Are you bitter?

[Schneed10]

Originally Posted by dmek25

Malcolm, i kind of had some of the same things go on in my family. no need to call him out, that just creates alot of friction. but your wife is bothered by this, it should be bothering you, too. she is your number one priority now. so he does need to be addressed. asking hm if he knew it was her b-day, or if he just forgot. but tread gently, because if you don't handle it correctly, you could start a family rift

One of the problems with this though, because of TMC's harmonizing personality, eventually his wife is going to get frustrated with him (if she hasn't already) for not taking enough of a stand on her behalf. And this won't apply to just this situation. Anytime she gets fired up about something, she's going to want to see him on her side, showing her that he's willing to stand up for her because that shows love and respect. So if TMC treads too gently with his father, chances are that won't satisfy his wife. Maybe it will now, but down the road after more years of marriage, she's going to be asking him to stand up stronger for her.

When it comes down to it, this situation calls for taking a firm stand. I can't say which side is best to choose, but to continue treading gently around these issues is the worst course of action in my opinion. Now, firm stands don't have to involve yelling or being an asshole. He could simply say to his wife, "I don't agree with your being so upset over this. I think you should forget it and move on because forgetting a birthday isn't the end of the world. I'm not going to say anything to my dad about it, so please stop asking me." End of story. No negotiation. Firm stand.

Or he could say "Dad, you forgot my wife's birthday. She was pretty upset. Please try to remember next time because it makes her feel slighted." If he argues or complains or whatever, just say "Dad I'm just conveying to you the consequences of forgetting her birthday. She'll get upset, and then we'll all have a rift. The ball's in your court."

But continuing to let issues get swept under the rug is going to piss off the wife over time, and then you end up with a big rift between husband and wife.