Adult Mad Libs (NC-17, sorry kids)

[724Skinsfan]

Sarah had just closed her one good eye after losing her virginity riding a mechanical bull because she had a(n) nasty shit to take in the morning. Suddenly she was woken up by a loud slurping from across the hall.
"What the George Clinton and the P Funk All-Stars was that?" she yelled as she ran for the door.
From the hallway she could see into her neighbor's hairy, gaping ass, which was filled with gerbils fighting for survivial. There was broken glass all over the floor because someone had humped a jar of peanut butter and it shattered into Reeces pieces. Everyone was just whoopin' and hollerin' and carrying on.
Sarah said to the inbred family from Dallas Texas group, "would you all disjoin yourselves from each other and listen up?!? I have a proctology exam in the morning and I really need to borrow one of these gerbils . If you all don't give one over right now I'll tell the building superintendent, who is none other than Chuck Norris and he'll roundhouse kick you all up for improper use of a domesticated animal!"
With that, everyone just stared slack-jawed at Sarah and went back to riding the train. One well hung German guy came up to Sarah and sniffed her posterior and said, "Hey, klosen dein mouth up and haben a licken. We're just having a(n) wunderbar time, you should take a shit on us."
Since she didn't want to be a Dallas Cowboy fan that not even a diseased crazed goat would copulate with all her life, Sarah decided to take a massive dump on the guy. In the morning she was too lazy to take her long trek to the bathroom down the hall and she ended up hanging her ass out of the window. Now she works as a Festhaus dancerfor families visiting Busch Gardens.
Remember kids, stay in school so you can get a good education unlike 724skinsfan.