afraid to die?

[ArtMonkDrillz]

Originally Posted by BDBohnzie

I came to grips with this reality (again) when I found out my family is putting my Dad's parents into assisted living. You grow up with a certain vision of what your grandparents (or parents for that matter) look like to you, and then in one fell swoop, it comes crashing down and you realize how mortal they, and you, really are. While I know it's for the best, I'm still having a tough time with it.

Then you have my Mom's Father (Mom's Mother passed 12 years ago) who broke his hip 3 weeks ago, and two weeks after surgery was walking without a cane or walker and going through Rehab like a walk in the park. He's the same age as my Dad's Father. It's weird how things work sometimes.

The closest I've ever been to death was probably in the months leading up to my next door neighbor's passing a little over a year ago.
I'd lived next door to him for years and he was always this strong older guy (mid 60s) who loved doing yard work and gardening and all that sort of stuff. Then he was diagnosed with cancer and he started to go pretty quick.
He lost a ton of weight and and couldn't do much of anything for himself anymore. Since my mom is a nurse we used to go over to his house to help his wife change his sheets or get him out of the hospital bed that they had to put in their living room.
Once his wife frantically pounded on our door because he fell out of bed when she was trying to change his clothes. When I got there he just seemed to sad and helpless.
When he finally did pass away, in a hospice, I felt so relieved for him and his widow because at least all that pain and suffering was over. It was obviously very sad, but almost good at the same time.

Until then I obviously knew I was going to die one day, but I never really had to face death first hand (both my grandfathers passed away before I was born and my grandmothers are still with us).
After seeing my neighbor go I don't think I'm really afraid of dying so much as I am afraid that I will feel like I didn't live my life to the fullest when it is my time. At the same time, I guess I am sort of afraid that I could get into a freak accident and go at any minute, but I know that I can't let that fear keep me from living my life. I guess I'd rather die while climbing a mountain at age 30 (God forbid) than spend my whole life sitting on my ass and die alone and bored at 90.