Post your cold remedies

[Trample the Elderly]

Drink a lot of water and I mean a lot. Before you sleep cut a potato in half and put them in your socks, cut side on your skin. This will suck out the sickness while you sleep.

Sleep as much as possible by drinking large amounts of Nyquill. Don't overdue it or you might wake up dead. In your waking hours, I suggest Southern Comfort or bong hits.

Get some Vicks vapor rub and smear it into your beard. I have a beard, so that's what I do. If not just cram a hefty amount into your nostrils. You can also smear a can of Icy Hot all over your body when you get out of the shower too. Avoid the genitals. Wash that sickness off of your body.

Oh yeah, don't go to work either. Sit around the house watching endless hours of television, napping, and cleaning. You have to wash the sickness out of your house too. Bleach works well on everything. This will also help your head to clear up.

Make sure you get a lot of sex, with a woman.

Eat a lot too. Mexican has a high content of fat, which studies have shown, fights sickness. Get the especial, which is basically one of everything. Eddy's Peanut Butter Swirl ice cream has all kinds of nutrients your body needs. Scoff that down too.

If you don't feel better after that you'll need a testosterone injection.