Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

OK, so basically my wife and I haven't spoken in like 48 hours. The entire basis behind this tiff is that my mom asked to be dropped at the airport Saturday morning. It's a 2 hour round trip, and I don't know what the big deal is. My wife wanted to do something fun for the weekend, but we already had a commitment. While I do agree with her that it's ridiculous for my mom and stepdad, aunt and uncle to not drive themselves, I'm doing it as a son's obligation.

To put things in perspective, we haven't done a vacation where it wasn't HER families in years, so we don't have extra money to do stuff just the two of us. Whenever I post things about vacations here, it is ALWAYS with her family, and I'm just expected to smile and take it.

I think it's INSANE that this fight has gone on this long AND to the magnitude it has for what it's about. I'd love to get some input on this, and any females or spouses of members here, am I wrong or right?

I've given her about 4,000 outs on this one. I suggested I drop my mom off, then she and I go to a nice overnight in DC or Blacksburg, but that just won't work for her.

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

I am missing something here. What is your wife mad about? The fact that you had to drive your mother?

My friend, i have only been married a short time, but even i know that everything will always be "her way". Thats just the way things are. Good luck, buddy.

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

Yeah, basically that's what she's mad about. I mean it's one thing to be annoyed that we have to do it. I do a lot of favors for her family that I get annoyed about but do them with a smile on my face.

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

So, what "fun thing" were you guys talking about doing this weekend? How long have you known about dropping your mom off? And did you cancel plans in agreeing to drop your mom off?

I need those answers before I can properly give you input

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

Did not cancel plans. The fun thing she was trying to set up was on Monday and apparently she didn't remember or know that I had planned to do this.

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

Malcolm, your wife isn't mad about you driving your mother. That is just the straw that broke the cammel's back. She is pissed about something else or even someone else, but the fact that you have to drive your mother has pushed her over the edge. Rarely do women ever let on what they are really upset about. This is just a guess but she probably is upset about not having a weekend alone with you in general. You could have been asked by the president of the United States to fly to Africa and save a bunch orphans from a burning building and she would have still been pissed.

Go to savemyass.com and it will make it all better.

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

Based on the info you gave here TMC I can't see where you're in the wrong. Don't give in, this is something she needs to get over. Suck it up woman!

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

[quote=Mattyk;717254]Based on the info you gave here TMC I can't see where you're in the wrong. Don't give in, this is something she needs to get over. Suck it up woman![/quote]

That's pretty much my thinking. She needs to deal with it and stop pouting, two hours isn't that long, you didn't have plans and it's in the morning on Saturday. You can still go do anything you want with the rest of your weekend.

I also agree with the idea that she's probably pissed about something else, but without talking to you, it's going to be tough to figure out what that is.

Bottom line: you didn't do anything wrong. I don't really understand where she has any room to be angry about anything here.

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

Do you do a bunch of stuff for your mom and its ticking off your wife

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

Thanks for making me feel vindicated guys. I absolutely am not backing down on this. I mean I'm typically never an asshole because I feel like that just makes her look more insane when she pouts. I just IMed her and was like, "When you're ready to be normal and get over this. We can talk."

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

[quote=firstdown;717269]Do you do a bunch of stuff for your mom and its ticking off your wife[/quote]

Honestly, not really. I see her grandmother who lives in Hawaii more than I see my own mom if I were to do the math on how many hours we spend with each of them.

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

[quote=Angry;717252]Malcolm, your wife isn't mad about you driving your mother. That is just the straw that broke the cammel's back. She is pissed about something else or even someone else, but the fact that you have to drive your mother has pushed her over the edge. Rarely do women ever let on what they are really upset about. This is just a guess but she probably is upset about not having a weekend alone with you in general. You could have been asked by the president of the United States to fly to Africa and save a bunch orphans from a burning building and she would have still been pissed.

Go to savemyass.com and it will make it all better.[/quote]

This 100%.

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

She's marking her territory (you). It's a relatively minor "me OR your mom" type deal, but these things matter to women...because they're insane.

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

I tend to agree with everyone who says that there is something more to it... meaning that shes probaboly mad that she hasn't spent a weekend with you latley or something like that. If my girlfriend gets upset with me, thats ussually the root cause and something else causes the fight and it just leads back to the same place...

But you're compeltley right in the situation. There is no reason it should be this big of a deal for thsi long. If shes pissed for a couple hours, whatever...but this is just stupid.

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

One of the toughest jobs of being a husband, balancing responsibilities between and obligations toward your family and your wife. Somehow, the guy always has to be the voice of reason.

Whatever you do, don't tell her you don't know what the big deal is. If nothing else, acknowledge that whatever's bothering her is important to her.


Did you honeymoon with her family too?...'cause that's just odd

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

[quote=SmootSmack;717293]One of the toughest jobs of being a husband, balancing responsibilities between and obligations toward your family and your wife. Somehow, the guy always has to be the voice of reason.

[I][B]Whatever you do, don't tell her you don't know what the big deal is[/B][/I]. If nothing else, acknowledge that whatever's bothering her is important to her.


Did you honeymoon with her family too?...'cause that's just odd[/quote]

Well said. That's one thing I learned a long time ago is that saying something like that is like telling the rain not to do it.

And no, our honeymoon was really the last "just the two of us" vacation we did. We had a small weekend in Vegas, but that's it. Whenever we do one of her family vacations, I always try to get a couple of days away just the two of us, but that's not the same when we get to spend a couple thousand dollars each year going where HER family wants to go.

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

All woman have a little bit of crazy in 'em. They just do. No joke. She's off her rocker on this but that's what woman do. Let her just get over it.

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

You my friend are in a tough spot, one I have been in many times. Living close to my family and my in-laws creates wonderful scenarios much like this one.

When it comes to my folks I try to help them with any reasonable request. Once you have a child you will see what your folks did for you to get you where you are now so to turn your back on them is kind of foolish and well basically mean IMO, especially when helping out your mom.

IF this was my wife I would say hey look my folks have done a ton for me in my life my mom needs a simple two hour ride to the airport I have to do this for her it is my duty. There are 46 hours left in the weekend they are ours do whatever you want with them. Do you really have a problem with me helping my own mom? I think it is a bit selfish the way you are acting considering what I have done with your folks.

Leave it at that and let her stew eventually she will come around especially if you have done what you say you have done with her in-laws.

When it comes to stuff like this what goes around comes around, at some point her folks will need help that will inconvenience you but still help them knowing down the road it will be your turn again.

Not to get to personal with you but if you are having fights like this now wait until you have kids!

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

Very good advice. And seriously, this is one of the reasons we DON'T want kids right now. LOL

That sounds very similar.

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

[quote=FRPLG;717303]All woman have a little bit of crazy in 'em. They just do. No joke. She's off her rocker on this but that's what woman do. Let her just get over it.[/quote]


It is not crazy it is jealousy. I think his wife is jealous of the time he is taking from her to give to his mom. Women are jealous creatures by nature, it is weird but the way it is.

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

I mean I DO agree with my wife's point that it would basically cost nothing for the 4 people I'm taking to split the parking bill, not to mention all the people it's inconveniencing to take them to and from.

But what I am supposed to do? Tell my family, "Well, why don't you just take yourselves?"

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

[quote=TheMalcolmConnection;717243]Yeah, basically that's what she's mad about. I mean it's one thing to be annoyed that we have to do it. I do a lot of favors for her family that I get annoyed about but do them with a smile on my face.[/quote]

Welcome to married life. The wife's mother-in-law (your mom) will ALWAYS be a tightrope walk...yet her mother will never be an issue...don't make it one either. Even if a wife adores her mother-in-law, they both will claim you as theirs and eventually, it will end up in a head-on collision.


Valid question...don't ask her though...time of the month? I know it comes across as a naive, chauvinistic, rude accusation to a woman, but whether they realize it or not, their sanity can go out the window and they end up regretting some things they say and do in a few days.


Just don't back down and let her walk all over you, but also don't go out of your way to be an instigator. Just do what you have to do, don't bring it up unless she does and do your best to try to balance the happiness of all of the women in your life.

If you do sit down to talk it over, try to stay calm and help her realize how much you do for her family and how you'd appreciate the same in return, even if less often from her regarding your family.

It's a battle that is inevitable in most marriages...unless the wife hates her own family and replaces them with yours. :D



[I]*married almost 9 years if that means anything[/I]

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

[quote=FRPLG;717303]All woman have a little bit of crazy in 'em. They just do. No joke. She's off her rocker on this but that's what woman do. Let her just get over it.[/quote]

True, they claim we don't understand them and it's true, but sometimes THEY don't even understand themselves.

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

[quote=TheMalcolmConnection;717307]I mean I DO agree with my wife's point that it would basically cost nothing for the 4 people I'm taking to split the parking bill, not to mention all the people it's inconveniencing to take them to and from.

But what I am supposed to do? Tell my family, "Well, why don't you just take yourselves?"[/quote]


Yup it is inconvenient but it is a scenario that will keep coming up so you push through it and know you have a token next time you need help.

Look at this way and how I get through annoying stuff. Think of SmoothSmack how much would he want to be able right now to drive his health mom to the airport for her to enjoy a vacation, I bet more then anything else.

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

[quote=FRPLG;717303]All woman have a little bit of crazy in 'em. They just do. No joke. She's off her rocker on this but that's what woman do. Let her just get over it.[/quote]

Yep. Just like we've got a little bit of dumb in us.

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

^ Is true.

We'll act without thinking, they'll speak without thinking. It's life. :D

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

Just imagine how many battles like this is going on in the world right now.

For me and I think most guys as well you always get blindside by crap like this.

My poor brother in-law (my sisters husband) is taking a huge hit right now. They have a new born at home and he is pretty grumpy (like most people in that situation becasue you are basically going without sleep) so my sister complains to my mom about him. So my mom is like what a dirt bag etc.... I told my mom go easy on him it is a tough time in their lives and know that I am a dirt bag at times in my mother in-laws eyes.

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

[quote=Angry;717252]Malcolm, your wife isn't mad about you driving your mother. That is just the straw that broke the cammel's back. She is pissed about something else or even someone else, but the fact that you have to drive your mother has pushed her over the edge. Rarely do women ever let on what they are really upset about. [B]This is just a guess but she probably is upset about not having a weekend alone with you in general[/B]. You could have been asked by the president of the United States to fly to Africa and save a bunch orphans from a burning building and she would have still been pissed.

Go to savemyass.com and it will make it all better.[/quote]

im not married, i feel like it thoo since weve lived together for 2 years.

i obviously dont know your relationship but my lady will get mad when she gets the impression we havent spent enough time together talking. we could spend the weekend hosting friends for a bbq then drinks or a baseball game, basically spend the entire weekend together.

but since we didnt spend the entire weekend gazing into each others eyes by candle light exposing our deepest secrets, it doesnt count as "us" time.

ill say WTH are you talking about, we spend every second were not at work together. she will get madder.

good advice by smoot in saying dont say its not a big deal.

my lady (and probably alot of other mad women) would interpret your text saying "when your ready to be normal" to be "when you stop acting like an irrational hateful bitch" or "when you come back to reality on planet earth"

one thought i have held for awhile now and has never done me wrong so far:

[B]no matter how irrational a lady can act, if she is mad or upset about things like not spending enough time with you . . .she's just really saying she loves you and she hast gotten a chance lately to express or share that love[/B]. in that context, its always been easy for me to kiss and make up. alot of times lil misunderstandings can turn into full blown war.

but it sounds like you may have bigger underlying problems in regards to how your and your wifes time is allocated amongst the respective in-laws. for that, im not married and havent had to deal with those issues in the minor leagues.

good luck but think of the underlying emotion for her position - she loves you a whole lot. i imagine some wives would be thrilled to have her hubby away, even for 2 hours.

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

For the record, "Droppin' Momma at the Plane" sounds like a movie with Martin Lawrence in it.

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

[quote=Mattyk;717316]Yep. Just like we've got a little bit of dumb in us.[/quote]

Yep.

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

[quote=GhettoDogAllStars;717332]For the record, "Droppin' Momma at the Plane" sounds like a movie with Martin Lawrence in it.[/quote]


Still better then "Throw Momma from the Train" , maybe that is what TMC's wife wants to do to her.

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

I don't understand why you feel that you need to explain yourself to your wife or anyone else? I respect my friends who rule the roost and ridicule the ones who let their wives run rough shod all over em.

My homeboy Jody tells his wife what's up and his kids are well behaved. I don't envision them getting a divorce, ever.

My hommie Bryan let's his wife break his ass down Cool Hand Luke style. His kids are always crying when they don't get what they want. They go to relationship "therapy". I expect them to divorce as soon as their kids are out of the house, maybe sooner.

Men should act like men.

If I was you, I wouldn't budge. It's not like you're being unreasonable. Although, I'm old school, and in my book the wife comes before the kids and the parents, etc. I'm sure you'll make the best choice in what you do but I wouldn't argue. Tell it like it is and stick to your guns.

Anytimes I need male advice I consult these guys.

[url=http://artofmanliness.com/]The Art of Manliness | Men's Interests and Lifestyle[/url]

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

Been there, done that, was the mayor of that town for a while. I walk that tightrope that connects my wife and mother constantly, and for a while, I was walking while twirling blazing sticks of fire. But eventually I figured out the balance and haven't had too many issues since.

TMC - it's a losing battle. As it's been stated before, it's not because you are taking your family to the airport, it's because she had it all planned out that you guys were going to spend the weekend together or whatever it is that couples without children do (man how I long for those days sometimes), and this little cog burst her bubble. It could also be that she was going to surprise you with something? Either way, she's upset and somehow, you have to be the hero and make things right. And naturally, while you don't necessarily want to be, you have to be the voice of reason. You aren't going to tell your Mom no, but you want to make it up to your wife the best way you can, and let her know that.

She will get over it, but as you suggested (and continue to suggest), she could always come along and you guys could stay overnight somewhere (I assume you're taking the 'rents to Roanoke), perhaps somewhere you guys have never been before. Make the best of the situation.

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

Are you kidding me dude? Your wife should be volunteering to drop them off herself. You need to squash this kind of thing real quick before it festers and grows into marriage killing cancer. Put your serious face on and let her know your family is just as important as hers and you will do things with them and for them now and then, and that her acting like this is unacceptable and will eventually lead to the demise of your marriage. Real talk time.

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

[quote=BDBohnzie;717340]Been there, done that, was the mayor of that town for a while. I walk that tightrope that connects my wife and mother constantly, and for a while, I was walking while twirling blazing sticks of fire. But eventually I figured out the balance and haven't had too many issues since.

TMC - it's a losing battle. As it's been stated before, it's not because you are taking your family to the airport, it's because she had it all planned out that you guys were going to spend the weekend together or whatever it is that couples without children do (man how I long for those days sometimes), and this little cog burst her bubble. It could also be that she was going to surprise you with something? Either way, she's upset and somehow, you have to be the hero and make things right. And naturally, while you don't necessarily want to be, you have to be the voice of reason. You aren't going to tell your Mom no, but you want to make it up to your wife the best way you can, and let her know that.

[B]She will get over it, but as you suggested (and continue to suggest), she could always come along and you guys could stay overnight somewhere (I assume you're taking the 'rents to Roanoke), perhaps somewhere you guys have never been before. Make the best of the situation.[/B][/quote]

This is exactly right. I've offered that as a solution. I said we can do a weekend next week, but no, it's THIS weekend only to her. I'm really trying to take the high road here, and I've been the one communicating, really trying to reach out and she wants no part of it.

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

Oh, and just an FYI to anyone who thinks I'm going to budge on this, I am not.

I will NOT call my mom and give her a big FU.

Basically, I'm trying to help all parties win. I take my mom to the airport, I come back home, pick up the wife and go for an awesome night somewhere for dinner and a nice hotel or resort. She's the one that wants no part of that. It's like she's DARING me to screw my mom over...

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

[quote=TheMalcolmConnection;717345]Oh, and just an FYI to anyone who thinks I'm going to budge on this, I am not.

I will NOT call my mom and give her a big FU.

Basically, I'm trying to help all parties win. I take my mom to the airport, I come back home, pick up the wife and go for an awesome night somewhere for dinner and a nice hotel or resort. She's the one that wants no part of that. It's like she's DARING me to screw my mom over...[/quote]

This isn't a game of tug rope...this is a serious issue. Just don't be passive and wait things out.

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

[quote=Buster;717309]Welcome to married life. The wife's mother-in-law (your mom) will ALWAYS be a tightrope walk...yet her mother will never be an issue...don't make it one either. Even if a wife adores her mother-in-law, they both will claim you as theirs and eventually, it will end up in a head-on collision.


Valid question...don't ask her though...time of the month? I know it comes across as a naive, chauvinistic, rude accusation to a woman, but whether they realize it or not, their sanity can go out the window and they end up regretting some things they say and do in a few days.


Just don't back down and let her walk all over you, but also don't go out of your way to be an instigator. Just do what you have to do, don't bring it up unless she does and do your best to try to balance the happiness of all of the women in your life.

If you do sit down to talk it over, try to stay calm and help her realize how much you do for her family and how you'd appreciate the same in return, even if less often from her regarding your family.

It's a battle that is inevitable in most marriages...unless the wife hates her own family and replaces them with yours. :D



[I]*married almost 9 years if that means anything[/I][/quote]


And saden, my relationship is a LOT like Buster's...

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

I get that the readership between her and her in-laws is funky but not speaking to you for 48 hours crazy.

Re: Wife Question: Dropping Momma' at the Plane
 

[quote=saden1;717351]I get that the readership between her and her in-laws is funky but not speaking to you for 48 hours crazy.[/quote]

THIS I agree with. I mean, I get some initial frustration like everyone else said, but the fact we've hung onto this for this long is borderline insane, considering how many times I've reached out and tried to be the bigger person.