Prenuptial Agreements
 

Does anyone here have one with their spouse? How do you get a woman to sign one without losing "trust" in a marriage?

Edit: posted in the wrong forum. mod, please move.

Re: Prenuptial Agreements
 

I'm from the old school, I don't think there's any such thing as a prenuptial agreement where trust stays intact.

PS This should be a parking lot thread.

Re: Prenuptial Agreements
 

My wife had more assets than I did when we were married, so she would have been looking for me to sign...

I do think the whole idea does hobble the marriage from the start.

Intolerable cruelty is a pretty hilarious movie about the topic if you are looking for ideas on how NOT to get your future spouse to sign one.

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P.S. I love that gold cup by my name now. I'll have to go back and always hold a high score just to keep that.

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What is with the gold cup and how did you/how do I get one??

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You get one with a first place score in any arcade game.

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since neither me nor my wife come from any great wealth and fortune, it was not necessary. however, i really don't see it as a problem...those agreements can be written so that both parties are taken care of if the need for divorce arises.

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To me, it's one of those damned if you do, damned if you don't kind of things. Like, say a divorce gets really messy, and maybe she cheated and you know it, but there's no real "proof", it would make it easy for everything to just be done.

But on the other hand, if you sign one, there's a problem with trust from the start.

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why does it have to be a trust issue? perhaps I'm naive, but if there's trouble abrewin' from the mention of a prenup, perhaps the relationship isn't strong enough to consider marriage...

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That's true enough.

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ladies would be lucky to marry me. i just tell them to sign over 100 percent of their meager posessions before the wedding.

what am i talking about? i dont get married.

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[quote=BDBohnzie]why does it have to be a trust issue? perhaps I'm naive, but if there's trouble abrewin' from the mention of a prenup, perhaps the relationship isn't strong enough to consider marriage...[/quote]

That's it exactly.

I could maybe understand it if you were a multi-millionaire or something and had alot of assets, but otherwise I don't really think it's necessary.

Re: Prenuptial Agreements
 

[quote=BDBohnzie]why does it have to be a trust issue? perhaps I'm naive, but if there's trouble abrewin' from the mention of a prenup, perhaps the relationship isn't strong enough to consider marriage...[/quote]

I think you hit it on the head. If a prenup is even entering the discussion, then the relationship is probably doomed from the start. Believing a prenup may be needed (even if only as a "just in case"), shows trust issues in a relationship to begin with.

Successful marriages are based on a lot of things, trust being a big one. If you find yourself thinking about a prenup before getting down on one knee, I'd say it's time to go back and think about whether you should be proposing in the first place.

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Actually I think the number one issue for divorce is due to money and/or arguments over money...so if you eliminate the arguement over money what's the issue? I personally don't have one, but if were asked wouldn't worry about it too much as you are eliminating the number one marriage killer (outside of Redskin football!!!).

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I signed one that if we split she had to take all of our junk. I'm tired of moving it. I do get to keep the boat, fishing equipment, and car. LOL

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[quote=jbcjr14]Actually I think the number one issue for divorce is due to money and/or arguments over money...so if you eliminate the arguement over money what's the issue? I personally don't have one, but if were asked wouldn't worry about it too much as you are eliminating the number one marriage killer (outside of Redskin football!!!).[/quote]

Divorces aren't caused by how the money will be split in the event of a divorce. Divorces over money usually result from not being on the same page with spending habits. Like when one spouse is a spender and the other is a saver. A lot of the time the partners can't come to an agreement on where the financial priorities should be (should we buy the Lexus or save for retirement, take the trip to Europe or save for our kids' college). That's the kind of thing that causes divorces. Prenups only help protect assets in the event of divorce. I've never heard of one that controls how each spouse can spend money when married to each other.

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I believe that if you think a prenuptual agreement is necessary, you are marrying the wrong person and shouldn't get married at all.

Marriage is intended to be a life-long committment and if you're already planning for it's failure, you shouldn't start it in the first place.

It shows a lack of trust in my opinion.

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[QUOTE=Schneed10]Divorces aren't caused by how the money will be split in the event of a divorce. Divorces over money usually result from not being on the same page with spending habits. Like when one spouse is a spender and the other is a saver. A lot of the time the partners can't come to an agreement on where the financial priorities should be (should we buy the Lexus or save for retirement, take the trip to Europe or save for our kids' college). That's the kind of thing that causes divorces. Prenups only help protect assets in the event of divorce. I've never heard of one that controls how each spouse can spend money when married to each other.[/QUOTE]

That is what I meant Schneed - not implying that it controlled how money can be spent. I was implying that it already takes care of how it will be split should something happen and the divorce rate over money issues during the marriage are lowered because there is no question on who gets what when a prenup is done. Hell, if there was an agreement on who can spend what, where and how....that would be insane, that's too much like capitalism rather than a marriage!

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capitalism? maybe more like a congressional budgeting committee, but 80 pages of budgeting agreements really don't encapsulate capitalism's main tenet of supply and demand all that well. socialist set budgets too you know.

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ANyone ehere have enough money to actually need to think about prenup? Those who question the strength of a relationship based on the notion that thinking about a prenup is negative probably don't have the kind of money needed for a prenup. I wouldn't be able to adequately speak on the issue since I don't have the money/assets to need one but I can imagine if I am rich enough to think about it then I want one no matter what my relationship is like. People change all the time. It isn't a trust issue it is a risk issue.

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[quote=jbcjr14]That is what I meant Schneed - not implying that it controlled how money can be spent. I was implying that it already takes care of how it will be split should something happen and the divorce rate over money issues during the marriage are lowered because there is no question on who gets what when a prenup is done. Hell, if there was an agreement on who can spend what, where and how....that would be insane, that's too much like capitalism rather than a marriage![/quote]

But it's the how money gets spent part that CAUSES the divorce in the first place. The argument over how money gets split happens AFTER a marriage already heads down the road to splitsville.

I don't see how having a prenup would reduce divorce rates. People don't get divorced because they think they're getting a good deal on the division of assets - some Warpath lawyers can correct me if I'm wrong, but to my knowledge you can't just up and get divorced for no good reason and collect half the assets. You have to catch your spouse cheating, prove your spouse is abusive, or get your spouse to sign divorce papers for irreconcilable differences. So if a wife makes way less money than a husband, she can't just divorce him for nothing and take home 50% of the assets. She's got to either get his consent (and a divorce settlement for an agreed upon portion of assets), or prove he broke the marriage laws and force him to give 50% of assets.

Having a prenup would help protect your wallet once you get divorced. But it does nothing to help prevent the financial disputes that CAUSE divorce: the inability to agree upon financial priorities, ie spenders vs savers.

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[quote=FRPLG]ANyone ehere have enough money to actually need to think about prenup? Those who question the strength of a relationship based on the notion that thinking about a prenup is negative probably don't have the kind of money needed for a prenup. I wouldn't be able to adequately speak on the issue since I don't have the money/assets to need one but I can imagine if I am rich enough to think about it then I want one no matter what my relationship is like. People change all the time. It isn't a trust issue it is a risk issue.[/quote]

Yet another example of mo' money, mo' problems!

If you're that rich, chances are chicks like you for your money first and foremost. Hopefully the girl knew you before you won the lottery!

I ain't sayin she's a gold digger...

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My sister just married rich and wasn't asked to sign one, maybe she can buy me a new dodge charger in a couple of years. (I'm just kidding, my new brother in law has club level season tickets, so I hope they live a long and happy life together)

Re: Prenuptial Agreements
 

My sister just married rich and wasn't asked to sign one, maybe she can buy me a new dodge charger in a couple of years. (I'm just kidding, my new brother in law has club level season tickets, so I hope they live a long and happy life together)

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so nice, he said it twice.

there are certainly times where a prenup is necessary. for example: Anna Nicole Smith. Dumb old bastard should have had her sign one...

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[quote=BDBohnzie]so nice, he said it twice...[/quote]

that was the ADHD, I just hit the button twice I guess.

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One of my favorite sayings is:

"Romance without finance is a nuisance!"

With that being said, you probably could find a good "skeleton" prenup agreement on the internet!

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[QUOTE=Schneed10]But it's the how money gets spent part that CAUSES the divorce in the first place. The argument over how money gets split happens AFTER a marriage already heads down the road to splitsville.

I don't see how having a prenup would reduce divorce rates. People don't get divorced because they think they're getting a good deal on the division of assets - some Warpath lawyers can correct me if I'm wrong, but to my knowledge you can't just up and get divorced for no good reason and collect half the assets. You have to catch your spouse cheating, prove your spouse is abusive, or get your spouse to sign divorce papers for irreconcilable differences. So if a wife makes way less money than a husband, she can't just divorce him for nothing and take home 50% of the assets. She's got to either get his consent (and a divorce settlement for an agreed upon portion of assets), or prove he broke the marriage laws and force him to give 50% of assets.

Having a prenup would help protect your wallet once you get divorced. But it does nothing to help prevent the financial disputes that CAUSE divorce: the inability to agree upon financial priorities, ie spenders vs savers.[/QUOTE]

All I am saying is that a prenup would null and void any arguements regarding the spending vs savers, which potentially lead to other bad habits that cause divorce. But I agree with most of your assessment and its only needed when there are substantial assets involved.

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[quote=jbcjr14]All I am saying is that a prenup would null and void any arguements regarding the spending vs savers, which potentially lead to other bad habits that cause divorce. But I agree with most of your assessment and its only needed when there are substantial assets involved.[/quote]

except it wouldn't, cause a pre-nup says nothing about how money will be spent while the marriage is working, only how it'd be divided after its over.

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[quote=jbcjr14]All I am saying is that a prenup would null and void any arguements regarding the spending vs savers, which potentially lead to other bad habits that cause divorce. But I agree with most of your assessment and its only needed when there are substantial assets involved.[/quote]

That Guy pretty much said it for me. You've got your sequence of events all screwed up. Prenups don't help you UNTIL you're divorced. They do nothing to control the flow of money BEFORE you're divorced.

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Just a general note, when you're really filthy rich, you can't help but have some trust issues with your spouse. A prenup is necessary at that point, because the trust probably isn't going to be there in the first place, so you might as well protect yourself. Or you could just decide not to get married, but if you're sick of being a bachelor and you want the female companionship and all that stuff, staying a bachelor isn't an attractive option either.

I guess that's the one downside to being rich. Though the upside is still pretty appealing!

Re: Prenuptial Agreements
 

[quote=Schneed10]Just a general note, when you're really filthy rich, you can't help but have some trust issues with your spouse. A prenup is necessary at that point, because the trust probably isn't going to be there in the first place, so you might as well protect yourself. Or you could just decide not to get married, but if you're sick of being a bachelor and you want the female companionship and all that stuff, staying a bachelor isn't an attractive option either.

I guess that's the one downside to being rich. Though the upside is still pretty appealing![/quote]

you could always pay your girllfriends $10,000 a month and have as many 20-somethings as you want like Mr. Heffner...