understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

[KLHJ2]

My god, the plot is worse than a teen movie.

I wish you luck. To help you out I have provided an instructional video demonstrating what you need to say.

[MonkFan4Life]

Just let Rick Damone tell you how to getit done

YouTube - Fasttimes at Ridgemont High - Damone attitude scene

[MonkFan4Life]

The five point plan. Vid sucks bit the lessons are lifechanging !

YouTube - Dumone's 5 Point Plan

[CRedskinsRule]

Not to be a Debbie Downer, but this is one of those areas where built up pressures tend to result in colossal failures. Honestly, if there is any hesitation on her side, could you imagine how she will feel knowing "today is the day". Why not do more of a 3 day plan leading up to the weekend. Cuddle her today, then tomorrow expect to be shot down, but throw a softball type proposition out, and then Friday set the stage for a run amok weekend with midget strippers and everything!

I may be against the grain, but I think you need to let up on your part of the obsessing over it.

[JoeRedskin]

Originally Posted by CRedskinsRule

Not to be a Debbie Downer, but this is one of those areas where built up pressures tend to result in colossal failures. Honestly, if there is any hesitation on her side, could you imagine how she will feel knowing "today is the day". Why not do more of a 3 day plan leading up to the weekend. Cuddle her today, then tomorrow expect to be shot down, but throw a softball type proposition out, and then Friday set the stage for a run amok weekend with midget strippers and everything!

I may be against the grain, but I think you need to let up on your part of the obsessing over it.

Nope. Not against the grain. It's like he is intent on pissing her off and ignoring the underlying issues.

[firstdown]

Originally Posted by CRedskinsRule

Not to be a Debbie Downer, but this is one of those areas where built up pressures tend to result in colossal failures. Honestly, if there is any hesitation on her side, could you imagine how she will feel knowing "today is the day". Why not do more of a 3 day plan leading up to the weekend. Cuddle her today, then tomorrow expect to be shot down, but throw a softball type proposition out, and then Friday set the stage for a run amok weekend with midget strippers and everything!

I may be against the grain, but I think you need to let up on your part of the obsessing over it.

THREE DAY PLAN. Hell I have like a 3 minute plan at best and if that does not work I know to just give it up.

I also have the fool proof plane that is dinner, wine, roaring fire, but thats our once a month night so its a given then.

[MonkFan4Life]

CR you are actually right. Or at least I think so. She know's that she's off now and that the HOV lane is open. The only thing is should you take it or just stay on themain highway. Let it be, don't try and let the day be what it is. IF asking for sex causes and issue why tempt fate ? I know that you should get it because it's what she signed on for whenyou all got married but you also signed on to deal with teh bullshit whenever it comes along. So let it go. Honestly I went for about 3 weeks without asking for sex and even when she felt that something was wrong and asked me for it I turned it down. Believe me it was hard but sooner or later she went ahead and rapped on the mic and I couldn't turn it down. You've got to play her game. She kept saying no so don;t try anymore. She'll come around. Like I said before,...PATIENCE is the key.

[12thMan]

Solid, sending goood vibes your way my man. And if things don't work out, hell, next time you're in D.C. we'll have a few rounds Good luck!

[SolidSnake84]

Fine. F#ck this. F#ck all of this. The first few days of this thread everybody says how its not my fault. Now the last few days and this says its got to be because of me and how i'm being selfish.

So F#ck my problem and F this thread. Congrats to everyone sincerely who are happily married and get it more than once a month. I tip my hand to everybody else who says that sex dries up in marriage and thats just the way it is. If i missed anyone, let me know.

[SmootSmack]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

Fine. F#ck this. F#ck all of this. The first few days of this thread everybody says how its not my fault. Now the last few days and this says its got to be because of me and how i'm being selfish.

So F#ck my problem and F this thread. Congrats to everyone sincerely who are happily married and get it more than once a month. I tip my hand to everybody else who says that sex dries up in marriage and thats just the way it is. If i missed anyone, let me know.

Woah! Easy now. I think you're missing what we're trying to say here. Well, I won't speak for others, but all I'm saying is-and look, we've all been there, when we "act" purely for selfish reasons-but considering what you're going through you just need to move a bit diplomatically. From everything you've described, this doesn't appear to be your fault. But this isn't just some fling we're talking about here. It's your wife. So you could dwell on whose fault it is and gettin' some tonight. But is that really all you want?

[CRedskinsRule]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

Fine. F#ck this. F#ck all of this. The first few days of this thread everybody says how its not my fault. Now the last few days and this says its got to be because of me and how i'm being selfish.

So F#ck my problem and F this thread. Congrats to everyone sincerely who are happily married and get it more than once a month. I tip my hand to everybody else who says that sex dries up in marriage and thats just the way it is. If i missed anyone, let me know.

You really missed the point. A relationship is NEVER one person's fault. I am divorced and I would love to blame my ex - Can I get some backup Joe? - but reality is marriage is a 2 person commitment. From many of your posts, here and in other threads, it is clear that you can be impetuous about things, and I was trying to point out that a bull headed rush the first day that she is off of her monthly time may not be the best move. You still need to understand why she has backed off, and what her issues are. We all have supported you that she needs to be more talkative and clearly discuss why she has, and lacking that discussion, your frustration is certainly understandable. BUT, if you haven't had the discussion, and you choose to push a now or never approach, then yes you start becoming a larger stumbling block to your own stated goal of getting the relationship on track.

[JoeRedskin]

Originally Posted by CRedskinsRule

You really missed the point. A relationship is NEVER one person's fault. I am divorced and I would love to blame my ex - Can I get some backup Joe? - but reality is marriage is a 2 person commitment. From many of your posts, here and in other threads, it is clear that you can be impetuous about things, and I was trying to point out that a bull headed rush the first day that she is off of her monthly time may not be the best move. You still need to understand why she has backed off, and what her issues are. We all have supported you that she needs to be more talkative and clearly discuss why she has, and lacking that discussion, your frustration is certainly understandable. BUT, if you haven't had the discussion, and you choose to push a now or never approach, then yes you start becoming a larger stumbling block to your own stated goal of getting the relationship on track.

I blame the selfish, petulant bitch. You can blame whoever you want.

[tryfuhl]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

Fine. F#ck this. F#ck all of this. The first few days of this thread everybody says how its not my fault. Now the last few days and this says its got to be because of me and how i'm being selfish.

So F#ck my problem and F this thread. Congrats to everyone sincerely who are happily married and get it more than once a month. I tip my hand to everybody else who says that sex dries up in marriage and thats just the way it is. If i missed anyone, let me know.

I've been there with you.. though I haven't been married and these guys that are sad that they're not single laughed at me for it

[JoeRedskin]

Originally Posted by tryfuhl

I've been there with you.. though I haven't been married and these guys that are sad that they're not single laughed at me for it

First, no, you haven't been there with him. He's married, you're not. Kind of apples and oranges. He's, supposedly, in it for the long haul. You, not so much. No offense, but that's just one of those - "I don't know what I'm talking about." comments.

Second, maybe I missed it, not seeing anyone bitching about being married. Sure, it's not wonderful all the time. Sure, I love to complain about my wife as much as the next guy. But guess what - you can have your singleness. Been there done that. Didn't get married until I was 37, and by the end there, I was pretty much - okay, this sucks. Enjoy you're single days - maybe they end never for you. More power to you. Me - I'll take the partnership of a good woman through thick and thin, hot sex and no sex, friendship and distance. In the end, hopefully a long time from now, when they bury me in the ground, it won't be the many flings I had in my man-slut single days that I will be sorry to let go of, it will be the timeless, committed love of my beautiful wife.

Finally, SS84, you know - I just don't know what to say to you. I tried to explain that the "I'm just not that into you right now" moments happen in marriage. Ain't nothing you can do about it. Forcing it w/out finding out what's really going on, especially after her time of the month, just struck me as ignorant and selfish. But - hey - don't listen to the advice of someone who actually has "been there with you".

Just a couple questions for you SS84 - Are you in this marriage for the next 5 months or the next 50 years? If the later, are a couple days really going to make a difference?

[BDBohnzie]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

Fine. F#ck this. F#ck all of this. The first few days of this thread everybody says how its not my fault. Now the last few days and this says its got to be because of me and how i'm being selfish.

So F#ck my problem and F this thread. Congrats to everyone sincerely who are happily married and get it more than once a month. I tip my hand to everybody else who says that sex dries up in marriage and thats just the way it is. If i missed anyone, let me know.

If this is what you got from this thread, you either have some maturing to do, or you simply missed the point.

There has been some excellent advice in this thread, some of which will apply and some won't. It's up to you to figure out what is what. We've all taken the time to pipe up because we've all been in similar if not the exact boat you are in. You are not alone man, and you have to realize that this won't get fixed just by having sex.

Above all else, open and honest communication is what will help you get through this bump. Marriage is a two-way street, and it's up to both you and your wife to figure out what's going on and how to right the ship. If you are upset or frustrated, she needs to know that and why you are. And if something's going on with her, she should be able to come to you with it. If you can't communicate, there is nothing else left.

I wish you well in your endeavor and hope that whatever is going on has a happy resolve.