understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

[over the mountain]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

Okay good morning guys,

here are the updates so far. I got home last night, and tried talking to her. She was nice and she said that she cant just turn on a switch like guys and be ready to go. She says sometimes she is just tired and cant get in the mood.

No sex last night again, but at least she wasnt mean and i feel like we made progress. We have an easy weekend coming up, she doesnt work at all, so there is plenty of time to try and get something started.

Thanks again, this is an ongoing saga and i'll keep you updated.

Dry spells happen. sometimes me and my lady will go a few weeks without making love. it just happens sometimes. I gotta wake up early every morning, shes a bartender so she gets to sleep in most mornings. around 10:30ish pm my body absolutely shuts down. thats about the time she wants to get intimate.

to that extent, i understand where your wife might be coming from. if we dont do it on the weeked b/c were too busy, partying etc then we most likely wont do it until next weekend.

solidsnake, you are in a position alot of us are in. sometimes its me, sometimes its her, but sex def slows down once people get into a daily grind routine. we probably average about 8 times a month but some months we can go just a couple times if our schedules and other outside factors interfere.

i guess you gotta figure out if the source of the problem is rooted in your relationship or whether it is something or a culminaiton of things outside your relationship that is the source of the problem.

this hot summer i think has zapped alot of peoples labidos and energy. i know after a long day, driving with no ac, im tapped out when i get home.

good luck buddy, i wouldnt worry about this to the extent of whether this is an indication that your marriage may fail or that she is cheating on you. you obviously love her, if you have a great relationship and friednship, i think that is the more important quality of a solid long term relationship than great sex.

she says she just cant turn it on and off like guys. my lady has also said that. sometimes she will go through spells where she is just not interested.

what i found works is just sitting on the couch, snuggling up watching tv during the afternoon on a weekend. this usually leads to an accidental titty grab which leads to other things. this works for me moreso than plannign date night b/c for us, we go out eat a nice dinner, get hammered then by the time we get home shes passed out and im left frustrated b/c i had certain expectations. but sitting on that couch, snuggling up, just kinda stroking her hair or rubbing her shoulders leads up to things. it gets her senses going processing your touches and i think helps lead her to being in the mood vs a out of nowhere hey we havent done it in awhile, wanna screw?

good luck but i would restrian from making any further or deeper conclusions than you are just going thru a dry spell. your married man, dry spells is what you and her said "I do" to. you have friendship, you have love, your married to the love of your life, those things give you a foundation to work thru these issues. trust me, at 32 ive gone thru what you are experiencing as most other guys here. it just happens sometimes when youve been living with someone longterm.