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[Dirtbag59]

Originally Posted by over the mountain

my current lady (been together 6 years now) found my stash of home made ex girlfriend videos on my laptop and made me delete them all.

lesson - always put something that important on a thumb/flash drive as backup.

I got it now where you need my fingerprint, a retinal scan, voice recognition, and a randomly generated 13 character password in reversed kanji that gets sent to a pager every hour.

The system will remain locked if it senses another person with me as I'm likely being interrogated by a lady friend or homeland security should Rick Santorum ever become President. Plus they have to be entered in a certain order of which there are 24 combinations, one for each hour.

Afterwards you have to watch the three scariest movies of all time. Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer, Batman & Robin, and Kazaam back to back to back where a Kinect like technology will pause the film if you get up and leave.

Once thats done you have to get 100% expert on Guitar Hero with Through Fire and Flames by Dragonforce where you're only given one chance to get it right.

The porn is then hidden on a virtual machine inside a virtual machine so I can virtualize while I virtualize......man I haven't seen my porn in a long time for some reason.