467]You really missed the point. A relationship is NEVER one person's fault. [B]I am divorced and I would love to blame my ex - Can I get some backup Joe? -[/B] but reality is marriage is a 2 person commitment. From many of your posts, here and in other threads, it is clear that you can be impetuous about things, and I was trying to point out that a bull headed rush the first day that she is off of her monthly time may not be the best move. You still need to understand why she has backed off, and what her issues are. We all have supported you that she needs to be more talkative and clearly discuss why she has, and lacking that discussion, your frustration is certainly understandable. BUT, if you haven't had the discussion, and you choose to push a now or never approach, then yes you start becoming a larger stumbling block to your own stated goal of getting the relationship on track.[/quote]

I blame the selfish, petulant bitch. You can blame whoever you want.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

This is just my opinion. I am married with no kids.

I hope you have great luck tonight, but from everything I have read so far even if you are succesful it won't matter.

You yourself have mostly admitted that.

You two have stopped communicating. With this type of pressure/frustration it's really snowballed and now you just seem completely out of sorts.

My advice is you say to her tonight.

I don't want to have sex with you right now, but if you still respect and love me we need to TALK about sex tonight. Not for five minutes. We need to really talk about it because I'm frustrated and confused and I love you and I dont know where your heart and mind are at. You are my wife and my partner and I need you to communicate with me.

If she refuses you have to suggest marriage counseling. Strongly suggest.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

Like seriously, you guys are offering up some great advice here. This thread is golden regardless of who needs it.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

solid - come on buddy. we are all guys here, almost all of us over older than our mid 20s, some of us are married, some of us arent, some are divorced.

relationships at this stage in our lives are serious. you are still a young man in relative terms. this thing is going to take some time imo.

like credskins said, setting a date and time certain can lead to collosal failure and disappointment.

in my earlier post i wrote what works for me. my girl has her period every freeakin month and it is a brutal rollercoaster of emotion. trust me i know.

look at other guys posts on here. most guys in a committed relationship or marriage arent getting it like thay used to. its just the way it is.

like in my earlier post, id check to see if your schedules dont leave alot of random spontaneous sex time or if her schedule is to demanding and makes her dead tired when she sgets home.

idk man, but just hang in there. it sounds like something she has to figure out internally. the thought and your thread title of considering leaving your loved one b/c you arent getting any seems alil drastic to me.

your still a young guy, be thankful you found the one you love, so love her. there is a long road ahead for both of you.

dangit solid, i was hoping to come on here and read something positive. you cant force a solution, you cant force a decision with this. this takes its own time and route. my advice is to be there for your lady every step of the way, all the way. she is probably more confused and frustrated than you.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=wilsowilso;721598]This is just my opinion. I am married with no kids.

I hope you have great luck tonight, but from everything I have read so far even if you are succesful it won't matter.

You yourself have mostly admitted that.

You two have stopped communicating. With this type of pressure/frustration it's really snowballed and now you just seem completely out of sorts.

[B]My advice is you say to her tonight.

I don't want to have sex with you right now, but if you still respect and love me we need to TALK about sex tonight. Not for five minutes. We need to really talk about it because I'm frustrated and confused and I love you and I dont know where your heart and mind are at. You are my wife and my partner and I need you to communicate with me.

If she refuses you have to suggest marriage counseling. Strongly suggest[/B].[/quote]

Excellent post. Excellent.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

[quote=SolidSnake84;721458]Fine. F#ck this. F#ck all of this. The first few days of this thread everybody says how its not my fault. Now the last few days and this says its got to be because of me and how i'm being selfish.

So F#ck my problem and F this thread. Congrats to everyone sincerely who are happily married and get it more than once a month. I tip my hand to everybody else who says that sex dries up in marriage and thats just the way it is. If i missed anyone, let me know.[/quote]
If this is what you got from this thread, you either have some maturing to do, or you simply missed the point.

There has been some excellent advice in this thread, some of which will apply and some won't. It's up to you to figure out what is what. We've all taken the time to pipe up because we've all been in similar if not the exact boat you are in. You are not alone man, and you have to realize that this won't get fixed just by having sex.

Above all else, open and honest communication is what will help you get through this bump. Marriage is a two-way street, and it's up to both you and your wife to figure out what's going on and how to right the ship. If you are upset or frustrated, she needs to know that and why you are. And if something's going on with her, she should be able to come to you with it. If you can't communicate, there is nothing else left.

I wish you well in your endeavor and hope that whatever is going on has a happy resolve.

Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??
 

The hell w/ getting married. I enjoy having my own house with my own space. Especially on football Sunday. 3-4 days a week is enough for me and my GF. I don't want to see any women 7 days a week. I lived with one girl back in 05 and she was easy to live with. But I really had no desire to have sex with her cause we saw each other every damn day. IMO I just don't think a lot of people are meant to live w/ one another day after day and that is why the divorce rate is so high. People just get sick/tired of one another.