Dear Warpath-Post #8000

SmootSmack · 08-06-2006, 07:48 PM

(This is dedicated to all those who didn't make it to 8,000, figure I'd do my "10,000th" tribute 2,000 posts early because with the season starting my 10,000th will probably be something like "Samuels was just called for holding")

Dear Warpath,

I'm writing you this letter because I never thought it would happen to me! I was working my summer job doing some yard work at the Jetsons home, when I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Mrs. Jetson.

"Mrs. Jetson," I said, startled.

"Please, call me JudyJane," she replied. "I didn't mean to startle you. Thought you might want to come inside for some lemonade."

"That sounds like Super Happy Fun!” I replied, wincing that I would say such a lame line. Damn you TMC! She laughed, but more out of pity.

I sat in her kitchen sipping a nice tall glass of freshly squeezed lemonade when she asked me if I wanted some pie. Well, of course I do! As she got up I could have sworn I caught a glimpse of her Question 3.

"Do you mind if I check my email," I asked, as I glanced at the desktop in the other room.

"Go right ahead."

I quickly checked my email then, with the pie still not ready, I started searching some posts on TheWarpath.net.

"Checking your email?" she smirked as she stood at the doorway of the study wearing nothing but an oversized Redskins t-shirt that covered just enough to leave plenty to the imagination.

"I wish my husband checked TheWarpath.net," she sighed as she moved toward me. "I've tried everything. Even tried putting on a different site skin every night, 50's, 70s, alternate original, nothing worked. Even tattoo didn't work. He's just not interested."

Of course, she wasn't telling me the whole story. Everyone had heard about the night she caught him bookmarking a Dallas Cowboys fan site. He convinced her it was a harmless mistake. But the word on the parking lot was that he was a frequent poster on the Cowboys site, going by the name of Spacely Sprockets. Either way it wasn't my place to get involved, so I started to log out.

"Don't" she said, as she pulled up a chair next to mine. "Let's see what the latest threads are."

Who's the most indispensable player on the Redskins defense I wondered aloud.

"Why don't you start a new thread? You know how to start a new thread don't you? You just move your cursor over the 'New Thread' button...and click," she whispered in my ear.

Well then. I decided I would tease her a bit, gently hovering the cursor over the 'New Thread' button, dragging it all around the edges until she couldn't take it anymore, reached over and clicked the mouse.

I started typing slowly and methodically. Talking about how Cornelius Griffin is a rock on the line who allows everyone else to flourish and he proved how indispensable he was last year when he was out. I started building up the pace talking about Marcus Washington and pointing out that as awesome as he is Gregg Williams seems to do a good job with linebackers overall and the addition of Andre Carter takes a lot of pressure off of MW to make the big plays.

"Are you going to submit reply?" she asked.

"Not yet, almost"

Now I was furiously pounding away at the keyboard, hitting every key with a deliberate intensity, talking about Shawn Springs and Sean Taylor. And how neither of those guys could be out for a long time, because our secondary depth left a bit to be desired, especially at safety. Suddenly I felt like I said all I could say.

"Submit reply," she gasped struggling for a breath.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Submit reply, damnit!," She screamed, spewing out a litany of curse words that would make JWSleep blush, and digging her nails into my arm.

I clicked on 'Reply' and a geyser of words that had built up inside of me exploded all over the screen, spelling and grammer mistakes everywhere no doubt.

"I should clean this up."

"Don't," she said, "leave it like that." A big smile wiped across her face.

For added measure I put up a poll as well. That impressed her, as she told me she didn't think I knew how to do that.

"Don't you know I'm a mod baby?" I said as I took another bite of that pie.

"Oh, like Brud," she said knowingly.

Yes exactly, like Brud. Wait, what? Like Brud? Was that Brud I saw sneaking out her window last week? Nah...Well, no time to worry about it now as I heard a car pulling up to the driveway. It was her husband.

"Go out the back door," she said, "my husband never comes in that way." I shot a glance over at her with a little smirk. What a comment I thought, that line had all the subtlety of a BSB welcome.

"Hurry up," she yelled as the sound of the front door turning seemed to be getting louder.

I ran out of there with a huge smile on my face, thinking of all the What! What!'s I was going to get. I couldn't believe it had actually happened to me...I just had my 8000th post.

mooby · 08-06-2006, 07:55 PM

LOL that was golden Tafkas, absolutely genious.

Gmanc711 · 08-06-2006, 08:07 PM

That litterally made me laugh out loud like 3 times.

ArtMonkDrillz · 08-06-2006, 08:36 PM

holla

GTripp0012 · 08-06-2006, 08:53 PM

Brilliant, TAF.

FRPLG · 08-06-2006, 09:36 PM

Never to be topped. YOU are the Friggin' Genius.

724Skinsfan · 08-06-2006, 09:48 PM

Once again, creativity is never lacking here at the Warpath! Nice one, TAFKAS!

BrudLee · 08-06-2006, 09:53 PM

You are a disturbed little man.

FRPLG, that is. TAFKAS is very, very smart - and a great writer.

Schneed10 · 08-06-2006, 10:53 PM

Doin it in style. Well done TAF, congrats to a very valuable member of the board.

MTK · 08-06-2006, 11:01 PM

The gold standard of dedication posts has been set

backrow · 08-07-2006, 08:17 AM

[QUOTE=TAFKAS
I was working my summer job doing some yard work at the Jetsons home, when I felt a tap on my shoulder. [/QUOTE]

The story of TAFKAS:
Soon to be released in print, and expected to be made into a made for TV movie:

Uses a symbol for a name. (Formerly known as someone else. Is he a man with a deeply dark secret?)

Computer addict/Warpath Mod.
30 years old
Working a summer job doing yard work.
Waiting for a tap.

Could be any one of us!

Nothing to see here, folks! Move along!

Hogroll · 08-07-2006, 08:18 AM

Dude... what ARE you doing over there!?!

FRPLG · 08-07-2006, 09:24 AM

TAFKAS. Has Berman ever walked by you up there at ESPN and tapped you on the shoulder and said. "You're with me leather?" I am thinking your confused mind has altered the details of the encounter you write about above. You know just cause you're crazy and all.

TheMalcolmConnection · 08-07-2006, 09:45 AM

HAHAHAHA! Hilarious. And YOU FORGOT THE FAMILY GUY REFERENCE AFTER YOUR 80S QUOTES!

BDBohnzie · 08-07-2006, 01:02 PM

hysterical. simply hysterical.

08-06-2006, 07:48 PM	#1
SmootSmack Uncle Phil Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 45,256	Dear Warpath-Post #8000 (This is dedicated to all those who didn't make it to 8,000, figure I'd do my "10,000th" tribute 2,000 posts early because with the season starting my 10,000th will probably be something like "Samuels was just called for holding") Dear Warpath, I'm writing you this letter because I never thought it would happen to me! I was working my summer job doing some yard work at the Jetsons home, when I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Mrs. Jetson. "Mrs. Jetson," I said, startled. "Please, call me JudyJane," she replied. "I didn't mean to startle you. Thought you might want to come inside for some lemonade." "That sounds like Super Happy Fun!” I replied, wincing that I would say such a lame line. Damn you TMC! She laughed, but more out of pity. I sat in her kitchen sipping a nice tall glass of freshly squeezed lemonade when she asked me if I wanted some pie. Well, of course I do! As she got up I could have sworn I caught a glimpse of her Question 3. "Do you mind if I check my email," I asked, as I glanced at the desktop in the other room. "Go right ahead." I quickly checked my email then, with the pie still not ready, I started searching some posts on TheWarpath.net. "Checking your email?" she smirked as she stood at the doorway of the study wearing nothing but an oversized Redskins t-shirt that covered just enough to leave plenty to the imagination. "I wish my husband checked TheWarpath.net," she sighed as she moved toward me. "I've tried everything. Even tried putting on a different site skin every night, 50's, 70s, alternate original, nothing worked. Even tattoo didn't work. He's just not interested." Of course, she wasn't telling me the whole story. Everyone had heard about the night she caught him bookmarking a Dallas Cowboys fan site. He convinced her it was a harmless mistake. But the word on the parking lot was that he was a frequent poster on the Cowboys site, going by the name of Spacely Sprockets. Either way it wasn't my place to get involved, so I started to log out. "Don't" she said, as she pulled up a chair next to mine. "Let's see what the latest threads are." Who's the most indispensable player on the Redskins defense I wondered aloud. "Why don't you start a new thread? You know how to start a new thread don't you? You just move your cursor over the 'New Thread' button...and click," she whispered in my ear. Well then. I decided I would tease her a bit, gently hovering the cursor over the 'New Thread' button, dragging it all around the edges until she couldn't take it anymore, reached over and clicked the mouse. I started typing slowly and methodically. Talking about how Cornelius Griffin is a rock on the line who allows everyone else to flourish and he proved how indispensable he was last year when he was out. I started building up the pace talking about Marcus Washington and pointing out that as awesome as he is Gregg Williams seems to do a good job with linebackers overall and the addition of Andre Carter takes a lot of pressure off of MW to make the big plays. "Are you going to submit reply?" she asked. "Not yet, almost" Now I was furiously pounding away at the keyboard, hitting every key with a deliberate intensity, talking about Shawn Springs and Sean Taylor. And how neither of those guys could be out for a long time, because our secondary depth left a bit to be desired, especially at safety. Suddenly I felt like I said all I could say. "Submit reply," she gasped struggling for a breath. "Are you sure?" I asked. "Submit reply, damnit!," She screamed, spewing out a litany of curse words that would make JWSleep blush, and digging her nails into my arm. I clicked on 'Reply' and a geyser of words that had built up inside of me exploded all over the screen, spelling and grammer mistakes everywhere no doubt. "I should clean this up." "Don't," she said, "leave it like that." A big smile wiped across her face. For added measure I put up a poll as well. That impressed her, as she told me she didn't think I knew how to do that. "Don't you know I'm a mod baby?" I said as I took another bite of that pie. "Oh, like Brud," she said knowingly. Yes exactly, like Brud. Wait, what? Like Brud? Was that Brud I saw sneaking out her window last week? Nah...Well, no time to worry about it now as I heard a car pulling up to the driveway. It was her husband. "Go out the back door," she said, "my husband never comes in that way." I shot a glance over at her with a little smirk. What a comment I thought, that line had all the subtlety of a BSB welcome. "Hurry up," she yelled as the sound of the front door turning seemed to be getting louder. I ran out of there with a huge smile on my face, thinking of all the What! What!'s I was going to get. I couldn't believe it had actually happened to me...I just had my 8000th post. __________________ You're So Vain...You Probably Think This Sig Is About You

08-06-2006, 07:55 PM	#2
mooby Hug Anne Spyder Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 20,468	Re: Dear Warpath-Post #8000 LOL that was golden Tafkas, absolutely genious. __________________ Hail to the Football Team

08-06-2006, 08:07 PM	#3
Gmanc711 Thank You, Sean. Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Gaithersburg, MD Age: 39 Posts: 7,506	Re: Dear Warpath-Post #8000 That litterally made me laugh out loud like 3 times. __________________ #21

08-06-2006, 08:36 PM	#4
ArtMonkDrillz Franchise Player Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Ellicott City, MD Age: 42 Posts: 8,029	Re: Dear Warpath-Post #8000 holla __________________ "Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man." The Dude

08-06-2006, 08:53 PM	#5
GTripp0012 Living Legend Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Evanston, IL Age: 36 Posts: 15,994	Re: Dear Warpath-Post #8000 Brilliant, TAF.

08-06-2006, 09:36 PM	#6
FRPLG MVP Join Date: May 2004 Age: 46 Posts: 10,164	Re: Dear Warpath-Post #8000 Never to be topped. YOU are the Friggin' Genius.

08-06-2006, 09:48 PM	#7
724Skinsfan Playmaker Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Roanoke, VA Posts: 3,508	Re: Dear Warpath-Post #8000 Once again, creativity is never lacking here at the Warpath! Nice one, TAFKAS! __________________ "I hope I'm getting better. I hope you haven't seen my best." - Jim Zorn

08-06-2006, 09:53 PM	#8
BrudLee Playmaker Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Rehoboth Beach, DE Posts: 3,494	Re: Dear Warpath-Post #8000 You are a disturbed little man. FRPLG, that is. TAFKAS is very, very smart - and a great writer. __________________ There's nowhere to go but up. Or down. I guess we could stay where we are, too.

08-06-2006, 10:53 PM	#9
Schneed10 A Dude Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Newtown Square, PA Age: 45 Posts: 12,421	Re: Dear Warpath-Post #8000 Doin it in style. Well done TAF, congrats to a very valuable member of the board. __________________ God made certain people to play football. He was one of them.

08-06-2006, 11:01 PM	#10
MTK \m/ Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: NY Age: 52 Posts: 99,518	Re: Dear Warpath-Post #8000 The gold standard of dedication posts has been set __________________ Support The Warpath! \| Warpath Shop

08-07-2006, 08:17 AM	#11
backrow The Starter Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: 36.28 x 76.22 Age: 73 Posts: 1,812	Re: Dear Warpath-Post #8000 [QUOTE=TAFKAS I was working my summer job doing some yard work at the Jetsons home, when I felt a tap on my shoulder. [/QUOTE] The story of TAFKAS: Soon to be released in print, and expected to be made into a made for TV movie: Uses a symbol for a name. (Formerly known as someone else. Is he a man with a deeply dark secret?) Computer addict/Warpath Mod. 30 years old Working a summer job doing yard work. Waiting for a tap. Could be any one of us! Nothing to see here, folks! Move along! __________________ '37, '42, '83, '88, '92. Championship!

08-07-2006, 08:18 AM	#12
Hogroll Special Teams Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Cecil-tucky, MD Age: 60 Posts: 274	Re: Dear Warpath-Post #8000 Dude... what ARE you doing over there!?! __________________ Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein. *- Joe Theismann*

08-07-2006, 09:24 AM	#13
FRPLG MVP Join Date: May 2004 Age: 46 Posts: 10,164	Re: Dear Warpath-Post #8000 TAFKAS. Has Berman ever walked by you up there at ESPN and tapped you on the shoulder and said. "You're with me leather?" I am thinking your confused mind has altered the details of the encounter you write about above. You know just cause you're crazy and all.

08-07-2006, 09:45 AM	#14
TheMalcolmConnection I like big (_\|_)s. Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Lexington, Virginia Age: 43 Posts: 19,225	Re: Dear Warpath-Post #8000 HAHAHAHA! Hilarious. And YOU FORGOT THE FAMILY GUY REFERENCE AFTER YOUR 80S QUOTES! __________________ Regret nothing. At one time it was exactly what you wanted.

08-07-2006, 01:02 PM	#15
BDBohnzie Playmaker Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Frederick, MD Age: 45 Posts: 4,628	Re: Dear Warpath-Post #8000 hysterical. simply hysterical. __________________ Bad Things man, I mean bad things... “WE TOOK HIM IN THE SIXTH ROUND SO WE'RE NOT SMART EITHER.” - Shanny on what the Skins saw in Alfred Morris

Dear Warpath-Post #8000

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