The Relationships Thread

[SmootSmack]

Best to move on completely. I once had an amicable breakup, then we got back together, and the second breakup was horrific.

On an unrelated, but kinda related note. Had been wanting to start a thread with this article but got sidetracked with other threads

Women Are Happier in Relationships When Their Partner Knows They're Miserable

Man, this is so true. My wife is like this all the time "I feel better when you know I feel bad" And I'm like "I feel better when you just feel better"

[mlmdub130]

Originally Posted by SmootSmack

Best to move on completely. I once had an amicable breakup, then we got back together, and the second breakup was horrific.

On an unrelated, but kinda related note. Had been wanting to start a thread with this article but got sidetracked with other threads

Women Are Happier in Relationships When Their Partner Knows They're Miserable

Man, this is so true. My wife is like this all the time "I feel better when you know I feel bad" And I'm like "I feel better when you just feel better"

it seems so simple

[Dirtbag59]

Originally Posted by SmootSmack

Best to move on completely. I once had an amicable breakup, then we got back together, and the second breakup was horrific.

On an unrelated, but kinda related note. Had been wanting to start a thread with this article but got sidetracked with other threads

Women Are Happier in Relationships When Their Partner Knows They're Miserable

Man, this is so true. My wife is like this all the time "I feel better when you know I feel bad" And I'm like "I feel better when you just feel better"

One thing I've learned in my young life is simply don't try to figure out women as a man. When it comes to relationships they work in completely different ways and to try and figure it out or "solve it" (which is exactly the type of things we as guys love to do) is just enough to make you go insane.

All I do know when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex is that you can't go wrong with listening and making them laugh. That's it! Trying to figure out anything beyond that is mental suicide.

[skinsfaninok]

Originally Posted by SmootSmack

Best to move on completely. I once had an amicable breakup, then we got back together, and the second breakup was horrific.

On an unrelated, but kinda related note. Had been wanting to start a thread with this article but got sidetracked with other threads

Women Are Happier in Relationships When Their Partner Knows They're Miserable

Man, this is so true. My wife is like this all the time "I feel better when you know I feel bad" And I'm like "I feel better when you just feel better"

Women are hard to understand

[firstdown]

You say you have moved on to another relationship but it still sounds like you still have some feeling for your ex. That the only way to explain you getting upset about something she has done. If you didn't have those feeling you would not care.

[cpayne5]

Somewhat off topic, but the direction of this thread reminded me of this...

Wife's Diary:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.
I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving.
I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

Husband's Diary:
Boat wouldn't start, can't figure it out.

[MTK]

Originally Posted by cpayne5

Somewhat off topic, but the direction of this thread reminded me of this...

Wife's Diary:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.
I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving.
I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

Husband's Diary:
Boat wouldn't start, can't figure it out.

[Ruhskins]

Originally Posted by cpayne5

Somewhat off topic, but the direction of this thread reminded me of this...

Wife's Diary:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.
I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving.
I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

Husband's Diary:
Boat wouldn't start, can't figure it out.

[skinsfaninok]

Originally Posted by cpayne5

Somewhat off topic, but the direction of this thread reminded me of this...

Wife's Diary:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.
I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving.
I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

Husband's Diary:
Boat wouldn't start, can't figure it out.

Lmao so true

[skinsguy]

Well, to give a quick word of advice. Always take a good amount of time between relationships for yourself. You'll know how long you'll need. Take advantage of that time you're single to work on things about yourself that either need to be changed or improved. Think of it as giving yourself and your life a good "tune up" so that you'll be at your best when a new person comes along. You want to be able to devote your all to that new relationship, not have nagging "issues" from a prior. Even if you feel you're ready to move on, if there are any sort of lingering thoughts or feelings for a prior ex, you're probably not honestly ready to move on. Its normal to still have sexual desires for the ex, but if you still have them lingering on, you're going to eventually act upon them.

The hardest thing with allowing yourself time to get away from dating is the sex part. Most people place sex at such an important part of their life that they're not strong enough or willing to give up sex long enough to allow them time to focus on themselves. It's sad but true. I was able to do and I'm glad I did abstain. Was it difficult? Sure it was. And the funny thing is that my current fiancee' is saving herself for marriage, lol! So, I had to abstain even after finding a new person. But, I have no regrets from that at all.

The biggest point is to give yourself a chance to relax and reboot, even if it makes your look "weak" to your ex. You'll be glad you did so.

[jamf]

Rave, Send her this.

[Lotus]

I disagree with those who say you always need a clean break after it is over. I think it depends on circumstance. I have some ex's who I happily will never see again but also a couple of ex's who remain nice friends.

[Schneed10]

Originally Posted by Lotus

I disagree with those who say you always need a clean break after it is over. I think it depends on circumstance. I have some ex's who I happily will never see again but also a couple of ex's who remain nice friends.

The younger you are the more likely you are to think this way. At least that's my assertion.

The risk/reward just isn't there in my mind. The likelihood of a post-breakup friendship succeeding is low, there are emotional consequences, and friendship can be found with lots of other people who you never dated before.

The only reason people stay friends with an ex is because there are still feelings there, even if they don't want to admit it. Staying friends either leaves the door open for the future (false hope) or clings to the past (can't let go).

Rip it off like a bandaid and move on.

[Lotus]

Originally Posted by Schneed10

The younger you are the more likely you are to think this way. At least that's my assertion.

The risk/reward just isn't there in my mind. The likelihood of a post-breakup friendship succeeding is low, there are emotional consequences, and friendship can be found with lots of other people who you never dated before.

The only reason people stay friends with an ex is because there are still feelings there, even if they don't want to admit it. Staying friends either leaves the door open for the future (false hope) or clings to the past (can't let go).

Rip it off like a bandaid and move on.

I'll be 50 this summer so age has nothing to do with my statement.

I agree that sometimes ripping off the bandaid is the right move. But, from another perspective, you saw enough in that person to be lovers but not enough to be friends? I therefore disagree that the only reason to stay friends is unresolved feelings. The fact is, if both parties are mature and caring, sometimes you can be just friends. Like I said, I have a couple of folks in my life who fit this description.

[DynamiteRave]

Originally Posted by Schneed10

The younger you are the more likely you are to think this way. At least that's my assertion.

The risk/reward just isn't there in my mind. The likelihood of a post-breakup friendship succeeding is low, there are emotional consequences, and friendship can be found with lots of other people who you never dated before.

The only reason people stay friends with an ex is because there are still feelings there, even if they don't want to admit it. Staying friends either leaves the door open for the future (false hope) or clings to the past (can't let go).

Rip it off like a bandaid and move on.

True that Schneed. I totally agree. For me it's a bit of false hope and not letting go. Always feels like I'm missing out on something without them there. It's almost like death in a way; Even though they're gone, the essence still lingers.

I feel like guys go, "F it." And they're either happily single or onto the next woman. Women always seem to have an awful time with breakups, me included. Unless they're the ones that ruined the relationship (cheaters).