your favorite joke

Frost · 11-14-2007, 12:07 AM

So with all the bitterness around here caused by the last couple of games I wanted to start a thread and hear everyones favorite joke, maybe it will cause laughter and cheer some people up.
This joke some people found it a little offensive but its my all time favorite, here it goes

There is a Monk, a Rabbi and a Catholic Priest and they are relaxing at a park, all of a sudden the park catches on fire, the Monk yells SAVE THE CHILDREN, the Rabbi yells F**K THE CHILDREN and the Catholic Priest says WE DON'T HAVE TIME.

Hope you guys liked it and post your own favorite joke

Redskins247 · 11-14-2007, 12:28 AM

Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped
some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them
up, he noticed Bill's wife Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her
dress!

Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on
the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife
followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?"

Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, indeed he
did.

She said, " Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500."

After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of
this offer, John confirms that he is interested. She tells him that
since her husband Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John
should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.

When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house at 2 p.m.
sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 they went to the bedroom
and closed their transaction as agreed. John quickly dressed and left.

As usual, Bill came home from work at 6 p.m., and upon entering the
house, asked his wife abruptly. "Did John come by the house this
afternoon?"

With a lump in her throat, Sue answered "Why yes, he did stop by for a
few minutes this afternoon."

Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did
he give you $500?"

In terror, she assumed that somehow he had found out and after
mustering her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me
$500."

Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying,
"Good, I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and
borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this
afternoon on his way home and pay me back."

Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player

GhettoDogAllStars · 11-14-2007, 12:34 AM

Two hookers are walking down the street.

One says to the other, "Oooh honey! Tonight's gonna be a good night! I can just smell the dick in the air!"

The other one says, "Nah bitch! I just burped!"

lostinthought135 · 11-19-2007, 05:21 PM

White Question and Answers
What's white and fourteen inches long?
Absolutely nothing!

What do you call 500,000 white guys jumping out of a plane?
Snow.

What do you call a bunch of white guys in a circle?
A Dope Ring!

What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
The PGA tour.

Why do so many white people get lost skiing?
It's hard to find them in the snow.

How long does it take for a white women to take a crap?
9 months

What's the difference between a white man and a snake?
One is a evil, cold-blooded, venomous, slimy creature of Satan, and the other is a snake.

How many white men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, white men will screw anything.

What's the flattest surface to iron your jeans on?
A white girl's ass!

What did the black guy do with his M&Ms?
Eat them

What did the white guy try and do with his?
Put them in alphabetical order

What did a white guy see when he looked at his family tree?
A straight line!

What do you call a white serial killer in the courtroom?
-Not guilty

What did the policeman say to the white reckless driver who ran over and killed 10 innocent people?
-Slow it down

saden1 · 11-19-2007, 06:12 PM

lostinthought135,

Those aren't jokes...I thought jokes were suppose to be funny?

jamf · 11-19-2007, 06:19 PM

Jerry Jones.

SmootSmack · 11-19-2007, 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by saden1

lostinthought135,

Those aren't jokes...I thought jokes were suppose to be funny?

Those weren't funny at all.

Sammy Baugh Fan · 11-19-2007, 07:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lostinthought135

White Question and Answers
What's white and fourteen inches long?
Absolutely nothing!

What do you call 500,000 white guys jumping out of a plane?
Snow.

What do you call a bunch of white guys in a circle?
A Dope Ring!

What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
The PGA tour.

Why do so many white people get lost skiing?
It's hard to find them in the snow.

How long does it take for a white women to take a crap?
9 months

What's the difference between a white man and a snake?
One is a evil, cold-blooded, venomous, slimy creature of Satan, and the other is a snake.

How many white men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, white men will screw anything.

What's the flattest surface to iron your jeans on?
A white girl's ass!

What did the black guy do with his M&Ms?
Eat them

What did the white guy try and do with his?
Put them in alphabetical order

What did a white guy see when he looked at his family tree?
A straight line!

What do you call a white serial killer in the courtroom?
-Not guilty

What did the policeman say to the white reckless driver who ran over and killed 10 innocent people?
-Slow it down

^RACIST Alert

~just shakes head

mredskins · 11-19-2007, 09:19 PM

Funny how the joke thread even turned hostile. NOW THAT IS FUNNY!!!!

mooby · 11-19-2007, 09:56 PM

Hey i'm white and I thought those jokes were hilarious.

Either way, this one is my favorite.

One day a hippie gets on a bus and sits next to a nun. He ask''s her if he could have sex with her. The nun looks at the man and tells him no and gets off at the next bus stop.

Later when its the hippies turn to get off the bus the bus driver tells him I know how you could have sex with that nun. Dress like Jesus and tell her that you want to have sex with her, just go to the grave yard at 6:00pm she''ll be there.

Later that day the hippie does what the bus driver told him. He goes to the graveyard at 6:00pm and just like the bus driver said he saw the nun at a tombstone praying. He walked up to her and told her I am Jesus let me have sex with you. The nun in disbelief looked at Jesus (hippie) and said okay but could it be anal because I want to keep my virginity.

The hippie agrees with this so then he bangs her in the ass. After they had sex the hippie threw his Jesus suit off and said HA! I am the hippie and then the nun took her clothes off and said HA! I am the Bus driver.

Daseal · 11-19-2007, 10:28 PM

Yeah, I didn't find his jokes particularly offensive. A thread like this I'd love to say something in Lisa Lampanelli's skit, but I'd be out for 3 months!

SmootSmack · 11-19-2007, 11:59 PM

I think it's very borderline. And it's a particularly odd way to welcome yourself to the board

But anyhow,

Two boys were playing football in Golden Gate Park when one is attacked by a Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck. A reporter who was walking by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy!

"Forty Niners' fan saves friend from vicious animal," he starts writing in his notebook.

"But I'm not a Niners fan," the boy replied.

"Oakland Raiders' fan rescues friend from horrific attack," the reporter starts again.

"I'm not a Raiders fan either," the boy said.

"Then what are you?" the reporter asked.

"I'm a Cowboys fan."

The reporter turns to a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Redneck bastard kills family pet."

DynamiteRave · 11-20-2007, 01:57 AM

An elderly woman decides to join a motorcycle gang one day. She walks up to the club house and knocks on the door and a huge, bald headed biker opens the door and looks down to see an elderly woman at his doorstep.

"What do you want?", he asks the lady

"I wanna join your gang", she replies.

"Do you smoke?", he asks her.

She pulls out a carton of Marlboro unfiltered, "A whole pack a day.", she replies

"Well, do you have a ride?", he asks

She points behind her to a huge, gorgeous Harley-Davidson, "That's my pride and joy, right there.", she replies.

"Well, have you ever been caught by the fuzz?", he asks.

The old lady scratches her head and says, "No, but I have been swung around by the nipples a couple of times."

DynamiteRave · 11-20-2007, 02:05 AM

My other favorite joke is of course... a blonde joke.

A blonde, brunette and a redhead are running from the cops. They decide it's best for them to split up and hide on a nearby farm. The brunette hides in the pigpen, the redhead in the cow barn and the blonde decides to hide on the potato patch. Soon the cops arrive and start searching the farm. They first stop by the pigpen.

"Anybody in here?", the cops yell out, shining their flash light into the pigpen
"Oink, Oink Oink", says the brunette.
The cops don't suspect anything suspicious right away and decide to move on

Their next stop is the cow barn.
"Anybody in here?", the cops yell out, shining their flash light into the cow barn
"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO", says the redhead.
The cops don't suspect anything suspicious right away and decide to move on.

Their next stop is the potato patch
"Anybody out here?", the cops yell out, shining their flash light into the potato patch.
It's quiet at first.
Then all of a sudden the blonde goes, "POOOTAAAAATTOOOOOO"

hooskins · 11-20-2007, 04:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by saden1

lostinthought135,

Those aren't jokes...I thought jokes were suppose to be funny?

The pga tour one got me to chuckle.

11-14-2007, 12:07 AM	#1
Frost Special Teams Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Burke, VA Age: 42 Posts: 279	your favorite joke So with all the bitterness around here caused by the last couple of games I wanted to start a thread and hear everyones favorite joke, maybe it will cause laughter and cheer some people up. This joke some people found it a little offensive but its my all time favorite, here it goes There is a Monk, a Rabbi and a Catholic Priest and they are relaxing at a park, all of a sudden the park catches on fire, the Monk yells SAVE THE CHILDREN, the Rabbi yells F**K THE CHILDREN and the Catholic Priest says WE DON'T HAVE TIME. Hope you guys liked it and post your own favorite joke __________________ "He can run like Jerry Rice and hit like Night Train Lane" 21

11-14-2007, 12:28 AM	#2
Redskins247 Impact Rookie Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Raleigh NC Posts: 873	Re: your favorite joke Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bill's wife Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?" Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, indeed he did. She said, " Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500." After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, John confirms that he is interested. She tells him that since her husband Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon. When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house at 2 p.m. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction as agreed. John quickly dressed and left. As usual, Bill came home from work at 6 p.m., and upon entering the house, asked his wife abruptly. "Did John come by the house this afternoon?" With a lump in her throat, Sue answered "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon." Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?" In terror, she assumed that somehow he had found out and after mustering her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500." Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, "Good, I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back." Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player

11-14-2007, 12:34 AM	#3
GhettoDogAllStars Playmaker Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Denver Age: 42 Posts: 2,762	Re: your favorite joke Two hookers are walking down the street. One says to the other, "Oooh honey! Tonight's gonna be a good night! I can just smell the dick in the air!" The other one says, "Nah bitch! I just burped!" __________________ To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered.

11-19-2007, 05:21 PM	#4
lostinthought135 Camp Scrub Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 9	Re: your favorite joke White Question and Answers What's white and fourteen inches long? Absolutely nothing! What do you call 500,000 white guys jumping out of a plane? Snow. What do you call a bunch of white guys in a circle? A Dope Ring! What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man? The PGA tour. Why do so many white people get lost skiing? It's hard to find them in the snow. How long does it take for a white women to take a crap? 9 months What's the difference between a white man and a snake? One is a evil, cold-blooded, venomous, slimy creature of Satan, and the other is a snake. How many white men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, white men will screw anything. What's the flattest surface to iron your jeans on? A white girl's ass! What did the black guy do with his M&Ms? Eat them What did the white guy try and do with his? Put them in alphabetical order What did a white guy see when he looked at his family tree? A straight line! What do you call a white serial killer in the courtroom? -Not guilty What did the policeman say to the white reckless driver who ran over and killed 10 innocent people? -Slow it down

11-19-2007, 06:12 PM	#5
saden1 MVP Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Seattle Age: 45 Posts: 10,069	Re: your favorite joke lostinthought135, Those aren't jokes...I thought jokes were suppose to be funny? __________________ "The Redskins have always suffered from chronic organizational deformities under Snyder." -Jenkins

11-19-2007, 06:19 PM	#6
jamf Pro Bowl Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: San Diego Ca Posts: 5,319	Re: your favorite joke Jerry Jones.

11-19-2007, 09:19 PM	#9
mredskins Gamebreaker Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 12,799	Re: your favorite joke Funny how the joke thread even turned hostile. NOW THAT IS FUNNY!!!!

11-19-2007, 09:56 PM	#10
mooby Hug Anne Spyder Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 20,468	Re: your favorite joke Hey i'm white and I thought those jokes were hilarious. Either way, this one is my favorite. One day a hippie gets on a bus and sits next to a nun. He ask''s her if he could have sex with her. The nun looks at the man and tells him no and gets off at the next bus stop. Later when its the hippies turn to get off the bus the bus driver tells him I know how you could have sex with that nun. Dress like Jesus and tell her that you want to have sex with her, just go to the grave yard at 6:00pm she''ll be there. Later that day the hippie does what the bus driver told him. He goes to the graveyard at 6:00pm and just like the bus driver said he saw the nun at a tombstone praying. He walked up to her and told her I am Jesus let me have sex with you. The nun in disbelief looked at Jesus (hippie) and said okay but could it be anal because I want to keep my virginity. The hippie agrees with this so then he bangs her in the ass. After they had sex the hippie threw his Jesus suit off and said HA! I am the hippie and then the nun took her clothes off and said HA! I am the Bus driver. __________________ Hail to the Football Team

11-19-2007, 10:28 PM	#11
Daseal Puppy Kicker Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Arlington, Virginia Age: 41 Posts: 8,341	Re: your favorite joke Yeah, I didn't find his jokes particularly offensive. A thread like this I'd love to say something in Lisa Lampanelli's skit, but I'd be out for 3 months! __________________ Best. Player. Available.

11-19-2007, 11:59 PM	#12
SmootSmack Uncle Phil Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 45,256	Re: your favorite joke I think it's very borderline. And it's a particularly odd way to welcome yourself to the board But anyhow, Two boys were playing football in Golden Gate Park when one is attacked by a Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck. A reporter who was walking by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy! "Forty Niners' fan saves friend from vicious animal," he starts writing in his notebook. "But I'm not a Niners fan," the boy replied. "Oakland Raiders' fan rescues friend from horrific attack," the reporter starts again. "I'm not a Raiders fan either," the boy said. "Then what are you?" the reporter asked. "I'm a Cowboys fan." The reporter turns to a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Redneck bastard kills family pet." __________________ You're So Vain...You Probably Think This Sig Is About You

11-20-2007, 01:57 AM	#13
DynamiteRave Living Legend Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Washington DC Age: 38 Posts: 16,867	Re: your favorite joke An elderly woman decides to join a motorcycle gang one day. She walks up to the club house and knocks on the door and a huge, bald headed biker opens the door and looks down to see an elderly woman at his doorstep. "What do you want?", he asks the lady "I wanna join your gang", she replies. "Do you smoke?", he asks her. She pulls out a carton of Marlboro unfiltered, "A whole pack a day.", she replies "Well, do you have a ride?", he asks She points behind her to a huge, gorgeous Harley-Davidson, "That's my pride and joy, right there.", she replies. "Well, have you ever been caught by the fuzz?", he asks. The old lady scratches her head and says, "No, but I have been swung around by the nipples a couple of times." __________________ Establishment, establishment, you always know what's best. I've been a part of this message board for 17 years. Damn I'm old.

11-20-2007, 02:05 AM	#14
DynamiteRave Living Legend Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Washington DC Age: 38 Posts: 16,867	Re: your favorite joke My other favorite joke is of course... a blonde joke. A blonde, brunette and a redhead are running from the cops. They decide it's best for them to split up and hide on a nearby farm. The brunette hides in the pigpen, the redhead in the cow barn and the blonde decides to hide on the potato patch. Soon the cops arrive and start searching the farm. They first stop by the pigpen. "Anybody in here?", the cops yell out, shining their flash light into the pigpen "Oink, Oink Oink", says the brunette. The cops don't suspect anything suspicious right away and decide to move on Their next stop is the cow barn. "Anybody in here?", the cops yell out, shining their flash light into the cow barn "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO", says the redhead. The cops don't suspect anything suspicious right away and decide to move on. Their next stop is the potato patch "Anybody out here?", the cops yell out, shining their flash light into the potato patch. It's quiet at first. Then all of a sudden the blonde goes, "POOOTAAAAATTOOOOOO" __________________ Establishment, establishment, you always know what's best. I've been a part of this message board for 17 years. Damn I'm old.

your favorite joke

Parking Lot