The Relationships Thread

[DynamiteRave]

I suppose this could've been gone in the grind my gears thread, but I figure this could be a useful thread to bitch about the opposite sex (or if you're me, both) regardless of if you're single, attached or married.

My ex-gf, who we've been attempting to keep an amicable friendship with each other since we broke up last Feb, has been basically made that impossible. We've both moved on and are seeing other people, but she seems to be slowly trying to delete me from her life since she's been involved with someone new. So.. Since December. This is after she made a play to try to get me to leave who I'm seeing now to be with her again. In November.

This has me a bit unnerved. I suppose after over a year later and seeing that we're both in new relationships, it shouldn't matter so much but for some reason it bothers me. A lot. I actually don't really have a good method to being like, "Well F you too then, bitch" or how I should actually be processing the whole thing. I just try to distract myself and hope it'll matter less.

Any advice on should exes be friends or completely cut off contact with each other? Or just any ideas in general?

Seriously, I'm not trying to turn this into my own little Cosmopolitan. lol marriage and dating can be rough. Its just nice to have a place to vent solely about the relationships world. I dunno what it's like to be married but I'm sure it can't always be the honeymoon period.

Oh, and then on the other side of things, there's this guy at the gym who's been eyeing me for a few weeks now. I mean he's attractive enough but I'm with someone and he's just really creepy about it. And then we waved at me today and I nearly died, in the bad way. Gym creepers are the worse. :/

[los panda]

gym creepers are the worst

[Ruhskins]

I have always thought that once you break up with someone, the two of you should go their separate ways for a while. I think it is all nice to try to be friends and whatnot, but I think you need time to be completely apart.

[Hog1]

Originally Posted by DynamiteRave

I suppose this could've been gone in the grind my gears thread, but I figure this could be a useful thread to bitch about the opposite sex (or if you're me, both) regardless of if you're single, attached or married.

My ex-gf, who we've been attempting to keep an amicable friendship with each other since we broke up last Feb, has been basically made that impossible. We've both moved on and are seeing other people, but she seems to be slowly trying to delete me from her life since she's been involved with someone new. So.. Since December. This is after she made a play to try to get me to leave who I'm seeing now to be with her again. In November.

This has me a bit unnerved. I suppose after over a year later and seeing that we're both in new relationships, it shouldn't matter so much but for some reason it bothers me. A lot. I actually don't really have a good method to being like, "Well F you too then, bitch" or how I should actually be processing the whole thing. I just try to distract myself and hope it'll matter less.

Any advice on should exes be friends or completely cut off contact with each other? Or just any ideas in general?

Seriously, I'm not trying to turn this into my own little Cosmopolitan. lol marriage and dating can be rough. Its just nice to have a place to vent solely about the relationships world. I dunno what it's like to be married but I'm sure it can't always be the honeymoon period.

Oh, and then on the other side of things, there's this guy at the gym who's been eyeing me for a few weeks now. I mean he's attractive enough but I'm with someone and he's just really creepy about it. And then we waved at me today and I nearly died, in the bad way. Gym creepers are the worse. :/

Clean, friendly breakups are the easiest thing going forward. BUT, being "friends" is another matter and probably does not work out much. If you get back together....it will likely end the same. There is a real reason it did not work the first time.
Why do......you have a problem walking away....? Sometimes hard to answer honestly.
Amicable departures make it much easier on the personal media Firefight. Better all the way around.
TIME does heal many things......
AND, does gym guy wear Spandex? If so, could be trouble........
Good Luck with it DRave...

[DynamiteRave]

Originally Posted by Hog1

Clean, friendly breakups are the easiest thing going forward. BUT, being "friends" is another matter and probably does not work out much. If you get back together....it will likely end the same. There is a real reason it did not work the first time.
Why do......you have a problem walking away....? Sometimes hard to answer honestly.
Amicable departures make it much easier on the personal media Firefight. Better all the way around.
TIME does heal many things......
AND, does gym guy wear Spandex? If so, could be trouble........
Good Luck with it DRave...

Haha. Thanks. I'm happily in a relationship though and I'm in no way going back to that. But I still have feelings no doubt, I just know we've tried twice in the past and it both ended in a huge mess.

And the guy doesnt wear spandex. But he's just a creeper. lol I wish dudes would just talk to me the old fashioned way instead of being either uber creepy or uber ghetto (yelling at me, AYE GIRL!)

[Ruhskins]

Originally Posted by DynamiteRave

Haha. Thanks. I'm happily in a relationship though and I'm in no way going back to that. But I still have feelings no doubt, I just know we've tried twice in the past and it both ended in a huge mess.

And the guy doesnt wear spandex. But he's just a creeper. lol I wish dudes would just talk to me the old fashioned way instead of being either uber creepy or uber ghetto (yelling at me, AYE GIRL!)

[Lotus]

DRave, it sounds like your old partner has very deep feelings for you. Feelings that they can't control or conquer very easily. Therefore the need to cut you out of her life - she can't have a relationship with you nor can she throttle the feelings into friendship alone, leaving "cut and run" as the only strategy for her. From her point of view, it likely is preferable to have no feelings for you at all than to have uncontrollable feelings in the context of friendship. And the only way to have no feelings for you is to pretend that you do not exist.

If I am right, it will be difficult to be friends with her any time soon. Maybe not ever. But as hard as that might seem, it is actually a supreme compliment toward you.

[Schneed10]

I'm a big believer in completely and 100% moving on and leaving the past behind. All breakups should be permanent with no contact thereafter.

[skinsfanthru&thru]

Originally Posted by Schneed10

I'm a big believer in completely and 100% moving on and leaving the past behind. All breakups should be permanent with no contact thereafter.

This. It's just way to hard and potentially messy to have ex's lingering around. Potential bad lack of judgement moments sometimes present themselves, constantly comparing your current relationship to things your ex did because they are always fresh on your mind, etc etc.

I'm only on decent speaking terms with one ex, but I try not to talk too much with her because she's now married with a kid and lately when we seem to talk she skews the conversation into a weird and inappropriate direction and I'm not that kind of guy.

I definitely know it can be tough, some relationships more so than others, but I know less than 3 people who keep in contact with ex's and they primarily do so for random late night hook ups.

[DynamiteRave]

Originally Posted by skinsfanthru&thru

This. It's just way to hard and potentially messy to have ex's lingering around. Potential bad lack of judgement moments sometimes present themselves, constantly comparing your current relationship to things your ex did because they are always fresh on your mind, etc etc.

I'm only on decent speaking terms with one ex, but I try not to talk too much with her because she's now married with a kid and lately when we seem to talk she skews the conversation into a weird and inappropriate direction and I'm not that kind of guy.

I definitely know it can be tough, some relationships more so than others, but I know less than 3 people who keep in contact with ex's and they primarily do so for random late night hook ups.

That's happened a lot with various exes. So far I've only managed to have 1 successful post break up friendship but only because I keep them emotionally at a distance since I think they're a bit crazy.

I dunno. I just feel like it's possible to be friendly and non sexual with an ex. Or at least that's always my bright side feeling. Most people I've talked to about their breakup habits seem to be in the "cutting off everything is best" group.

[Hog1]

Originally Posted by DynamiteRave

That's happened a lot with various exes. So far I've only managed to have 1 successful post break up friendship but only because I keep them emotionally at a distance since I think they're a bit crazy.

I dunno. I just feel like it's possible to be friendly and non sexual with an ex. Or at least that's always my bright side feeling. Most people I've talked to about their breakup habits seem to be in the "cutting off everything is best" group.

I am sure it's possible but in my case not very.....probable. In my case, if not a clean break and walk away kind of deal, things get wierd, messy, then poisonous...........

[RedskinRat]

Originally Posted by Schneed10

I'm a big believer in completely and 100% moving on and leaving the past behind. All breakups should be permanent with no contact thereafter.

Wise man.

[saden1]

Relationships that end are like Skin cancer...you got to cut it off and let your wounds heal. Once they are healed you can go out in the Sun and enjoy all the vitamin D it has to offer.

Personally, if my relationship with you ends I don't fcking want to know you. I'll say hi if we ever see each other in public and shit but that's about it....life is too short and I could use one less "friend" I have to keep in touch with. Things are simpler this way.


Drop her like dead skin and move on!

[Chico23231]

Originally Posted by Schneed10

I'm a big believer in completely and 100% moving on and leaving the past behind. All breakups should be permanent with no contact thereafter.

agree, ive always had to do that. Whats tough is when you work with the person. So ive said ill never do that again, but it elimnates a good pool of potentials because i spend 50 hours a week at work with alot of chicks from a lot of different areas of my job. So it feels like a catch 22.

[MTK]

Originally Posted by Schneed10

I'm a big believer in completely and 100% moving on and leaving the past behind. All breakups should be permanent with no contact thereafter.

Good advice, definitely agree but much easier said than done especially when you're younger and don't yet have experience on your side.